Monday, January 07, 2008

Pool Results

There seems to be more interest in having Robin back to her usual potty-mouth self than in extending the pool. In any case, regarding Fight Scene 15 (scroll down), I contend that anyone else would have written, I saw myself sitting there, a slender, tender blonde girl in front of a frosty Collins, sipping sporadically but mostly nibbling on the orange slice, chewing on the cherry. The cherry. Not: I saw myself sitting there, a slender, tender blonde girl nibbling . . . on my cherry. Furthermore, according to the International Bartenders Association, a cherry isn't even part of the recipe for a Collins. Are you telling me a bartender in Houma, LA, in a place classy enough to have pool tables and foosball, would deviate from official IBA ingredients? No, that cherry wasn't put in by the bartender; it was put in by the author.

Moving on, note that the author didn't write Everyone else was drinking a beer, but rather, Everyone else was holding on to their brown longnecks. A subtle but noticeable difference.

Finally, it wasn't enough to say, I saw the switchblade, or He had his cue. The author had to add "in his hand" to each phrase (as if one would hold a pool cue or switchblade anywhere but his hand), making sure we didn't miss her fascination with whacking the weenie. In fact, while I don't have time to check the Urban Dictionary, I feel certain that along with "polishing the bishop" and "flogging the dolphin," you'll find among the idioms for masturbation, "stroking the switchblade," "glossing the longneck," and "chafing the cuestick."

The winner has 48 hours to acknowledge victory; otherwise the first runner-up will assume the winner's duties.

The guesses:

ME: Tuesday, 8 AM Dec. 7th
Sarah: Feb 22, noon
Dave F.: February 17th at 10:00 am
Chumplet: February 14th, 2008 at 9:00 pm Eastern time.
Anonymous: February 14th at twelve noon.
McKoala: 8pm February 12
Phoenix: Feb 7, 11:14 AM
blogless_troll: Jan 15th 10AM
Church Lady: Jan 12 at 8am
150: January 10th, high noon.


Sarah Laurenson said...


Thanks, EE. I needed that laugh.

Wonderful analysis!

Welcome back, Robin. Will you now comment on Ector and his 'sword raised high'?

none said...

This reeks of desperation, EE.

Sometimes a cherry is just a cherry!

pacatrue said...

Fight Scene 15 was the randiest piece of literature I've read in years. I had to take at least three cold showers after reading about chewing her own cherry. I mean, that's really freaking flexible! Robin's out.

Now, I wish I had gotten a bet in.

McKoala said...

The devil is in the detail and EE's arguments are irrefutable. 'my cherry' indeed! For shame. No more claims of Robin's innocence from me.

Looking at the time estimates it's fascinating to see how many of us:
a) had faith in her ability to keep it clean for over a month
b) decided she would crack around the time of Valentine's Day.

Looks like the winner is 150. Congratulations! (At the moment.)

Anonymous said...

Oh gosh, I guess you're right. Here I was looking at ME's entry thinking it was for Jan 8, and totally missed the part about "Dec 7" at the end. Given that the poll didn't even go up until January 3 and 12-7-08 isn't a Tuesday, I'm willing to cede the victory to ME if s/he was actually trying to put a vote on tomorrow.

Robin S. said...

OK, Perry Freakin' Masonary. As Sarah said, wonderful analysis. (Bogus as hell, but wonderful, nonetheless.)

And I agree with buffy - (wonderful, yes Sarah)... yet, somehow REEKING of desperation.

Even so, I concede defeat, even though in my own mind I'm going down undefeated. I thought I was followin' your 'pool plan' to the letter of the proverbial law, there, Sparky. I was followin' the penis-exception rule, simply substituting a cherry for a penis, and surrounding it with innocent prose. Hmmmph...

As for Ector and his sword dealie-
color me skewered (sorta like EE must've been thinking about as he tiptoed through the non-phallic tulips of my, uh, piece, and came up with wet dreams of pool cues and longnecks and cherries, oh my...)

I need to know who to send the Amazon gift cert to. 150? Me? And, mister, are you gonna autograph a copy of the next ND for the winner when I buy it?

It's good to be back.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I was! I really did think it would be this Tuesday, although that day is neither a 7th nor a December. I was thinking Robin would last only a few days. The date I entered was a big fat typo and I shouldn't reap the (complete) wealth of the victory. If EE & 150 agrees, we could both have a go at Robin's booty. Er, we could split the bounty of her generosity. Ah, we could split. . . (where is Robin anyway?) But only if all think that is a fair solution.

