I moved in during the winter, a bad time for moving, especially when one has bought a place out in the country, where the roads are not paved and traveling is already arduous. My friends grumbled and bitched about having to help me move in the cold, but there was really not all that much to move, and they cheered up once I served them hot coffee and pizza. They left me alone that evening, all of them ready to go back to their families or friends, their own lives. There were promises to call, on both sides. But I think they knew I didn’t really mean it. I don’t think they did, either.
My mother did not agree with my move. She especially did not agree with my having moved in winter. She said it was bad luck. She wondered aloud about the statistical possibility of my being killed by an axeman or some other form of serial killer.
And so I conducted an empirical study of serial killer habits and winter. Combing through news articles and police records for the last 30 years, I was able to gather 1827 murders attributed to serial killers, including axemen, knifemen, wiremen, and quarrymen, that also could be matched to a record of the local temperature at the time of murder. A 2X3 MANOVA found no statistically significant correlations between temperatures and axemen. However, a two-tailed t-test did border on significance (p<.06), but in the wrong direction! Indeed axemen were more likely to attack in warm weather.
Unfortunately, and this is where my tale begins, I forgot to look at attacks of the Yeti.
Opening: Freddie.....Continuation: Pacatrue