The final iteration of the query most recently seen here.
Fred smiles in his hospital bed after being assaulted by his straight crush, because now he has Malek right where he wants him. After Fred’s lawyers convince Malek to sign a contract instead of going to jail, he must pay Fred some “reconciliatory” visits. At last, Fred can kneel to Malek as his submissive. Guilt-ridden, Malek wants to appease Fred, but dreads playing along.
Fred gradually pulls Malek closer to becoming a dominant as Malek tackles his fear of homosexual interaction. He discovers a satisfying knack for commanding Fred and finds in him a sexual release from his frustrating life. To catalyze this transition, Fred paints Malek as king of mythical realms. Malek, fearing ridicule at university and [afraid of] shaming his Iraqi immigrant family, orders Fred to trash the paintings. Instead, Fred sells them to pay rent.
Fred’s [His] abusive father always dismissed his [Fred's] dream of becoming a famous painter, [artist] insisting that Fred take over the family business. However, not only do these [Fred's] paintings sell, there is demand for more.
Now Fred’s two dreams are coming true, and it is terrifying. If Malek gets wind of his famous paintings, he will shut Fred out forever, stripping him of inspiration and the only straight crush that liked him. [So what? If the guy is straight, how long does he expect the relationship to last? The choice between the career you would love to have and a relationship with a guy who'd rather be with a woman is a no-brainer.]
Given that you are looking for LGBT Romance and/or erotica, I believe you will find THE GLORIOUS PRINCE, complete at 84,800 words, of interest. It is the first in a planned series, but can stand alone.
I have previously resided in the US capital [comma] in 2013; the setting of my story. I wrote this novel to answer the question: What are my straight crushes so damn afraid of? [Did writing this novel answer that question? If so, what was the answer? If not, I guess you failed. Either way, if anyone publishes this novel, it won't be to answer that question, so why bring it up?]
Thank you for your time and consideration.
The query is okay. The problems are:
1. The contract, which seems silly whether it's for reconciliation visits or sex. In my experience. outside of the business world, there isn't a lot of contract signing going on.
2. The idea that Fred doesn't move on and find a gay crush or another straight crush. That he can get inspiration only from the guy who assaulted him. If I, a straight guy, had a crush on a woman and she was a lesbian, and she met my initial advance by assaulting me, I wouldn't go to great lengths to be with her as much as possible. Is that a good analogy?
I also wouldn't write a novel to answer the question What is she so damn afraid of?