Face-Lift 116

Guess the Plot

Sphinx Awakened

1. When the Great Sphinx of Egypt is awakened by the constant babbling of tourists, it swears that unless someone can answer its riddle (which begins, A pharoah, a mummy, and a high priest of Ra walk into a bar...), humanity is doomed. Mankind's last hope lies with a famous American comedienne.

2. Texas-Hold'em stud 'Sphinx' Barrington can't keep his stone-face in place while watching a sweat-bead slowly roll down the cleavage of the hot murderess across the table.

3. Angela hasn’t believed in magic since she was seven years old. But in Redfordshire, believing isn’t the issue. Survival is.

4. The last of the sandstone is worn away in a scouring wind and the creature that had been entrapped for centuries is finally free. Can the modern world bind the powerful Sphinx yet again, or will Ancient Egypt have the last laugh?

5. Tate's cat is the unchallenged champion sleeper of High Street--until Tate starts dating Megan-with-the-two-Rottweilers.

6. As a publicity ploy, a museum announces that only those who can answer a riddle will be admitted to the new Egyptian Antiquities Exhibit. What isn't announced, is that no one admitted will come out alive.


Original Version

Dear Mr. Evil:

Eighth grade is hard enough without having to deal with evil shapeshifters, magical outbursts in the middle of science class, and an arrogant, winged mentor. [That's nothing. I had to deal with Mrs. Ramsay in Music class. She didn't have wings, but . . . let me put it this way: do you have any idea how big a piano has to be to be played by someone with cloven hooves?] But this is exactly the predicament that thirteen-year-old Angela James finds herself in. She hasn’t believed in magic since she was seven, but in Redfordshire, believing isn’t the point. Survival is.

And Angela isn’t alone. Middle school outcasts Zeke and Izzy Marr are in the same situation. All three soon find themselves thrown into the middle of an ancient power struggle where the enemy could be hiding behind every smile. Their sole ally is Wy, a 700-year-old Icarus with a foul temper, a large vocabulary and secrets of his own. [Is Evil Editor expected to know what an Icarus is? It sounds like an intelligent creature born in 1306. But I think only of the mythology guy. Is he the arrogant winged mentor? I don't like calling him "an" Icarus.] With peril surrounding them and the battle only just beginning, Angela, Zeke and Izzy are swept onto a dangerous path that could affect the fate not only of their world, but of all that is magic. [It's too vague. The only specificity is the sentence about the Icarus, and not knowing what that is makes it vague as well. What's the ancient power struggle? Who's the enemy? What peril surrounds them? Why are they thrown into a struggle, swept onto a path? Why not the other students in science class?]

Complete at approximately 78,000 words, Sphinx Awakened is a fantasy rooted in the modern world with supernatural conflicts raging in the shadows. With touches of G.P. Taylor and Susan Cooper’s The Dark is Rising Sequence, [I lifted a sentence here, a phrase there; what are the chances anyone will notice?] [When Evil Editor reads about the authors query writers claim they write like, he is either familiar with those authors, in which case he rolls his eyes and thinks, Yeah, right, or he's never heard of the authors, in which case he thinks, Who?] this book mixes danger, friendship and wit in a combination perfect for fantasy readers aged 12 and older.

Per your web site, I have included a synopsis and the first three chapters for your consideration. If you are interested in reading more, I would be glad to send you the entire manuscript. I would like to note that I do have this query out to two other agents at this time. [What?!! So I'm your third choice?] Thank you, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Sincerely, etc.


Revised Version

Dear Mr. Evil:

Angela James hasn’t believed in magic since she was seven years old, but in Redfordshire these days, believing isn’t the issue. Survival is.

Eighth grade is hard enough without having to deal with evil shapeshifters, magical outbursts in the middle of science class, and an arrogant, winged mentor. But this is exactly the predicament in which Angela and her friends Zeke and Izzy Marr find themselves. Working together on a science experiment, all three cross through a dimensional warp into the middle of an ancient power struggle between the Romulans and the Borg, who are fighting for control of the school--which happens to be the nexus of time travel itself. The kids' sole ally is Wy, a 700-year-old talking duck with a large vocabulary and a "fowl" temper. As battles rage around them, Angela, Zeke and Izzy must find a way to save themselves and to return to their world--with its thankfully boring school.

Complete at approximately 78,000 words, Sphinx Awakened is a fantasy rooted in the modern world with supernatural conflicts seething in the shadows. The book mixes danger, friendship and wit in a combination perfect for fantasy readers aged 12 and older.

Per your web site, I have included a synopsis and the first three chapters for your consideration. If you are interested in reading more, I would be glad to send you the entire manuscript. Thank you.

Sincerely, etc.


Notes

As usual, Evil Editor has no doubt failed to guess the details of your story. But at least this version has some details, and perhaps will sweep you onto the path of specificity.