tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-267910262024-03-18T13:32:46.944-04:00Evil EditorWhy you don't get published.
Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.comBlogger5158125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29915358077660026122024-03-12T15:03:00.001-04:002024-03-12T15:03:14.847-04:00<div data-block="true" data-editor="1io00" data-offset-key="oh89-0-0" style="background-color: white;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="oh89-0-0" style="direction: ltr; overflow: hidden; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="oh89-0-0"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, "system-ui", "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; text-align: center; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgoazn43q2JtuIMPdKDP_qGnoG_zM1N3nb2dN6XKWhxSRn3rd551Kn3CYznsyhQ-0yJ0wSoqjTYUfuhafry33byzOHc6_rOfoY0YIYuCMMcgQriftFA-YrynyYTpXdHGTqvAJf28EMNaPCmGgjLRTi88I5anbtPhALxMRuiwLup6xQywBaJr7au" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="" data-original-height="164" data-original-width="234" height="224" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEgoazn43q2JtuIMPdKDP_qGnoG_zM1N3nb2dN6XKWhxSRn3rd551Kn3CYznsyhQ-0yJ0wSoqjTYUfuhafry33byzOHc6_rOfoY0YIYuCMMcgQriftFA-YrynyYTpXdHGTqvAJf28EMNaPCmGgjLRTi88I5anbtPhALxMRuiwLup6xQywBaJr7au" width="320" /></a></div><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><div data-block="true" data-editor="1io00" data-offset-key="oh89-0-0" style="color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, "system-ui", "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="oh89-0-0" style="overflow: hidden; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="oh89-0-0"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="clear: right; float: right; font-size: x-small; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="font-size: 20px; text-align: left;">A new title in the query queue </span></span></div></span></div></div><div data-block="true" data-editor="1io00" data-offset-key="oh89-0-0"><div class="public-DraftStyleDefault-block public-DraftStyleDefault-ltr" data-offset-key="oh89-0-0" style="overflow: hidden; padding-bottom: 2px; padding-top: 2px; position: relative;"><span data-offset-key="oh89-0-0"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="clear: right; color: #0f1419; float: right; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, "system-ui", "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-size: 20px; text-align: left;">needs your amusing fake plots. </span></span><span style="clear: right; color: #0f1419; float: right; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, "system-ui", "Segoe UI", Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><span style="font-size: 20px; text-align: left;"><br /></span></span><span style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, system-ui, Segoe UI, Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; text-align: left; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><a href="https://evileditor.blogspot.com/p/query-queue_7.html">Click here</a></span></span><span style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><span style="color: #0f1419; font-family: TwitterChirp, -apple-system, system-ui, Segoe UI, Roboto, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 20px; text-align: left; white-space-collapse: preserve;"><br /></span></span></div></span></div></div></div></div></span></div></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-35248876289774409722024-03-09T15:38:00.001-05:002024-03-09T15:43:58.472-05:00Face-Lift 1454<b><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOebwo9YFVYxoDykqpDySJo3OFveuHOM184HByomLbDZBbi4HJNIUYuzidAVZDlLzHx9u0k0aJA1bFXMJ8CtU3Smjks2qX1REd0bFTKdJieXsWLKUy3bXDf3GXV5iO02rWNx6-ggYj8FpCA2tghRuPAnJiYnbgs0hPTtMqDLqoNXT1qaVEzHfT/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOebwo9YFVYxoDykqpDySJo3OFveuHOM184HByomLbDZBbi4HJNIUYuzidAVZDlLzHx9u0k0aJA1bFXMJ8CtU3Smjks2qX1REd0bFTKdJieXsWLKUy3bXDf3GXV5iO02rWNx6-ggYj8FpCA2tghRuPAnJiYnbgs0hPTtMqDLqoNXT1qaVEzHfT/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></div><br />Guess the Plot </span></b><div><br /></div><div><b><i><span style="font-size: medium;">Mission Intolerable </span></i></b></div><div><br /></div><div>1. The Impossible Missions Team is given their toughest assignment yet: clean the men's bathroom at exit 4 of the New Jersey Turnpike (southbound).</div><div><br /></div><div>2. Sent back in time to kill Hitler, an assassin discovers that Hitler got a bum rap. He was set up and framed by Winston Churchill. But will assassinating Churchill change history for the better or worse?</div><div><br /></div><div>3. A Mormon missionary’s pocket guide to overcoming temptation during a global mission. You’ll learn how to spurn loose women in Amsterdam, bring a deviant partner back to the Lord anywhere, keep your magic underwear clean without water, and escape drunken brawls in Satan’s favorite Mexican bars. Includes 700 prayers! </div><div><br /></div><div>4.An assassin is assigned to kill a human trafficker but before the assassin succeeds, the trafficker happens to kidnap the assassin's sister. A ticklish situation.</div><div><br /></div><div>5. A spoof of a spoof of a spoof of a spoof, which somehow comes around to being an action adventure in a gender-reversed, bedroom farce, every-day-life-taken-to-extremes sort of way. Think Walter Mitty, the psychological novel, not either of the films. </div><div><br /></div><div>6. When super spy Ethel Hunter gives up gambling, Lady Luck throws a hissy fit and sics Maxwell's demon on her with orders to enforce Murphy's law, which triggers paranoia in Ethel's entire team while they're trying to aid a defector in preventing WWIII. And then the pixies get involved. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b><span style="font-size: large;">Original Version </span></b></div><div><br /></div><div>Dear (Mr./Ms. Agent): </div><div><br /></div><div>Based on your interest in (tailored to the agent being queried), I’m excited to share with you MISSION INTOLERABLE, a 75,000-word upmarket suspense novel with romantic elements. Think Luke Jenning's Codename Villanelle series meets the criminal tone found in FIRST LIE WINS by Ashley Elston. </div><div><br /></div><div>Liv Ruelle's wolflike instincts and gorgeous smile have made her a valuable assassin capable of seducing the most coldhearted criminal, but she has a problem. After a severe hangover made her miss her mark on her last assignment, compromising her identity, her employer thinks her nightclub habit is an issue and her next job will include a performance review.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [It sounds like her <i>last</i> job included a performance review, if her employer knew she had a hangover after a nightclub outing.]</span> Killing leaders of a human trafficking organization in Geneva requires teamwork, and Liv hopes her partner sent to supervise her plays nice. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Normally I wouldn't call a supervisor a partner, as he apparently outranks her. And "plays nice" suggests something more like "doesn't cheat" than "works as a team." Maybe: it requires teamwork, and she hopes her new partner knows this.]</span></div><div><br /></div><div>Liv’s new partner Cy treats her like an assistant instead of an equal and expects her to agree with everything he says. Unfortunately for her, he<span style="color: red;">’s hot, and according to protocol,</span> has permission to kill her at his discretion. She can tell he’s attracted to her, but his refusal to respect her process makes them bicker about everything from dinner to the weather, and God forbid they agree on a strategy. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[I think "God forbid" isn't right, as it conveys she doesn't want them to agree, when in fact she hopes they'll agree, but believes they never will. You're <i>trying</i> to convey hell will freeze over before they agree on a strategy, or pigs will fly before...]</span></div><div><br /></div><div>Liv can think of a hundred ways to kill him but she’d rather stay employed.
Needing a break from each other before the mission, Cy lets Liv visit her sister in Paris for a night, if she promises they’ll stay in. They don’t, of course, and their evening ends in disaster when Liv’s sister gets kidnapped from a nightclub by one of her targets. Devastated, Liv hopes Cy will help clean up her mess, because if not, he might just kill her for putting them in such a bad situation. And their assignment has only just begun. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm a wholehearted bookworm who lives in Bellevue, WA. I’ve been a copywriter for nearly a decade, but have been telling stories since I could talk. I currently work full-time as a senior writer and editor for Microsoft. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thank you for considering my work!</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><b><span style="font-size: large;">Notes</span></b></div><div><br /></div><div>Some may recognize this as a rewrite of the query in <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/26791026/3080205548434919521">Face-Lift 1360</a>, which was improved and resubmitted <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/26791026/3879832126977541454">here</a>. </div><div><br /></div><div>Liv is in Geneva to kill her targets, but first she makes an unplanned trip to Paris to go to a nightclub with her sister, (even though that's what just got her into trouble) and while she's there, one of her targets, who apparently also traveled from Geneva to Paris, kidnaps her sister from the nightclub? Does this target choose his kidnap victim at random, to traffic her? Too coincidental. But how could he know Liv was assigned to assassinate him? Did Cy tell him? Does he know Liv is out to get him and follow her to Paris and to the nightclub, and kidnap her sister as leverage? If he can do all that, he ought to be able to just kill Liv. Problem solved.</div><div><br /></div><div>I feel like, at least in the query where you don't have room to explain everything, Liv's sister should just get kidnapped, period. Don't say by her target. This still creates a bad situation, as she wants to rescue her sister, so she can't return to Geneva, which pisses Cy off, especially when Liv asks him to come help her, putting off their mission.</div><div><br /></div><div>It doesn't feel right that Liv and Cy are working for the good guys, but Cy has permission to kill Liv if he feels like it.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-73408935540655441902024-03-03T14:09:00.003-05:002024-03-03T14:09:54.930-05:00Face-Lift 1453<p><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"></span></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrxZIzg0KdchgNZm9roDAy7i-Y41bIKn9t6QUjfiF3HCrBZXksO1IrdC2L3UMa6V6PtkzPQPC_sdcxKNaz7Jf8qPEcmOASC9dUgr4WPOtxaTXhXr9eFT6RZF8ftqKtaZQjSroSBL4Xevg_k_pt98O_lpp2riqM-xb9z_fBj4AhiBRukeBXcEnO/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjrxZIzg0KdchgNZm9roDAy7i-Y41bIKn9t6QUjfiF3HCrBZXksO1IrdC2L3UMa6V6PtkzPQPC_sdcxKNaz7Jf8qPEcmOASC9dUgr4WPOtxaTXhXr9eFT6RZF8ftqKtaZQjSroSBL4Xevg_k_pt98O_lpp2riqM-xb9z_fBj4AhiBRukeBXcEnO/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></span></b></div><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Guess the Plot</span></span></b><p></p><p><i><b><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">The Black Circle</span></b></i></p><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">1. He's lived a long life, always spinning until it was too much to bear. Now he's become unhinged and can't even stand on his own without spinning out of control. It's sad when you lose your one purpose in life, especially when you're a sentient revolving door.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;">2. When Rideroc thrusts Val into the center of a</span></span></span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> plot to breed an army of magic-infused shapeshifters, she must decide whether to put her nation at risk or start a romantic relationship with the guy</span><span style="font-family: georgia;">.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> </span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">3. When a black circle appears one day in the car park of Green Valley High, everybody assumes it’s the work of bored students. Only Sharla, daughter of vampire hunters knows it’s true meaning- and knows the terrifying threat that all the good looking students will shortly face.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;">4. When mankind moves into space, the black spot, given to condemned traitors on a pirate vessel, is updated to a black circle for the space age. Alin has no desire to go out an airlock light years from any planets with or without a space suit. He has no recourse but to mutiny all by himself. With the ship's hacked AI of course.</span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;">5. A diverse group of Gen Alpha preteens break into an old, decrepit house where they discover an abandoned collection of vinyl records. Soon afterward they begin cancelling their Spotify accounts, sneering at people wearing AirPods, and blathering about “superior sound quality” …until a heroic GenXer takes them to task, smashes their albums, and saves the day because this is a feel-good story, not some Stephen King coming-of-age ripoff.</span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;">6. Ever since that trip to South America that Ferdi was too drunk to remember, she's been seeing a black spot show up here, there, on her doorstep, on her pillowcase. Might it have something to do with the Vodun cult she may have visited? It's probably just too much tequila. She should switch to rum.</span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">7. Karen just wants to write novels for a living, but literary agents won’t acknowledge her existence. She already got rid of the pentagram under her bed, the homunculus in her basement, and the monkey’s paw she stole. What else could be giving her such bad luck? Unless . . . <span class="im" style="color: #500050;"><span style="color: #222222;">Maybe it's all those crows circling her house.</span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></span></span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;"><br /></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black;">Dear [Agent’s name],</span><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Vallinore, a scholar dispatched to renegotiate a truce with a city ruled by a brutal king,<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [A city with a king? </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span>Wait, is this based on that TV show, </span><i>The King of Queens</i><span>?]</span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span><span style="color: black;">was always marginalized due to her status as the emperor’s bastard. Fed up, she plans to abandon her duties post-mission and defect. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Rideroc, the city’s Lord Commander, is hell-bent on liberating his people from the king’s tyranny. He ropes in Vallinore’s unique expertise in ancient languages to track down the only artefact capable of toppling the king, going so far as to threaten war on her nation if she refuses to help.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Either you translate these cuneiform passages, or my city will attack your nation.] [</span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">The king rules a city, Vallinore hails from a nation, Vallinore's father is an emperor, presumably of an empire? </span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEheEc_xmSGFcgrzKue3ysVxLq4Am3U4RVeIEGpkbekDBnNKKgZz_3ndFWRFTll1dFGasXYc4IBvGZPYzz30heGwwiJ41I5tLJcPi2edXdgIcS41HH-NcrNtobieZtSGdCbX8nNSCgFcoo-DdV0Vc3chHgP7Lmso7Kb_VPAHCPlmU3w1CU3rPcMF" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="556" data-original-width="585" height="607" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEheEc_xmSGFcgrzKue3ysVxLq4Am3U4RVeIEGpkbekDBnNKKgZz_3ndFWRFTll1dFGasXYc4IBvGZPYzz30heGwwiJ41I5tLJcPi2edXdgIcS41HH-NcrNtobieZtSGdCbX8nNSCgFcoo-DdV0Vc3chHgP7Lmso7Kb_VPAHCPlmU3w1CU3rPcMF=w640-h607" width="640" /></a></span></div><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; color: black; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; text-align: left;">And the Lord Commander of the city is threatening war?]</span></div></div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Vallinore doesn’t plan for <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[figure on] </span>Rideroc’s gravitational pull. As they peel back layers of pretence and forge a deeper bond, a shocking prophecy emerges, thrusting Vallinore <span style="color: red;">at </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[into] </span>the centre of an ancient lineage and making her the target of the king’s plot to breed an army of magic-infused shapeshifters.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Whoa, just when I was thinking <i>Roman</i> Empire, it's become <i>Galactic</i> Empire.] [Though I must admit that was one of the most amazing sentences in query history.] </span></span></p><p style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Rideroc and Vallinore must choose whether to flee and protecting Vallinore from the King’s relentless pursuit, or risk everything in a daring attempt to liberate the city.</span></p><p style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">THE BLACK CIRCLE is a dual POV Adult Romantic Fantasy complete at 118,000 words with series potential. It combines Jennifer L. Armentrout’s FALL OF RUIN AND WRATH's exploitative relationship between the protagonists and those in authority with Rebecca Yarros’s THE FOURTH WING’s enemies-to-lovers dynamic.</span></p><p dir="auto" style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Thank you for your time and consideration,</span></p><p dir="auto" style="color: black;"><br /></p><p dir="auto" style="color: black;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Notes</span></b></p><p dir="auto" style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Not clear to me why this scholar who has studied ancient languages is the target of a plot to create an army of shapeshifters. Is "target of" the right phrase? Maybe "key to"? What does the shocking prophecy predict, exactly? That a woman will arrive in the city and translate some Sanskrit glyph instructions on how to create thousands of magical shapeshifters?</span></p><p dir="auto" style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Lord Commander Rideroc sounds like the perfect name for your villain. Your hero should be the king's son, Prince Lenny. </span></p><p dir="auto" style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Also, Rideroc sounds a lot like Roderick. </span></p><p dir="auto" style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Vallinore plans to defect . . . to where? The brutal king's city? </span></p><p dir="auto"><span style="font-family: georgia;">You call this a romantic fantasy, but there's little about romance here, just a vague mention of </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">forging a bond and </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">a gravitational pull</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">(that Vallinore somehow feels right after Rideroc threatens war with her nation). </span></p><p dir="auto"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Rideroc: Do as I ask, or my army will invade your country. </span></p><p dir="auto"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Vallinore: Are you seeing anyone?</span></p><p dir="auto"><span style="font-family: georgia;">If you can get the romance angle in earlier it would help: </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>Dispatched to negotiate a truce with a city ruled by a brutal king, Vallinore meets with<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;">the city’s handsome Lord Commander, Rideroc, who is hell-bent on liberating his people from the king’s tyranny. Rideroc makes a bad first impression, </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">threatening war on Vallinore's nation</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> unless she helps him topple the king</span><span style="font-family: georgia;">. But though Rideroc seems like a real a-hole, Vallinore can't help finding him lovable, sort of like Hugh Grant.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Wait, replace that last line with: But though Vallinore finds Rideroc lacking in social graces, she can't help admiring his passion for helping his people--not to mention his ripped 6'3" frame. No, not quite that, but we're getting closer.</span></p></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25146668676908125282024-02-29T15:01:00.001-05:002024-02-29T15:02:15.931-05:00Face-Lift 1452<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCs9yYRgOKVJK6BvTQJpTnIbPrKIs82AWVUVpQZCrrzaDU_kZIM2pgXU89FY8pESvKucgI7nsXNDSde6j6UMkvQ8F6WI0b33jVTRrV_ojeqhEc-MhpG4Pm_apjNJiCHf-YPbr3aGOuJ2pq1oU0EM6tMZRTsFb9r2-ehyDTBk-WiWNIdx63Kd-m/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCs9yYRgOKVJK6BvTQJpTnIbPrKIs82AWVUVpQZCrrzaDU_kZIM2pgXU89FY8pESvKucgI7nsXNDSde6j6UMkvQ8F6WI0b33jVTRrV_ojeqhEc-MhpG4Pm_apjNJiCHf-YPbr3aGOuJ2pq1oU0EM6tMZRTsFb9r2-ehyDTBk-WiWNIdx63Kd-m/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br />Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><b><i><span style="font-family: georgia;">A Graveyard of Scarecrows</span></i></b></span></p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">1. A sacred order of warriors must rise up against the Crow King in order to thwart his campaign to collect and hoard all the shiny things.</span><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">2. Set in a cornfield, this YA dystopian narrative pits the adolescent scions of two farming communities against each other. Slowly, their hatred increases until the Porker family and the Beefy family start sending out spies to take out each others mascots... the titular scarecrows.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /></span></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">3. There is a graveyard where even a murder of crows will not go. It's spookier than any other graveyard. It's the graveyard where all the actors who've ever played Scarecrow in <i>The Wiz </i>are buried.</span></span></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif"><span class="im" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #500050;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">4. </span></span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Everything has a place to go when it dies, even things which weren't originally alive. As far as Bubba was concerned, the remains of scarecrows weren't near as creepy as the remains of mannequins. But that was before they rose up seeking Brraaaiiiinnnnnssssss.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">5. Edgar puts scarecrows in the graveyard where he's caretaker to keep ravens from carrying the souls of the dead to hell. Betsy Lou doesn't mind being dead, but it's crowded here now that the ravens aren't coming. Crowded with souls of the Wicked Ones.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">6. There have been 457 sequels of <i>The Wonderful Wizard of Oz</i>, but never a prequel. Until now.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">7. When Billy hears about that little town in America where scarecrows come alive at night, he takes a road trip to spy on them and elevate his TikTok game. However, the travel brochure from the truck stop didn’t mention their taste for human flesh.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">8. A horrible storm has wiped out half of Aaron's crops and killed most of his family. But when the weather clears, he turns tragedy into triumph by stuffing straw into what few scraps of his family's clothing he can find and starting an internet scarecrow store.<span class="im" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #500050; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">9. When a controversial statue disappears from a college campus, the city is thrown into chaos. Possibly because there aren't enough funds available to replace the statue. They <i>could</i> afford to replace it with a scarecrow, but no one has the guts to bring that idea up.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Dear X,</span></span></p><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia;">Hope you’re well! </span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: red;">I thought you might enjoy</span><span style="color: #222222;"> A Graveyard of Scarecrows</span><span style="color: red;">. Sitting </span><span style="color: #222222;">at 81,000 words, </span><span style="color: red;">it's</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[is]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> a work of magic realist literary fiction set in an uncanny, postcolonial Devonshire, complete with more than a dash of statue politics.</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[Why does every query letter lately sound like someone's trying to punk me?] </span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">When senior lecturer Dr. Kunju Kuriakose travels to the UK and enrols </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[enrolls] </span><span style="color: #222222;">as an undergraduate at The Decolonised University of England (DUE), she has an excuse</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [explanation]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> for the academic regression: she's going 'undercover'. </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">KK plans to use the time as a literary retreat to finally write her Great Postcolonial Campus Novel, but her five carefully curated animals non-native to Devonshire spark a series of surreal events</span><span style="color: red;">. </span></span><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia;">Starting with</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[including]</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> the disappearance of a controversial imperialist statue, </span><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia;">to</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> [and several]</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> Grade II buildings crumbling into dust</span><span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">,</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> the</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[. The]</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> small campus city is thrown into chaos. KK however, is not - sentient statues and self-renaming roads are after all, common in the Global South. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">The DUE do three things: first, take credit for the statue's disappearance as part of an upcoming decolonising project, Taming the Past. Second, launch a six-figure grant bid for said project. Third, find a scapegoat, </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[At first I thought that said "find a scarecrow." For some reason I thought sooner or later I'd come upon a scarecrow. Or a graveyard.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">threaten her with deportation for falsifying her student status and hiding her credentials, </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[If she didn't tell DUE the truth about her status and credentials, who <i>was</i> she providing an excuse (explanation) to?]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> then offer her a deal. KK can write her Great Postcolonial Campus Novel and get paid a salary to boot, if she agrees to be the principal investigator named on the grant bid. Simultaneously native informant and revolutionary symbol, she becomes the face of the movement...</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">...and the dealer-with</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [recipient?] </span><span style="color: #222222;">of death threats, when the magical events in Devonshire prompt</span><span style="color: red;"><b>s</b></span><span style="color: #222222;"> a national broadsheet headline "DECOTERRORISTS STRIKE DEVON". </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">["Decoterrorists" sound like people who go into the art deco section of museums and spray graffiti on the paintings.]</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">A Graveyard of Scarecrows will appeal to readers of Mithu Sanyal’s campus tragicomedy IDENTITTl, Amitav Ghosh’s GUN ISLAND for its environmental microcosms and postcolonial intertexuality,</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Once this book is published, anyone who finishes <i>Gun Island</i> and goes looking for another book featuring </span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">environmental microcosms and postcolonial intertexuality will buy it.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">as well as Tan Twan Eng’s THE HOUSE OF DOORS for its magical resurrection of buried histories. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">(PERSONALISATION) A Graveyard of Scarecrows was initially conceived of as a memoir, and retains some autofictional elements. The work was funded by a £XXXXX grant from the XXXXXX. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[So you got a grant to write a novel, and are using it to write a novel about someone who gets a grant which she uses to write a novel. That's brilliant.]</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Why does KK have to be an undercover undergraduate? Is she taking undergraduate classes? Can't she attend graduate school without needing an excuse? </span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">What's the deal with her five animals? Are they responsible for the chaos, and is that why she brought them? </span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Statue theft and changed street signs can be attributed to vandalism. Buildings becoming dust, not so much. Were there people in the buildings that crumbled into dust? Is that what they're seeking a scapegoat for? Are the people of England aware that magic exists?</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">If she just wants to write a novel set at this university, can't she just show up in town, hang out on campus, audit a few classes? Obviously she must have ulterior motives including being a native informant and/or causing chaos, but to what end? To use as plot points in her fantastical novel? As revenge for colonization? In other words, we don't want her "excuse" for enrolling, we want her real reason. Her goal, her plan to achieve it . . . </span></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-48662473204287011642024-02-27T13:58:00.003-05:002024-02-27T21:55:24.542-05:00Face-Lift 1451<p><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"></span></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpp1lVmBlAz_nr9zS8yye5ietL0G5Ie7r9QuUkViGldV583eNqQtp9OQPg0vnsNwVf1D6jv1TMYi_T6_97o1jsBjABTHcLwsYMm-sYzHUhjac2atNXxO2L9Cqh20HcjlxCT8BE5Vb-YDygcrG7-CURTZcOPVqVuUVh_JF9BGo7ppEkS1P91gZF/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgpp1lVmBlAz_nr9zS8yye5ietL0G5Ie7r9QuUkViGldV583eNqQtp9OQPg0vnsNwVf1D6jv1TMYi_T6_97o1jsBjABTHcLwsYMm-sYzHUhjac2atNXxO2L9Cqh20HcjlxCT8BE5Vb-YDygcrG7-CURTZcOPVqVuUVh_JF9BGo7ppEkS1P91gZF/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></span></b></div><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;">Guess the Plot</span></b><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><b><i> </i></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><b><i>Kannagi</i></b></span></div><div><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>1. