Monday, March 24, 2008
Guess the Plot
The Way of Dispossession
1. When an honest yet poor Nigerian actually finds $10 million US in a dead account, he tries desperately to find someone somewhere in the world willing to help him get it so he can use his ten percent share to get his dying mother a kidney transplant. Why will no one help him?
2. Alaina Gredeinian is a leader in the Sancian resistance, fighting the occupying Fredians. Her roommate Cathy Donaldson is a pacifist. When Alaina's cell blows up a major bridge in the capital city, will it put a strain on their living arrangement?
3. Allan Keanes is a financial "Mr. Fix It". When he's called into one of the country's biggest banks to help sort out their sub-prime losses, he thinks it's just a matter of foreclosure--until he discovers the money markets are in fact possessed by an evil spirit.
4. Harry knows his life is in the dumper, what with the alcoholism, the drug abuse and the trans-gender issues he refuses to face. But when his family stages an intervention with the order of the Monks of Forced Enlightenment, things get a little out of hand.
5. Adex is a mid-level demon inhabiting a 12-year-old girl in Fresno when he is unexpectedly evicted from his home by an exorcist. He finds himself in a shadow realm occupied by displaced fiends, imps, and fallen angels. Only one thing to do: Form a rock band!
6. After giving all his wealth away to a cult, Luke realizes that he has been scammed and that he will never find inner tranquility until he gets his money back. Follow him as he breaks into the cult HQ and faces the leader with only his head, hands and feet as weapons.
7. Rich, successful and empty, Daniel Piermont cannot get his life on track; everything he worked for means nothing. In a bid to find his true self, he dispossesses himself of everything he owns; but when he falls in love with Liana, he realizes happiness is more easily attained with wealth. That's when he remembers his twenty-million-dollar off-shore account in Bimini.
Dear Almighty Evil Editor,
I am seeking representation for my novel, The Way of Dispossession.
For almost three years, the nation of Sancia has been ruled by Fredia, its neighboring country. During that time, the underground movement has worked to bring down Fredia’s oppressive regime. The story revolves around Alaina Gredeinian, a leader in the Sancian resistance; Cathy Donaldson, her roommate, a pacifist; and Terrence Harlin, her long-time friend and partner in the resistance. When Alaina’s cell blows up one of the capital city’s major bridges, the government threatens to shut down the city. [Attention, residents of the capital: we're closed. Everybody out. Oh, and it's recommended that you not leave via the western bridge.] In response, the resistance steps up its efforts to smuggle food and other supplies into the city. [Why does food have to be smuggled into the city? Surely shutting down the city doesn't mean no more food for anyone?] Alaina finds herself being run ragged [How about "runs herself ragged," or "is run ragged"? "Finds herself being" is a long way to say "is," and makes it sound like a surprising discovery.] to support this effort, and during one mission, she accidentally reveals her identity to a Fredian soldier. [In other words, she makes a Fredian slip.]
[Soldier: Halt! Who are you and where are you taking that food?
Alaina: I'm Alaina Gredeinian and . . . doh!]
She, Cathy, and Terrence are all imprisoned and interrogated, and Alaina’s family is arrested in retaliation for her involvement with the resistance.
Just before Alaina’s execution date, [Oppressive regimes shoot first, then set the execution date.] the resistance rescues them; however, they are still in danger. Ronnie Hartson, a wilderness guide, [Ronnie Hartson is no name for a Sancian wilderness guide, and Grizzly Adams is taken. How about Wolverine McGuff?] is assigned to help them get to Laucasia, another neighboring country. But hiking over mountains, relying on a chain of “safe houses,” and avoiding Fredian troops are just part of their journey. Alaina deals with her family’s arrest and the aftermath of her prison experience, which was more brutal than either of her friends’. Terrence struggles with his feelings for Alaina and her tendency to push him away. Cathy tries to figure out whether, in light of her beliefs, her minimal participation in the resistance was justified. [Also, she must deal with her unexpected crush on Ronnie Hartson, wilderness guide, right?]
Even arriving in Laucasia does not alleviate their problems. [It may not solve all their problems, but if it doesn't even alleviate them, what was the point of going there?] And when they are eventually called back to Sancia for a final attempt to completely overthrow the Fredian government, they all must confront their fears and issues head-on.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
I'm not finding it that exciting, though I feel I should be. Maybe more about the rescue or the danger and less about the details. How many Fredians are they up against? How many are in the resistance? Their comrades rescue them from prison, their guide gets them to Laucasia . . . when do they do something to help the cause, and what is it? If these three people are ultimately responsible for victory, I'd rather hear about that than about how incompetent they are.
Are these three people so vital to the final attempt to overthrow the Fredians that the assault is being put off while they make their way back through a string of mountain safe houses?
If they can safely return to the capital and stay safe during the final attempt, why couldn't they stay safe after being rescued from prison? Going all the way to Laucasia only to turn around and head back accomplished what?
For some reason I find it jarring that a character named Alaina Gredeinian, a leader in the Sancian resistance, has a roommate named Cathy Donaldson and a wilderness guide named Ronnie Hartson. It's like reading a book about a high school girl named Madison and her BFF is named M'lota Larg and her guidance counselor is D'Ghor of the house of Kanjis.
You write Fredia, but I think Frieda, the Peanuts character with naturally curly hair.
Have you considered making the countries Freudia and Jungia?
Klingon names generated here.