Thursday, December 24, 2009
Guess the Plot
I Am the Tempted
1. As she celebrates her 42nd dry day, Abby Foster finds that bottle she hid in a boot long ago -- and it's half full! Next, she realizes it would be much easier to drop out of law school and join the army so she goes to surprise her old squeeze Josh, and ask what Afghanistan's really like, but then she discovers an urgent need to kill that vile thing, Samantha, who's skulking round his apartment.
2. Fat guy. Enter: milkshake.
3. Kaitlin's relationship with Jessey started out great, but then she met "bad boy" Tim. Is the temptation too great to withstand? She'll have to decide later, having just learned that a demon-possessed theologian is crossing the country, hell-bent on killing her.
4. Confessions of a retired politician, including the reasons he dallied in the men's room and with various ladies, his long-suffering marriage, pact with GOD, target-practice injuries, bankruptcy issues, trouble with alien domestic helpers, and efforts to take over the world.
5. Jerry Filbergast's memoir, with complete details of his saintliness, dedication to Bible-reading, and remarkable ability to say NO THANKS to wayward girls, strangers offering miraculous substances, and mortgage brokers.
6. Chocolate, ice cream, triple cheese pizza? Bah! One thing keeps Joanne Bingham going; donuts. A rarity since the invasion of the Twigites and the subsequent sugar rationing, she will do anything for donuts. Lie. Cheat. Even write. A post-apocalyptic baking industry satire. Also, an Evil Editor.
7. Jill Sykes opened what she thought would be a struggling bakery for the first few years of operation, but everyone fell for the temptation of her doughnuts, cookies and biscuits in an eerie, almost supernatural way. Is it Jill's special recipe, or the fact that Demeter, goddess of grain, has taken up residence in the basement?
8. Eve Lundt, a chocoholic who works at a chocolate factory, starts a support group for winning over temptation. Three shopaholics, two thrillseekers, and one vampire later she's a blood-sucking spendthrift sky diver. In a last-ditch effort to develop self-discipline, Eve's group joins a Tibetan monestery.
9. The long-awaited memoirs of Cardinal Diarmuid Flanagan O'Murphy, in which he gives his personal views on matters of sin and repentance, and also explains that those altar boys knew exactly what they were doing, oh yes, they led him on, all 1,213 of them.
Dear EE and Minions,
After a series of terrifying experiences with her possessed theology teacher, Kaitlin Loeffler is expelled from St. Clement High School and sent to live with her father in a tiny Montanan town. [If I'm having terrifying experiences with a possessed theology teacher, you don't need to expel me. I'm gone.] [Now that I think about it, if I'm a high school student and I somehow landed in a theology class, I'm gone whether the teacher is possessed or not.] She wants her new life to be different: free from the guilt and pain of losing her best friend, free from her ability to see demons and their terrible influence on those around her, even free from her guardian angel, the one who gave her the ability in the first place. [The one who stood by doing nothing while Kaitlin had terrifying experiences with a possessed theology teacher. Good riddance.] She wants to be normal. She wants to fit in.
Jessey, a handsome boy in her physics class, [They don't teach physics in Montana. Change that to cow tipping.] invites Kaitlin to a study session and she is introduced to Tim, his wild, rebellious younger brother. Her relationship with Jessey is off to a promising start and she is enjoying a small taste of a normal life. All of this comes crashing down when Kaitlin’s guardian angel arrives and tells her she has chosen the wrong brother. [Has this guardian angel earned his wings yet? He sounds like a loser.] [Also, "comes crashing down" is pretty strong words to describe something that doesn't seem like a big deal. It's not like the guardian angel told her Jessey was a possessed physics student.]
Kaitlin is determined to prove her guardian wrong, although Tim’s bad boy attitude is alluring. Her guardian angel leaves her [This guy's pathetic. He reminds me of a waiter I had a few nights ago, doting over his big table and ignoring the fact that I might want a bit more fresh pepper on my soup. (I didn't, but that's not the point.)] [Do guardian angels even have more than one table?] and as a result, Kaitlin can not only see the demons whispering, [She was already able to see demons.] but becomes the object of those whisperings herself. Against her better judgement, [In Montana, that's spelled "judgment."] she befriends Tim, and is quickly overwhelmed by his charming personality. Kaitlin can’t seem to hide anything from him, which is problematic, because she is trying desperately to keep her ability secret. [Go ahead and blab, Kate. It's not like he'll believe you if you declare that you can see demons.]
Life seems to be setting into a comfortable routine for Kaitlin. [That wasn't the impression I was getting.] Even this is shattered. Kaitlin’s guardian returns with a warning: the possessed teacher is halfway to Montana, and hell-bent on killing her. ["Shattered" is pretty mild words to describe something as terrifying as a homicidal possessed theology teacher stalking you.] As she prepares to face her demon, literally, her relationships with Jessey and Tim crumble and she must find the strength to confront the demon alone to save his future victims without becoming one herself. [You'd think a guardian angel could be more useful than to just announce, "Oh, by the way, a possessed theology teacher is on his way, planning to kill you." Can't the angel cause the possessed theology teacher's car to go over a cliff?]
I am the Tempted is a YA Paranormal novel complete at 80,000 words. Full manuscript available upon request.
Thank you for your time.
Now that Kaitlin is in Montana, why does the possessed theology teacher want to kill her? She's not bothering him. There are demons in Montana who can kill her if she's a threat to demonkind.
I'd go with Montana town, not Montanan. And Jesse.
Has Kaitlin mentioned to her guardian angel that she'd like to return her demon-seeing gift?