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">An historical look at Japanese female shamanism from ancient times to the present.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;">2. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">The Sisters of the Unwavering Faith has been around as long as Kannagi can remember. Always the same look and behavior. When she is invited to join the group, she finds things that can chill the soul. Can she escape?</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">3. After Kannagi finally leaves her unemployed, philandering, loser of a husband, he is executed by the government. So she performs her wifely duty and burns down the entire city.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">4. The kids from <i>Jumanji </i>stumble upon another game, a computer game called Kannagi, which they can play on their computers from their homes with no human contact. They become addicted and never leave their parents' basements until, many decades later, they are carried out in caskets.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">5. When a dog named Kannagi crosses the border from South Korea to North Korea, and finds its way to Kim Jong Un, the Supreme Leader is so taken with the mutt that he abandons his nuclear arsenal and proclaims his nation a democracy.</span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">6. The Hindu god Kannagi, the Peacemaker, takes on Shiva, the Destroyer, in an epic battle. At stake: the number of arms each will have and who gets to ride the sacred elephant. </span></div><div><br /></div><div><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Dear Evil Editor</span></span></p><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i style="color: #222222;">Kannagi</i><span style="color: #222222;"> is an #ownvoices feminist retelling of Tamil Nadu’s most famous epic, the Silappadhikaaram.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [The title alone is epic.] </span></span><span><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia;">Complete at 75000 words, it will appeal to readers of Madeline Miller’s </span><i style="color: red; font-family: georgia;">Circe</i><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia;"> and Vaishnavi Patel’s </span><i style="color: red; font-family: georgia;">Kaikeyi</i><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: red;">.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [If this query is being sent somewhere other than India, the reader is likely to think Tamil Nadu is the author. Not that that will matter, I guess.]</span></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: red;">Sometime in the 14th century, Kannagi starts a fire that ends up razing the city of Madurai to the ground. Religion calls it an act of God and her, a goddess. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Here in the 21st century we call it an act of arson, and her, a terrorist.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: red;"><span>Myth attributes it to wifely duty and celebrates her as a beacon of chastity.</span><span> </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Burning a whole city to the ground is wifely duty?] [There's already a myth about this? It just happened two sentences ago.]</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: red;">Every version of this story ends the same way: Kannagi burns Madurai down to avenge her husband’s death.</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Okay, this clears up one point. She didn't <i>accidentally</i> burn down the city when she tossed a cigarette butt out the window of her horse cart. She <i>intentionally</i> burned the city down because someone in the city is responsible for her husband's death.]</span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia;">But in a society where a woman’s standing is determined by her husband’s and where widowhood leaves you a pariah, Kannagi’s motives cannot be limited to grief or wifely duty.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> [I moved some of that to the next paragraph. Here's the problem. You start with the plot, (sort of) as expected, but then you interrupt it by bringing in the myth, and "every version of this story," which could be worked in before or after the plot summary. For instance, sentence 1: </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">Kannagi</i><span style="font-family: georgia;"> is a 75,000-word feminist retelling of Ilango Adigal’s epic, <i>Silappadhikaaram</i>, in which a woman burns the city of Madurai to the ground to avenge her husband's death.</span><span style="font-family: georgia;">]</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">A merchant’s daughter in Puhar, Kannagi is raised with one goal and one goal only: marriage. But when </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[her husband,]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> Kovalan leaves her for another, she has to learn an entirely new way of life with her lady-in-waiting and confidant, Veni. </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[A merchant's daughter has a lady-in-waiting?]</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"> Kovalan eventually comes back, begging for another chance. He is penniless thanks to his philandering, but in Puhar,</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [</span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">where a woman’s standing is determined by her husband’s,]</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">a penniless husband is better than none at all.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> [Not <i>this</i> husband.]</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">When Kannagi finally decides to leave Kovalan, </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[See? She agreed with me.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> they have moved to Madurai -the capital city of a rival kingdom- for a fresh start. Married in name only, the two form a fragile alliance to regain wealth so they can move back home. </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Meanwhile, Kannagi finds community in a group of women all spurned by society, where she learns the strange ways in which women find agency under oppression. </span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Kovalan’s attempts at business keep failing, so Kannagi gives him her last piece of jewellery to pawn for capital. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[What is her last piece, the Hope Diamond? Her wedding ring isn't gonna bring in enough to start a business that brings them wealth.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">Her one shot at going back home and regaining her social status is lost forever when Kovalan is executed, following a court scandal.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [How does this loser get within five miles of the court?]</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Through all of this, the indignation that simmers just beneath the surface, informing her every decision is what gives away Kannagi’s motive: Rage.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Rage that results in a last-episode-of- <i>Game-of-Thrones</i>-Daenerys moment, as Kannagi razes the city of Madurai to the ground.]</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">With themes of sisterhood, feminine rage and sapphic pining, <i>Kannagi</i> is an exploration of, and a rebellion against the censorship of women, their feelings and motivations, under the veils of chastity.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: red;">I work in computer science, writing code when I'm not writing fiction. </span><span style="color: #222222;">Kannagi is my first novel</span><span style="color: red;">, although I have experience in technical documentation and social media copywriting</span><span style="color: #222222;">. </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">Complete at 75,000 words, it will appeal to readers of Madeline Miller’s </span><i style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">Circe</i><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;"> and Vaishnavi Patel’s </span><i style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">Kaikeyi</i><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">.</span></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><b><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;">Notes</span></b></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Every version of this story ends the same way: Kannagi burns Madurai down to avenge her husband’s death."</span><span style="color: red; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">So there are several retellings of this story?</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">No need to tell us how your story is the same as every version; how is it different? Is it because it's feminist? Seems like every version would be somewhat feminist if they all involve oppressed women and revenge.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I've attempted to reorganize your information (red words moved elsewhere or eliminated), to get the story, which begins: </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><i>A merchant’s daughter in Puhar . . .</i> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> up front. If you take it apart and put it back together, feel free to resubmit.</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Normally when I think of retellings, I think of moving a story set in olden times to the present day. It seems you've moved the original from the 5th century to the 14th. How many</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">get-rich-quick schemes were available to Kovalan in the 14th century?</span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div dir="auto" style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Not that I'm saying you should do something so radical as set it in present day, but women <i>are</i> still oppressed today, and, in some places, dependent on their husband's social status. All you'd have to do is change Kannagi's lady-in-waiting to her BFF. </span></div></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12270394249339795962024-02-24T16:45:00.007-05:002024-02-24T16:45:53.351-05:00<p><br /></p><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdtdwHjH-k10C98vqV704BwTWC6Y7i_Z2b_vJAuXayF1CzT3K6O_ul39Aq_AG5kj6P86DBQoMvasd_F-9FeTaMcV7hOt2LrbingR_SrCjytcqBuKTFCM8g4k0NxFnE7vtss_Rl50puoQGbH0F7DgIW5CWIFvHm6hapWN4Pk2ODhQ0QR-TJlzeI/s234/Screen%20Shot%202023-06-15%20at%2011.08.11%20AM.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="164" data-original-width="234" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdtdwHjH-k10C98vqV704BwTWC6Y7i_Z2b_vJAuXayF1CzT3K6O_ul39Aq_AG5kj6P86DBQoMvasd_F-9FeTaMcV7hOt2LrbingR_SrCjytcqBuKTFCM8g4k0NxFnE7vtss_Rl50puoQGbH0F7DgIW5CWIFvHm6hapWN4Pk2ODhQ0QR-TJlzeI/w200-h140/Screen%20Shot%202023-06-15%20at%2011.08.11%20AM.png" width="200" /></a></div><br /><p></p><p> New titles in the query queue need your amusing fake plots.</p><p>https://evileditor.blogspot.com/p/query-queue_7.html<br /></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-78975251247829153252024-02-15T14:20:00.006-05:002024-02-20T09:17:42.822-05:00Face-Lift 1450, take 2<p><span face=""Noto Sans", Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #38761d; font-size: large; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span face=""Noto Sans", Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #38761d; font-size: large; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1YKlT7IH_HU3g4oYbyNsbIohD1m_hsNyh1Z7ZzCNRHz3HUNNfrElsDnw7wzNDZEdR_BCAdUN0lvrFC9ObUnhMo_75gFaYm59jRJ_BykBFJ7dMuVKKLqBIlpFOhzm72QrxWTlJlsKRE8aKUmO5H0HYJ42z6hfq_D35dZDh7dZrohbN2ObsFXSz/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1YKlT7IH_HU3g4oYbyNsbIohD1m_hsNyh1Z7ZzCNRHz3HUNNfrElsDnw7wzNDZEdR_BCAdUN0lvrFC9ObUnhMo_75gFaYm59jRJ_BykBFJ7dMuVKKLqBIlpFOhzm72QrxWTlJlsKRE8aKUmO5H0HYJ42z6hfq_D35dZDh7dZrohbN2ObsFXSz/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span face=""Noto Sans", Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #38761d; font-size: large; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit;"><span style="color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></span><div><div><span face=""Noto Sans", Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit;"><span style="color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia;">Now, after reconsidering my earlier stance, I've made some comments, and done a bit of housekeeping.</span></span></div><div><span face=""Noto Sans", Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div><span face=""Noto Sans", Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: x-large;"><b>Guess the Plot</b></span></span><p></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-size: 14px; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit;"><b><i>The Plan of the Silence</i></b></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;">1. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;">2. Ssshhhhhhhhhh! We're planning here. Quiet!</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;">3. They say two can keep a secret if one of them is dead. Except the local necromancer didn't get the message, and she has been raising the dead without permission and all sorts of dirty secrets are coming to light.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: small;">4. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">The Silence has a plan. It can't tell anyone because, well, it is The Silence. An introduction to outside-the-box thinking for young children.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">5. When Bob loses his hearing, he loses his religion. No point in attending church services if you can't hear. But then he discovers that the words of the prophets are written on the subway walls. And tenement halls. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">6. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Abby arrives on her first day as a professional babysitter with a bag full of props and a plan. Breakfast, then story time, then arts and crafts, lunch and then a nap. Simple. Hours of screaming, crying and bickering later, she goes home defeated. But she is a fast learner: on her second day she has a whole new plan, and the only prop she needs is a roll of duct tape.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">7. When God informs televangelist Oral Ditterbund the end of the world is nigh, Oral prepares for a live broadcast. But his plan to save humanity is thwarted when a robed man breaks into his mansion wielding a knife. Can Oral still get the word out with no tongue?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">8. </span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">A sentient patch of fog with the ability to block all sound decides to drive humanity insane and take over the world by forcing people to endure…The Silence. However, modern attention spans being what they are, this takes about ten seconds and now the fog has a whole afternoon to kill.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">9. </span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">Step 1: Be quiet. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Step 2: </span></span></p><div><span class="im" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">10. Manhattan is transported to another world where animals can talk. They can, but they don't. Otherwise the title wouldn't make sense. Also, a guy named Ronald Thrump.</span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white;">11. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Hello darkness, my old stalker</span></span></div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">We need to have a little talk, er...</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I have seen you softly creeping</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">In my room. I wasn't sleeping.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">You put a thought inside my brain</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">It still remains</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Within: the plan of the silence</span></span><div><span class="im" face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: small;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><b><span style="font-size: large;">Original Version </span></b></div><div><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">We would like to submit our satire science fiction novel, THE PLAN OF THE SILENCE, a standalone witih</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"> [Typo in sentence 1. Not a good sign.]</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"> series potential, complete at 128,000 words for your consideration. THE PLAN is Dan Brown's absurd Illuminati who live in the world of Qixin's THREE BODY PROBLEM and fight aliens with Berg’s GRM. BRAINFUCK methods, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">who</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">[and] </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;">find themselves in a grim multiverse version of the DISCWORLD.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-style: inherit; font-variant-caps: inherit; font-variant-ligatures: inherit; font-weight: inherit;"> [In my opinion, it's a rare reader who'll be familiar with all of those references. Also, Qixin's world plus discworld = I couldn't decide which world to say it's set in.]</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">(Sentence on why did we choose this specific agent).</span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">The story follows Freya Axelsen, an Instagram business coach, who has to use her skills in productivity and positive thinking to save the world from alien invaders, </span><span style="border: 0px; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> AI and the Deep State.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Freya's life spirals out of control when a private video of her goes viral. But before it jeopardizes her reputation and career, Manhattan is transported to another world. Suddenly, animals can speak,</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> [You'd be surprised how many agents put talking animals near the top of their lists of dealbreakers.]</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> [Also, transporting one person to the planet below failed so often on </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>Star Trek</i></span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">, it's hard to buy transporting a place with a million people and a couple hundred skyscrapers anywhere.] </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the grid is down, and the city island is surrounded by the endless sea. Trying to escape her home, </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[Escape to where? Her home? Does she have transportation?] </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Freya is met by the Deep State agents, who treat her as Roman the Pruner, the State’s ruler. They follow their protocol </span><span style="border: 0px; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">and</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> sure that Freya is Roman despite the obvious gender mismatch—and Freya ventures to steal the show. </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[What is entailed in stealing the show? That's too vague.]</span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Choosing to assume Roman’s role, Freya has an eventful night: she commands the Delta-Null order of Deep State’s assassins, harnesses the State’s AI Prophet, and fends off an attack by Gathers—looters of dead worlds, who have arrived at Manhattan to nibble. However, as the first rays of dawn appear, the Deep State uncovers Freya's deception. To survive, Freya chooses to join the Illuminati, </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[Your 2nd sentence says your book is Dan Brown's absurd Illuminati, but you've taken a long time to get to them.] </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the State’s servants.</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> [Is the State also the Deep State? Or are they two different things?]</span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">She meets other Illuminati: Mister K, </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[who calls himself that because nobody can pronounce Krzyzewski] </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the leader of the Deep State, and Dr. Ferdrehels, who researches the new world and its dwellers.</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> [I can't tell if Ferdrehels is a Manhattanite researching the world he just landed in, or someone from that world researching Manhattan. Luckily, I don't care.]</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> She learns that such Merges with other worlds constantly occur, and the Deep State exists to conceal this Truth. In her new role, Freya intends to rescue the people of Manhattan, but instead, she finds herself protecting the secrets of the State—and she has good reason to.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">If the Truth about the State spills, all </span><span style="border: 0px; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Manhattan will be swiftly annihilated by the AI Prophet. Furthermore, there is strife within the Deep State itself. Most of the Illuminati have been wiped out, and the Illuminate-defector Ronald Thrump, </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[Seriously? The guy's equally likely to sue you for that fake name, so you may as well just use his actual one . . . Ronald McDonald.] </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">who escaped to his Tower, is playing his own game. Freya appears to be a black swan, the only Illuminate out of the stalemate—</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[Whaaaaat?]</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> so everyone has a plan for her.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">When the fate of New York suddenly falls on her shoulders, Freya has nothing to wield against the collapsing world but her business coaching skills and productivity tips. </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[In other words, New York is doomed.]</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> Will they be enough to defeat the ancient AI and the Gather Corporation? Or, </span><span style="border: 0px; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">she would</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[would she] </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">be better off switching sides for Gathers, as the aliens are hardly scarier than </span><span style="border: 0px; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">the own</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> State?</span><span style="border: 0px; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"> [her own State? the Deep State?]</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">[Bio info]</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Thank you for your time and consideration, </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-size: large; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Notes</b></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-style: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">After spending my usual 4 hours on my critique, and realizing I was only 2/5 of the way through the query, I told myself, </span><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i>Screw this, the novel probably doesn't even exist. </i>But then I thought, <i>It might exist, and</i><i> I'm legally required to give it my best.</i></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="border: 0px; color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia; font-feature-settings: inherit; font-kerning: inherit; font-stretch: inherit; font-variant: inherit; font-weight: inherit; line-height: inherit; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">This is twice as long as a query should be, and shouldn't be difficult to cut it in half, as much of it is unnecessary detail. Get rid of some of the characters, there are too many Just focus on Freya. Who is she, what does she want, what's her plan, what stands in her way? And make it clear why this Instagram business coach, among the million people (police, military veterans, professional wrestlers) who have been transported with her, is the only one who can save everyone. It's gotta be a better reason than </span><span style="color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia;">her business coaching skills and productivity tips.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; margin: 0px; padding-bottom: 0.25em; padding-top: 0.8em;"><span style="color: #1c1c1c; font-family: georgia;">Get rid of Ronald. It's not especially funny. Besides, if Freya was still Freya after Manhattan was transported, why would Donald suddenly be Ronald? That may be explained in the book, but you don't have room to explain it in the query, so don't bring it up.</span></p></div></div></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39242916413313223572024-02-11T15:59:00.000-05:002024-02-11T15:59:36.940-05:00Face-Lift 1449<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Guess the Plot</b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4DrDcxBY9TeTlhtby4rkQhPIHU5mmAb_hOBfZONszVtU6J3gAo-NaWG2R-2LZua3e3XKybZv87rYiQehqXhGFU7PLtuo_2ieHDLc5xfMaLxa9nyFlBhSK9lGtj0hJ0G1AcybZMId-vwcJ0yxZiK37Xt9fv3JQvdVXVugh1jokk6Vef4uiy53i/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4DrDcxBY9TeTlhtby4rkQhPIHU5mmAb_hOBfZONszVtU6J3gAo-NaWG2R-2LZua3e3XKybZv87rYiQehqXhGFU7PLtuo_2ieHDLc5xfMaLxa9nyFlBhSK9lGtj0hJ0G1AcybZMId-vwcJ0yxZiK37Xt9fv3JQvdVXVugh1jokk6Vef4uiy53i/w250-h320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><p></p><p><b><i><span style="font-family: georgia;">A Lie of Omission</span></i></b></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">1. When Jennifer starts dating Kelley, she fails to say anything about her current engagement status (to 3 men & 1 woman), her current marital status (qualifies as bigamy in most states), and her current number of dependents (6 if you count granny). On the other hand, Kelley fails to tell her he flunked out of college, he's unemployed, and he's not even human.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">2. "I had a vasectomy a long time ago." That was all Rob had to say, but he didn't, so Lydia wondered why she wasn't getting pregnant. Was it her fault? Not according to her doctor, and Rob won't get tested. He does, however, try to comfort Lydia by taking her shopping at a big box store. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">3. </span></span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">For some time, Sondra has known the date her husband would die, but has never told him. The guilt over that lie of omission has been eating away at her, as she considers herself intensely honest. Would it help or hurt their marriage, she wonders, to tell him the date? And to tell him about the alibi she has carefully planned for that date? And about the </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">gun she has purchased</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">? It's the lying that's </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">tearing her apart</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">4. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">When Pinocchio says his nose will grow, he’s telling the truth. But he’s omitting the part about it growing only when he lies. So does his lie of omission then cause his nose to grow, but in the process thereby turning it into the truth? This and other fairy tale paradoxes guaranteed to make your children's brains ache.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">5. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Elizabeth has been acting as Queen Regent for 16 years. Now rumors are swirling about the next king to be. As the rumors go wildly out of control, how can she explain to her subjects that there isn't, and never was, an heir?</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">6. John got laid off from his job two years ago, but has failed to inform his wife, Annie, of this. He's more than replaced his lost income by selling opiates and heroin on street corners. Now that the economy has picked up, John's former boss wants him back. Should John take the offer, even though he's now making twenty times his original salary?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white;">7. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Omission realizes she’ll never get published after a literary agent throws a sheaf of papers that is her manuscript in her face and screams "fool!" But when she meets a magical little man who lives under a rainbow, she’ll do anything he says to make her dream come true.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"><span style="background-color: white;">8. </span></span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">Your field guide to dishonesty.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;"><br /></span></span></p><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">When Rob Brown's first wife asks him to get a vasectomy at 21, he goes along. He knows an unwanted baby could ruin a life. He had been that baby for his mother. The vasectomy works, but the marriage doesn't, and he's looking for love again in his 30s. He finds it in Lydia Eisenberg, a Korean Studies professor he meets in the personals in Denver. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Didn't personals go the way of the rotary phone when it turned out they were being used by human traffickers? Or was it Tinder that killed them?] </span><span style="color: #222222;">Love isn't complicated for them. They can have fun at a big box store together and that's enough. Really, that's a lot.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span> [Once they even went to Costco and Home Depot on the same day.]</span><span><br /><span> </span></span></span><br /><span style="color: #222222;">Their relationship of small joys quickly leads to bigger commitments. Unlike his childhood and his first marriage, Lydia is stable and kind.