Face-Lift 113

Guess the Plot

What's Wrong with Us?

1. When five generations of the dysfunctional Wallace family gather for Thanksgiving, it's always just a matter of time before someone asks the obvious question.

2. When Joe and Susan find themselves fiercely arguing about the right way to eat danishes, they realize their marriage is in serious need of counseling.

3. Evan and Ebony Walker have been through a lot together. But, when they awaken one morning and discover Polaroids scattered about of two werewolves doing the horizontal howl in their bedroom they ask themselves the obvious question.

4. In a series of highly opinionated essays, a twenty-eight-year-old woman complains bitterly about how twenty-five-year-olds nowadays are more lazy, impractical, and superficial than they were back in her day.

5. Rumors tell of a mysterious stranger who cures any complaint with a touch. When she finally shows up, she is crushed beneath the pleading mob, leaving them unchanged, and unrepentant.

6. Evil Editor’s minions tell all in this self-indulgent cooperative memoir; includes bonus CD: Minion Lessons - procrastination, obsession, and groveling.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

A few weeks ago, my grandfather called me up after watching something on CNN about iPods and asked me, "What's wrong with them?" [I replied, "They're too expensive, they damage your hearing, and they have lousy bass." He said, "Not ipods, idiot. CNN."] I am writing to you seeking representation for my nonfiction book of essays on why 18-25-year-olds today are a generation so different from any other. As a college newspaper adviser, daily I am faced with people from this generation who can tell you intimate details of Britney Spears' pregnancy but can't tell me where a comma goes, or who were the Axis powers in World War II. [Could you move that comma after "goes" so it's after "pregnancy?"] [Thanks. Now, what's the latest on Britney?]

This is a generation of adults coming of age in a very bizarre time. Young adults today have had MTV, the Internet, cable television and cellular phones their whole lives. [All of which pale in value when compared to the other item Evil Editor didn't have when growing up: the TV remote control.] Their parents constantly told them they'd be great at everything, but they never learned how to work for anything. Their self-esteem and purchasing power are high, [Unless you include the suicidal and impoverished ones.] but their analytical and practical skills are low. With so many buzzwords surrounding this generation ("helicopter parents," "soccer moms," "NASCAR dads," "boomerang generation," "iGeneration," "generation me," ["Pepsi Generation," "Star Trek, the Next Generation,"] etc.), it's time to get to the facts. [So the essays will contain the facts? Or the opinions?]

This book will be a collection of essays on different subjects concerning the generation. [Boring, vague sentence. Dump it.] Topics [of the essays] will include technology, the Internet, politics and interpersonal relationships. An essay titled "Fake Friends," about the temporary and superficial nature of friendships on sites like MySpace, Friendster and Facebook, is enclosed for your review. {not sent to E.E., but will be included with the actual query}

As a college newspaper adviser, I work with people from this generation daily. [Yes, you said that in paragraph 1.] Working in a college setting puts me face-to-face with the technology, pop culture and personal relationships of this generation. I'm also only a few years older than they are, and I can see first-hand the very tangible differences in their generation and mine. [This younger generation, they just don't know how tough we had it.]

A complete proposal package for the book "What's Wrong With Us?" is available upon request and I have included a SASE for your reply. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Best,


Notes

This sounds like a tough sell without more impressive credentials. Is it all opinion, or are there studies and data to back up your opinions? Would this be different from (better in some ways than) Generation Me, by Jean Twenge?

Your test group seems to be limited to college students, possibly at your college only. A military commander in Iraq might have a different take on the 18 - 25 year-old generation. Books about generations have to generalize, true, but first you need to throw everyone from the generation into the mix. Then generalize about the average person, or the vast majority of people. Which you may have done by interviewing iGeneration people who aren't in one particular college, but if so, mention it.

Evil Editor was considering writing a book about this generation himself, basing my findings entirely on the query letters and comments I've received from18 - 25 year-old writers. Which pretty much narrowed it down to Dwight, the Troubled Teen. In the end, I decided that while he probably was a sufficiently representative sample of the entire generation, I didn't feel like writing the book after all. Apparently Evil Editor also hails from a lazy generation.