Wednesday, July 05, 2006
Guess the Plot
Lair of a Terrorist
1. Learn the latest boobytrapping and cave decoration techniques in HGTV's latest addition to their line of interior decorating books.
2. Kareem Akbar Kalib is a terrorist on the run in the United States. With the DHS hot on his trail Kalib turns to the only place he can find safe refuge –the Democratic National Convention.
3. A fresh coat of white paint on the walls and a shiny new national seal on the floor inspires a lone man in a quiet, elliptical room to plot devious schemes.
4. Fleeing bombs from cave to cave is tough, but Bin Laden's fatal mistake comes when the falafel he orders from the Peshawar Dominos is delivered by a suicide bomber.
5. The Mullah, a strict fundamentalist, finds that raising his 15-year-old daughter in Miami is a bigger challenge than his day job at the Miami mosque--training recruits for an attack on the American infidels.
6. She knew there was something funny about the way he decorated his bachelor pad. But she had no way of knowing that she had stumbled into...The Lair of a Terrorist.
LAIR OF A TERRORIST
Dear Mr. Evil:
Which elements foil a terrorist plot: poor planning, inadequate financing, bad luck? [Actually, those are the things that let it succeed.] Jack Vitelli, FBI counterterrorism chief, exploits another possibility--family life.
Jack trails the suspects; they're clever, brilliant perhaps, and their activity is suspicious, [Especially the part where they purchase three tons of fertilizer the day after they arrive in the U.S.] yet he has no evidence against the suspects or intel on the impending attack, only warnings from his clairvoyant aunt of vague threats. [His aunt is the FBI's secret weapon against terrorism? Explains a lot.] Jack surveils the suspect's family members to search for an opportunity.
Amir Hassan, leader and mastermind, is handsome, charismatic, a rich, young Saudi, who is Tayssir's son, a devoted mother hiding old secrets. The attack's success means more to Amir than just a strike against the infidels, world dominance will be within his grasp soon, yet nothing can compare to its most illusive prize, his father's approval, or so he thinks. [Until he discovers that only dominance over the entire universe will win father's approval.] [Consider trying other punctuation marks occasionally, in place of your favored comma.]
The Mullah, a strict fundamentalist and second-in-command, trains his recruits within the bomb shelter, hidden beneath the Miami mosque. The important work is going well, however, raising a fifteen-year-old daughter outside of Syria proves to be more of a challenge than defeating the infidels. [The Mullah sounds like a great sitcom idea.] [Seriously. At work he contends with incompetent underlings who keep accidentally blowing each other up. Then he goes home to find his daughter Fakhriyya is dating a Jewish American girl, and has a tattoo of an American flag on her thigh.] [At first he's beside himself, but in the end he throws up his arms and utters his catch phrase: Kids today . . . Whattaya gonna do?]
After careful negotiations, Habib Al Ashari, the faithful Pakistani soldier, is betrothed to Yasmeen, the woman of his dreams. He ignores his wife's [Does his wife know he's betrothed to Yasmeen?] emotional instability, he only sees her beauty, certain she will grow to love him once the attack succeeds, but Yasmeen has other plans. [She wants to be the first Pakistani to make the final three on American Idol.] [This list of characters reads like a "Guess the Plot."] [In fact, I could have taken all six "Guess the Plot" ideas from the actual query, and still had people saying "I can't believe it's any of these."]
Seth Levi is suspicious of the American's motives--why him? Jack recruits the veteran Mossad operative for reasons other than Seth's infiltration talents. [Seth makes the best hummus in Florida.]
Jack sifts through the facts, exploits the suspect's weaknesses--how will he stop the attack in time? [Luckily he has an ace in the hole: Chloe O'Brian.] A SASE is enclosed if you'd like to find out more.
Thanks for the opportunity.
LAIR OF A TERRORIST
Dear Mr. Evil:
Jack Vitelli, FBI counterterrorism chief, is on the trail of suspected terrorists. With no hard evidence, he resorts to surveilling the suspects' family members for clues to the upcoming attack.
Mastermind Amir Hassan, a charismatic young Saudi, is the son of Tayssir, a devoted mother hiding old secrets. The attack's success means more to Amir than anything--except finally winning the approval of his own family.
The Mullah, a strict fundamentalist and second-in-command, trains his terrorist recruits within a bomb shelter beneath the Miami mosque. The training is going well, but raising his fifteen-year-old daughter outside of Syria is a different story.
Habib Al Ashari, a Pakistani soldier, is married to Yasmeen, the woman of his dreams. He ignores his wife's emotional instability, seeing only her beauty, certain she will grow to love him once the attack succeeds.
Are Tayssir, Yasmeen, and the Mullah's daughter the key to preventing a terrorist attack? Jack gathers clues, sifts through the facts, but time is growing short. Are we all DOOMED?!
A SASE is enclosed if you'd like to find out more. Thanks for the opportunity.
Evil Editor must confess that the query does not fill him with confidence that the book is ready for submission. Even if it is, I'd like to see less about the terrorists and more about their plot. Then there's the fact that the descriptions of the terrorists strike me as amusing. Is that just me? If the terrorists come across as comical, I doubt the query is going to appeal to a publisher.