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Unlike his mother and his first wife would be better; you're comparing apples to dead apple trees and aphid-infested orchards.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> Rob should tell her about his vasectomy, but he </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">doesn't. He's afraid he'll lose her.</span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /><span style="color: #222222;">His vasectomy doesn't have to be a big deal, especially because Lydia would adopt before getting science involved. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Sounds like they've had a discussion about children, which apparently went like this:</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Lydia: Before we talk about marriage, we should discuss the number of children we want.</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Rob: I'm leaning toward zero.</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Lydia: I'm thinking six. We'll compromise and go with five.</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Rob: . . . . . . . . . . . Okay?] </span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">And now that Rob's older and has a good-enough career in marketing, he would have kids with Lydia. But the longer Rob goes without telling her, the harder admitting the truth becomes. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Then, suddenly, Lydia is sixty-five years old.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">Instead of being honest with Lydia about why her period keeps coming, Rob has a secret vasectomy reversal.</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[Lydia: It's the right time of the month to make a baby. Let's hit the sheets.</span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Rob: Sorry, I'll be out of commission for the next week.</span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Lydia: Whattaya mean?</span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Rob: It's a secret surprise . . . Look just trust me, and . . . Hey, let's go to IKEA!]</span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><br /><span style="color: #222222;">It fails, but an adoption from South Korea goes through. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Did the doctor declare that the operation failed, or does Rob think it failed because Lydia didn't get pregnant immediately? I ask because my research shows it can take a year for sperm count to get back to normal after a successful reversal.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> Rob easily surrenders to the demands of parenting, but as his daughter's sense of displacement as a transracial adoptee grows, his guilt compounds. Even if it's too late for the truth, Rob can't live with his lie.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [I hope you mean he kills himself; otherwise it goes:</span></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Rob: You know how you didn't get pregnant for a decade and you went to your doctor for dozens of invasive tests and she eventually said there was no physical explanation, it must be your husband, and I refused to have my doctor test my sperm count because it was too embarrassing and then you brought me this thing </span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhE72B0-HKassI3N2itVsiYCgv1NQEvad_vFsItkeB-MhoLb2LOWJlwOP1wCS_DSi0mdOU2uqG5ERsEdl9lGPcaacOd-yhn7mb-3onwLkwrkJmqD7NPOlqoFs36bjQo_5-HbGgfKn5NyqFcJMDujd6zgi-6XVybBuLE4D5hziYxKBodrBUlgZdg" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="830" data-original-width="504" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhE72B0-HKassI3N2itVsiYCgv1NQEvad_vFsItkeB-MhoLb2LOWJlwOP1wCS_DSi0mdOU2uqG5ERsEdl9lGPcaacOd-yhn7mb-3onwLkwrkJmqD7NPOlqoFs36bjQo_5-HbGgfKn5NyqFcJMDujd6zgi-6XVybBuLE4D5hziYxKBodrBUlgZdg=w243-h400" width="243" /></a></div><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">so I could test it in our home, and I told you I used it and my sperm count was normal?</span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Lydia: Yeah, what about it?</span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Rob: I lied. My count was zero, because I had a vasectomy when I was 21. Funny, huh?</span></div><div style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Lydia (plunging ice pick she bought at Walmart Superstore into Rob's eye): Hilarious.]</span><br /><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><br /><span style="color: #222222;">A LIE OF OMISSION explores how cowardice and shame can shape a marriage and a family over two decades. A wry take on the compromises of partnership and parenting, A LIE OF OMISSION will appeal to fans of Taffy Brodesser-Akner's</span><i style="color: #222222;"> Fleishman Is in Trouble</i><span style="color: #222222;">. Exploring transnational adoption and what goes unsaid in a seemingly strong marriage, A LIE OF OMISSION brings together elements of </span><i style="color: #222222;">The Fourth Child</i><span style="color: #222222;"> by Jessica Winter and the film </span><i style="color: #222222;">May December.</i></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br />A bit about me: I live in Denver, Colorado with my husband and young children. My short stories have been featured in the Columbia Review, Fiction Southeast, and the Changing Denver Podcast. I am also an active member of Lighthouse Writers Workshop, a writing non-profit in Denver, where I held an artist salon for many years.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">It seems unfathomable that Rob would keep his secret while Lydia is hopeful every month of finding she's pregnant, especially if Rob knows she's ok with adoption. Or that she would not ask her doctor why she isn't becoming pregnant, or, if she did ask, why her doctor wouldn't suggest fertility tests for both her and Rob. Or that Rob's first wife wouldn't go with a different form of birth control, considering their young ages. Some doctors won't perform vasectomies on young guys. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Possibly all of this is explained to our satisfaction in the book? If so, I suggest leaving most of it out of the query.</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Here's a way you might go:</span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When Rob Brown and Lydia Eisenberg start talking about marriage, and Lydia says she'd like a big family, Rob is afraid to mention the vasectomy he had ten years ago. So he doesn't. Instead, he secretly schedules a reversal of the vasectomy. But Lydia fails to get pregnant in the next year, and takes a home fertility test that shows she's not the problem. Looks like Rob will have to come clean . . . but an adoption from South Korea goes through. Rob feels like he's gotten a reprieve. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">None of that puts Rob in a better light, but it may make the query sound less outlandish. And if the agent wants to know why the query left out a few salient points, tell her you sprinkled in a few lies of omission. </span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11362467468101143702024-02-09T09:46:00.002-05:002024-02-10T13:42:27.014-05:00Face-Lift 1448<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie1HrfuAo2i6-XgpvIAFdXi37d8oZnNPya3EeYXhmsGVTkPgOXUjL6tLds2BbU3kmeu2ti3Gvcfg3_w9NpBQrzSH3aNEX8phn-jLvtjg22kk7mjo_gf7PT9UvU2TlghUWpf92PpKV1kRwvwc1016cwdwTx2DYdbEsQ2Nu8YfT5AO1SCDZsJxZO/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEie1HrfuAo2i6-XgpvIAFdXi37d8oZnNPya3EeYXhmsGVTkPgOXUjL6tLds2BbU3kmeu2ti3Gvcfg3_w9NpBQrzSH3aNEX8phn-jLvtjg22kk7mjo_gf7PT9UvU2TlghUWpf92PpKV1kRwvwc1016cwdwTx2DYdbEsQ2Nu8YfT5AO1SCDZsJxZO/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br />Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b><i>Tied Fates</i></b></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">1. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Just for the record, </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Abernathy would like it known that he never wanted a serial killer as a soul mate. </span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">2. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">The three Fates, Clotho, Lachesis, and Atropos, are captured by Arachne, and woven into an intricate web. Arachne takes over the job of weaving mortals, but she's only interested in creating humans who are evil. Can Aesop write a myth in which the Fates are rescued before the world is overrun with demons and ogres?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">3. </span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">There was an, uh, accident with a basket of kittens while Clotho was spinning out the lives of mortals. Rather than letting Atropos cut it all to pieces, thereby killing them all, Lachesis comes up with a plan of cat's-cradle destinies involving people living out parts of their lives as each other. It makes sense in the book.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">4. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Clotho has always spun the thread, Lachesis measured it, and Atropos snipped it. Always. For millennia. One day, out of boredom (and after more than a few drinks) they decide to switch jobs. Before long the entire universe is in disarray as the sisters of Fate end up bickering and tied in knots of indiscriminate length, and if they don't get things back under control soon, someone is getting a scissor in the eye.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;">5. Tommy's only hope of happiness is to find his mother. Cecile's only hope of bringing peace to her homeland is to obliterate the place where Tommy's mother is living. It's like that story where the guy sells his watch to buy his wife a hair comb only to find out she's sold her hair to buy him a watch chain. Except in my book there's also a dragon.</span></p><div><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;">6. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Thanks to a witch's spell, Evangeline is blind, and will remain so until she marries. Her only suitor is an ugly dwarf who loves Evangeline but knows she will never love him once she sees him. Will he help her regain her sight, knowing she'll leave him, or will he talk her into just being friends with benefits?</span></div><div><br /></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">In the far-flung mining town of Nyrmoon where magic is feared, Tommy can bring objects to life, bestowing free will upon toys, trees</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> [Trees aren't exactly slaves being ordered around by birds and squirrels. For all we know, they <i>choose</i> to stand in one place, soaking up the sun's rays. I can think of worse ways to choose to live. A better example than trees would be mannequins, which, if they had free will, would wipe out humanity.] </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">and beyond. When his powers grow out of control causing a living pickaxe to maim his father, he becomes convinced magic is evil. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[Pickaxes don't maim people; mannequins with pickaxes maim people.] </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Tommy sets out on a journey through the Misfortunate Woods in search of the one person who could help him subdue his powers… his mother. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[Do you expect us to believe a teenage kid who has magical powers isn't using those powers to get chicks?]</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><span style="color: #222222;">After Tommy narrowly escapes the jaws of a wyrm and befriends a winged horse, he reaches Capital, a city steeped in magic. However, a greater danger appears in the form of a kind-hearted girl, Cecile, the secret dragon-riding princess.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [A dragon-riding princess needs a cooler name than Cecile. How about </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span><span>Daenerys</span></span><span face=""Google Sans", Roboto, arial, sans-serif">?] </span><span>[If you've got a flying horse, and your girlfriend's got a dragon, your best-case scenario is that the dragon <i>only</i> eats your horse.]</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Cecile yearns for an age of peace, but her only path to attain it is to overthrow her evil mother and become ruler in her place. This requires her to lay siege to Capital and obliterate the magical barracks where Tommy’s mother lives. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Even better: obliterate the place where her <i>own</i> mother lives.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">She may be able to extinguish her mother’s war but she might stain herself in blood and yet achieve nothing. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[I spent 8 years watching <i>Game of Thrones</i> and you managed to condense the whole thing into one paragraph.] [Most wars end with at least one side stained in blood, having achieved nothing.]</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Featuring two independent story threads which merge after the midpoint, TIED FATES (59,000 words) is an upper MG, Epic Fantasy, standalone with series potential. It's similar in tone with Skandar and the Unicorn Thief by A.F. Steadman, </span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[Anyone whose occupation is unicorn thief better have a side gig.] </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Frostheart by Jamie Littler, and Avatar: The Last Airbender, the Nickelodeon TV show.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"> [Two comp book titles are plenty; </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">no need to add a </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Nickelodeon TV show, even if you're as positive as I am that the agent's familiar with the TV show and never heard of the books.] </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">I'm an Actor </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[No need to capitalize "actor" unless you've won an Academy Award.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">with a passion for music and dance, working at a theater company specializ</span><span style="color: red;">ed</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[ing]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> in productions for children. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[For instance, <i>Death of a Toy Salesman</i>, and <i>The Ice Cream Man Cometh</i>.]</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Thank you for your time and consideration.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Tommy is entering a city steeped in magic, a city apparently at war with whomever, a city surrounded by giant man-eating wyrms, yet a kind-hearted girl is a greater danger?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Even with free will, a pickaxe would have to grow legs or wings to be much danger.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Is Capital the capital city of some place? If so, whoever named it didn't have much imagination. If not, I bet the people in the <i>actual</i> capital city are pissed that this other city named itself Capital. So pissed that that's probably who Capital is at war with. I'm surprised Paris, France hasn't declared war on Paris, Texas.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Is Cecile's mother the ruler of just this one city?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">What is this war that Cecile may be able to extinguish? The only war-like event mentioned was Cecile laying siege to Capital. Up till then, it was already an age of peace as far as I can see. Or is some other city also laying siege to Capital?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm more interested in what happens when the two threads merge than in Tommy's friendship with a flying horse. After introducing the two main characters, tell us what the dilemma is. Does Cecile need Tommy's magic to take down her mother? Does he refuse to use it for fear he'll maim Cecile with a cleaver? Is it impossible to get Tommy's mom out of the barracks before it's obliterated? Do Tommy and Cecile work as a team?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: 15.6933px; margin: 0cm 0cm 8pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Bringing peace to the land seems like a higher priority than stopping Tommy from bringing toys to life. Unless . . . can he turn toy soldiers and weapons into real soldiers and weapons?</span></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-45845000746766366702024-01-30T09:48:00.001-05:002024-01-30T09:48:44.780-05:00Feedback Request<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM-MSapz9Dx-5hAYrNBvUeMRs5RrS8KUu9wJOGqro4PD4tpg3FzO-ogtZOY0omwjFQ_CVZesU6U5qUBMPi_nDGxNfmWbaUUH-TI1FSahRpgRz9fQQdlVaxdtEfYn0sdeBsSAMI4SBO1M7V4horx9qLGKNEH6rV-s45I_q3yHgWKMQFQotxGTqO/s234/Screen%20Shot%202023-06-15%20at%2011.08.11%20AM.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="164" data-original-width="234" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjM-MSapz9Dx-5hAYrNBvUeMRs5RrS8KUu9wJOGqro4PD4tpg3FzO-ogtZOY0omwjFQ_CVZesU6U5qUBMPi_nDGxNfmWbaUUH-TI1FSahRpgRz9fQQdlVaxdtEfYn0sdeBsSAMI4SBO1M7V4horx9qLGKNEH6rV-s45I_q3yHgWKMQFQotxGTqO/w200-h140/Screen%20Shot%202023-06-15%20at%2011.08.11%20AM.png" width="200" /></a></div><span style="font-size: medium;"><br />The author of the book featured in <a href="https://evileditor.blogspot.com/2023/11/face-lift-1442.html" target="_blank">Face-Lift 1442</a> would like feedback on the following revised version of the query</span>:<p></p><p><br /></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Dear agent, </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span>I am seeking representation for </span><span>Phoebe</span><span>, a literary fiction novel that is 84k words in length. </span><span></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span><span style="color: #222222;">Phoebe is a second generation Vietnamese-American in 2019 Southern California coping with the melancholy of her late twenties. She finds herself needing to live with her adoptive sister, Gigi, once again, after</span><span style="color: red;"> to</span><span style="color: #222222;"> a series of regrettable decisions.</span></span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;"></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span><span style="color: #222222;">For reasons that Phoebe refuses to divulge, she was arrested and dropped out of her PhD program. </span><span>When Gigi comes to bail her out of jail, Phoebe finds out for the first time that Gigi has been hiding a pregnancy for eight months.</span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">The novel follows Phoebe’s court mandated therapy sessions as she’s forced to recount the events of her life which caused her dramatic downfall while Gigi is stuck at home in the minutia of her newfound motherhood.</span></span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[A bit of specificity would help. What kind of regrettable decisions? What was she arrested for? I would rearrange these paragraphs to:]</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span><span>Phoebe is a second-generation Vietnamese-American in 2019 Southern California, coping with the melancholy of her late twenties. </span></span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">After being arrested for prostitution/drunk driving, Phoebe drops out of her PhD program and reluctantly </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span><span>moves in with her adoptive sister, Gigi, who </span></span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">is eight months pregnant.</span></p><p style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span><span> </span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>The novel follows Phoebe's court-mandated therapy sessions as she’s forced to recount the events of her life which caused her dramatic downfall, while Gigi is stuck at home in the minutia of her newfound motherhood.</span></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span><span style="color: #222222;">As Phoebe unravels the shame and guilt of her past, she becomes lost in her traumatic memories, unable to discern the difference between the choices she made and the parts of her life which were impacted by her mother’s abandonment and an unsettling betrayal from a childhood friend. The </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[one] </span><span style="color: #222222;">reality she is certain of, however, is that her tenuous living situation can’t last, especially not </span><span style="color: red;">with whatever else</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: red;">that</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[while] </span><span style="color: #222222;">Gigi is still clearly hiding </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[something]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> from her.</span></span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;"></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span>Phoebe</span><span> is a story that explores the experiences of first-born immigrant daughters as they walk the tightrope between familial obligation and their own desires while at the same time navigating the ill defined transition from girlhood to womanhood. It is also about the complexities of female friendship and what it means to have a difficult love for another person. </span><span></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #222222;">There is nothing currently on the market just like Phoebe, but it would sit on readers’ shelves somewhere between </span><span style="color: #222222;">Milk Fed</span><span style="color: #222222;"> by Melissa Broder, for its dreamy, sexual prose and psychological musings, and </span><span style="color: #222222;">Banyan Moon</span><span style="color: #222222;"> by Thao Thai, for its reflection on strained relationships between mothers and daughters. If </span><span style="color: #222222;">Phoebe</span><span><span style="color: #222222;"> were a tiktok, it would be a video of a girl’s exhausted face overlayed</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [overlaid]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> with relatable text and a song from Olivia Rodrigo’s </span></span><span style="color: #222222;">GUTS</span><span style="color: #222222;"> album playing in the background. </span><span style="color: #222222;"></span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Thank you for your consideration. </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Better than the previous incarnation. It's not clear if Phoebe can't live with Gigi <i>only</i> because Gigi is hiding something. Many people manage to live together successfully without revealing all their secrets.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">You're still not italicizing book titles.</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Hyphen between two words combined to create one adjective (second-generation, court-mandated, ill-defined)</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-25634832376371673942024-01-20T16:09:00.002-05:002024-01-20T18:47:02.926-05:00Face-Lift 1447<p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjZDw1Pg0LvYc4C1t9nE2YJ2cSe_pvoagVOMbqq_R7BlYpC4ihi6ohDNHVZpXRuMV8SxTppakDXDpC9HzYCgCxeRLheheH_IX6HHYcscm0EVvZe-w0JK3X6y5bdjMZTnaH7RHJCMUYmOs51T1yMHlLtVpxZWRq69K74kqec1jFOb7dkJ8AZFFyF" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjZDw1Pg0LvYc4C1t9nE2YJ2cSe_pvoagVOMbqq_R7BlYpC4ihi6ohDNHVZpXRuMV8SxTppakDXDpC9HzYCgCxeRLheheH_IX6HHYcscm0EVvZe-w0JK3X6y5bdjMZTnaH7RHJCMUYmOs51T1yMHlLtVpxZWRq69K74kqec1jFOb7dkJ8AZFFyF=w251-h320" width="251" /></a></b></span></div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /><span style="color: #38761d;">Guess the Plot</span></b></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><i><b>Notes and Bolts from the Otherworlds</b></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">1. In a fictional world where musical talent translates to superpowers, and the right guitar notes can cause sheep to explode, Rose plays a magical Beatles record and is immediately transported to an otherworld where a universe-hopping, Hendrix-obsessed piano-playing hitchhiker tries to convince her to sing a duet with him. </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">2. When one is a nigh-omnipotent deity, one is expected to start with building inhabited worlds and work one's way up to multiverses. But Jin-el started its deity-ness as a singularity--it needs remedial education on fleshy types. Join it and its nanobot colony as they attempt to build afterlives in an internship program.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span>3.</span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Chit-Chitter-Chi-Chee was a squirrel obsessed with acorns until she tried to cross Highway 666. Now she haunts an engineer trying to date a haberdasher. Fortunately a freak portal puts them all in a world where animals speak like humans, cogs are power, and fashion is an up-and-coming trend. Sadly, without acorns.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">4. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Jim is a computer programmer. Except that being one in the Otherworlds, where AI has made humans obsolete, he sits all day in an electrified barber's chair, mentally playing PacMan and Donkey Kong while AI robots study his primitive brain waves and laugh. Also, genius dolphins.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">5. Post-it notes and lightning bolts, model trains and dog sleds. Clown shoes and beach balls and sundaes and bunk beds. Plastic violas and green trampolines. These are a few of Bob Fahrquahr's favorite things. And while they seem unrelated out of context, they all come together in his memoir.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">6. When lightning strikes a bagpipe factory, bringing the instruments to life, it's up to crack marksman Trevor McTavish to pop the bags and silence the pipes before everyone is Glasgow is driven insane.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: medium;">7. </span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white; font-size: 17px;">Join the V.A.N.D.A.L. interstellar rover in this imaginative non-fiction exploration of our solar system and beyond. Includes fun science experiments, astronomical charts, and math</span><span style="-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: medium;">.</span></span></span></p><p><b style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></b></p><p><b style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: large;">Original Version</span></b></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Dear</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> AGENT,</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Rose Bergeron wants to know what happened to her husband. When his battered body is found in his car, nobody has an explanation. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[The police do have a theory, however: somebody battered him while he was in his car.] </span>After months with no answers, she starts finding notes from him all over his office, </span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">directing her to read his unfinished novel hidden in his desk.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[Even if she hasn't been in his office for two months, the police probably would have searched it for clues to who wanted him killed. Thus I assume these notes appeared out of thin air, after two months?] [If the dead guy is leaving the notes, maybe he should be putting them on the refrigerator or her bathroom mirror instead of in the one room she never goes in.]</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[I don't care if she <i>was</i> married to him, no one wants to read an unfinished novel. That's why bookstores and libraries never have sections for unfinished novels.] [Though if they <i>did</i>, they'd probably be the biggest sections.] [Ironically, though agents and editors demand that you finish <i>writing</i> your novel before submitting it, <i>they</i> almost never finish <i>reading</i> it.]</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">She laughs as she reads the opening scene, where a lead guitar solo explodes a sheep, kicking off a battle for a magical Beatles record in a world where musical talent translates to superpowers.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [My singing voice can clear everyone else out of a room. Not sure you'd call that a superpower, but I find it more useful than, say, talking to fish or</span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> shooting webs out of my wrists</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">.]</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;"> The story entertains her, but gives no clues to its author’s death.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Why do I think you're gonna contradict that statement immediately?]</span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Until the music in the book begins to invade her world. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #222222;">While Rose is reading a scene where</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;">the Beatles record lifts people off the ground, she feels herself levitate and drop back to her bed.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Like in <i>The Exorcist</i>, except with the Beatles instead of the demon king Pazuzu.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">She feverishly reads to the end, where she finds one last note from her husband.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Instead of making her slog through his entire manuscript, he could have just told her to go to the last page.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> When she reads it, she throws a previously cracked door wide open between her world and that of her husband’s book. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Like in <i>The Wizard of Oz</i>, where Dorothy also ends up in a fictional world where characters frequently break into musical numbers.]</span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #222222;">In the firelight of this Otherworld, a universe-hopping, Hendrix-obsessed hitchhiker looks up from a piano and grins. Everything he’s done, creating beautiful music (and sometimes killing with it), has been for this cosmic event.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [No offense, author, but I'm starting to think I'd rather read Rose's husband'</span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">s novel than yours.]</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia;"> The trouble is, in order for him to get back t</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">o Earth for good, he needs Rose to trust him and sing along.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #222222;">She gets the chance to play the Beatles record </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[How does she have this record that everyone's been trying to get?]