Robin S. said...

Hi me,

That's a really sweet idea. If you each get a $20 gift certificate, and each get a book, I think that would be very nice. I'd like to solit it that way. You and 150 are both nice people, (even though you both thought I'd cave pretty quickly, followed closely by blogless, of course!)

And, EE...I'm still stewing...what about that picture you posted, the pool player looking like he had a pool cue weenie? What was that about? And what use would it've been, anyway? and painful...and... about as gratifying as sleeping with Pinnochio's nose, after he'd been on a big lying spree.

Anonymous said...

Even so, I concede defeat, even though in my own mind I'm going down undefeated.

Hey, Robin's back!

Anonymous said...

Lots of fight scenes; need love scenes, except under Robin pool rules. 55212167

Chris Eldin said...

Hahaha! Love it when EE puts his lawyer hat on!
Yes, the evidence is indeed there. Case closed.

But....what happened to my vote? I voted for Jan 12 in the morning. Did blogger chew my comment?

Anonymous said...

I wish I'd made a guess, I wouldn't have given her more than a few days. You were clever, Robin, very clever, but not clever enough to fool the Evil one. Nice try, though. Welcome back.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Blogger was eating comments that day. Had to put mine in twice 'cause I wasn't sure it got through the first time.

Glad you're back, Robin! Never said I agreed with EE's assessment. But I thought it was very creative and funny as hell.

I used to live in Shreveport, but never had a Tom Collins, so can't comment on the cherry. Perhaps she did bring her own.

Anonymous said...

Sounds good; there's enough of Robin to go around. :P Although I can't believe we're being rewarded for having the least faith in her ability to keep it clean.

Robin S. said...

You know, I'm just sitting here watching the game, and a little voice enters my ear, and it says...remember the tasty discussion....from a while back...
and suddenly I realize...I realize EE has mentioned the Urban Dictionary, and he's said before he was gonna enter his own definition of tasty there. And guess what. HE'S DONE IT. I just checked at

Here ya go:

10. Tasty

Delicious is the only possible meaning, and it would never be used to describe a man.

This juice is mighty tasty.

tags yummy delish savoury mouth-watering yumbowzer

by EvilEdtr NY Dec 4, 2007

If you don't believe me, look it up. It's "tasty definition #10".

And you can give EE's own personal (and more than a tad faulty) definition, a thumbs up. Or a thumbs down, baby.

PS - What the hell is yumbowzer?

pacatrue said...


So, do we now start a pool for how long it takes robin to say something which isn't sexual?

Robin S. said...

I actually have to work today - so - 150 and me, please email mne your addresses (my email is on my profile) so I can get those Amazons coming your way.

And, as soon as Perry Mason finishes ND3, those will be on your way as well. I'll purchase, if EE/Perry will be good enough to send them to you.

Oh, and one more thing: From Webtender:

Tom Collins

2 oz Gin
1 oz Lemon juice
1 tsp superfine Sugar
3 oz Club soda
1 Maraschino cherry
1 Orange slice

Mixing instructions:
In a shaker half-filled with ice cubes, combine the gin, lemon juice, and sugar. Shake well. Strain into a collins glass alomst filled with ice cubes. Add the club soda. Stir and garnish with the cherry and the orange slice.

What was that again? Cherry, you say? Yeah. I think so, old bean. Especially in the South.

Evil Editor said...

Do we have to repeat the Urban Dictionary fiasco? From Webtender's FAQ:

Q. I submitted a drink a few weeks ago, but I can't find it here!

A. There are two possible reasons:

I am quite busy, but I try to add new drinks to the database every three weeks. During the holidays and exam periods I usually don't have access to the net or have time, so I'm not able to edit the database. Please be patient.

Q. This drink is WRONG!

A. Most of the drinks in The Webtender has been added using the addition form. If someone who did not know how to make a drink added it, it will be wrong.

Apparently the only access to the Internet that the kid who runs this site has is in his high school's computer lab.

Blogless Troll said...

I tended bar for a while, and always garnished a TC with an orange and a cherry, which is pretty standard for anything non-tropical. But who the hell drinks a Tom Collins anyway?

Phoenix Sullivan said...

