EVIL EDITOR

Cartoon 103

2008-05-13T16:30:00.000-04:00

Caption: writtenwyrdd

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

New Beginning 499

2008-05-13T11:26:00.001-04:00

Josiah wolfed down a sandwich, then worked his way through a bag of chips, staring absent-mindedly at the bottom half of the pyramid visible from the open tent. He glanced up, noticing for the first time the two girls that had come in for lunch as well. They were college students, lucky enough to be working with his uncle for a few months. Smiling at him, they turned back to each other.

“So handsome! He looks just like a little Dr. Keeper.”

“Oh, and those eyes! He’s going to be a lady killer, I can see it already.”

Josiah blushed furiously as the two moved out of hearing range. He hated the way adults had of talking about you like you were an idiot and couldn’t hear them. From behind him came a sing-song voice. He rolled his eyes.

“There once was a young man named Josie; his cheeks were delightfully rosy. When’er he went by, the girls would all sigh, and toss him a beautiful posy.”

“Hi, Darah,” Josiah said with a sigh. “Your dad was looking for you.”

“Of course,” she continued, ignoring his greeting, “posies wouldn’t really be all that flattering. After all, they were used to cover up the stench of dead bodies during the plague. But Josie is a hard rhyme, now, isn’t it? Why couldn’t you have an easy name, like Frank, or Tom?”

“Well, my name isn’t actually Josie. And you didn’t answer my question.”

She posed with her hands under her chin, blinked exaggeratedly at him, as if flapping her eyelashes the way some moms did when he walked past, and said, “This character Josie is dense. The things that he says make no sense. Wants answers to questions, he hasn't yet mentioned, which leaves all the readers incensed.”

Opening: Kiersten.....Continuation: BuffySquirrel

Tuesday ads

2008-05-13T08:41:00.001-04:00

...are below. Don't forget that you can enlarge the ads by clicking directly on them.

Evil Ad 33

2008-05-13T08:26:00.000-04:00

Evil Ad 32

2008-05-13T08:25:00.002-04:00

Evil Editor

Evil Ad 31

2008-05-13T08:15:00.000-04:00

Scott Simpson

Evil Ad 30

2008-05-13T07:55:00.000-04:00

Evil Jr.

Evil Ad 29

2008-05-13T07:50:00.000-04:00

Whirlochre

Evil Ad 28

2008-05-13T07:49:00.000-04:00

Blogless_troll

Evil Ad 27

2008-05-13T07:47:00.000-04:00

Whirlochre

Cartoon 102

2008-05-12T14:43:00.003-04:00

Caption: anon.

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Cartoon 101

2008-05-12T12:25:00.004-04:00

Caption: R. Lyle Wolfe

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Face-Lift 525

2008-05-12T11:58:00.001-04:00

Guess the Plot

15 Minutes

1. Johnnny Gunz doesn't want to be a one hit wonder. So when he stumbles upon a brilliant songwriter, Johnny kills him and claims all of the songwriter's compositions as his own. Just as his second album becomes a hit, Johnny's loved ones begin to die one by one. Is it a coincidence? Karma? Or a vengeful ghost?

2. Dr. Emile Steinner has learned about a plot to assassinate a U.S. senator, but a bizarre supercollider accident has accelerated him to 35,000 times normal human speed. Now Steinner has fifteen minutes to save the senator from certain death, but those fifteen minutes may be the longest year of his life.

3. When superstar Anthony Harris collapses, poisoned, at the hot dog stall in the mall, Disco Dog assistant manager Rebecca has the fame she has longed for. But can she parlay her fifteen minutes into something more? Perhaps a job as full manager?

4. Geri doesn't want fame, but she does want fortune. So she settles for a live-in job as the personal assistant for socialite Cora Delaney. Living the high life second hand is pretty good--until Cora dies and the cops hang the murder on Geri.

5. Demiel the arch-incubus has a terrible problem: he only lasts 15 minutes. Among incubi, that's comparable to a human male who only lasts 5 seconds. Demiel seeks out the multiverse's most competent sex instructor, but a series of mistakes cause him to be trapped in a commune full of elderly bisexual hippies. Also, panties that grant wishes, but only in the way you didn't mean.

6. Controversial game show "15 Minutes" offers contestants the best 15 minutes of their lives--provided they're also the last 15 minutes. But socialite Nancy Cochrane, armed with charm, money and stilettos, thinks she can beat the system.

Original Version

Dear Wonderful Agent,

I've very much enjoyed reading your blog and having read BOOKX that you represent, I decided to contact you about my novel, 15 Minutes.

