Saturday, December 01, 2007

Reality TV

With the TV writers on strike in the US, there'll soon be nothing on except reality TV. Possibly the networks should consider the following reality TV show ideas, all of which have appeared here as fake plots--except the one that turned out to be the real plot.

1. Fifteen years after her daring escape from Iran, Betty faces an even greater challenge: for the love of her family, she is competing for a million dollars on a cruel, demeaning summer reality-TV show.

2. Gala Peterson thought it sounded like fun: joining the cast of a new reality show, to be filmed in the remote Pacific islands where pirates and cannibals had once ruled. But the last challenge for the tribes is a deadly one--eat or be eaten.

3. Vampire puberty sucks bad enough, but when it's Chance's time to Turn into a full-fledged vampire, he's drafted for the wildly popular reality television show Fang Time.

4. Soul Haven’s hippy parents were lucky to survive the 60's; and their chubby daughter was lucky to survive school. Forty years later and forty kilos overweight, Soul’s last chance is a reality TV show where participants sell their souls in exchange for weight loss.

5. Hunky firefighters seemed like a great reality TV show idea--until the pent-up man-passion became hotter than the blazes they fought.

6. The Bachelor meets Rawhide, as 20 women converge on cowboy Riley's ranch, each hoping he'll choose her as his wife in his own personal reality show.

7. With the best of intentions, Bob stole Mary's lunch, helping her to lose weight. With the best of intentions, Mary stole Bob's BMW, hoping to bolster his humility. With the best of intentions, Bob burned down Mary house, hoping she would find a better place to live. Will Bob and Mary ever escape reality TV hell?

8. Competing with reality TV, on-demand movies, video games and more was putting Bob’s sport franchise out of business. Needing a new slant on an old sport, Bob is inspired to create Blades of the Fallen – combining the grace and beauty of ice skating with the action and blood of ultimate fighting.

Of course those won't be enough to fill the schedule, so feel free to suggest additional reality show ideas. Send them as comments; I'll collect them and post the funniest ones.

Answer below

The real plot was #6.


WouldBe said...

The first one's got to be it. No, the second one's got to be it. No, the third one is better. Oh, the fourth one's it for sure...except, it's just got to be the fifth one. The sixth one really sucks; that's not it. The seventh one's the best, but I know that's not it; I wrote that one. The eight one is definately the best... what the *$@*! The sixth one is it? Bite me, Hollywood.

unfortunate clown said...

the camera swoops on the socially awkward faces of the contestants, leering at their fidgeting nervousness, and at their poor unicycle wobbling talents

seventeen rambunctious teenagers are tossed into the whirling madness of a cultivated bow tie machine i.e RETURN TO CLOWN COLLEGE!
the wily contestants all vy for top prise, a pair of juggling bean bags composed of african rhino tusks

they master the art of the origami crane, balance themselves on a tight rope, and will even be abondoned in the heart of the wild, donned in their cown attire, and left to fend for themselves against the harsh elements of nature--he who returns has first claim to the pin ball wizard!

along the way their commander and mentor, sir general plump bottom, shares with them his tragic anecdotes about clown life and the unseen tortures of midnight clowning- why the children are not be trusted with peach juice or rubber bands, how this measure should be enforced

the show also ends with a twist! when the tired contestants have surpassed the last ring of fire, and dripping with sweat and lemon marangue pie--plump bottom sadly informs that there is no clown college, it was burned down in a horrible fire some years ago, and they have all been performing for his amusement only and will receive no formal degree of any kind.

Dave Fragments said...

How about one about the politician who pays for sex in odd places?
Oh wait, that's already happened.

Or how about one where the public has to guess what the politician is lying about now. Oooops, that's been happening for years.

How about televising congress so the public can see how TSTL politicians really are... oh wait, that's called CSPAN.

How about tempting a politician with drugs and money. TOO FARFETCHED?

Jeepers, I'm no good at this.

talpianna said...

Number four is pretty close to THE BIGGEST LOSER.

Kanani said...

Yes, those non-union writing gigs on reality TV have produced ... well... any one of those that you've written!
I'd say #4, although it would be more fun to see "pen up man-passion."