Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Guess the Plot
1. A shy carrot, a silly potato, and a twerpy bunch of celery go downtown in search of the bravest vegetable of all . . . Garlic!
2. Tommy's a student at Vampire Tech, where he takes courses like Remedial Blood Sucking, but he has a problem: his favorite food is garlic, and they don't serve garlic at the Vampire Tech cafeteria. What's an Italian vampire to do?
3. An epidemic of terrible disease spreads across North America. For three days, patients seem to have influenza. On day four they become zombies. But everyone at the Happy Hills Organic Herb Farm and Goat Dairy collective commune in Tennessee stays healthy. President Hannah Jones reads the Top Secret report from the CDC and wonders: could it really be -- the garlic?
4. Dating was never such a pleasure. Margo is happy to be married, because it means no more limiting her garlic consumption. But how can her husband Percy take it? One more clove, and he's rushing out the door and into the arms of Jolene Trumbull, vampire librarian.
5. When Mr. and Mrs. Potatohead are found dead in the bottom of the refrigerator, it's up to ace homicide detective Tiny Peas to find the culprit before he kills again. But when Tiny confronts dark secrets in the crisper drawer, she realizes that to solve the case, she'll have to team up with her arch-rival, a root known only as . . . The Turnip.
6. Rob Windruff, who works in the mayor's office of a small, mid-western town, in a bid to attract new residents, comes up with the slogan Get A Real Life In Charlestown. He didn't notice the acronym, but when the garlic jokes start and he loses his job, he is forced to reevaluate his life. And then the vampires arrive.
I found your information on blah and am submitting this query to you because blah, blah, blah. [While I realize your actual query won't say "Blah, blah, blah," it blahs me that it would be refreshing to receive a query that blah blah blahed. It's not like I pay any attention to why you blah blahed me, so blah blah blah.]
Tommy loves his Italian Dad’s cooking, especially the garlic. But being half vampire means that garlic will be in the zits that pop up all over his face [, and he's tired of his father making him pop his zits into the spaghetti sauce just to get out of pressing garlic cloves]. His mother, afraid that Tommy’s too steeped in human culture and human food, packs him off to Vampire-Tech. Tommy starts the new school year by making an enemy – Garth, the school’s biggest bully and Tommy’s assigned mentor.
On top of that, Tommy’s stuck in classes, like remedial blood sucking, with full-blooded vampires half his age who know a lot more about being a vampire. With physical differences – like the human blood running through his veins – making his half-blood obvious, [How does anyone know what kind of blood is running through his veins? What are the observable physical differences?] Tommy’s nicknamed Garlic. [The other nerds are nicknamed Cross, Wooden Stake, and Holy Water.] Though it’s meant to be an insult, he has a hard time feeling insulted by his favorite food.
Tommy gets a chance to get back at Garth when the math teacher assigns Tommy to be Garth’s tutor. If Tommy doesn’t help him, Garth won’t graduate. [On the other hand,] If Garth doesn’t graduate, he’ll be back at school the next year. It’s a tough choice and Garth isn’t making it any easier. He doesn’t want Garlic anywhere near him. [If it's a tough choice, Garth is making it easier. I contend that it's an easy choice, but Garth isn't cooperating when he avoids Garlic.]
Tommy struggles to find acceptance and to turn Garlic into a name worth having.
Garlic is a 25,000 word upper middle grade fantasy. Its gross factor is aimed at young men who like such things as the Grossology Museum Tour.
Thank you for your time and consideration. [Be consistent. Change that to Blah blah blah, blah blah.]
Your two main characters are named Garlic and Garth. Maybe too similar for speed readers.
So mother is a vampire and father isn't? Does mom mind that dad has garlic in the house? What is mom's diet?
Otherwise, blah blah blah.