Face-Lift 120

Guess the Plot

Rise and Walk

1. No longer content to lie around listening to sirens, crying babies, and loud rap music, the residents of the Restful Acres cemetery Rise and Walk in the largest zombie protest march of all time.

2. Jonas Didy has spent most of his life crawling at others’ feet, but he finally has the opportunity to stand on his own two--if he can find the courage. When the chips are down, will Jonas remain on the floor? Or will the fearful toddler finally Rise and Walk?

3. A faith healer has an epiphany after a paralyzing injury and turns to Ra, Sun God of the Egyptians, causing a rift between himself and his family that not even Isis may be able to heal.

4. A man and his nephew embark on a dangerous and desperate quest: to resurrect a long-dead giant salamander.

5. The students of Hammond College are sick of having nothing to protest about, so they organize a rally against physical exertion of any kind and demand that every student be given a motorized wheelchair. Complications ensue when super-villain Electro comes to town, and harnesses his power by sapping all batteries.

6. The Amalgamated Walker Company is facing bankruptcy unless their new product, the rocket-propelled walker, can succeed in lifting the bodies and spirits of the mobility-impaired.

Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

For three generations the House of Fire ran the Council of Tides; enshrouded in wealth and power they ruled the sprawling city by the sea. Ten years ago the House of Stars [Also known as the Michael Douglas household.] ascended to power [It's Dune. Only without the sandworms and the spice and the lame sequels.] [And with water.] in a violent coup, [Isn't a coup from within? While a different house is from without?] destroying Fire's elemental guardian and driving the bloodline's survivors into hiding. [Thus exposing the House of Fire as a House of Cards.] Without the political and magical protection of house status the House of Fire was reduced to a stubborn shadow of its former self. In a world where blood pays the price the gods demand for magic, resurrecting their house from the ashes may destroy what family they have left.

RISE AND WALK is the story of Harn and his uncle Kerith, the only surviving members of the House of Fire. Together they are on a desperate quest to find and resurrect their house elemental, a giant salamander whose bones have been scattered in the catacombs beneath the Council Houses. But calling a spirit back from the dead isn't easy, and without the elemental magic of the salamander to draw on [It's Catch-22. They need to resurrect the giant salamander, but in order to do so, they need the giant salamander, but . . . ] Kerith and Harn are forced to fuel their spells from more mundane sources.

Only the power generated by an unfulfilled death is great enough to call the salamander's spirit back to the mortal plane. Led by his mother's notes Harn carefully kills and binds an unwilling soul inside a magical silver cage, but they discover that her ["Her" being the mother or the unwilling soul?] magic alone can't rebuild the house spirit's body. Binding the bones together with flesh and blood requires a willing sacrifice from the House of Fire's own bloodline. [So they play rock, paper, scissors for the honor of being the sacrifice.] [I wonder whether it's better to go with rock, paper or scissors when you're trying to throw the match.] Out of time, and out of relatives, Harn and Kerith are forced to choose between self-sacrifice and their need for revenge. [Can they get revenge without the salamander? If so, they can get revenge, and then resurrect the salamander. If not, the only choice is which one of them dies, and which one goes on a sex spree to rebuild the bloodline. Of course, getting dates isn't gonna be that easy when your giant salamander insists on sleeping in the same bed with you.]

Even as the two are faced with choosing between life and family, a member of the House of Stars is close on their trail. Raised on stories of the House of Fire's depravity, Taven has devoted his life to exterminating the survivors. Operating without the knowledge of his house's elders, Taven risks execution if Harn and Kerith succeed in reinstating their house's political standing. Using the elemental power of his own house spirit [A giant hamster.] and following clues left by the trapped soul, he tracks the pair through the depths of the city. He only has to kill one of the pair for the spell to fail, and to see the House of Fire finally die. [Why? If he kills only one, and the other has a bunch of children who have more children, aren't they all part of the bloodline? And can't they resurrect the salamander?]

RISE AND WALK is a dark fantasy novel of approximately 95,000 words. I've included the sample pages, per your guidelines, and can provide the entire manuscript in hardcopy or electronic format at your request.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor,

For three generations the House of Fire has ruled over the sprawling City by the Sea. When the House of Stars ascends to power in a violent revolt, Fire's elemental guardian is destroyed, and the bloodline's few survivors are driven into hiding.

RISE AND WALK is the story of Harn and his uncle Kerith, the last remaining members of the House of Fire. Together they embark on a desperate quest to find and resurrect their house elemental, a giant salamander whose bones have been scattered in the catacombs beneath the Council Houses. But binding the bones together with flesh and blood requires a willing sacrifice from the House of Fire's own bloodline. Out of time, and out of relatives, Harn and Kerith are forced to choose between self-sacrifice and their thirst for revenge.

Even as the two are faced with choosing between life and family, Taven, a renegade member of the House of Stars, uses the elemental power of his own house spirit to track the pair through the depths of the city. Raised on stories of the enemy's depravity, Taven has devoted his life to exterminating the survivors before the House of Fire can rise from the ashes.

RISE AND WALK is a dark fantasy novel of approximately 95,000 words. I've included the sample pages, per your guidelines, and can provide the entire manuscript in hardcopy or electronic format at your request.

Sincerely,


Notes

The original wasn't bad, but it wasn't going to fit on a page, and the revised version gets the main points across.