Queries Waiting (0)

Below, listed in the order received, are the titles of books whose query letters have been submitted for ridicule, but which have not been critiqued.

In order to offer the "Guess the Plot" feature with each query critique, Evil Editor needs his minions to suggest amusing fake plots for the titles. Send your fake plots as comments to this post. Try to limit them to 50 words. Don't worry if your plot is ridiculous; the actual plots usually are, as well.

Titles will be added to the list as new query letters come in, so check back.  

The queue is empty! It's the perfect time to submit your query. Yes, you.


CavalierdeNuit said...

Hey EE! Since I'm a twitter user, and I follow you, would you mind maybe tweeting when new queries appear in the queue please? Thanks!

Evil Editor said...

Good idea.

Ireth said...

Are we allowed to send in revisions after our initial queries have been critiqued? Is there a minimum time we should wait before doing that?

Evil Editor said...

Resubmissions are fine. There's no time limit, though experience has shown that the queries of those who resubmit the fastest are rarely improvements.

Anonymous said...

The bastards should wail while I beat and torture the giant shoes, white makeup and big damned fake red noses right off their creepy faces and--what? Crowns? OK, nevermind. Sorry. My bad.

Crowns Shall Wail

Anonymous said...

Crowns Shall Wail

Philip, the eldest prince, got a singing sword. Mark, the next, got a talking horse. Steven got a wailing crown--is it any surprise that he promptly murders his brothers, takes over the kingdom, and starts a war with his neighbors?

St0n3henge said...

The old knight stared at the ancient inscription on the castle wall. No one knew who put it there or why.
It read,
"Crowns shall wail
Empires fall.
Kings shall weep
Beggars, all.
Swords shall break
Reapers win.
Get those whiskers
Off your chin.
Burma Shave"

What could it possibly mean?

Mister Furkles said...

In a world where song is immoral, Kings and Queens compete not with armies but by emitting prolonged, mournful laments while rending their garments. But twelve-year-old princess Tallionia has a beautiful voice and can only sing like an angle. Besides, she likes her only summer dress. What’s girl to do?

Anonymous said...

The Wailing Crown will cry out unless it is on the head of the proper king. It hasn't stopped wailing since Friday, when the king died. None of his heirs could make it stop, and Alicia is going to murder someone if she has to listen to its wails one more time.

Paul Penna said...

Crowns Shall Wail

Briar Rose has been wishing for another hundred years of sleep ever since giving birth to identical princelings, Howlin, Waylon and Yelp, whose interminable caterwauling is keeping her awake all night. In desperation, she decides to place three spinning wheels in their nursery. Will this solve her problem or bury the castle under a mountain of tea cozies?

Anonymous said...

When expert thief Silvi finds a hoard of coins from dozens of countries throughout history, she's divided as to whether to find collectors to sell them to or melt them down for their base value in gold. The problem: the coins start screaming when she removes them from their erstwhile home. Next up, DRAGONS!!!!!!