Guess the Plot
Dark Lord's Daughter
1. She doesn't want to be known as a conquest, a rival, a bitter ex, and especially not as her father's daughter. Journey with Eliza as she finds her own path, even one as a hero.
2. In a country where a dead king is succeeded by whichever heir gets to the throne first, the race is on. Princess Tia would make the best monarch, but can she outwit her evil sisters' saboteurs and reach the capital before either of them?
3. What became of Dracula's daughter? She had the castle in Transylvania remodeled, started her own real estate company, and sold cosmetics on the side. Blood red lipstick was her biggest seller.
4. Evila is tired of smuggling would-be heroes into the castle only to have to mop up their remains a few minutes later. It's time to set up a tourney and a series of tasks to prove they've got a chance. And well past time to hire a cleaning staff.
5. Think Romeo and Juliet--if Romeo were a tantrum-throwing narcissist and rebellious Juliet were a monster hunter from a clan of pharmaceutically-inclined hippies--until the end which is more The Road to Bob Hope meets Lord of the Flies.
6. Everyone cheered when the Dark Lord was killed. They'd been under his thumb for decades. What they didn't know was that the Dark Lord was a pussycat compared to the . . . Dark Lord's Daughter.
7. When Lucy's mother remarried someone tall, dark, and handsome, Lucy thought she'd only need to deal with racism, not a parallel world with people declaring war after she wears the wrong colors to a party. After a crash course in etiquette leads to another declaration of war, she suspects step-daddy may be using her. But, hey, whatever the price to bring peace to a unified world.
Dear [agent]:The princess was abandoned as a child at the Dark Lord's dungeon. Ten years later, someone has finally come looking for her.
Twenty-year-old princess Tiamat just wants to teach and learn magic, but when the king is dying, Tia has no choice but to begin traveling to the capital to take the throne. If she doesn't take it before her older sisters, the country will descend into war. [I don't see why the only way to keep the country from descending into war is if a twenty-year-old woman who's been in a dungeon since she was ten takes the throne. How does anyone on either side of this potential war know what any of the daughters' reign would be like?] [If the king and the Dark Lord are not the same person how can Tia be called a princess if she isn't the king's daughter? If they are the same person, wouldn't his dungeon be under his castle, rather than a long way away? Has Tia been a prisoner in the dungeon for ten years? Or just living there to learn from the Dark Lord? Could she have traveled to the capital any time she wanted? Or did someone have to break her out of the dungeon when the king was dying? Very kind of them, though even kinder would have been to break her out years ago, even if the king was in good health.]
As Tia travels the country with a paladin, a huntress, and a criminal, she gets a better look at the world outside the dungeon. Her magic and leadership are both put to the test when every town seems to have [has] its own problem she needs to solve. ["It has or has not. There is no seems."--Yoda] With one of her sisters already in the country, [If the king has even a mild cold, I would expect the evil sisters to be hanging around the throne 24/7, not off in another country.] fighting against her, she has to defeat her sister's spies and saboteurs, or watch everything fall to pieces around her. [I get the impression if she doesn't defeat the spies and saboteurs, she won't won't be watching anything.]
Complete at 109,000 words, DARK LORD'S DAUGHTER is an adult fantasy set in The Kingdom of the Valley, a magical version of Mesopotamia reaching the Industrial Revolution. [If this is the Industrial Revolution, I think Tia would hop a train to the capital instead of wandering from town to town solving people's trivial problems. Time is of the essence, and you can bet her sister is on her way to the nearest train station as we speak.] It will appeal to readers of the Cradle Series and Fullmetal Alchemist. Dark Lord’s Daughter has potential for a sequel following Tia's story as she continues to deal with her other two sisters.
[reason why submitting to this agent]
I have been reading for as long as I can remember, and started writing when I was nine years old, when I wrote a story with an entirely too-competent main character who looked suspiciously like me. Thankfully, I have improved as a writer since then. [Let the agent decide for herself whether you've improved since then.]
Per your submission guidelines, I have included [requested amount of the manuscript]. Thank you for your consideration.