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> and takes it, blasting across the universe and landing right next to the hitchhiker. He does his best to smooth talk her with a chance to see her dead husband again. As much as she wants to trust him, she has to decide whether the prospect of another moment with her husband is worth the fate of his very real fictional world.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [I don't see why she believes that singing along with the hitchhiker would adversely affect the otherworld.]</span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">NOTES AND BOLTS FROM THE OTHERWORLDS is a blend of speculative fiction and magical realism, complete at 109,000 words. It combines the alternating perspectives of Mark Lawrence’s “</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">The Book That Wouldn’t Burn”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">, with the mystery and magic of Adrienne Young’s “</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">The Unmaking of June Farrow”</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">. Along the way, cosmic versions of the Beatles, Jack White, Bowie and more fight like they’re battling in Edgar Wright’s “</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Scott Pilgrim vs. the World</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">”.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> T</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;">wo comp books is plenty without adding a movie based on a comic book.] [If you really want that information in the query, work it into the plot summary.]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span class="im" style="background-color: white; color: #500050;"></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">I live in Wisconsin with my wife, toddler and two cats. This would be my first published work. Thank you for your consideration.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><b style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: x-large;"><br /></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><b style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: x-large;">Notes</b></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">I'd drop "and Bolts" from the title, even if there are bolts in the plot. The double meaning of "Notes" is enough cleverness, without the added play on "nuts and bolts."</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">The query starts out like this is a police procedural or a murder mystery. If it is, as you say, a </span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">blend of speculative fiction and magical realism, do we need Rose's husband to be battered in his car? Even if we do in the book, we don't in the query. (I'm assuming most of the book is set in this Otherworld.) Possible rewrite:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">While reading her recently deceased husband's fantastical, unfinished novel, Rose Bergeron is somehow transported into the book's world, a wondrous place where musical talent translates to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">superpowers and rock stars battle</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">for a magical Beatles record that will make them the </span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">"Zappa," </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">imperious overlord of the Otherworld. Rose has many adventures in this musical land, and meets many of her favorite musicians, including Jack White and Jack Black and Bowie.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Meanwhile, across the universe, a </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Hendrix-obsessed hitchhiker looks up from a piano and grins. Everything he’s done, creating beautiful music (and sometimes killing with it), has been for this cosmic event. He</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">, like Rose, wants to get back to Earth. And all they have to do is play the magic Beatles record while singing along. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">There's just one catch. Doing so will destroy the incredible Otherworld that Rose's husband conceived and created in his novel, along with all of its characters and music. When Rose hesitates, the hitchhiker sweetens the pot: He offers to Bring Rose and her husband together again. Is </span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">time with her husband worth the fate of his very real world?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Okay, I realize there's a flaw in this version. Namely, the hitchhiker has the magic Beatles record, which means he's the Zappa. Would he give that up to get to Earth?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">On the other hand, in your version the hitchhiker arranges for Rose to play the record, so he must have some way to get it to her, so maybe he <i>is</i> the Zappa. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Wouldn't it be better for the hitchhiker and the record and Rose to all be in the same place instead of having to blast Rose across the universe?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"> </span></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-31553307279607847982023-12-24T12:01:00.000-05:002023-12-24T12:01:14.275-05:00<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-aCAIp-BYrHprLqLr47ljZiW1bay-p7MXwBbyUbD1mzaiocb1KwdCqWtYj5SWysRpO-MB1SmuzOewEBWXLlVvbnLLED3s7cd-hCbjCiRu7gHw0LAsC4OekeeUxwcMdtuH2VuaiTXe1Rj-jM1dnifB-rhdpBDcfVagaXgfy0Vy6Cl6KSlxGqN/s732/lap2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="732" data-original-width="577" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgn-aCAIp-BYrHprLqLr47ljZiW1bay-p7MXwBbyUbD1mzaiocb1KwdCqWtYj5SWysRpO-MB1SmuzOewEBWXLlVvbnLLED3s7cd-hCbjCiRu7gHw0LAsC4OekeeUxwcMdtuH2VuaiTXe1Rj-jM1dnifB-rhdpBDcfVagaXgfy0Vy6Cl6KSlxGqN/w316-h400/lap2.jpg" width="316" /></a></div><br /><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCi9ttRhmEBLYc7GOFnCR8xorzfW-DTmd10MU9faVH6UPw-bqSuH9WtM3yX6_4zmAvaA63pOn5PU9vVetPT-5-_zdJ-j5psHY5QjE-Rs8Fz-qmMkpytYVRnJjNA7iBZkm0AkF-RNyGp83RpiRY4PdDlK9YRTLFoS0U_EUYv-F6cO1Od3RSpx_J/s732/santa1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="732" data-original-width="577" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjCi9ttRhmEBLYc7GOFnCR8xorzfW-DTmd10MU9faVH6UPw-bqSuH9WtM3yX6_4zmAvaA63pOn5PU9vVetPT-5-_zdJ-j5psHY5QjE-Rs8Fz-qmMkpytYVRnJjNA7iBZkm0AkF-RNyGp83RpiRY4PdDlK9YRTLFoS0U_EUYv-F6cO1Od3RSpx_J/w315-h400/santa1.jpg" width="315" /></a></div><br /><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB5FDyxsqhwzHCRGAvrDrTkayO0UjZyClaY0FCb_KeabhX4dsfEwz34iJqKn6DMTIlti8MRZEmN8M0Pk1l-ATg_w1lPbolNxotoxFxyZo1cEHiZU2JOm9QcHTZhTYccofOv4zdBn9ZmSUCiO0tJ0NBPECAJ3cGjLsyDotaykwWgLU0TLg07_2p/s732/santa3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="732" data-original-width="577" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiB5FDyxsqhwzHCRGAvrDrTkayO0UjZyClaY0FCb_KeabhX4dsfEwz34iJqKn6DMTIlti8MRZEmN8M0Pk1l-ATg_w1lPbolNxotoxFxyZo1cEHiZU2JOm9QcHTZhTYccofOv4zdBn9ZmSUCiO0tJ0NBPECAJ3cGjLsyDotaykwWgLU0TLg07_2p/w315-h400/santa3.jpg" width="315" /></a></div><br /> <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqbi14g49amPWQdgMUq_yCheqqUJ9FUD6n5G3Gex8AIkvQ0FnrsQuXeme-YKU2ENNjknk8b8394ZY-4oaeXk0v0gMDnCPc8QNZEBQEkgXO49NHOD54DSxKt2Wq2cIOaD73LBNgXtIMejUrLKJuYQWIzKu_DIdfNZbeB_TAaPo_iknov3sbIciu/s732/lap3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="732" data-original-width="577" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgqbi14g49amPWQdgMUq_yCheqqUJ9FUD6n5G3Gex8AIkvQ0FnrsQuXeme-YKU2ENNjknk8b8394ZY-4oaeXk0v0gMDnCPc8QNZEBQEkgXO49NHOD54DSxKt2Wq2cIOaD73LBNgXtIMejUrLKJuYQWIzKu_DIdfNZbeB_TAaPo_iknov3sbIciu/w315-h400/lap3.jpg" width="315" /></a></div><p></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-39807335094238204802023-12-18T15:24:00.003-05:002023-12-18T15:24:57.685-05:00Face-Lift 1446<p><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"></span></b></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhWF62NirrCIyU4gC1a4JI5zwve1oYjKtj-LpblEn1eqSVAQSG2pKsb958VQsu_it1ho5Bx6xXRRlWRu3ksdE31exQv-Ng2XLxk7yQBOWsxGBzzjN84WT0qZcG5vSuQFsZPpAjsTVCdnpbnPXSgdwKTJUlMBkDQun_4ny1CrnLgRsrvDZxBhuP/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhWF62NirrCIyU4gC1a4JI5zwve1oYjKtj-LpblEn1eqSVAQSG2pKsb958VQsu_it1ho5Bx6xXRRlWRu3ksdE31exQv-Ng2XLxk7yQBOWsxGBzzjN84WT0qZcG5vSuQFsZPpAjsTVCdnpbnPXSgdwKTJUlMBkDQun_4ny1CrnLgRsrvDZxBhuP/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></span></b></div><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><br />Guess the Plot</span></b><p></p><p><b><i>Bloodlines</i></b></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">1. Researching the ancestry a home dna kit recently informed you of can be tough. This is your guide to finding the names, the graves, and literally digging up the dirt. No, I'm not talking about vampires.</span></span></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">2. Maria is born to the Redwall house, yet she married into the Blackhome clan. Her vampire sire is from the Bloodclaw family. Not a huge problem . . . Except now a DNA test is proving everything she once believed wrong. Can Maria find her true family?</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">3. Artificial blood finally becomes a reality. Unfortunately, when inside a living human, mixed with their own blood, it transforms them into vampires. Wendy Farmann, tasked with keeping the supernatural out of the public view, must conduct her own war on drugs. But she was already killing vampires anyway, so no biggy.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">4. Having racked up enormous debts to mob boss Lou Siefer, former best-selling author M.T. Page accepted a deal to dig himself out: 666 thousand dollars in advance for a sequel to Page's debut novel. Two catches: Siefer would get the only copy, and it had to be printed in Page's own blood. It should have been easy; Page already had an outline and was given six years to deliver the manuscript. But like all authors, Page procrastinated and the deadline is now two weeks away. How many chapters can he put on paper before he goes from "low ink" to dead?<br style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;" /></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">5. When top fashion designer Vladimir Igorn turns up dead on the runway in a dress from his new "Bloodline," everyone blames Felicity "Floof Mallow" Mallone, a plus-size model with curves for days and ties to the mob. Proving her innocence leads to a spy vs spy caper that will take Floofy from Transylvanian crypts to Ben & Jerry's in Vermont. Also horse races.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">6. You'd think a small-town police detective would be sitting around twiddling his thumbs most days, not dealing with pagan rituals, murder, revenge porn, police corruption, obstruction of justice, prostitution, and siccing big dogs on innocent people. But you'd be wrong. And that's just Addison's first day on the job.</span></span></p><p><b style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: x-large;"><br /></b></p><p><b style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: x-large;">Original Version</b></p><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Dear Evil Editor, </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span></span></p></div><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">I am seeking representation for my debut novel, BLOODLINES – a standalone thriller featuring LGBTQIA+ romance, complete at 95,000 words. It will appeal to those who enjoyed the multi-POV small town setting of </span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Dirt Creek </span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">by Hayley Scrivenor.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[<i>Dirt Creek: </i>great title. Sequel will be titled <i>Water Desert</i>.]</span></span></span></p></div><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Róisín (</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">it’s</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span></span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Ro-sheen</span><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">)<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Thanks. The accent marks were throwing me. But shouldn't there be an umlaut over the first i?] </span>Connelly was sure </span><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">she’d</span><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> already hit rock bottom and planted a goddamned flag — </span><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">she’s</span><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> 30, </span><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">she’s</span><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> divorced, and she </span><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">hasn’t</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)"> </span>seen the inside of a Confession booth since 2008<span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[when she drunkenly walked into one thinking it was a phone booth--Come to think of it, she was at rock bottom then, too].</span><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)"> </span>But when nude photos of her are discovered on a murdered college boy’s phone, her sins start to look deadlier than most — that’s </span></span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">motive</span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">, right? Like, a </span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">really </span></span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">good</span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> one. </span><span color="windowtext" style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Marketing tip: To improve sales, include the photos in the book.] </span></span></span></p></div><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">It’s a small town and people talk, so Róisín does what she does best: when she realizes it’s Detective Addison Duval in charge of the case (freshly promoted and known for gazing gayly at Róisín across the bar and from inside the closet), she leans into it — makes eyes — and Detective Duval jumps at the chance to arrest someone else.</span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Someone else besides </span></span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Róisín?</span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;"> </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Or </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Róisín</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">?]</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">[She's under arrest for making eyes? Making eyes is what she does best?] </span><span color="windowtext" lang="EN-US" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt; font-style: italic; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Thank God.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">[Who's thanking God? Duval? Was she in danger of not meeting her arrest quota?] [Let me see if I've got this straight. Murdered college boy either took nude photos of </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">Róisín, or someone else did and sent them to murdered college boy. </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Róisín is Detective Duval's chief suspect in the murder case, which is awkward, because everyone in town knows she has the hots for </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Róisín. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Róisín makes goo-goo eyes at Duval, possibly hoping to get on her good side, and Duval arrests her (or someone else). I think I've got it . . . <i>Thank God</i>.]</span></p></div><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">But then the Chief of Police goes missing, and someone calls in the big dogs. When the Internal Investigations Division arrives<span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[By law, the Feds are the only ones allowed to call themselves the Big Dogs.]</span><span color="rgba(0, 0, 0, 0)"> </span>with their fully justified suspicions of both corruption and obstruction, Róisín’s quiet rock-bottom life and Addison’s promising career are firmly in the crosshairs — along with their burgeoning, very-much-not-a-good-idea relationship. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">[I</span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">f you've just been promoted to detective, and you arrest someone who turns out to be the prime suspect in a murder investigation, starting a romantic relationship with her isn't just a bad idea. It could be fatal. Which is why you didn't see Clarisse Starling dating Hannibal Lecter.] </span></p></div><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">With pressure mounting, Róisín and Addison must work together to expose the secret that murdered college-boy Aaron was dangerously — fatally — close to uncovering.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [When you called this a small town, I was thinking Mayberry, a place where the secrets that get exposed involve whether Andy and Helen have done it yet, or Otis is in the drunk tank again. Now it's sounding like <i>The Godfather</i> or James Bond</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">.]</span></span></span></span><span color="windowtext" style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;"> </span><span lang="EN-US" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span color="windowtext" style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">There’s</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span>a ritual element in the cold cases sitting stagnant in the police vault, <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Not clear to me what that means.] </span>a coverup that goes all the way to the top, <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[All the way to Sheriff Andy.] </span>and with Aaron’s killer still at large </span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">they’ll</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> need to prove it — fast. </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span></p></div><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">It’s</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> either that or Róisín could take up praying again, but it seems </span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">pretty late</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> for that now</span><span style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">. </span></span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span></span></p></div><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; font-size: 12px; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Thank you for your time and consideration, </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span></span></p></div><div style="background-color: white; clear: both; direction: ltr; margin: 0px; overflow: visible; padding: 0px;"><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-size: 12px; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span lang="EN-US" style="font-size: 12pt; font-variant-ligatures: none; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">Yours sincerely, </span><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"> </span></span></p><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; font-size: 12px; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: large; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><b>Notes</b></span></span></p><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="windowtext" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">There's some good voice in the query, but some of it is getting in the way of making the story clear. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="windowtext" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12px;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18px; margin: 0px; padding: 0px;">I don't see why </span></span><span color="windowtext" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Róisín and Addison must work together. </span><span color="windowtext" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Róisín has no known investigative skills, and her only involvement (assuming she's not the killer) is that the victim had photos of her. It's my understanding that detectives work with partners, but that their partners are not chosen from among the suspects.</span></p><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="windowtext" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">Does Addison know what secret the college boy was close to exposing? Is the secret that s</span><span color="windowtext" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">omeone at the top of the small-town police department has been covering up the fact that a serial killer/pagan cult/coven of human sacrificers has been preying on the residents for decades? If that's the case, you've buried the lede at the bottom of the query.</span></p><p style="background-color: transparent; color: windowtext; font-kerning: none; margin: 10.6667px 0px 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><span color="windowtext" style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px; font-variant-ligatures: none;">How is college boy on the verge of exposing the secret? Is he doing an in-depth report for the college newspaper? Most industrious. I spent my college days playing cards and foosball.</span></p></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-12131631921356859622023-12-13T16:27:00.000-05:002023-12-13T16:27:42.934-05:00Feedback Request<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJUkdaxCaOncKz7-GY_ZXuDggUe1kwQrXe6bv1wcFoSheZelJd5l7uSktMfeTA6fl-nTtmM4UzJQkmcOWi4M4dO2-fUyhEEQOUjuoLYVHja0kSXHSf0BXgbVHSUg-S5WgZLMzO2srt1VGIW20xfVpFiHgOzrPjMR1cabNCh2dPKBxJioXUnxx5/s234/Screen%20Shot%202023-06-15%20at%2011.08.11%20AM.png" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="164" data-original-width="234" height="140" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiJUkdaxCaOncKz7-GY_ZXuDggUe1kwQrXe6bv1wcFoSheZelJd5l7uSktMfeTA6fl-nTtmM4UzJQkmcOWi4M4dO2-fUyhEEQOUjuoLYVHja0kSXHSf0BXgbVHSUg-S5WgZLMzO2srt1VGIW20xfVpFiHgOzrPjMR1cabNCh2dPKBxJioXUnxx5/w200-h140/Screen%20Shot%202023-06-15%20at%2011.08.11%20AM.png" width="200" /></a></div><br /> The author of the book featured in <a href="https://www.blogger.com/blog/post/edit/26791026/8342496051025476374">Face-Lift 1439</a> would like feedback on the following version of the query:<p></p><p><br /></p><div class="gmail_default"><span id="m_-8564706906262148161gmail-docs-internal-guid-d74887cb-7fff-14ee-8141-71dde6267be8"><span style="font-family: times new roman, serif;"><span style="font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Harlow is the last corrupted human alive. She’s been strong enough to contain the curse within her, which forces her to spread dark magic that turns others into ash. One touch will reveal her secret <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Not clear if this means touching someone turns them to ash, or if physical contact with you reveals Harlow has this curse and you better run before she's forced to turn you to ash.] [If she fails to contain the curse, does the dark magic turn everyone to ash, or everyone nearby, or everyone she touches?] </span>and her strength is slipping. If she can reach the queen’s palace, the mages there can cure her. She hopes. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[I would change to something like this: </span></span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: "times new roman", serif;"><i>Harlow is the last corrupted human alive. So far, she’s managed to contain the curse within her, but </i></span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: "times new roman", serif; font-style: italic;">one lapse and </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman", serif;"><i>she'll be forced to spread dark magic that turns others into ash. </i>Instead of "others," you might be more specific about who and how many. Also, I left out the mages, as someone else claims to have a cure, and she doesn't know if either option will work.]</span></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span><span style="font-family: times new roman, serif;"><span style="font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span style="font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">When her older brother, Len, is accused of serving the banished prince and stealing an ancient relic, he mysteriously disappears. Branded as his accomplice and with her secret exposed, <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[How was her secret exposed? Did she turn anyone into ash?] </span>Harlow is thrown into chaos <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Thrown into chaos? What does that mean?]</span> until an assassin intervenes and offers escape. Taken into a secret society, their leader explains her curse is a power that can find corrupted objects, just like the one Len stole. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[That sentence, technically, says that the leader is taken into the secret society. Better to say Harlow is taken into a secret society whose leader explains . . . ] </span>If she brings it to him, he’ll let her go. He might even tell her <span style="color: red;">where to find a cure without the mages<span>[']</span> help</span>. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[how to remove the curse.]</span></span></span></span></div><div class="gmail_default"><span><span style="font-family: times new roman, serif;"><span style="font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">While Harlow learns to harness the curse, she discovers the relic’s true purpose: to turn life into Corruption. Caught between the queen’s executioners and the banished prince hunting Len, she has no choice but to work with the assassin. As their uneasy alliance forges an undeniable spark, Harlow faces an impossible choice: save the kingdom, Len, or herself. That’s if the curse doesn’t force her to become a nightmare first. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Become a killer?] [I don't think you need the first sentence of this paragraph. You don't explain how discovering the relic's purpose affects anything.]</span></span></span></span><div class="yj6qo"></div><div class="adL"><br /></div></div><div class="gmail_default adL"><br /></div><div class="gmail_default adL"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></div><div class="gmail_default adL"><br /></div><div class="gmail_default adL">If the prince is hunting Len, why would anyone think Len is serving the prince?</div><div class="gmail_default adL"><br /></div><div class="gmail_default adL"><br /></div><div class="gmail_default adL"><br /></div><table cellpadding="0" class="cf gJ" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; background-color: white; border-collapse: collapse; color: #222222; display: block; font-family: "Google Sans", Roboto, RobotoDraft, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; margin-top: 0px; width: auto;"><tbody style="display: block;"><tr class="acZ" style="display: flex; height: auto;"><td class="gF gK" style="display: block; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; max-height: 20px; padding: 0px; text-wrap: nowrap; vertical-align: top; width: 358px;"></td></tr></tbody></table>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-26408145543806266572023-12-11T16:52:00.004-05:002023-12-11T16:52:54.408-05:00Face-Lift 1445<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUFV-okU2x7DMKPKt9KWMyhR7WFdH8hMAp4u5XjypUiJminml1Kk7H85Gz2fIfSdgJrP9SzyQtRMu2xLyQ3DKi7TXP1x1QeQg06O37RkKFZ8imarXI-rM9TwNI_E65E2n3htUIGOw4WifPuqOa1SytYq0o-KSEcaMlgF5lDO3kVsAgD9PbiQmN/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUFV-okU2x7DMKPKt9KWMyhR7WFdH8hMAp4u5XjypUiJminml1Kk7H85Gz2fIfSdgJrP9SzyQtRMu2xLyQ3DKi7TXP1x1QeQg06O37RkKFZ8imarXI-rM9TwNI_E65E2n3htUIGOw4WifPuqOa1SytYq0o-KSEcaMlgF5lDO3kVsAgD9PbiQmN/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br />Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i><b>The Edge Girls</b></i></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">1. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">The life and times of a group of roller derby girls. Just with more drama and less derby. And a knife. And a sword. And - you know what? These girls are just violent.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">2. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Drugs and lying and cliques and backstabbing. Your typical high school? No it's one weekend at an Aspen ski lodge. Also, a murder.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">3. </span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">Three talented starry-eyed ingenues who form a girl band and find fame and fortune with their first album endure personal conflicts, scandals, affairs, alcohol and other substances that threaten to tear the band apart and . . . You know the drill.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">4. Edge girls are girls on the edge of getting their first period. Ruby is one of them, and she gets over the edge just before a virus rips through the world killing every prepubescent child. She's relieved--until she realizes she won't have her younger sisters to pick on anymore.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">5. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">The Bronte sisters become vampire hunters. When Emily falls for Vlad, a blood pack-only type, can she convince Charlotte and Anne that bleeding on the page in a non-literal manner is a worthwhile goal?</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">6. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">The Edge Girls. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">They're rule-breakers. Excitement junkies. They'll do anything for a thrill. Even if it means getting thrown out of third grade.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Dear {agent}</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Since you’re looking for {personalized with their MSWL}, I’m excited to present </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-weight: 700; vertical-align: baseline;">THE EDGE GIRLS</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">. Imagine the deadly virus in The Last of Us combined with the fertility crisis of The Handmaid’s Tale. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[Now imagine slogging through a book even more depressing than that.]</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> This multi-POV speculative suspense is complete at 88,000 words and explores why we choose to have children.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [We choose to have children so the children we had by accident will have someone besides us to annoy.]