Dear Evil Editor,
ADAM & EVE is an adult 99,000-word LGBTQ+ thriller set in the Scottish Highlands and Islands, complete at 99,000 words. Combining the style of Everyone in my Family Has Killed Someone by Benjamin Stevenson with the speculative themes [evocative] of My Murder by Katie Williams, ADAM & EVE will appeal to fans of the dark humour in AppleTV’S Severance.
42 year-old solicitor Cat Cowan goes home [to Scotland] for the first time in a decade—but only for the sperm. She thinks pricey artificial insemination from the controversial specialists at The Clinic will fill the hole her ex-girlfriend left behind.
Cat’s thrilled when The Clinic delivers, but at the 6 week scan a whistle-blowing nurse tells her she received IVF instead of IUI.
No sperm; just an embryo. [Move this sentence to the end of the previous paragraph.]
Someone else’s embryo.
Devastated, [Enraged?] Cat takes a blood test and launches an investigation. She tracks down the offending clinician’s ex-wife, Tasha. With a shared enemy, they grow close as they dig into The Clinic’s sordid history: eugenics, questionable practices, exploiting a devastated population after a disastrous chemical spill that caused miscarriages, birth defects and cancer. And, after Tasha’s son hacks their servers, historic footage of strange tests performed on two children: [they called] Adam and Eve.
The footage is so old Adam and Eve must be adults by now, but there’s no trace of them. The investigation pivots to exposing embryo theft—The Clinic has an airtight retention policy that suggests they kept and raised two babies for developmental study—but before Cat and Tasha can expose them, Tasha’s son disappears. [is found dead. Or is he? Tasha's adamant the body in the morgue isn't her son.]
Then they find him dead on the beach. It’s ruled an accidental drowning, but Tasha’s adamant it isn’t him: he had braces as a child, and the teeth are wrong even if the rest of him matches.
Cat’s convinced he was killed because they’re close to exposing The Clinic, but Tasha won’t budge: her son is missing, not dead, and who—or what—ever is in the morgue, it’s not him.
As they search for Tasha’s son and confront the growing evidence that The Clinic isn’t just selectively implanting embryos, it’s cloning them, Cat realises the real question isn’t whose baby she has [is] inside her.
It’s who’s in there at all [what's inside her]. [The options being someone else's embryo/ baby or the clone of someone else's embryo/ baby, right?]
42 year-old solicitor Cat Cowan goes home [to Scotland] for the first time in a decade—but only for the sperm. She thinks pricey artificial insemination from the controversial specialists at The Clinic will fill the hole her ex-girlfriend left behind.
Cat’s thrilled when The Clinic delivers, but at the 6 week scan a whistle-blowing nurse tells her she received IVF instead of IUI.
No sperm; just an embryo. [Move this sentence to the end of the previous paragraph.]
Someone else’s embryo.
Devastated, [Enraged?] Cat takes a blood test and launches an investigation. She tracks down the offending clinician’s ex-wife, Tasha. With a shared enemy, they grow close as they dig into The Clinic’s sordid history: eugenics, questionable practices, exploiting a devastated population after a disastrous chemical spill that caused miscarriages, birth defects and cancer. And, after Tasha’s son hacks their servers, historic footage of strange tests performed on two children: [they called] Adam and Eve.
The footage is so old Adam and Eve must be adults by now, but there’s no trace of them. The investigation pivots to exposing embryo theft—The Clinic has an airtight retention policy that suggests they kept and raised two babies for developmental study—but before Cat and Tasha can expose them, Tasha’s son disappears. [is found dead. Or is he? Tasha's adamant the body in the morgue isn't her son.]
Then they find him dead on the beach. It’s ruled an accidental drowning, but Tasha’s adamant it isn’t him: he had braces as a child, and the teeth are wrong even if the rest of him matches.
Cat’s convinced he was killed because they’re close to exposing The Clinic, but Tasha won’t budge: her son is missing, not dead, and who—or what—ever is in the morgue, it’s not him.
As they search for Tasha’s son and confront the growing evidence that The Clinic isn’t just selectively implanting embryos, it’s cloning them, Cat realises the real question isn’t whose baby she has [is] inside her.
It’s who’s in there at all [what's inside her]. [The options being someone else's embryo/ baby or the clone of someone else's embryo/ baby, right?]
Notes
This is a big improvement, but is longer than ideal. Maybe that won't matter, but getting rid of the red words wouldn't hurt.
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