I didn't want to be the first to point it out, but the IBA clip posted DOES say "garnish and serve." I would think a cherry falls within the "garnish" category. Perhaps there is a list of IBA Official Garnishes somewhere?

The cherry bit is rather a moot point, though, considering how rife with double entendre the rest of Robin's scene is :o)

Evil Editor said...

The standard garnishes are listed in the recipe above: orange or lime.

Blogless Troll said...

Alright. From the IBA website. Note the picture.

Anonymous said...

Even Robin's email address is obscene. That cannot be a coincidence.

Robin S. said...

I swear, EE - you are such a guy about being right. Honestly. Such a guy.

blogless even gave me a (sort of a backhanded) word of cherry support, and you STILL insist there's no cherry.

You know that wikipedia article where you found tha ingredients list? Well, guess what- on a link on that same wiki article, at the bottom is this:

Ingredients for a Tom Collins:
Lemon Juice
Club Soda
Maraschino Cherry
Shockingly, there may be MORE than one right way to make a Tom Collins.

But not, apparently, when one is male.

Evil Editor said...

Not only have you cleverly diverted the discussion from whether having your cherry nibbled has sexual connotations to the recipe for a Tom Collins, now you've got blogless doing research for you, and coming up with a photograph that is clearly labeled "John Collins." Of course you put a cherry in a John Collins. How could you stand to drink a Collins made without Old Tom gin if it didn't have a colorful piece of fruit in it, distracting you from the inferior taste? Miss Snark, our gin expert, will back me up on that.

Anonymous said...

I think a Maraschino cherry is optional, and only there for the bartender guy to make subtle hints to a bar lass he wants to hit on. He wouldn't dream of putting a cherry in a Tom Collins for any other reason. I saw that on a top-rated bartending site, but I can't seem to find the link, now. *cough* And it is a Tom Collins, not a Mary Collins, so a male WOULD know, wouldn't he?

Robin S. said...

Wow. How in the hell did you know my husband's name is John?

Robin S. said...

P.S. I think we should ask Miss Snark to confirm or deny on the cherry thing, don't you?

Anonymous said...

Yanno, the tasty debacle entered into the fray of dangling synapses I call a thought process, just the other day. I wondered if the recent bannation was some kind of sweet revenge in the twisted catacombs (definitely lined with dead things) of the Evil One's zombie entree. "Nah, couldn't be!" I said to myself. And then I went and voted for EE again at the predators and Editors site.

I am so surprised (and grateful that 150 understood my entry) and happy to have won!!! It is a great way to begin the year and I will get my info right over to Robin so I can order a precious copy of ND2!! (It's what I've always wanted since last summer)Yes, I will be immediately using up my Amazon bucks, and with a little luck, I will be reading it by my birthday in a couple weeks.

Thank You! Robin. Thank You EE! And thank you 150 and congrats to you too. Although I don't view this win as the result of having "the least faith in Robin's ability to keep it clean"; I view it as a happy, silly twist of fate, loosely looped around my conviction that Robin's voice is far too strong to be silenced. Y'all saw what was happening when she tried to mute it. Lovely Robin, (Bird thou never wert --)long live your ability to dive so deeply into the pool of language! And may the beauty and skill you display at the execution of such continue to resemble the spectacular feat of acquatics known as the Swan Dive!!
Even though I, personally, may sometimes think of the beauty and skill you display as "The Robin-ical Muff Dive"!!!

Blogless Troll said...

You should've just said Harvey Wallbanger. We all know that's what your character is doing on the next page anyway.

McKoala said...

Very, very funny.

Nothing to add. Helpless.

Evil Editor said...

I'm sorry to report that I've suspended comments on the recipe for a Tom Collins. Whether a cherry belongs in the drink or not, the chewing of her cherry was mentioned before we even knew the author had a drink. It's clear where her priorities lay.

Chris Eldin said...

Blogless---Hhaahahaa! LOL!

Sandra Cormier said...

I knotted a maraschino cherry stem at a dinner party. No hands. I have witnesses.

My boss said he had a whole new respect for me.

My girlfriend told her husband. Instead of commenting on my talent, he said, "What does she look like?"

Sarah Laurenson said...

Leave it to Robin to have a John at home.

Robin S. said...

Hey 150, I need you remail address for the Amazon bit. I've got me's, need yours.

Sylvia said...

"Nothing to add. Helpless."


And it's not often I'm lost for words! Priceless.