</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> It would sit on the shelf between The Power by Naomi Alderman and The Measure by Nikki Erlick. [</span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">It will sit on the shelf somewhere between those books </span><i style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">only</i><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> if your last name falls alphabetically between Alderman and Erick. (Thanks for allowing me to cut and paste a comment from two queries ago.)] [As you've already likened it to </span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><i>The Last of Us </i>combined with <i>The Handmaid’s Tale</i>, there's no need to mention additional books on the shelf. Let's get to <i>your</i> book.]</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Late bloomer Ruby Inman </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">finally</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> gets her first period but her relief is cut short hours later as a contagious virus rips through the world killing nearly every prepubescent child and rendering women infertile. Ruby’s younger sisters die, as do millions of children born during a population boom caused by a government stimulus plan to combat decreasing birth rates.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [So the plan to combat decreasing birth rates has brought the birth rate to approximately zero. Then again, has any government plan ever produced the results it was intended to produce?]</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Three years later, the world is frantic at the potential extinction of humans. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Not <i>the world</i>. Just humans and some dogs and cats. The rest of the animal world are thrilled to get rid of people.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> It’s discovered that only the Edge Girls – the females who’d gotten their first period just before the virus hit – are able to bear children. When now 17-year-old Ruby accidentally becomes pregnant, everyone has an opinion about what she should do with her unborn baby. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Not <i>everyone</i>. Republicans.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">As her pregnancy progresses, she must decide if she’s going to accept her fate, fight, or flee as the government attempts to capture the Edge Girls and take their babies. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[I'd let a dingo take my baby before I'd let the government.]</span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">This is my debut novel. After two decades in corporate America, I quit my successful job with the goal of becoming a career novelist.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [It's never a good idea to let an agent know you're financially capricious. She might try to convince you she deserves 60% of your income.] [Or she might not want the pressure of having a client who quit her job to be a career novelist, believing if she can't sell your book you'll end up living under a bridge, starving.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> In March, a TikTok I made about my midlife gap year</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span><span style="color: #222222;">went viral and led to a segment on Good Morning America and articles in Scary Mommy and Upworthy. I’m hopeful these media contacts could lead to follow ups once I’ve published a book.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Have you already had the gap year? Did you consider writing a novel about a woman who takes a midlife gap year, in which you include things that happened during <i>your</i> midlife gap year, but embellish them with fictional events to make the gap year seem interesting? For instance, instead of your main character lazing around the house doing nothing for a year, she moves to Paris and has a torrid affair with a handsome French artist who paints her in the nude and the painting ends up in the Louvre, and when her husband comes to visit near the end of the gap year he goes to the Louvre and sees the painting and . . . well, you can take it from there. It'll practically write itself.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">Additionally, I have a connection at Netflix who has shown interest in optioning my book for a limited series. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Once you get a connection at Random House, she can do lunch with your connection at Netflix.]</span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Thank you for your consideration,</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Notes</span></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">I'm not saying a novel about a woman taking midlife gap year would be any easier to sell than a novel in which </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">all the children in the world</i><span style="font-family: georgia;"> contract a virus and die a horrible agonizing death. There's an audience for that book too. I suppose. But if you're hoping for follow-ups from </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">Scary Mommy</i><span style="font-family: georgia;"> and </span><i style="font-family: georgia;">Upworthy</i><span style="font-family: georgia;">, it seems more likely you'll get them with a book somewhat related to the subject that attracted them the first time. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">That paragraph about your TikTok and quitting your job doesn't seem relevant, as it might if your book were about a woman who made a TikTok and quit her job. Perhaps it would be better to give us a few more sentences about what happens in the book. Your plot summary is mostly setting up the situation: The world is dying, Ruby is pregnant, and the government wants her baby. What does <i>she</i> want, what's her plan to get it, what goes wrong?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Of course my comments may seem irrelevant too, as you don't currently have a gap year novel, and you do have a dystopian . . . thriller? </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Why don't the babies born to the Edge Girls die when they're exposed to the virus? Or did the virus disappear when there were no children or women left to infect?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;">If this were like <i>The Handmaid's Tale</i>, the Edge Girls would have been rounded up by the government and forced to get pregnant. Again and again. There wouldn't be any "accidentally" getting pregnant.</p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;">What is this "government" that's trying to capture Edge Girls? Is there one world government? Or is this just happening in certain countries? Is Russia kidnapping all the Ukrainian Edge Girls? As it's the countries with the most Edge Girls that will increase their populations, wars will be fought, Edge Girls being the spoils of those wars. I assume your book covers all this?</p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-40825332971382029132023-12-05T22:14:00.000-05:002023-12-05T22:14:33.407-05:00Face-Lift 1444<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0g7cjKk6-K6TK1-EZzC5AH2hegyMmfWHnFLcdsHUvKx03nf4jwBrkBD6QEAMQpU6kPIrKMuj3shGmgkq8huR-6DeGqFONf0es4zWeaDvAn_goFUAqih-0j4x9b1orNEfM7n709fZrrpZUDMpZXn8VTHLNpisf7IOYRZzc6i8I4Fk_gbaz1Oci/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0g7cjKk6-K6TK1-EZzC5AH2hegyMmfWHnFLcdsHUvKx03nf4jwBrkBD6QEAMQpU6kPIrKMuj3shGmgkq8huR-6DeGqFONf0es4zWeaDvAn_goFUAqih-0j4x9b1orNEfM7n709fZrrpZUDMpZXn8VTHLNpisf7IOYRZzc6i8I4Fk_gbaz1Oci/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b><br />Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p><b><i>Write this Down</i></b></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">1. <span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">Your guide to remembering everything.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">2. Light Yagami's son gets hold of a lesser demon's evil book. Every time he writes someone's name in it, that person falls down on their face. He uses this to run a gambling ring on high school foot races where he makes people trip in order to fix the game.</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">3. Maggie has written in her journal for as long as she could write. One day, her little brother ripped out a few pages and she found that what was removed from the journal never happened. Should she repair the past or write in what she wants to happen?</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">4. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Don Juan's fancifully embellished exploits across Europe as dictated to an unnamed scribe who adds his own sardonic commentary. The experimental narrative in triplicate has cross-dressing, fights, bad poetry, sensual dancing, chases, parkour, baroque art, a love potion mix-up, and a cat with more than nine lives. Oh, and a host of bitter women hunting their unfaithful lover down.</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">5. Lucas was rejected by Lydia 15 years ago, but he's still holding out hope she'll see the error of her ways. Of course he doesn't want her thinking he's still obsessed with her, so to prove he isn't, he writes her letters all the time. You know, instead of texting her all the time. She'll come around.</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">6. Handwriting expert Amelia Johnson is regularly called as a witness in courtrooms across the country. One look at a defendant's handwriting and she can pronounce guilt or innocence. She's never been wrong, but she's now facing her toughest case. A defendant who has no hands.</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Dear Evil Editor,</span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Lydia is finally a working musician–playing guitar on tour for a country diva dripping with rhinestones.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Dolly Parton.] </span>But life on the road is lonely, and she’s in need of a friend. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[From what I've heard, Dolly would gladly be her friend if Lydia just told her how lonely she is.]</span> Lucas meant to be a starving artist<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [A pretty low bar, a</span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">s life aspirations go</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">.]</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> and ended up a finance bro. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[As most of the people who come to this blog are starving artists, and thus have never heard the term "finance bro," <a href="https://youtu.be/kdWov5fjQl0?si=II5VbF31rmXrG5xx" target="_blank">here's a video that explains the term</a>.]</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> In high school, they were inseparable friends. Lydia’s tour stop in New York has Luke hoping for a second chance to act on his old crush. But Lydia doesn’t date friends, not since she lost her high school ex, Matthew.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> </span>And Luke,</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> as much as he hates to admit it, still begrudges coming in second to Matt all those years ago.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> [How does he know he didn't come in fourth, to Mark, Luke, and John?] [I can't tell if Matt died, or they broke up.]</span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Lucas promises to write Lydia letters while she’s on the road –less loneliness for her, proof he’s definitely over that crush for him. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[If you're regularly writing letters to an ex-crush, I'd call that proof you're definitely <i>not</i> over her.] </span>Letters turn to texts and calls and reawaken creativity they thought was gone. She has a notebook full of new songs to show an admiring record producer. He’s finally writing the next chapters of his fantasy epic.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Fantasy epic? Run, Lydia, run.]</span> But Lucas’<span style="color: #2b00fe;">[s]</span> feelings grow stronger with each letter, and Lydia’s will to stick to the rules is waning. She feels the way the air shimmers when they’re together, but saw her parents’ friends to lovers marriage end in empty beer bottles and a move to Florida.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Empty beer bottles signify only that people like beer. However, willingly moving to Florida is a major red flag.]</span> Lucas is weighing his options too - confess his feelings or <span style="color: red;">learn to live with</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [risk] </span>a future where the girl he loves chooses someone else yet again.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [This time, she chooses George Strait.]</span> When they disagree on the answers, <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Wait, what are the <i>questions</i>?</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Lydia's question: If we become more than friends, will we end up in Florida?</b></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> </span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Luke: No.</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Lydia: Yes.</span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Luke's question: </b></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b>Should I confess how I feel about you?</b></span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Luke: I should.</span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Lydia: Please don't.] </span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">15 years of history mean knowing all the wrong buttons to push. </span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /></span><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Once friendship turns to romance, there’s no guarantee you get to keep either.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">WRITE THIS DOWN</span><span style="color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">is an 89K word contemporary, epistolary rom-com </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[This is a </span><i style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">comedy</i><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">? I had it pegged as depressing literary fiction.] </span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">in the vein of Tessa Bailey’s<span> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Hook, Line, and Sinker</span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span> </span>or Talia Hibbert’s<span> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Get a Life Chloe Brown</span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Like Lucas, I am an unrepentant trumpet player. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[No self-respecting finance bro has touched a trumpet since his junior year of high school.]</span> I’m also the friend constantly trying to sell tickets to a community theater musical.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [You <i>think</i> you're their friend; when they see you coming they duck into an alley, thinking, <i>If I have to sit through one more amateur production of </i>Cats<i> I'll slit my throat.</i>]</span> For work, [PROFESSIONAL BIO]<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [I'd rather you show some light humor in the plot summary than in your bio.]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Thank you for your time and consideration.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Best regards,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Notes</span></b></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">If I'm describing a relationship becoming closer, I'd say it progresses from texts to letters, not letters to texts. Of course, I never do either, so take that with a grain of salt. I'm thinking phone calls would relieve loneliness more than texts <i>or</i> letters.</p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><i><span style="font-family: georgia;">Confess his feelings or </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">risk</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> </span></i><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i>a future where the girl he loves chooses someone else yet again.</i> This makes it sound like these two options are opposite sides of the same coin. Actually, confessing and not confessing could both lead to a future with Lydia . . . or without Lydia. Maybe he'll get lucky and she'll confess her feelings to him.</span></p><p></p><div class="adL"><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: small;" /></div><div class="yj6qo"></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-53955306722245995622023-12-01T11:35:00.006-05:002023-12-01T11:35:57.021-05:00Face-Lift 1443<blockquote style="border: none; margin: 0px 0px 0px 40px; padding: 0px;"><p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><br /><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh6C7WnQadsXBQYGPogELQMNr7VRFqKlkkHxcs8v0z0kfyAeIpBEajpp783lRAL5Re8zibRvEJEKufmM741facdGhmyby5T4vhU45jxsghVIG7oR8m3sfBDm4Bqju2PN5uW5dBFnq6ESNRgWHd5KhGx3GvP0EDoJkF5WuhKrQQDTo4KXMWuAMCf/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></div><span style="background-color: white; color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b></b></span><p></p></blockquote><p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b>Guess the Plot</b></span></p><p><b><i>Night Terrors </i></b></p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">1. It's 3 am. The bathroom is down the hall. There are lego blocks scattered everywhere, a small dog that yips at everything, and a fussy infant that finally got to sleep 10 minutes ago. A two liter bottle of soda at dinner was two liters too many.</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">2. At ten o'clock the four-year-old got up for a glass of water. At eleven-thirty the twins needed to be changed. The TV woke me at three (five-year-old watching <i>Sesame Street</i> -- why is that even on this time of night?) and the phone woke me at four (which my nine-year-old answered and I'm pretty sure he just read my credit card number to a scammer.) Things finally quiet down just before dawn, when my husband stumbles in and asks how I slept. Justifiable homicide, right?</span></span><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">3. Everybody on planet Earth has been granted special powers. One guy, the Slasher, is using his powers to ravage the city, and it's up to Danny to stop him. But Danny's power to see the future isn't working, so he teams up with someone whose power is nullifying the power of people whose power is slashing stuff. Also, a theatrical drug lord.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">4. Dahlia didn't want to be a vampire, but she wasn't exactly competent as a mortal either. At least she can still run her flower shop. (Fortunately, some flowers bloom at night.) When a guy named Seymore comes in looking for plant food, it leads to a series of misunderstandings . . . and murder. </span></span><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">5. In a land of perpetual light, Jankley Palmer runs an orphanage. He rejoices in the townsfolk’s mumbled adoration until one of them discovers a spell of darkness. Experiencing night for the first time, Jankley gawps as his orphans transform into carnivorous monsters. Jankley must learn to fight literal (and metaphorical) demons.</span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></div><div><span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">6. Juveniles Mark, Sam, and Tim have formed the group "Night Terrors" to participate in the junior computer programming league. But when events in their </span><span class="il" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">new</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"> horror game start happening in the real world, they must decide: add even more zombies or create a happy ending?</span></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><br /></div><div><span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></div><div><span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /></span></span><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Danny is a young Seattle detective with the convenient ability to see the future. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[He's a </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">precog. Like in </span><i style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Minority Report?</i><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">] </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">The only problem is he has to be sleep deprived for it to work.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [It's worth staying awake three straight days to know in advance the final score of the Super Bowl.]</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">The whole human race received sleep-deprivation-fueled powers when the Gray Night came thirty years ago.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Change that to the Gray <i>Knight</i>, and you've got a winner. He's a Knight who wears gray armor. People always ask him, "Hey, what's with the gray armor?" and he always says, "Not everything is black and white." </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">That's his catch phrase.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">]</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> The enforcement agency Danny works for promises safety from the chaos of these unchecked powers by forcing the entire population to be monitored and regulated. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[One agency is monitoring and regulating the entire human race?]</span> But when a power-user called the Slasher begins ravaging the city, the agency is under fire from activists calling that promise a hollow excuse for a corrupt regime. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Does everyone have the same powers, or does each person have a unique power?] [If everyone has powers, why don't they get together and use their powers to eliminate this Slasher dude? The Justice League or the Avengers would have no trouble destroying one guy whose power is that he slashes stuff, so a team consisting of all humans would take him down in the blink of an eye.] </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">His whole life, Danny has predicted and prevented catastrophes,<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Does it really count as predicting something if you've seen the future and know it's gonna happen? Isn't that cheating?] </span>and he’s come to believe that is the only thing he’s valuable for.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [You make that sound like a bad thing. You think Superman sits around sulking because saving humans from super villains is all he's good for?] </span>But he’s unable to predict the Slasher’s attacks<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [because he slept like a log last night]</span>. To aid his investigation, Danny makes a rocky deal with an anti-government activist, hoping her nullification abilities will be able to fend the Slasher off.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Maybe she's already using her power to nullify Danny's power. That's why he can't predict the slasher's attacks.] [You may use that as your mind-blowing twist, but only if you mention me in the acknowledgements.] </span>Along the way, an esoteric drug lord who is equal parts vicious and theatrical manipulates Danny’s witnesses and dangles out power-boosting drugs as a cure-all for Danny’s issues. The more Danny is drawn in by each person, the deeper he ends up diving into the harsh realities of the police state he’s spent much of his life supporting.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [More like a police planet.] </span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">Too much sleep, and Danny loses the only thing he thinks he’s good for. Too little, and Danny loses his sanity. <span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Is it lack of sleep or using your powers that drives you insane?] </span>Balancing the two will be more than a nightmare. </span></p><p><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">NIGHT TERRORS is a contemporary fantasy novel of 116,000 words. It provides an emphasis on the veiled conflict between power-seeking organizations similar to Martha Wells’s </span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">The Witch King</span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> against a backdrop of governmental control in response to a catastrophe like in Blake Crouch’s </span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Upgrade.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [</span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Is Danny's agency the power-seeking organization or the controlling government?] [If this paragraph describes the main plot, the query is devoting too much space to Danny and the Slasher. If the main focus of the book is saving the city from the Slasher, focus the query on that with the usual format:</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Who's the main character, what's his goal? </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">What's his plan to achieve this goal? </span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">What are the obstacles? What goes wrong?</span></p><p><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">What will happen if he fails? What decision must he make?</span></p><p><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">I am a BA in English currently pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing from (school). My short fiction has appeared in <i>(places)</i></span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">. </span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Thank you for your time and consideration,</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">I assume there's a good reason you want powers to work only when people are sleep-deprived? It seems like a random requirement.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">So among the powers the Gray Night has bestowed upon people are seeing the future (but not when you really need to), nullification, and slashing stuff. Impressive. Does every human have a unique power, or are there lots of people who can see the future and lots who can slash stuff?</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">I suppose the reason none of the billions of superheroes have stopped the Slasher is because Danny's agency has declared that it's illegal to use your powers, even if you're using them to prevent the ravaging of a city?</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Normally I'm all for throwing an esoteric, theatrical drug lord into a plot summary, but he seems unnecessary in the query. I mean, the Slasher is ravaging the city, and we're supposed to be concerned that the esoteric, theatrical drug lord wants to sell Danny some speed or whatever?</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Even if, for some unexplained reason, Danny can't see the Slasher's attacks when he looks into the future, he should be able to see the results of those attacks. Like, if he notices that the dam no longer exists in the future he could predict that the Slasher is going to destroy the dam.</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Usually when I think of slashing I think of a sword. Does the Slasher have a sword?</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">In my opinion, if everyone had super powers that required sleep deprivation, everyone would be depriving themselves of sleep. And, apparently, going insane. Of course this would be a worldwide phenomenon, whereas you are focusing on one city.</span></p></div></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-29520004098131522882023-11-27T14:10:00.000-05:002023-11-27T14:10:52.039-05:00Face-Lift 1442<p></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbGiIqO2ReE6YVutK5Wd37u7YKdQoTl6BXGNBedW-EhBvy_RoYrYA8YuXXU53_1leJcceiXvUQVOSwcpHOpe7dspv8oyuZzyhy0eHWOXGiEhWsGbDK16eVT7J6b3Ob0hgQOqzhxqo-HtO9PYumFytuUZCwQZTXKB0JLVEsFmp38hbVHMEM6Sjz/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhbGiIqO2ReE6YVutK5Wd37u7YKdQoTl6BXGNBedW-EhBvy_RoYrYA8YuXXU53_1leJcceiXvUQVOSwcpHOpe7dspv8oyuZzyhy0eHWOXGiEhWsGbDK16eVT7J6b3Ob0hgQOqzhxqo-HtO9PYumFytuUZCwQZTXKB0JLVEsFmp38hbVHMEM6Sjz/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: center;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br /></div><br /></div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;">Guess the Plot</span></b><br /></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><b><i>Phoebe</i></b></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;">1. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;">Phebe, Feebee, Pheebe, Pheobe, Phoebe, ... how is it spelled? Heidi would really like to remember how to spell her soon to be sister-in-law's name before her wedding.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">2. </span>Phoebe wants to escape from jail. Gigi</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> wants to escape from her body. These SoCal sisters move in together and share each other's loneliness. They draw straws to determine which one will be the title character of their depressing memoir. Phoebe loses. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">3. The woes of an oboe-playing coed poet, Phoebe Roe, who doe-see-does in open-toed shoes </span><span style="background-color: white;">with a foe named Joe </span><span style="background-color: white;">who spiked her sloe gin with aloe at a noel hoe-down.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: small;">4. </span><span style="background-color: white;">Astronomer Phoebe Moore studies the outer planets. She worries about the planetarium where her boyfriend works getting shut down. And that he has yet to take a hint from Saturn about a certain circular object. </span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;">5. </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">A genetically-modified woman who now possesses bee pheromones, giving her the ability to control bees, battles Anthony, a similarly-modified man who commands hordes of ants to do his bidding.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>6. </span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; font-size: small;">Heartthrob of the last decade, Phoebe Beck-Joeck, moves to Alaska to run a B&B. With moose and polar bears her only companions, blah, blah, blah, starry night sky, blah, blah, blah, cold winters, blah, blah, militant Greenpeace group hot-fighting global warming, blah, blah, blah, blah. Literary fiction.