Why you don't get published.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Face-Lift 92
Guess the Plot
Kindred Hearts
1. Supermodel Ariel kicks drug addiction while camping in Yellowstone Park. Then she meets Gaye Carter, a potter from Seattle with some truly spectacular weed. Will the munchies wreck her career?
2. Were they just a tissue match, or were they kindred hearts? A transplant patient falls in love with the ghost of her donor.
3. Were widow Katie and veterinarian Matt destined to be Kindred Hearts? Or was Matt just after Katie's secret files on the KKK?
4. Prosecutor Jake Healy and defense attorney Sinclair Crump receive transplanted hearts from identical twin teens killed in a tragic nail salon accident. When these men meet in the courtroom, can they overcome their urges to giggle, compare shoes, and text message each other?
5. Kanyo's career of competitive eating threatens imminent congestive heart failure. Will his twin, Kinto, agree to share his healthy heart by becoming surgically joined siamese twins?
6. Bo and Daisy's love may have been forbidden, but neither family ties nor Bo's death and reanimation could separate their... Kindred Hearts.
Original Verson
Dear Evil Editor,
Recovering from an accident, veterinarian Matt Foster promises to help hospital roommate Adrian Adams, who traveled from California to Indiana hoping to discover clues to his origins at the Maconaquah County orphanage. [I need clues to my origin, which I might be able to get at the orphanage where I grew up. But first maybe I should see what the veterinarian knows.]
No one knew more about the orphanage than the late husband of Matt's friend, Katie Duncan. But Katie's husband died before completing his research into the Klan's presence in the county. [Died or was killed? The Klan killed him because he was getting too close to the truth, right? Then they made it look like he accidentally fell out of a tree with a noose around his neck.] Adrian, in failing health, views this as his last chance to find answers to haunting questions -- who placed him in the orphanage and why he was adopted out rather than placed with family.
Matt stubbornly keeps his promise to Adrian even thought it means digging into long-kept secrets about a bi-racial baby [What's Adrian's race?] and Klan violence – secrets kept by community elders, investigated by Katie's late husband but locked away for years.
Clashing with Matt over his promise versus her late husband's reputation [How is his reputation affected?] Katie struggles with her growing attraction to him. They try to reconcile Adrian with any surviving family – including his elderly aunt who prayed faithfully for him for years – as well as resolve their community's support of the Klan – before Adrian's time runs out.
It's troubling to learn some scholars say conservative Christians in turn-of-the-century Indiana supported the Klan because it claimed to be an organization about preserving family values. [Why can't scholars just keep their mouths shut?] Set in present-day Indiana, “Kindred Hearts,” an inspirational romantic suspense, is complete at 50,000 words.
Sincerely,
Revised Version
Dear Evil Editor,
Recovering from an accident, veterinarian Matt Foster promises to help hospital roommate Adrian Adams, who traveled from California to Indiana hoping to discover clues to his origin at the Maconaquah County orphanage. Adrian, in failing health due to sickle cell anemia, views this as his last chance to find answers to haunting questions: who placed him in the orphanage, and why was he adopted out, rather than placed with family?
No one knew more about the orphanage than Paul, the late husband of Matt's friend, Katie Duncan. But Paul was hanged years ago by a lynch mob, while investigating the Klan's presence in the county. Matt asks Katie for access to Paul's files, files containing secrets kept by community elders, and locked away by Katie as she tried to let go of the past.
Ssearching Paul's files, Matt and Katie turn up long-kept secrets about a bi-racial baby and Klan violence. They also reconcile Adrian with an elderly aunt, hoping she can provide answers before Adrian's time runs out. As she works side by side with Matt, Katie struggles with her growing attraction to him.
Set in present-day Indiana, my inspirational romantic suspense novel, Kindred Hearts, is complete at 50,000 words. It's troubling to learn that conservative Christians in turn-of-the-century Indiana supported the Klan because it claimed to be an organization about preserving family values. Kindred Hearts brings to light some painful truths, while also depicting a satisfying romance. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
Notes
Okay, so Evil Editor took some liberties. It should be easy enough to correct his errors with specific information.
Okay, so it wasn't a yukfest. At least we have Guess the Plot to take up the slack when a query doesn't inspire Evil Editor's comedic side.
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15 comments:
"...and why he was adopted out rather than placed with family."
Maybe this is a stupid question, but what's the difference?
I also found the sentence about Christians supporting the Clan to be out of place.
Word verification: uznrec
Rearranged: recunz
Used in a sentence: I recunz this book is about the Klan.
Before I read the query I was thinking, "Man, that #3 can't be close."
An inspiration romantic suspense novel? Throw in a couple more genres and you'll have the complete set.
I know EE has commented in the past on the difference between novel and novella...BUT! 50,000 words? Really? Cause I am beating my head on the desk trying to get to 75,000 words and that is before I amputate the first 2 chapters that just really need to go so that I can start with the action.
An unpublished author hocking a 50,000 word non-HQN line novel. Does this scenario really have a chance??
Jen,
Adopted out=adopted by strangers
Placed with family=go live with Uncle Cletus and Aunt Brandine
Although the wording is confusing enough I had to stop reading for a sec and think about it.
Mzanay-Princess Regent of the Zimimba tribe.
Depends on the pawn shop.
It's troubling to learn that conservative Christians in turn-of-the-century Indiana supported the Klan because it claimed to be an organization about preserving family values.
Why is this troubling to learn? Isn't it kind of common knowledge that the Klan was (at least considered by its members to be) originally a conservative Christian organization? And it certainly isn't any kind of surprise to know a lot of Christians supported the Klan when it started out. Some still do. (And yes, I know that the majority of Christians say the Klan is not Christian because their actions aren't Christian and blah blah blah, so please don't start flaming me. I'm not saying anything bad about Christianity, just pointing out that none of this is a troubling surprise. I knew this stuff as a kid.)
Hey Molly, by golly, I liked the second plot, too. And your word verification had me LMFAO.
All those minions who keep griping about 50,000 word novels? Y'all can have some of my words. Because, like, I'm writing one of those middle grade books, so my 50,000 word novel is about 20,000 words too long. :-)
Word verification: nboovoof
"An unpublished author hocking a 50,000 word non-HQN line novel. Does this scenario really have a chance??"
Mr. Sparks claimed in his query letter that his first novel at 53,000 words would be cheap to produce and would offer a quick and satisfying read without the HQN cover.
I heard it did okay.
Some publishers' guidelines give very specific word counts. Sometimes 45,000 to 50,000 words ... sometimes more.
kwblj
DQ beat me to it - what she said is dead on.
The "troubling to learn" sentence confused me a little. Like Dwight the Teen, I find it not at all surprising that conservative Christians supported (and belonged to) the Klan and believed it supported family values (as do those who still support the Klan--mostly claiming also to be "christians"). The sentence is confusing because it raises the question of when this story is set? Is it contemporary or historic?
Oops-see it's set in present day Indiana--all the more puzzling to bring in the past reference--better to mention the continuing connection?
And the name of the orphanage initially made me think that the child was Native American (or part native American). But EE's revision with sicle-cell anemia suggests otherwise.
need info.
And still like the query basically.
With December.
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