Face-Lift 119

Guess the Plot

Wrecking Ball

1. Nicky Burkett is a disturbed young man who's been destroying everyone who crosses his path since he was in third grade. Perhaps that's why everyone calls him . . . Wrecking Ball.

2. For years, the City Museum's annual Soirée has been the social event of the season. But all that changes when renegade socialite Lydia Thomas includes seventeen pounds of C4 explosives in the Piñata.

3. Wrecking ball swing. Wrecking ball SMASH! Wrecking ball swing again. Not like to swing. Swing am boring. But then, SMASH!!! Smash am good. Wrecking ball happy.

4. The annual formal dance for the Wrecker's Union becomes the site of a heinous murder when its president is found chained upside down and inside out to the 2007 prototype in the parking lot.

5. Tired of her so-called friend's zany, annoying antics, Ethel sets out to destroy Lucy--once and for all.

6. All is well in Acme Labs until scientists discover the new self-bouncing rubber-ball pet toy they made is indestructible, unstoppable, and loose in the halls.


Original Version

Agent X:

I read in your listing on Publishers Marketplace that you specialize in mysteries. You may be interested in my novel WRECKING BALL. I would like to invite you to review the manuscript and consider representing me.

Every year, third-grade teacher Julia Morris gives each of her students a business card printed with the following message: "Call me if you need help and you have nowhere else to turn." Julia's fellow teachers have dubbed her "Saint Julia" because of her pathological need to rescue every lost soul she meets. Over the years, Julia has helped her students through innumerable crises. Unfortunately, Julia's attempts to help one troubled student, Nicky Burkett, only seemed to accelerate his descent into a life of petty crime and drug abuse. [She's teaching third-graders. Don't you have to be at least ten before you can be declared a lost soul?] Nicky grows into a disturbed young man seemingly intent on destroying himself and everyone who crosses his path, thereby earning him the nickname "Wrecking Ball." [Or perhaps he gets the nickname because he weighs 340 pounds, and resembles a wrecking ball.] [Maybe he became a disturbed young man because everyone called him Wrecking Ball. Didja ever think of that?]

Eleven years after leaving Julia's class, Nicky shows up on Julia's doorstep begging for sanctuary. [Luckily, he still has her business card after eleven years, and she hasn't moved.] He claims that someone is trying to kill him, but refuses to identify who. Still plagued with guilt for having failed Nicky when he was her student, Julia promises to do everything in her power to keep him safe. Nevertheless, [she fails him even more miserably this time, as] within forty-eight hours he is dead. The police declare Nicky's death an accidental overdose, but Julia is convinced he was murdered. [Did he spend that 48 hours in her house? If so, what did he suppposedly OD on? And if not, what was she doing to keep him safe?]

Julia sets out to find Nicky's killer. To aid in her investigation, she draws upon her vast network of former students, whose specialties include forensic science, computers, and surveillance. [Evil Editor senses a series. Next book, Julia calls upon former students who are now a trapeze artist, a backhoe operator, and a lifeguard. She doesn't really need the lifeguard to solve the case, but a little eye candy never hurts.] Julia's sleuthing uncovers several key suspects. Was it the grieving father who blames Nicky for his daughter's death? Or the wannabe crime lord whom Nicky swindled? Or was it someone closer to Julia--someone whose life Nicky wrecked years earlier as a troubled third grader? [If it was one of them, I'll go with the kid whose life he ruined. If a crime lord is after you, your first thought isn't to seek protection from a third-grade teacher.] [Actually, I don't think it was any of them. It's a trick question. The actual killer was Mr. Green in the lounge with the rope.] [Here's the trouble with Clue. It shouldn't require a bunch of interrogations of suspects to determine whether a murder was committed with a rope, a revolver, or a knife. Just look at the corpse, idiots.]

WRECKING BALL is an amateur-sleuth mystery complete at 80,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. I've enclosed an SASE for your reply. Thank you.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Agent X:

I understand that you represent mysteries, and I would like to submit my novel WRECKING BALL for your consideration.

Every year, third-grade teacher Julia Morris gives each of her students a business card printed with this message: "Call me if you need help and you have nowhere else to turn." Over the years, Julia has helped her students through innumerable crises, but her many attempts to help one troubled student, Nicky Burkett, only seemed to accelerate his descent into a life of petty crime and drug abuse. Nicky grows into a disturbed young man seemingly intent on destroying himself and everyone who crosses his path, thereby earning himself the nickname "Wrecking Ball."

Eleven years after leaving Julia's class, Nicky shows up on her doorstep begging for sanctuary. He claims that someone is trying to kill him. Though Julia promises to do everything in her power to keep Nicky safe, within forty-eight hours he is dead. The police declare the death an accidental overdose, but Julia is convinced it was murder.

Julia sets out to find Nicky's killer. To aid in her investigation, she draws upon her vast network of former students, whose specialties include forensic science, computers, and surveillance. Julia's sleuthing uncovers several key suspects: a grieving father who blames Nicky for his daughter's death; a wannabe crime lord whom Nicky swindled; and someone closer to Julia--someone whose life Nicky wrecked years earlier as a troubled third grader.

WRECKING BALL is an amateur-sleuth mystery complete at 80,000 words. The full manuscript is available upon request. I've enclosed an SASE for your reply. Thank you.

Sincerely,


Notes

One could argue that it would be better if Julia taught at the high school. I can see a third-grade teacher staying in touch with a student as long as he's at the same school, but once he moves on to the junior high and the high school, they're not as likely to have contact. And when you're nineteen or twenty, would you go to your third-grade teacher if your life was in danger? And how did a third-grader ruin someone's life? These questions wouldn't come up if Julia taught high school.