</span></span></p><div><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;"><br /></span></div><p><b style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: x-large;">Original Version</b></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">I am seeking representation for </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Phoebe</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">, an 84k word literary fiction novel.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Phoebe and Gigi are second generation Vietnamese-Americans living in 2019 Southern California</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">,</span><span style="color: #222222;"> </span><span style="color: red;">who are</span><span style="color: #222222;"> coping with the deep loneliness and melancholy that is their late-twenties. Eight months ago, Phoebe dropped out of her doctorate program and needed to be bailed out of jail.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Getting out of jail wasn't nearly as emancipating as getting out of her doctorate program.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> The only person left in the world who could help was Gigi, who, at the time, was pregnant and hiding it. </span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">This novel starts at their point of reconnection, then pulls Phoebe back into her buried past to dissect her broken relationships while Gigi is stuck in the minutia of her newfound motherhood, grappling with her discarded ambitions. In her court-mandated therapy sessions, Phoebe is forced to recall the events of her life that lead </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[led]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> to her arrest while Gigi is trapped at home and using her mind to escape her body.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Did you say your <i>novel</i> was literary fiction, or your <i>query letter</i>?]</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Adoptive sisters turned best friends, they must once again live under the same roof. They keep secrets from each other in order to hide the shame of who they think they should be</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Who do they think they should be, and why does this bring them shame? Maybe the shame of who they have become?]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> and do everything to avoid burdening the other. But as their dissatisfaction grows to a peak, they begin to confront how their choices in life were impacted by </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[rooted in?] </span><span style="color: #222222;">their mothers’ unknowable history.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [I don't see how their mothers' histories affected their choices if those histories are unknowable. Is it the fact that they're unknowable that affected their choices? Even that seems odd. I choose to quit grad school and commit a crime because I know nothing about my mother?]</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">This story is experimental in form, including multiple timelines, dual perspectives, and information revealed through letters. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Those items don't strike me as experimental in a novel.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> It takes place so deep inside the minds of its two narrators that the lines between perception, trauma, memory and reality are constantly blurred.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Quite a graphic description of the setting. Most authors just say: It takes place in New Jersey.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> Some graphic depictions of sexual encounters and sexual assault are also present for the sake </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[purpose] </span><span style="color: #222222;">of exploring their psychological impact. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[If you don't mention them, you won't feel the need to explain why they're there.] [I'm not sure this paragraph is doing much for you. Perhaps a paragraph reporting something specific and crucial that happens in the book would be better.]</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><i style="color: #222222;">Phoebe</i><span style="color: #222222;"> is the type of book that opens discussions on the shared and intergenerational trauma of first-born daughters, how the men they hope to love influence the outcomes of their lives, and the ill-defined transition between girlhood and motherhood. The ideal reader for this story is someone interested in examining the complex morality between love, family, and female friendship. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[If the only people who came to my blog were "the ideal readers for" my blog, there wouldn't be enough of us for a game of chess.]</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">There is nothing currently on the market just like Phoebe,</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [unless there is, which I doubt,] </span><span style="color: #222222;">but this novel would sit on the shelf somewhere between Milk Fed by Melissa Broder, for its dreamy, sexual prose and psychological musings, and Banyan Moon by Thao Thai, for its reflection of </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[on?]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> strained relationships between mothers and daughters. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[It will sit on the shelf somewhere between those books <i>only</i> if your last name falls alphabetically between Broder and Thai.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> Though similar in premise to Fiona and Jane by Jean Chen Ho, this is a novel of two best friends coming back together rather than a short story collection of their separation.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [You have enough comp titles already, no need to also point out how your book differs from some other book with a similar premise.] [Also, italicize all the titles in this paragraph, including your own.]</span></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 15px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Thank you for your time and consideration,</span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">You have a way with words, but your words need more specificity, and need to demonstrate that you have a story. Even if your book is mostly </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">psychological musings and reflections on strained relationships, you could provide some concrete information. For instance, what did Phoebe do that got her arrested? Is Gigi pregnant by someone who sexually assaulted her? What goal is Phoebe hoping to accomplish? What's her plan to succeed? </span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Does anything happen in the present, or are all the events reported in letters and therapy sessions and conversations? </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Just starting the book with Phoebe's crime and arrest and court case might give the book more immediacy. Showing us is usually preferable to telling it to a therapist while we listen in.</span></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-85268356044574996982023-11-14T13:35:00.007-05:002023-11-14T14:16:44.346-05:00Face-Lift 1441<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvUdr3v_Gh4MhW0KIKH7LemgrK5pZTdA-zlke9Iob37q-EM1pdNZEOFqyquOydew_9R933HYQH_YDzjztSjBkFtuc815ZUxtLCIEQ_VaT3ARJA4Y7G1_LjLoC0NmqlqFHkM1RQEiY9FpbfjqRm2mobsnAf3UIiD9tXjA1uPX0fNcVdA-Gu5tNl/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvUdr3v_Gh4MhW0KIKH7LemgrK5pZTdA-zlke9Iob37q-EM1pdNZEOFqyquOydew_9R933HYQH_YDzjztSjBkFtuc815ZUxtLCIEQ_VaT3ARJA4Y7G1_LjLoC0NmqlqFHkM1RQEiY9FpbfjqRm2mobsnAf3UIiD9tXjA1uPX0fNcVdA-Gu5tNl/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b><br />Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i>The Disappearance of Anne Curtis</i></b></span></p>1. When reporter Anne Curtis discovers there's a parallel world where robots do all the real work and people do whatever they want, she must decide whether to reveal her findings to the scientific community . . . or just move to the parallel world. <div><br /></div><div>2. Anne Curtis disappeared a year ago, and the police have given up on finding her, so now it's up to Hal, who just opened his detective agency. Trouble is, it's hard to get the cops to hand over the case file when you're only twelve years old. </div><div><br /></div><div>3. When magician Lou Hendrix opened the cubicle, his assistant, Anne Curtis was no longer inside. The audience erupted in applause. When Lou closes and reopens the cubicle, it's still empty. And Lou is as surprised as anyone. </div><div><br /></div><div>4. CCTV footage shows Anne Curtis boarding a bus at 7th and High. But she never reaches her destination and there's no footage of her leaving the bus. Can detective sergeant Patrick Hathaway solve the disappearance of Anne Curtis before she misses her best friend's wedding? </div><div><br /></div><div>5. Anne Curtis knew it was a mistake to attend her high school reunion, but she did, and now she's shackled to the wall in the dungeon underneath the chem lab. In retrospect, the reunion theme--Let's Get Revenge on Anne Curtis--should have been a dead giveaway. </div><div><br /></div><div>6. She's gone, she's gone. I better learn how to face it. She's gone, she's gone. I'd pay the devil to replace . . . my sweet Anne Curtis.</div><div><b><br /></b></div><div><b><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></b></div><div><b><span style="font-size: large;">Original Version</span></b><div><p><span style="background-color: white; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Dear Evil Editor,</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Ever since </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[<u>?</u>-year-old]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> Hal found out his father, who died before Hal was born, was a detective, Hal has wanted nothing more than to be one too. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[At least his dad wasn't an ice road trucker.] [If it was Mom who blabbed, she probably now wishes she'd told Hal his father was an editor.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">So he reads tons of mystery books </span></span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px;">[Wouldn't he learn more reading </span><i style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px;">Detective Work for Dummies</i><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px;"> than novels starring Hercule Poirot and Nero Wolfe?] </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">and opens his own detective agency.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">The only thing he needs is someone to hire him to work on a case.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><u></u> <u></u></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">While at the beach posting fliers </span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjf0A3_EehS27ILdbnHXR3kQpI_xNwVOdU-dNh6KAD8Sa3D639jljgzASYJjT7qEAlz9YWn7-Zp4ssbVeZCiQeQPFXC0VMry-VNDxH5Dqh7YScPvFM89MJrbmKkHwcNH-QjeSlzNZQ9nJ9hxPOe0b99PVL3lobz6rp5BX6yZuOAS2tn3YSzEsOk" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img data-original-height="1088" data-original-width="600" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEjf0A3_EehS27ILdbnHXR3kQpI_xNwVOdU-dNh6KAD8Sa3D639jljgzASYJjT7qEAlz9YWn7-Zp4ssbVeZCiQeQPFXC0VMry-VNDxH5Dqh7YScPvFM89MJrbmKkHwcNH-QjeSlzNZQ9nJ9hxPOe0b99PVL3lobz6rp5BX6yZuOAS2tn3YSzEsOk=w352-h640" width="352" /></a></div><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"></span></span></p><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: black;"><p class="MsoNormal" style="color: #222222; font-family: Times; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">with his partner, </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">Shoshanna Tucker, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">Hal meets Mr. Curtis, who’s handing out MISSING posters. Anne Curtis, Hal’s former classmate, is believed to have drowned in the Great South Bay a year ago, at least that’s what Hal heard. Mr. Curtis tells them Anne suffered from somnambulism, and the police think she sleepwalked to the marina and took out their rowboat in the middle of the night. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">[An interesting twist. Normally, the police would accuse Curtis of killing Anne and burying her body in a shallow grave in the woods, or dismembering her and feeding her to the sharks in the bay, and at his trial Curtis would attempt to create reasonable doubt by coming up with a preposterous alternative theory for his daughter's disappearance, namely she walked from her home to the marina where her family rowboat was stored, removed the rowboat's cover, untied the rowboat from its mooring, inserted the oars into the oarlocks, and rowed out to sea . . . <i>all while sleeping</i>. The jury would be out for about two minutes. But in your mystery, it's <i>the police </i>who come up with this fantastic theory, and the prosecutor who tries to sell it to a jury.] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">Though she was never seen again, Mr. Curtis </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">still</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;"> believes she’s</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;"> [still] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">alive. </span></p></span><u></u></span></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><u></u> <u></u></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #222222;">Later, Hal finds a novel about missing girls Anne had given him shortly before she disappeared. </span><span style="color: #222222;">Did she know something bad was going to happen to her? </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Yes. Just as, if an albino tried to kill Anne, the classmate to whom she'd given a copy of <i>The da Vinci Code</i> would be wondering if she'd foreseen the attack.]</span><span style="color: #222222;"> In addition, he suddenly remembers the nasty things kids said about Anne in school. Was she bullied? </span></span><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;">Hal, currently having his own problems with a bully, decides to investigate.</span><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [This bullying issue doesn't feel relevant enough for the query. Sure, maybe a bully kidnapped Anne while she was sleepwalking, set the rowboat adrift as a red herring for the police, and has had Anne chained in his parents' basement for a year, torturing her every day after school, but for now we should just stick with the actual evidence Hal gathers. You could replace this entire paragraph with: Hal offers to investigate Anne's disappearance, and Mr. Curtis hires him on the spot.]</span><u></u></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><u></u> <u></u></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">While visiting Anne’s house, he makes a promise to Anne’s little sister, Maggie, that he’ll try and find Anne. But the more he examines the case, the more it looks as if Anne drowned, as everyone says. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[I suspect that if you're sleeprowing, and fall out of your rowboat, you'd wake up immediately and could grab onto the boat or swim to shore. However, I can find nothing on Wikipedia to support this theory.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">Finally, he finds new evidence that suggests Anne might not have been sleepwalking that night. But is it enough to lead to the truth? </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #222222;">Then Maggie begins sleepwalking. Will she go missing next? </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Probably not, as by now the Curtises surely have installed padlocks on the doors and bars on the windows.] </span><span style="color: #222222;">Hal begins to wonder what he’s gotten himself into and if he’s really a detective after all.<u></u><u></u></span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><u></u> <u></u></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">THE DISAPPEARANCE OF ANNE CURTIS, a 49,000-word middle grade mystery, is available upon request. This is my first novel.<u></u><u></u></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><u></u> <u></u></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><u></u> </span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">Thank you for your consideration,</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="color: black; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Near the end of the Wikipedia article on sleepwalking are several examples of people who used sleepwalking as their defense when charged with murder. Several of them got off. One who didn't get off was convicted because the jury felt the crime was too complex to have been committed while asleep. Which is why I believe this Curtis dude is gonna get life without parole.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">No need to even mention Shoshanna Tucker if she plays no role in the query.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>I don't see how Hal can examine the case or find new evidence. What evidence convinces him, at first, that Anne drowned? How is he getting new evidence? (Where's he going? Who's he questioning?) Convince us that he has some skills as a detective.</span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">This book would sell better if the title character had a more interesting name. Take a lesson from Charles Dickens, whose titles included such names as Martin Chuzzlewit, Edwin Drood, Nicholas Nickleby, David Copperfield, Barnaby Rudge . . . I suggest <i>The Disappearance of Jamie Lee Curtis</i>.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 0in;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /><br /></span></p></div></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-75945831448741323822023-11-06T16:24:00.003-05:002023-11-07T09:02:19.558-05:00Face-Lift 1440<p><br /></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Aq2CqmXhquZm1vV9IViu89jm8vA4eIE2Nf-hDTWCxl6I-9bD2BiPQvTXH6XYtRHuAR8t8cwEEtggKztXliau7B5WfvtwW1MUjZf-j6UtMiIUB4IRh7iBmfymFewvm_8JrKJ8Ovc5TyqE86ArzhkhP7kkM-oUGojtnR-WNDa3gaARopCbGj1w/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0Aq2CqmXhquZm1vV9IViu89jm8vA4eIE2Nf-hDTWCxl6I-9bD2BiPQvTXH6XYtRHuAR8t8cwEEtggKztXliau7B5WfvtwW1MUjZf-j6UtMiIUB4IRh7iBmfymFewvm_8JrKJ8Ovc5TyqE86ArzhkhP7kkM-oUGojtnR-WNDa3gaARopCbGj1w/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: georgia; font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #222222;"><b><i>Hope and Other Lost Things</i></b></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: georgia; font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: georgia; font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #222222;">1. Julia is crushed when her wife Marin walks out on her. But then she meets Erin, and her hope of happiness is rekindled. But will it last only until she later meets Sharon and Karen?</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: georgia; font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: georgia; font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #222222;">2. Losing hope is bad. Losing faith can be worse. Losing chastity might not be the worst thing, depending on how and when it happens. But Linda has lost all three at once, and unfortunately for her, Hope, Faith and Chastity are her neighbor's seven-year-old triplets. For crying out loud, they were right here like five minutes ago. This job is not worth ten bucks an hour.</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: georgia; font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: georgia; font-kerning: none;">3. Hope seems to have stumbled into looking-glass land, which for someone who already can't tell left from right isn't that different from normal. Can you help her find her way home? Also, Tweedle Dum-diggity-dum-didi-dee and other descendants of beloved characters from certain children's classics.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 11px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 11px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">4. Hope has somehow ended up on an island filled with lost things. Turns out they're <i>her</i> things. Unfortunately, they want to remain lost.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 10px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: 10px; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="color: #222222; font-size: small;">5. Things go from bad to worse when every end-of-the-world scenario in myth and legend all start happening at the same time. Pandora--Panda to her friends--is told to do something about it. Srsly? Like what? She's an ordinary teenager.</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">6. Nothing is as it seems. No one is who they claim. There are twists on every page, divinations, revelations, feelings, tongs, and there may or may not be a barbecue which is a metaphorical, allegorical syllogism. Abandonment featured for all who read these pages. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">7. Volunteering at the shelter, Kassie takes a fancy to a sweet tabby she names Hope, unaware she is the reincarnation of the cat goddess Bastet. And Bastet is not impressed with the amenities at the shelter. Kassie must appease the goddess to prevent a global feline revolution.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><br /></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: large; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Original Version</b></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Dear [Agent's Name],</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">I am writing to seek your representation for </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Hope and Other Lost Things</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">, a 100,000 word lesbian romance. This emotionally charged story follows the hope and grief plaguing Julia Jenner (39), the Superintendent at Kleinton High School, and her burgeoning connection with Erin Calanis (25), a representative from a company evaluating the school. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[It's my understanding, an understanding that comes from the highest authority, Wikipedia, that the principals of all the schools in a district would report to one superintendent. Does each elementary, middle, and high school have its own superintendent in this place?] </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">After two decades together, Julia’s wife walks out</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [on her] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">without another word. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[Is that without another word besides the vague explanation she gave, or with no explanation?] ["Why she had to go, I don't know, she wouldn't say. I said something wrong" . . . Aha! What did Julia say?] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">All she’s left with are fractured memories and pieces of an unfinished love story that doesn’t fit together anymore. Julia is trapped in a hollow existence, clinging to the hope of Marin's return–wedding photos still adorning their house, untouched divorce papers on her bedside table even after a year. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[I think I'd put the first sentence (or first two sentences ) of this paragraph in past tense. It's slightly jarring to have it in present tense when it happened at least a year before the rest of the paragraph.] [Wait, t</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">here was no communication between Julia and Marin? Before or after the serving of divorce papers? No big fight over housework? Nothing in those papers about irreconcilable differences like Julia chews her ice and eats meat? </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">Only after an electrifying moment with a mysterious woman in a bar does a glimmer of her old self rekindle.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">When Kleinton High hires an outside company to evaluate her school, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><u>[</u>Isn't Julia the one who would do that hiring?] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Julia never expects it to be Erin, the woman she almost took home the night before. Even with the undeniable connection between them–a familiarness in Erin’s touch, a magnetic pull neither can ignore–Julia is compelled to face her past. Through Erin, Julia rediscovers the fragments of herself that she believed had been lost forever. Now, she stands at a crossroads, torn between retreating into the deafening silence surrounding her life or embracing the fragile tendrils of hope that seep through the shadows. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[Being a man of the world, I'm aware that you can meet someone in a bar, form a seemingly undeniable connection, and consider taking them home. However, during the time you're conversing over your beverages of choice, it seems like someone would mention what they do for a living, or what they're doing in town, which would lead to the "surprise" happening right there in the bar rather than the next day at school.] [She's got a choice between the deafening silence of a hollow existence and some small measure of hope for something better. Can you make both options sound closer to equal?]</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m 26 years old and married to the woman of my dreams, writing for a world that needs more heartfelt woman-loving-woman stories. As a Library Media Specialist and teacher, I see the acute need for more inclusive representation of the spectrum of human emotions, from everyday triumphs to everyday heartaches, and the enduring tales of love. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Hope and Other Lost Things</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> is a tribute to the humanistic anguish we </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[all] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">harbor inside </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cc0000; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">all</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #cc0000; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> of</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> ourselves,</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [I <i>think</i> that's what you mean.] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">and how just a little bit of hope can hold us together until we finally get to where we need to be. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">I believe my manuscript has the potential to resonate deeply with a diverse range of readers, offering them a unique and touching perspective on the complexities of love and the resilience of the human spirit. This novel will appeal to readers of literary and contemporary fiction such as Julia Armfield’s </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Our Wives Under the Sea, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Meryl Wilsner’s </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Mistakes Were Made, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">and Ashley Herring Blake’s </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Delilah Green Doesn't Care. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[Two of these books are described as romantic comedies, whereas your title and your description of the book as a tribute to human anguish suggests it's one of those downer litfic books that always win the National Book Award. It's like trying to sell <i>Sophie's Choice</i> by comparing it to <i>Spaceballs</i>. Okay, I'm exaggerating. And I'm sure some fans of <i>Sophie's Choice</i> enjoyed <i>Spaceballs</i>. But if what these books have in common is that they're all lesbian romances, I'd change "readers of literary and contemporary fiction" to "readers of other lesbian romances." On the other hand, if you want to stress that your book would appeal to literary fiction fans as well, I'd include a comp title that's not a lesbian romance.]</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt; padding: 0pt 0pt 19pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Thank you for your time and consideration. I truly hope I have the opportunity to discuss how <i>Hope and Other Lost Things </i>can fit into your representation. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[list?]</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variant-position: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-family: georgia; font-kerning: none;"></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 19pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 19pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Very nice. You can ignore my comments if you wish; I have to crack a few jokes to keep my fans coming back. While it's a bit more flowery than necessary for a query letter, whoever reads this will know you're an excellent writer. And it seems like 80% of agents make it clear that they're looking for LGBTQ+ manuscripts. If you've sent this to some agents, with no takers, maybe you need the query to be more specific, plotwise. I think I can say everything I know about what happens in your book in three sentences:</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 19pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">When her wife of twenty years walks out on her, Julia Jenner, </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">the Principal at Kleinton High School, </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">is left trapped in a hollow existence, clinging to the hope of Marin's return--until she meets Erin, a woman who's been sent to evaluate her school. </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Through her</span><span style="font-family: georgia;"> undeniable connection with Erin–a familiarness in Erin’s touch, a magnetic pull neither can ignore–</span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Julia rediscovers the fragments of herself that she believed had been lost forever. </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 19pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Okay, that was only two sentences, but they were long ones. And I left out the deafening silence and fragile seeping tendrils of hope. What I'm saying is, does stuff happen in this book? We want to know what Julia does to attain her goal, and what obstacles she overcomes through her actions.