All Rebecca wanted was to be famous - despite that niggling little issue that she didn’t have a good reason. She wasn’t pretty enough to be an it-girl and not talented enough to lead a rock band. She didn’t know anyone who could give her a big break and her family socialized with accountants and librarians instead of movie moguls. [When you say she didn't have a good reason, we assume you mean a good reason for wanting to be famous. What you mean is she didn't have a chance in hell. You can say it that way, or you can delete "didn’t have a good reason. She".] Trying to get noticed took up all of her time - her mother insisted that if she put that much effort into anything else, she wouldn’t be stuck in a dead-end job as assistant manager of the Disco Dog food-stall at the Buena Park Mall. [At first I thought you meant a stall where they sell dog food. Sort of an upscale Taco Bell.] But she was convinced there was a solution to her dilemma.

It finally seemed she found it when she recognized hot teen super-star Anthony Harris and waved him over to her. [Hey, big boy, how about a foot-long, all the way?] She’d just made him a double-onion mustard dog when he collapsed at the counter. She rang the long-since memorised phone number of the local gossip mag and then an ambulance, convinced she was finally at the right place at the right time. But when it turned out he had been poisoned, [If he ate a mall hot dog, of course he's been poisoned.] Rebecca found herself a lot less happy about being in the limelight. And then the death-threats began...

15 Minutes is 90,000 word YA novel. I am a freelance writer with a monthly column in Piper Flyer. My short stories have been published in EverydayFiction.com and Dark Tales Magazine. This is my first full-length novel.

Notes

When you wave a superstar over to your hot dog stand, do his bodyguards and entourage actually let him go?

What does a superstar think when a hot dog seller waves him over to her stall? Hmm, that woman seems to want something. It could be important. I'd better check it out. Or...Note to self: have bothersome hot dog chick killed after leaving mall.

It sounds like he collapses before eating the hot dog, in which case why the death threats? If he eats and then collapses, that could be made clear.

Usually the plot sounds better in present tense than past.

I could do with less set-up and more plot. Do we need an explanation of why a woman working in a mall hot dog stall isn't famous? Even with looks and talent and connections most people don't achieve fame.

You might see how it sounds beginning the query when the guy collapses and working in more of the aftermath. Or at least shorten the set-up to something like All Rebecca James wanted was to be famous - but without looks, talent or connections, it seems she's destined to languish in her job as assistant manager of Disco Dog. Then she gets her big break: teen super-star Anthony Harris dies after eating one of Rebecca's hot dogs, and the face of the "Disco Dog Killer" is plastered on newspapers and magazines worldwide.

The Monday Evil Ads

2008-05-12T10:32:00.004-04:00

...are below. Remember to click on the ad itself for an enlarged version.

It has been mentioned that daily ads could be a regular feature of the blog. I'm happy to have an additional feature, but I'm forced to consider that I reject a large percentage of cartoon captions, continuations and fake plots. This isn't too disturbing to the authors, as they seldom spend much time on them, but if I'm rejecting an ad you spent an hour creating, you might get pissed. I would expect a featured ad to look pretty much like a professional ad, to have some wit, and to not be too similar to one that's already appeared. Can artists handle rejection as well as writers?

Evil Ad 26

2008-05-12T07:45:00.000-04:00

ril

Evil Ad 25

2008-05-12T07:43:00.000-04:00

Phoenix

Evil Ad 24

2008-05-12T07:42:00.000-04:00

Evil Editor

Evil Ad 23

2008-05-12T07:40:00.000-04:00

Bill Highsmith

Evil Ad 22

2008-05-12T07:37:00.000-04:00

Scott Simpson

Evil Ad 21

2008-05-12T07:36:00.000-04:00

Stephanie

Evil Ad 20

2008-05-12T07:35:00.000-04:00

Blogless_Troll

Evil Ad 19

2008-05-12T07:33:00.000-04:00

Scott Simpson

Evil Ad 18

2008-05-12T07:31:00.000-04:00

Buffy Squirrel

Cartoon 100!!

2008-05-11T19:40:00.002-04:00

Caption: ril

Your caption on the next cartoon! Link in sidebar.

Writing Exercise Results

2008-05-11T10:15:00.000-04:00

The create-an-ad-involving-EE exercise has brought forth more submissions than any other, and because some people like to comment on every submission I'll be posting them in groups of eight to ten over the next few days.

If you made the mistake of relying on EE to turn your ideas into reality, and sent several ideas, I think I did at least one of them, but no more than two. I may have set aside an email and forgotten about it, so if you sent idea(s) and they don't appear Sunday, let me know and I'll whip something up. (I figure those who haven't even seen their ads yet would appreciate my getting theirs up Sunday.) Also, I assumed I could remember who sent them from memory, but that was when I expected fifteen or twenty, so if I attribute yours to someone else let me know.

A lot of the ads have fine print; they are best viewed by clicking directly on the ad. This will blow it up to the bigger-than-life size it was meant to be. Then use the back button to get out.

I'll post a morning group and an afternoon group Sunday, then one group a day through Wednesday.