Face-Lift 133

Guess the Plot

Bell Tower Memories

1. Missed shots, lost loves, and Euclidean geometry. A sniper tells all.

2. When her brother is murdered, Julia wants revenge. But she's only twelve, and her parents insist she wait until she's eighteen, old enough for a revenge killing.

3. Quasimodo reminisces about his eventful life and rails against the pigeons.

4. A man, a mistress, and the bells of St. Catherine's Cathedral . . . will they ever relive the ring of past love? Or will the bell tower memories haunt them forever?

5. Mike flashes back over ten years spent throwing water balloons out the Bell Tower's window, even as his vengeful neighbors toss him out the same window.

6. A retired campanologist looks back over 40 years on the professional bell-ringing circuit, and the day in 1976 when he came that close to a full peal of Reverse Canterbury Bob Doubles.


Original Version


Dear Ms. (agent who handles YA),

Bell Tower Memories, 64,000 words, is a young adult novel about fear and revenge in tropical Micronesia. [And what young adult isn't on the prowl for a book about that?] The story, set against a background of Pacific island cultures, alternates between two main characters, Lambert and Julia, as each struggles to grow up after a disturbing murder.

Lambert David Taisague is a 10 year old Chamorro boy who lives on the paradise-like island of Saipan. His funny bone amuses his friends. His world is filled with unlocked doors, familiar people and friendly hospitality. Julia James is a 12-year-old Chuukese girl who lives in Saipan, also, but as an outsider. She is kind to stray dogs, considerate of her elders and strongly attached to her older, learning-disabled brother, Jimmy. [Don't the learning-disabled get picked on enough, without their parents saddling them with a name like James James?] [What's his middle name, James?] When Jimmy is murdered, Julia is devastated. The police fail to solve the crime and Julia’s family whisks her back to their homeland of Chuuk. Julia dreams of returning to Saipan and getting revenge for her brother’s murder. Lambert, an unexpected witness to the murder, finds life much less funny, much less safe. He dreams only of escape from his nightmares and memories. [Is a dream in which you escape from a nightmare considered a good dream or a bad dream?] [Evil Editor once woke in a cold sweat from a nightmare in which I was asleep and dreaming that I was a hopeless insomniac. Then I woke up for real in the nightmare--turned out I had been dreaming about the cold sweat part. Or . . . was it all a dream?] Clyde Barrow Barcinas won’t let Lambert forget, [How does Clyde know? Is he the killer?] and intimidates Lambert with quiet threats and tell-tale signs of his presence in Lambert’s home. When Julia, at age 18, returns to Saipan after a dangerous journey by outrigger canoe, seeking revenge, Clyde takes a lustful interest in her. [Have you considered changing her name to Bonnie Parker James?] Lambert must decide between his own escape or Julia’s safety.

I have lived and worked in Saipan for more than twenty years and know the setting and cultural content for my novel well. I have one published YA story in an inspirational publication (________, March 2006) and have contributed a monthly children’s book review column to the local newspaper, ____________, for three years.

This is a non-exclusive submission. Enclosed please find a synopsis, the first two chapters and a SASE. I would be happy to send you the completed manuscript. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Ms. (agent who handles YA),

Bell Tower Memories, 64,000 words, is a young adult novel about fear and revenge in tropical Micronesia. The story, set against a background of Pacific island cultures, alternates between two main characters, Lambert and Julia, as each struggles to grow up after a disturbing murder.

Julia James is a 12-year-old Chuukese girl who lives on the paradise-like island of Saipan. She is kind to stray dogs, considerate of her elders and strongly attached to her older, learning-disabled brother, Jimmy. When Jimmy is murdered, Julia is devastated. The police fail to solve the crime and Julia’s family whisks her back to their homeland of Chuuk.

Lambert David Taisague is a 10-year-old Chamorro boy who lives on Saipan as well. His funny bone amuses his many friends. His is a world of unlocked doors, familiar people and friendly hospitality--until the day he sees Clyde Barrow Barcinas murder Jimmy James. Now he wants only to escape from his nightmares and memories.

But Clyde won’t let Lambert forget what he's seen, and intimidates him over the years with quiet threats and tell-tale signs of his presence in Lambert’s home. When Julia, at age 18, returns to Saipan after a dangerous journey by outrigger canoe, seeking revenge for her brother's murder, Clyde takes a lustful interest in her, and Lambert is forced to decide between his own safety and Julia’s.

I have lived and worked in Saipan for more than twenty years and know the setting and cultural content for my novel well. I have one published YA story in an inspirational publication (________, March 2006) and have contributed a monthly children’s book review column to the local newspaper, ____________, for three years.

Enclosed please find a synopsis, the first two chapters and a SASE. I would be happy to send you the completed manuscript. Thank you for your consideration.


Sincerely,

Notes

It wasn't 100% clear whether Clyde was the murderer, though it's one obvious way he knows that Lambert witnessed it. If he isn't the murderer, some minor tweaking of the revised query will, of course, be needed.

It wasn't bad, but it seemed paragraphing would be helpful, and once it was paragraphed it seemed a bit of reorganization was in order.

If you're wondering about Guess the Plot #6, Reverse Canterbury Bob Doubles is a change ringing peal. Google can help you educate yourself about change ringing. That's how I found this site. Perhaps after you know everything about change ringing you'll find The NineTailors, by Dorothy L. Sayers, more interesting.