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 19pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><br /></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-83424960510254763742023-11-01T15:47:00.000-04:002023-11-01T15:47:31.881-04:00Face-Lift 1439<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b> </b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixmERJIZrtY-pPdZ5VjqWzNsvOLw51szvyXUHnKH_QNoi5ojeihog46Q7oBl2POGWcplpqE7wm19XoydESVE3BGul2DLJeGa-3AQgDVnQ8c3abvUxhyphenhyphen_YXI8OAc6B2VgeVdAdRFzt0yajkgt42Zxl95vLfzuHvTEiQUipcaTsuT-gIBpiIXH2C/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixmERJIZrtY-pPdZ5VjqWzNsvOLw51szvyXUHnKH_QNoi5ojeihog46Q7oBl2POGWcplpqE7wm19XoydESVE3BGul2DLJeGa-3AQgDVnQ8c3abvUxhyphenhyphen_YXI8OAc6B2VgeVdAdRFzt0yajkgt42Zxl95vLfzuHvTEiQUipcaTsuT-gIBpiIXH2C/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b>Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p><b><i>Dreams of Dark Sands</i></b></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;">1. <span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">Dark Sands, a brooding high school student by day, apprentice to the Grim Reaper by night, dreams of a time when he can be released from the pact that ties him to his master and follow his true calling of interior design.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">2. </span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">Betsy Nodd bought an unusual antique hourglass in Japan before heading home for the states. Now she must hunt dream-eating badgers through a land of nightmares before the sands run out. Every single %$#% night.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: small;">3. </span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a;">Dilah visits an oracle regarding a reoccurring dream of dark sand. This kicks off events involving volcanoes, princes, and a lot of sheep. Dilah just wants a good night sleep.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a;">4. Unfortunately, Harlow has been cursed. Fortunately, there's a cure. Unfortunately, the person with the cure is an assassin. Fortunately, the assassin won't kill Harlow if she gets him an ancient relic, previously thought to have been lost in the sands of time. Unfortunately, there's no way she can get that relic. Fortunately, the assassin has fallen in love with her, so he probably won't kill her.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a;">5. Carstairs has insomnia. He tried counting sheep, but there are only so many sheep in Hawaii, and he's always still awake when the last sheep jumps over the fence. But there one thing there's plenty of in Hawaii. Wet sand. If he counts grains of sand, he just might finally doze off.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); background-color: white; color: #1a1a1a;">6. To sleep, perchance to dream. So says Hamlet, but what he was hoping was to dream about Ophelia, preferably naked Ophelia. Instead he dreams about sand. Sand? WTF? Letdown.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: large; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Original Version</b></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Dear agent,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Harlow is the last cursed human alive.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">The Corruption, the black wall created during an ancient war, taints magic.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [Not clear what that sentence has to do with the previous sentence or the following sentences. Or what it means.] </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Like a plague, Harlow was cursed simply because she was born. </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[I don't see how being cursed because you were born is like a plague.]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> Her older brother, Len, underestimates her ability to control the curse and she’s learned to be strong enough to contain it. But her strength is slipping.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">When Len is accused of stealing and treason, Harlow is imprisoned. She doesn’t </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">understand</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: red; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[know?]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> what he stole or why he’s thought to be serving the banished prince, but her secret is discovered. </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[What is her secret? That she's cursed?]</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">So far, this is all over the place. Here's a possible rewrite of what we have so far:</span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><br /></span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Harlow is the last cursed human alive. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> So far, she’s been strong enough to contain the curse, which. . . [does what? prevents her from . . . ? forces her to . . . ?] But her strength is slipping. </span></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">When her older brother, Len, is accused of theft and treason, Harlow is imprisoned.]<br /></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">In her attempt to escape, an assassin saves her life. He’s willing to let her go, but for a price. If she retrieves the ancient relic Len stole, he’ll give her a cure. </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[For the curse? If there's only one human alive with the curse, why would this assassin be carrying around a cure for it? On the off chance he'll encounter this last human, and she'll have access to an ancient relic he wants? Why doesn't he try to get the relic from Len instead of Harlow?] [First, his half of the bargain was that he'd let her go, while her half of the bargain was getting him the relic. One sentence later, her half is still the relic, but his is removing her curse. Who's got the leverage here?]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Harlow must learn to harness her cursed power </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[What is this power? Has she ever tried to harness it before now? Is it better to harness the power of your curse, or to not be cursed?]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> to find Len and prove their innocence.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [If Len has the relic, he's not exactly innocent. If he doesn't have it, maybe we should focus on the treason and forget the relic, at least in the query.] </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">As she journeys,</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [Where is she journeying to? Is she looking for Len?] </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">she learns the ancient war is still happening </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[Ah, so this is the Middle East.]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [That explains the sand in the title.] </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">and the banished prince is hunting her. </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[Why?]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> She has no choice but to work with her unlikely new ally. As their uneasy alliance forges an undeniable spark, she learns the assassin is actually a soldier named Velho, </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[She learns this how?]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> and is not what he seems.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [If you mean he's a soldier and not the assassin he seemed to be, you just told us that.] </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">There are also clear signs Len hasn’t been truthful about her curse.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [What did Len say about her curse?]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Balancing on a knife's edge, Harlow will have to decide who’s lying, finding the relic, or risk a cure to rescue her brother.</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [Rescue him from what? Is he imprisoned?] </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[That sentence needs to be cleaned up so it makes sense.]</span><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m writing to seek representation for my novel DREAMS OF DARK SANDS, a YA fantasy romance complete at 100,000 words. It starts with action (</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">The Prison Healer </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">by Lynette Noni) and then grows into a tangled web of delicious deceptions (</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-style: italic; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">A Curse So Dark and Lonely </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">by Brigid Kemmerer). I graduated from BYUI in Professional Writing and have worked in content marketing for over 12 years. </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[I Googled "content marketing" and read the first three explanations of what it is, and I still have no idea what it is.] [That said, if you want to market the content of my blog without me having to do anything except cash the checks, call me.]</span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> I live in Utah and am an active member of the League of Utah Writers critique group. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Thank you for your time and consideration,</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: large; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: large; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Notes</b></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Start over. Organize the plot summary into three paragraphs.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">P1: Who's the main character, what's her current situation, what's her ultimate goal?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">P2: What's her plan to achieve her goal, what's her main obstacle?</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">P3: What crucial decision must she make, and what will happen if she fails/succeeds?</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">We need to know what the curse does, and if you're gonna bring up the banished prince, you might tell us what he wants from Harlow.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Len commits treason, so Harlow gets imprisoned. Velho wants the relic Len stole, so he goes to Harlow. Velho claims to be an assassin, and refuses to cure her unless she does what he wants. So of course she falls for him. I'm sure it's all reasonable in the book.</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;">Presumably Velho was pretending not to be a soldier so he could trick Harlow into getting him the relic. Why he chose assassin as his disguise isn't clear. But it didn't keep her from falling in love with him, and him with her, so All's well . . . .</span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia; font-size: small;"><br /></span></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-61027428865779283332023-10-24T16:04:00.006-04:002023-10-25T10:40:11.824-04:00Face-Lift 1438<p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhpnvWBswHTm-z0ni4ze1jqS1bd15004CTiU3Wbywdzaj0_AEKdADVZRj7jg7oZuIFsa70AjL-fTmKHmWg73h0A-CDvxLwtFmW4CFkl0SNgK1oD8tkK22zwHIbuHIqEbKzZ5AcljK4rMFGCbk5up5jAStzWo5nkhL6fZ73q6vUpuoqH0U9QSy6-" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/a/AVvXsEhpnvWBswHTm-z0ni4ze1jqS1bd15004CTiU3Wbywdzaj0_AEKdADVZRj7jg7oZuIFsa70AjL-fTmKHmWg73h0A-CDvxLwtFmW4CFkl0SNgK1oD8tkK22zwHIbuHIqEbKzZ5AcljK4rMFGCbk5up5jAStzWo5nkhL6fZ73q6vUpuoqH0U9QSy6-=w251-h320" width="251" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #134f5c; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i><b><span style="font-family: georgia;">The Invader's Snare</span></b></i></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">1. </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">A home invader kills a woman and hides the body in this intense and suspenseful story, told from the perspective of a spider.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="font-size: medium;">2. Having conducted extensive research of Earth through its various transmissions, invaders inoculate themselves, disguise themselves, train themselves until they're indistinguishable from other oddballs in minimum wage jobs trolling the internet . . . Wait, what was it they were here to do again?</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif">3. </span></span>Jim Beurel wants to be a professional drummer so badly he's even willing to join The Invaders, despite the unexplained disappearances of their previous four drummers. His new bandmates turn out to be living-impaired, and on the witchy geek-a-tron, but hey, offering blood on the moon's cycles still beats living in mom's basement and serving fries at the diner.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">4. Amalia has just concluded her med school studies, and is preparing to take a position as the king's royal healer, when her country is invaded and conquered by a brutal empire. Luckily (or not), the new emperor is also in the market for a good healer.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">5. Diana is a bit naive, so her mom has drilled into her the mantra "It's a trap!", which she is to repeat aloud anytime anyone says anything to her. This leads to some comical situations, like when someone asks her if she wants paper or plastic bags. But it's also saved her life three times.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">6. As a ruthless invading army builds a 40-foot-tall wall around their village, planning to starve them, the residents of Melford lose all hope . . . until one stalwart carpenter comes up with a plan . . . And sets to work building 45-foot-tall ladders.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia;">7. </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">The Marching Bandits have been very successful robbing banks, playing it cool with a steady beat on the way in and getting out before the rising tempo signals the arrival of police. But when their M.O. suddenly changes to home invasion and murder, homicide detective Zach Martinez knows two things: going undercover may be his only chance to change the music, and three humiliating years as a high school band geek are about to pay off.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /></b></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">Dear Mr. Evil Editor,</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black;">Set in a world inspired by the Age of Enlightenment, THE INVADER’S SNARE (107,000 words) is an adult fantasy novel written in the style of a wartime memoir. It will resonate with readers who crave slow burn romantic subplots like Samantha Shannon’s <i>The Priory of the Orange Tree</i> and the gritty Machiavellian overtones found in Seth Dickinson’s <i>The Traitor Baru Cormorant</i>. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Technically, you're calling <i>The Priory of the Orange Tree</i> a romantic subplot. You could add "those found in" after "subplots like". If you don't like using "found in" twice in the same sentence, one of them could be "featured in" or "present in." Or just "of" would work with the overtones .] </span><span style="color: black;">Given your interest in strong female voices and unique settings, I believe this story will </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[might] </span><span style="color: black;">be a good fit for your list.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [I think this paragraph would work better after the plot summary.]</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black;">Amalia makes no apologies for preferring the company of books over people. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[I'm the same way. I also prefer dogs and Cherry Garcia over people.] </span><span style="color: black;">Her self-study </span><span style="color: red;">alone</span><span style="color: black;"> earns her a spot at the Academy of Healing. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[where,] </span><span style="color: black;">At twenty-seven, she masters a technique that plucks the mortally wounded from the clutches of death. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[But] </span><span style="color: black;">Before she can assume her position as Calderon’s royal healer, the notoriously brutal Malant Empire conquers her country. </span></span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px;"> </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px;">[It feels like this conquering happened awfully fast. One minute you're walking across the stage to get your diploma, and when you reach the other side of the stage your new evil overlord is waiting for you with shackles. How long have these countries been at war?] </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">[Presumably, every time a brutal empire conquers a country, there are a lot of people in that country who recently submitted job applications or sent manuscripts to a literary agent. How do you know whether it's too soon to nudge a prospective employer or agent for a response when, for all you know, they've been enslaved by the Malants?] [Although, it's hard to imagine the Malants enslaving literary agents, who have no skills that would be useful to the Malants. Or to anyone else, for that matter.] [But enough about all the agents who don't want to read my novel.]</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black;">Now a prisoner inside the Academy, Amalia must conceal her coveted ability or risk being shipped off to serve the tyrannical emperor.</span><span style="color: black;"> A guardian arrives in the form of an enigmatic Malant warden, Captain Valens. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Once you've declared this a fantasy novel, that sentence is likely to convince some readers that the guardian is a shapeshifter. Maybe: An enigmatic warden, Captain Valens, arrives, ostensibly to . . . guard the Academy? Guard Amalia?</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"> What does he claim he's here for?] </span><span style="color: black;">Valens renounces torture, quotes poetry, and shares a love of philosophy.</span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;"> The pair forms </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">[form]</span><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;"> an unlikely bond as Valens challenges Amalia’s cynical nature while edging closer to discovering her secret.</span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;"> </span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[Amalia: Your evil empire is going to enslave us all. Just a matter of time.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">Valens: Don't be so cynical. Let's continue our discussion of Kierkegaard and his view that keeping secrets is sinister, if not evil.]</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black;">A Malant viceroy shatters the momentary peace and challenges Valens’</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[s]</span><span style="color: black;"> unconventional methods. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[His methods of uncovering her secret? I still don't know if that's his mission.] </span><span style="color: black;">Amalia knows better than to cross the ruthless viceroy, who offers her a choice: betray her budding feelings and kill the warden or languish in eternal captivity. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Hmm. Kill one officer of the brutal empire that just conquered my country, denying me the future I worked so hard for, or spend eternity in captivity. I'll need time to reach a decision. Okay, got it.] </span><span style="color: black;">As Amalia grapples with her principles as a healer, she unearths a dark past that plunges her into uncertainty over who she can consider ally or foe.</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia;">Thanks for your consideration. May I share my full manuscript with you?</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Despite all the blue words, this was a decent query. It might be worth answering any serious questions I had, or getting rid of whatever inspired me to ask them. </span></span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">No way could this Valens guy rise to the rank of warden in the notoriously brutal Malant empire. I assume he's putting on an act in order to discover Amalia's secret. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 18.4px;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">How does he know she <i>has</i> a secret? Does he suspect she's a healer? Didn't the Academy of Healing keep records of which students mastered the art of plucking </span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px;">the mortally wounded from the clutches of death?</span></span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">Speaking of which, some editors might read "</span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 16px;">a technique that plucks the mortally wounded from the clutches of death," and think, <i>Nice word choice, colorful</i>, and other agents might think, <i>No wonder the novel is 107,000 words, why not just say a technique for healing the mortally wounded</i>? It's your agent's job to know which editors are which.</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: 12pt;">It sounds like Valens is the invader in the title. And the snare is the trickery being used to get Amalia to reveal her secret? And the viceroy is in on it? (Surely if the ruthless viceroy wanted Valens dead, he'd just kill him.) Whether or not any of that is true, it's hard to believe that soon after conquering a country, an evil empire would devote time and personnel to trying to learn a nebulous secret they think a 27-year-old recent graduate might be keeping. Are they trying to find out what secrets other people have? Don't they have better things to do, like dealing with the inevitable Rebel Undergrou</span><span face="Calibri, sans-serif" style="font-size: 12pt;">nd?</span></p><p class="MsoNormal" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 16.8667px; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br /></p>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-30726998148618471692023-08-30T11:43:00.002-04:002023-08-30T11:44:35.882-04:00Face-Lift 1437<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghUmT_1dI4thyuodi00AlTjOhoXDbCer75G1KUZMdbbh_rDQInn9EKo_ooWQfSWr4MAuc4q0Kri14KGKTmcUry0h6Yw_nQNs8mGRFxRJaC6NrZfTNMUpo3vfvZNqlc2qvxx_3lSFeBOYlpkNgDwhv8zIYeJFYrGJHOcRwKn3O4-NM7zTvdDAKI/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghUmT_1dI4thyuodi00AlTjOhoXDbCer75G1KUZMdbbh_rDQInn9EKo_ooWQfSWr4MAuc4q0Kri14KGKTmcUry0h6Yw_nQNs8mGRFxRJaC6NrZfTNMUpo3vfvZNqlc2qvxx_3lSFeBOYlpkNgDwhv8zIYeJFYrGJHOcRwKn3O4-NM7zTvdDAKI/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Guess the Plot</b></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><b><i>Jacob's Monster</i></b></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>1. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">His friends all have puppies and kittens, but Jacob has . . . well, he doesn't know</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">what</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">it is. What he</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><i style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">does</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">know is that at the rate it's growing, they're gonna need a much bigger house.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span>2. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">When a massive iron door appears in his house, 13-year-old Jacob is tempted to open it, releasing the monster imprisoned behind it. Sure, it could turn out bad, but let's face it: that monster can't be any worse than Jacob's father.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">3. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Jacob found a monster under his bed. He fed it dust bunnies, liver, spinach, and his homework. He convinced it to do his chores and go to school in his place while he hid in his closet and played video games. That was three years ago, and Jacob just beat level 86452.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">4. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Jacob never tidied under the bed or in the closet; Why should he? No one ever went there anyway. But when a game of hide and seek ends up with two of his friends missing for good, can he come up with an explanation that their parents will buy?</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white;">5. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">It starts with a graveyard, but involves more earthly clay than mortal. And lightning is dangerous, so Jacob makes do with the house current and a few dozen stripped wires. Does he get life? This isn't a philosophy text. He does get lots of death though. Lots and lots.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">6. All hell breaks loose--literally--on Bring Your Pet to School Day, when 7-year-old Jacob brings in his monster: an actual demon from the bowels of hell.</span></p><p><br /></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><b>Original Version</b></span></span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Dear [Agent],</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">I hope you’re doing well.<span style="color: #2b00fe;"> [Who are you writing to, your aunt? The agent is doing well enough that she's decided to slog into her pile of query letters for the first time in months, a rare window of opportunity for you. Get going.]</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; color: #222222; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Like most children of addicts, 13-year-old Jacob learned early on how to monitor his alcoholic father’s moods and shape his life around them. Jacob's father was an everyday monster wearing a beloved face.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Jacob’s life changed in the summer of ‘74 when his grandfather died and the house violently shook, revealing a massive iron door covered in strange symbols and an unfamiliar language. </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[It didn't take long for the genre to go from litfic to <i>Lara Croft: Tomb Raider </i>sequel.] </span><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Something sinister lay behind the door, a hateful thing that saw into Jacob’s heart and offered him what he truly desired, a way to have power over his life in exchange for its freedom. </span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Driven by anger fueled by feeling powerless in his life, Jacob was a ripe target. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">And</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[But]</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> while tempted to drink of forbidden things,</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> [What things are forbidden?]</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> he had an unsettling feeling that to give entry would be to give up everything he was. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[On the other hand, he <i>would</i> have what he truly desired, and what he <i>was</i> was a powerless kid with a drunk for a father, so he said, "Screw it," and opened the door.] [Right?] [The last three sentences have included "Something sinister," "hateful thing," "forbidden things," and "everything he was." The word "thing" is vague, and adding a descriptor to it doesn't make it much more specific. Also, two consecutive sentences have the words "power over his life" and "powerless in his life." Either is sufficient to convey the idea.]</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Quickly the stakes rose when he heard the monster make the same offer to his father and Jacob knew it would be just a matter of time before his father, in the bottom of a can </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[bottle?]</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> and soaked with rage about the unfairness of life, would accept. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[A matter of time? It wouldn't take <i>any</i> time.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Jacob's Monster: Open the iron door, and I'll give you a pint of tequila.</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Jacob's father: Deal.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;">] </span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Armed with vague clues in a box of artifacts left to him by his grandfather, he sets out to find a way to stop the monster and save his family. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[At last we've switched to the present tense, the default for query letter plot summaries. I can see the paragraph that starts "Like most children of addicts" in past tense, but I'd change the rest to present.] [Also, is the monster just a threat to Jacob's family? To the town? To the whole world?] [Does Jacob's family consist of more than him and his father?] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Jacob finds unlikely allies in a bully, the unusual new kid at school, a librarian, and a rabbi. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[These are not the people you recruit to take on a monster. You need a wizard, a computer expert (preferably in a wheelchair), a giant, and . . . ok, the unusual new kid at school.]</span></span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 12pt; margin-top: 12pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">The story culminates with a desperate journey into a world inspired by Dante’s Inferno </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[or at least what I know about Dante's Inferno from watching <i>Supernatural</i>.] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">and an epic confrontation with the monster to save the soul of his father. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[His father, the everyday monster soaked with rage who made Jacob's life miserable is now a sympathetic character?]</span></p><p dir="ltr" style="background-color: white; line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;"><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">I’m </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">currently</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> seeking representation for my debut Adult Horror novel,</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[Wait, this is for <i>adults</i>? Your main character is 13. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia;">While plenty of adults have read and enjoyed the Harry Potter books, I'm pretty sure they were marketed to agents and editors as kids' books.</span><span style="background-color: transparent; font-family: georgia; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">]</span></span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Jacob’s Monster, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: red; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">a novel of a little over </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">(</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">86,500 words</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">),</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> the first in a planned series following the protagonist over his life. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">[Book 2 will feature Jacob at the age of 14, going on 15.] </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">Inspired by a lifetime of experience with my alcoholic father, it combines the emotional grit of the film STAND BY ME, a STRANGER THINGS vibe, and a dose of the supernatural. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">I live <span style="color: red;">and write</span> in Phoenix, Arizona <span style="color: red;">where I live </span>with my wife, son, and daughter. I’ve been working on my writing for the last 33 years, sidetracked by many things but always hearing the voices of my characters, begging for their stories to be told. </span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Thank you for your consideration,</span></p><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: large; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><b><br /></b></span></div><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: large; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><b>Notes</b></span></div><div><span face="Arial, sans-serif" style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline;">I'm imagining myself at the age of 13 battling Godzilla. It doesn't go well for me.</span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Then I add a librarian and a rabbi. Same result. </span><span style="font-family: georgia;">Maybe we need more information about what those artifacts do. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="font-family: georgia;">Are you sure you don't have two books here, a memoir and a middle grade horror/adventure? Neither of which is quite long enough to interest an agent, but when combined, just might?</span></span></div><div><br /></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-11319692877232820362023-07-21T17:01:00.003-04:002023-08-07T11:55:04.573-04:00Face-Lift 1436<p><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz6BiDUD1EdW7dMr3ufKAg0_ciuP45OgbR1wNasTEeoqeGJW_Ji9pSTfUxKPTGr77_rTHU381Aup-e1cTysmoCVipISygOmEgoBgLvCBF1iwpehF5rxFWb_0sRW6_fpUz4-zd3J1FXJt4nmI3uKucUFYknsR3MrGazzB_QIP9nanQHhCDFs9Ta/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgz6BiDUD1EdW7dMr3ufKAg0_ciuP45OgbR1wNasTEeoqeGJW_Ji9pSTfUxKPTGr77_rTHU381Aup-e1cTysmoCVipISygOmEgoBgLvCBF1iwpehF5rxFWb_0sRW6_fpUz4-zd3J1FXJt4nmI3uKucUFYknsR3MrGazzB_QIP9nanQHhCDFs9Ta/w250-h320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></b></span></div><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: large;"><b>Guess the Plot</b></span><div><p></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><b><i> Dark Lord's Daughter</i></b></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">1. She doesn't want to be known as a conquest, a rival, a bitter ex, and especially not as her father's daughter. Journey with Eliza as she finds her own path, even one as a hero.</span></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">2</span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">. </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">In a country where a dead king is succeeded by whichever heir gets to the throne first, the race is on. Princess Tia would make the best monarch, but can she outwit her evil sisters' saboteurs and reach the capital before either of them?</span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;">3. What became of Dracula's daughter? She had the castle in Transylvania remodeled, started her own real estate company, and sold cosmetics on the side. Blood red lipstick was her biggest seller.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">4. Evila is tired of smuggling would-be heroes into the castle only to have to mop up their remains a few minutes later. It's time to set up a tourney and a series of tasks to prove they've got a chance. And well past time to hire a</span><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"> cleaning staff.</span></p><p><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">5. Think </span><i style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Romeo and Juliet</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">--if Romeo were a tantrum-throwing narcissist and rebellious Juliet were a monster hunter from a clan of pharmaceutically-inclined hippies--until the end which is more</span><i style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> The Road to Bob Hope</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> meets</span><i style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> Lord of the Flies</i><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">.</span></span></p><p><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">6. Everyone cheered when the Dark Lord was killed. They'd been under his thumb for decades. What they didn't know was that the Dark Lord was a pussycat compared to the . . . Dark Lord's Daughter.</span></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">7. <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">When Lucy's mother remarried someone tall, dark, and handsome, Lucy thought she'd only need to deal with racism, not a parallel world with people declaring war after she wears the wrong colors to a party. After a crash course in etiquette leads to another declaration of war, she suspects step-daddy may be using her. But, hey, whatever the price to bring peace to a unified world.</span></span></p><p><br /></p><p><span face="Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif" style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b>Original Version</b></span></span></p><p> <span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">Dear [agent]:</span></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">The princess was abandoned as a child at the Dark Lord's dungeon. Ten years later, someone has finally come looking for her. </span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Twenty-year-old princess Tiamat just wants to teach and learn magic, but when the king is dying, Tia has no choice but to </span><span style="background-color: white; color: red;">begin</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"> travel</span><span style="background-color: white; color: red;">ing</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"> to the capital to take the throne. If she doesn't take it before her older sisters, the country will descend into war. </span></span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[I don't see why the only way to keep the country from descending into war is if a twenty-year-old woman who's been in a dungeon since she was ten takes the throne. How does anyone on either side of this potential war know what any of the daughters' reign would be like?]</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;"> [If the king and the Dark Lord are not the same person </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">how can Tia be called a princess if she isn't the king's daughter? </span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">If they <i>are</i> the same person, wouldn't his dungeon be under his castle, rather than a long way away? Has Tia been a prisoner in the dungeon for ten years? Or just living there to learn from the Dark Lord? Could she have traveled to the capital any time she wanted? Or did someone have to break her out of the dungeon when the king was dying? Very kind of them, though even kinder would have been to break her out years ago, even if the king was in good health.] </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="font-size: medium;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">As Tia travels the country with a paladin, a huntress, and a criminal, she gets a better look at the world outside the dungeon. Her magic and leadership are both put to the test when every town </span><span style="background-color: white; color: red;">seems to have</span><span style="color: #2b00fe;"><span style="background-color: white;"> [has]</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="font-size: medium;">its own problem she needs to solve. </span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;">["It has or has not. There is no seems."--Yoda] </span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">With one of her sisters already in the country, </span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[If the king has even a mild cold, I would expect the evil sisters to be hanging around the throne 24/7, not off in another country.] </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">fighting against her, she has to defeat her sister's spies and saboteurs, or watch everything fall to pieces around her. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe; font-family: georgia;">[I get the impression if she doesn't defeat the spies and saboteurs, she won't won't be watching <i>anything</i>.]</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Complete at 109,000 words, DARK LORD'S DAUGHTER is an adult fantasy set in The Kingdom of the Valley, a magical version of Mesopotamia reaching the Industrial Revolution. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #2b00fe;">[</span></span><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; font-family: georgia;"><span style="color: #2b00fe;">If this is the Industrial Revolution, I think Tia would hop a train to the capital instead of wandering from town to town solving people's trivial problems. Time is of the essence, and you can bet her sister is on her way to the nearest train station as we speak.]</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">It will appeal to readers of the Cradle Series and Fullmetal Alchemist. Dark Lord’s Daughter has potential for a sequel following Tia's story as she continues to deal with her </span><span style="background-color: white; color: red; font-family: georgia;">other</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> two sisters.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">[reason why submitting to this agent]</span><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I have been reading for as long as I can remember, and started writing when I was nine years old, when I wrote a story with an entirely too-competent main character who looked suspiciously like me. </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: red;">Thankfully, I have improved as a writer since then. </span><span style="color: #2b00fe;">[Let the agent decide for herself whether you've improved since then.]</span></span><br style="background-color: white;" /><br style="background-color: white; color: #222222;" /><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">Per your submission guidelines, I have included [requested amount of the manuscript]. Thank you for your consideration.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-size: large;"><b>Notes</b></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">The king's daughter was abandoned at the Dark Lord's dungeon. This suggests you're talking about two different guys. The title of the book convinces me they're the same guy, because how can the Dark Lord's daughter be a princess and become the monarch when the king dies? But you don't mention the title until after the plot summary. So when your reader finally gets to the title, they think, <i>Who's this Dark Lord guy and why doesn't he do anything in the query? </i>Then the reader thinks, The queen must have had an affair with the Dark Lord twenty years ago, resulting in the birth of Tia, and the queen confessed this to the king ten years ago, and that's why the king murdered the queen and ordered Tia dropped off at the Dark Lord's dungeon. Wait, have I stumbled onto the actual plot of your book? Because my version sounds a lot better than what I <i>thought</i> was the plot.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">I don't think you need that first paragraph. You don't ever say who abandoned the princess or why, or who came looking for her or if they found her. You do mention that there's a character who goes by "Dark Lord" and he has a dungeon, but that's the only time you mention Dark Lord except when you reveal the title. </span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">As the king apparently has three daughters, maybe the title should be <i>The</i> <i>Dark Lord's Daughters</i>. Was Chekhov's play <i>Three Sisters </i>titled<i> Sister?</i> Was the sitcom<i> My Three Sons </i>titled <i>My Son</i>? Did you leave the other two sisters out of the title because they weren't nice people? That would be like <i>Dracula</i> being titled <i>Jonathan Harker</i>. <i>Kramer vs. Kramer</i> would be <i>Kramer</i>. <i>Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs</i> would be <i>Snow White and the Six Dwarfs</i>, because Grumpy was . . . grumpy.</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;">You can't answer all my questions in this query, but if we assume there are a few facts that you've kept from us that would miraculously clear everything up, and that do clear it all up in the book, you need to write a query that doesn't inspire all these questions. A fairly general example:</span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><br /></span></span></div><div><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="color: #222222;">Twenty-year-old princess Tiamat wants nothing more than to teach and learn magic, but when she hears that the king is dying, she abandons her studies and heads for the capital. She knows if she can reach the capital before either of her malicious sisters, she can take the throne and avert a disastrous war for the country. </span></span></span><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222;"><span style="color: #222222;">But getting there won't be easy, as her sisters' spies and saboteurs are out to stop her at any cost. </span></span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Luckily, Tia has three companions traveling with her: a </span><strike style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">scarecrow, a tin man and a</strike><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">paladin, a huntress, and a criminal. Together, thanks in no small part to Tia's leadership and magic, the foursome are able to thwart their enemies as they make their way toward the Emerald City. </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">Little do they know their problems are just beginning.</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;"> [Final obstacle/decision/</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">plan]</span></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26791026.post-65092625838429106112023-07-04T14:57:00.002-04:002023-07-11T11:16:26.963-04:00Face-Lift 1435<p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b></b></span></p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: large;"><b><br /><span style="color: #38761d;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXnxKUx7iLKFafGbae7MpnAA3oTeiSuhWyKIllBC0P8Ja47p5_8Y4QZYEudbfeLIcIOcDEKeG9MiQ2I-qANplcCgBTsAl0jBivbDWKRpix8JNrHI16_aCoXWruYOl6GAG36fDOr_spz1bwqTcZ-UfDkCsOtCCnugkn1ZiAOcacq-Ej5yuaFslA/s560/aaaeeeyes.JPG" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="560" data-original-width="438" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhXnxKUx7iLKFafGbae7MpnAA3oTeiSuhWyKIllBC0P8Ja47p5_8Y4QZYEudbfeLIcIOcDEKeG9MiQ2I-qANplcCgBTsAl0jBivbDWKRpix8JNrHI16_aCoXWruYOl6GAG36fDOr_spz1bwqTcZ-UfDkCsOtCCnugkn1ZiAOcacq-Ej5yuaFslA/s320/aaaeeeyes.JPG" width="250" /></a></div>Guess the Plot </span></b></span><p></p><p><span style="font-family: georgia; font-size: medium;"><span style="background-color: white;"><b><i>Vitality Discovered</i></b></span></span></p><div style="background-color: white;"><div><span style="font-family: georgia;"><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><span style="color: #222222;">1. You, yes YOU can sprightly JUMP out of bed in the mornings, keep those bright eyes OPEN, and get UP every other part of you that needs getting UP. Buy this book and everything but your bank account will be REVITALIZED!!!!!!!!!!</span></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 14px; min-height: 16px;"><span style="color: #222222; font-family: georgia;">2. In a world where people can steal the vitality of others, siphoning their lives from them, is it immoral for Lucy Fellows, a woman whose body is riddled with leukemia, to steal the vitality . . . <i>of her own children</i>?! This and other questions of ethics.</span><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">3. Failed software-pirate-cum-barista Lon Zebos reaps billions through pinpoint targeting of a susceptible demographic: people who still use email. Yes, old people. Thanks to his uncanny ability to devise irresistible email subject lines, the over-70 set respond by the millions with the numbers of their bank accounts and credit cards.</span></p><p class="p2" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Arial; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 11px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 14px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">4. The planet Fertile was colonized to let the Children of the Plenty do what comes naturally. When a virus attacks the ability to create the Seed, women exile the infected to a remote island, and kill any men who attempt to escape the island. But the joke's on them, because a plant found <i>only</i> on the island is making the infected virile again.</span></p><p class="p4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 14px; min-height: 16px;">5. Olivia is suffering. Call it apathy, inertia, melancholy, sluggishness. She mopes all day every day, the weight of the world on her shoulders. But that all changes the day her secret crush, 15-year-old Bradley, while passing her in the hallway between classes, nods at her.</p><p class="p4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 14px; min-height: 16px;">6. When Lauren complains that she's lost her "get up and go," her doctor prescribes the same remedy doctors prescribed a century ago: cocaine. It works, and if it begins Lauren's long plummet into the depths of addiction, homelessness, crime, and an early death, so be it. </p><p class="p4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 14px; min-height: 16px;"><br /></p><p class="p5" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 14px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Original Version</span></b></span></p><p class="p3" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px 0px 14px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Dear Evil Editor,</span></p><p class="p6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Eighteen-year-old Emily Fellows has lived with debilitating lethargy throughout high school.</span><span class="s3" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;"> [That describes <i>every</i> high school girl.] [Or boy.] [Or teacher.] </span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Tracking her healthy times leads to a disturbing link: she only has energy when her mother, Lucy, is away. </span><span class="s3" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;">[What teenaged girl <i>doesn't</i> have her energy drained by her mother? On the bright side, she's 18; time to move out and go to college or get a job. Problem solved.] [Does she mention this link to her mother?] </span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">And worse, her precocious thirteen-year-old sister Kayla is starting to experience the same symptoms. </span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p8" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">[Dr. Cuddy: House, I have a case for you. Two teenaged sisters who are lethargic whenever their mother is around.</span></p><p class="p9" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p8" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Dr. House: This sounds serious. Lock down the hospital. I'll drop all my other cases and get my team right on it. Are the girls in quarantine? </span></p><p class="p9" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p8" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Dr. Cuddy: That's sarcasm, right?]</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p10" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); font-kerning: none;">For sixteen-year-old Justin Fellows, breaking his leg at soccer is amazing.</span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); font-kerning: none;"> </span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #2b00fe; font-kerning: none;">[That</span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-kerning: none;"> </span><span class="s1" style="color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;"><i>would</i> be amazing. Make him a parkour racer]</span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); font-kerning: none;"> inner sight blossoms and he sees sparkling energy coursing along his blood</span><span class="s5" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-kerning: none;">, as well as in an overarching pool</span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); font-kerning: none;">. </span></p><p class="p10" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;">[Now I'm lost. Does "inner sight" mean he sees his blood coursing through his veins?] [Or did he break his leg so badly that his femoral artery is spewing blood all over the place?] [I don't think "overarching" is a good adjective for any kind of pool.] [If you break your leg, you would be screaming in pain, the game would stop, other players would gather around you, and someone would call for an ambulance. Instead, everyone ignores Justin while he gazes at his blood and thinks, <i>Wow, pretty sparkles!</i> Maybe he should just skin his knee. That's at least as likely to draw blood as a broken leg.] [I hope the kid who broke Justin's leg at least got a yellow card.]</span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-kerning: none;"> </span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); font-kerning: none;">And he can influence this network of vitality to heal himself.</span><span class="s1" style="color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;"> [Just in time to get back in the game and score the winning goal! This is just like <i>The Karate Kid!</i>]</span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-kerning: none;"> </span><span class="s4" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); font-kerning: none;">Seeing the same vitality configuration within his sisters, he is delighted-- until he realizes that he's stealing from them. Self-blame spikes: Emily doesn't have an energy problem; <i>she has a Justin problem.<span style="color: #1e00fd;"> </span></i></span><span class="s1" style="color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;">[Every teen girl with a younger brother has a Justin problem.]</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Despite Justin's doubts and self-recriminations, the youths investigate their abilities. Vitality networks seem unique to them, and Justin learns how to heal minor injuries in others </span><span class="s6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;">[and immediately opens a highly profitable orthopedic clinic.]</span><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">, while Emily and Kayla gain some control over how they share vitality. It's a wonderful secret adventure until they learn that healing can go wrong, and sharing can be deadly. </span><span class="s7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(251, 0, 7); color: #fb0007; font-kerning: none;">They see a special spider quite literally sucking the life out of a special butterfly.</span><span class="s6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;"> [Spiders suck the life out of butterflies all the time. It's called lunch.]</span><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> And during a campus tour, a creepy boy calls Emily his Chosen and starts draining vitality from her.</span><span class="s6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;"> [Can you tell when someone's draining your vitality? If so, does Emily say, Whoa, whoa, GTF away from me? Does she call the campus police?]</span><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"> Childhood stories from their great aunt spring to mind... Stories in which they have powers, and the dangerous Chosen suck the life out of special people just like them. </span><span class="s6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;">[If the bad guys call the people they suck the life out of their Chosen, and the good guys call the bad guys the Chosen, <i>all</i> of your characters are Chosen.] [And if everyone's Chosen, suddenly being Chosen isn't such a big deal. It's like if everyone could talk to fish, Aquaman would be just another guy.]</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Lucy returns from a long trip exhausted and horribly gaunt. Her system desperately needs energy, and she unknowingly siphons vitality from her daughters.</span><span class="s3" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-kerning: none;"> [I've been wondering about the mechanics of the transfer of vitality from one person to another. So it's a <i>siphon</i>? Presumably a metaphorical siphon, as it would be impossible to <i>unknowingly</i> siphon anything out of anyone using a hose.]</span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"> The Chosen may be a scary reality, but a more immediate and terrifying danger confronts them.</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p8" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(30, 0, 253); color: #1e00fd; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s8" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-kerning: none;">Leukemia is killing their mother. </span><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">[Finally, the genre is revealed: literary fiction.]</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><i>Vitality Discovered</i> is my debut novel and is complete at 99,000 words. It shares difficult discoveries and the mystery of hidden powers found in <i>The Light Through The Leaves</i> by Glendy Vanderah, and the exploration of rare genes and the importance of relationships in Alice Sabo's <i>Children of a Change World</i> series.</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p11" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(251, 0, 7); color: #fb0007; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Fifteen years abroad, mostly in Asia, help me set the scene for several important chapters in this book. Now permanently resettled in Toronto, my wife and I enjoy travel and the theatre, and I try to stay young by playing old-guy recreational sports.</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">Thank you for your consideration.</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p12" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;"><b><span style="font-size: large;">Notes</span></b></span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p6" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s2" style="font-kerning: none;">I don't see why Emily's and Kayla's lethargy would abate when their mom is away, if Justin also unknowingly steals their vitality.</span></p><p class="p7" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px; min-height: 16px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"></span><br /></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">If Emily is two years older than Justin, why hasn't <i>she</i> noticed sparkling energy in <i>her</i> blood? Pretty much every 18-year-old girl has seen her blood. With regularity. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">When does unknowingly siphoning someone's vitality happen? Anytime you're near someone with more vitality than you? That wouldn't explain why Justin was unknowingly stealing from Emily. Or why lethargic Emily <i>wasn't</i> unknowingly stealing from Justin.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">I think it would be better to focus on one person as your main character. I was gonna say drop Justin from the query, but now I'm thinking, drop him from the book, and make Kayla the 16-year-old soccer player. This is America, where girls are better at soccer than boys anyway. Not only would you have one fewer character to manage, but you'd cut a lot of words, which is a good thing.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Your characters are teenagers. You should declare the book YA.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Can Emily heal minor injuries? Or is everyone affected differently by their network of vitality? Speaking of which, the terms "</span>network of vitality" and "vitality configuration" may be clearly explained in the book, but leave them out of the query. </p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">It seems unknowingly siphoning vitality is a genetic trait that runs in the family (apparently the great aunt is familiar with it), yet it seems Lucy knows nothing about it, as she would have told her children it was coming. And taken steps to avoid stealing their vitality.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">There was a <i>Star Trek</i> episode called The Empath, in which the empath could absorb other characters injuries and pain. She was handy to have around if you'd been tortured, but she could take only so much. Is Justin an empath?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Start over. Paragraph 1: Pick a main character. Tell us who they are, including any super powers they have. Tell us what their overarching situation is, including whatever goal they hope to accomplish. Possibly that's saving their mother. If so, don't wait until the last sentence to mention it.</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Paragraph 2: What obstacle must they overcome to succeed? Possibly that's the fact that to provide vitality to their mother requires losing so much of their own vitality they'll die. Or maybe it's these annoying Chosen people. What's their plan to deal with this obstacle?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Paragraph 3: Presumably their plan fails. What went wrong? Do they have a plan B? Is there a crucial make-or-break decision they must now make that will determine the outcome?</span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;"><br /></span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><span class="s1" style="font-kerning: none;">Possibly that organization will need some tweaking. You don't want the query raising lots of questions that you don't have room to answer. </span></p><p class="p1" style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(26, 26, 26); color: #1a1a1a; font-family: Georgia; font-feature-settings: normal; font-kerning: auto; font-optical-sizing: auto; font-size: large; font-stretch: normal; font-variant-alternates: normal; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; font-variation-settings: normal; line-height: normal; margin: 0px;"><br /></p></span></div></div>Evil Editorhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03879826770199639420noreply@blogger.com4