Thursday, June 29, 2006

Face-Lift 91


Guess the Plot

Soulbound

1. Two escaped convicts, handcuffed together, die when Aretha Franklin falls through the stage they were hiding under, crushing them.

2. After 40 years of grits and gravy, Hank's doctor warned him his near-terminal constipation could be cured only by a diet of spa cuisine. Can he learn to love celery? Or is he . . . Soulbound?

3. Aspiring blues singer Blind Lemon Morton comes into possession of basketball sneakers that enhance the wearer's leaping ability.

4. Corrig Ironshield sold half of his soul to a demon. Now whenever he sleeps, his soul goes to hell for quality time with his better half.

5. When a promising-but-sinful young novelist dies in a tragic, grief-induced auto-erotic asphyxiation accident, he learns, too late, that his own personal version of hell is to spend eternity as the subject of his recently-mourned female editor's kinky sadomasochistic sex fantasies.

6. Each time the train stops, a new passenger boards and asks Lana about her past. As she recounts significant episodes from her life, she wonders whether the train is bound for heaven or hell.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

What would you do if your family was murdered by an evil wizard? [Evil Editor would sell 49% of his soul to a demon for the power to avenge them.] If you were Corrig Ironshield, you'd sell half your soul to a demon for the power to avenge them. [Half? Corrig should have consulted Evil Editor. This is not going to go well.]

Becoming Soulbound isn't all its cracked up to be. Sure, you can eat magic [explain] and fight a werewolf with your bare hands, but whenever you sleep, your soul goes to hell for quality time with your better half. [Why is his better half in hell?] Oh, and did the demon mention that after a meager century you burn in hell forever, vengeance attained or no? [I don't think so . . . unless it came up while I was distracted by the naked woman juggling flaming clarinets.]

In pursuit of his nemesis, Corrig rescues Wick, an innocent boy, from a town bully. This leads him down the trail of an alleged werewolf with the help of Lieutenant Denl, a compassionate guardsman, and Ithra, a fearless innkeeper's daughter. Destroying the werewolf's [Alleged werewolf] magic puts Corrig to sleep.

While he is helpless and tormented, Yros, the werewolf's [Alleged werewolf!] wizard master, captures and imprisons Corrig and Ithra. Aided by an angel's blessing, Wick and Denl mount a rescue mission. In the process, Ithra and Wick discover and come to terms with Corrig's demonic nature and sorrowful past. Yros plans to use Ithra's soul to obtain immortality.

Ultimately, Corrig is forced to either murder Ithra, which will save her soul, or kill Yros. He chooses to kill the wizard, but as a consequence Ithra becomes Soulbound as well. [Something tells me Ithra's going to have issues with Corrig, especially in 100 years.] This sets the stage for book two. [I call it Soulbound 2: The Soulbound Two]

Soulbound is the first of three novels that follow Corrig and Ithra in their pursuit of revenge, solace and redemption. I believe that these themes are highly relevant due to America's grief, anger and pursuit of revenge for the 9/11 attacks. [Yikes. If every author whose book involved grief or revenge or anger played the 9/11 card . . . Chances are your letter is going to New York City, and to someone who was there that day. Do they want you telling them your book is relevant because of 9/11? Your book about werewolves and wizards? Even if you intended this as an allegory for the war on terror, let the editor figure it out.] The issues are handled compassionately and are carefully woven into the action of the story. I have included a SASE for reply purposes only. This is a simultaneous submission. Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hearing from you.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor,

What would you do if your family were murdered by an evil wizard? If you're Corrig Ironshield, you sell your soul to a demon for the power to avenge them.

Becoming Soulbound isn't all it's cracked up to be. Sure, you have magical powers and the strength of many men, but whenever you sleep, your soul resides in hell. Oh, and did the demon mention that after a mere century you burn in hell forever, vengeance attained or no?

In pursuit of his nemesis, the wizard Yros, Corrig is joined by Ithra, a fearless innkeeper's daughter. When Yros captures Ithra, planning to use her soul to obtain immortality, Corrig is forced to choose: either kill Ithra, saving her soul, or kill Yros, leaving Ithra Soulbound like himself.

In the end, Corrig kills Yros. This sets the stage for book two in a trilogy that follows Corrig and Ithra in their pursuit of revenge, solace and redemption. I have included a SASE for reply purposes. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


Notes

Evil Editor has made what may be slight changes in the plot. Don't worry, by the time the editor gets your manuscript he'll have forgotten these minor points. Though he may wonder where the werewolf came from.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Woot! First comment! It's my story. hehehe

Anonymous said...

Yeah... bad call for trying to play the 9/11 card, especially after it's been nearly 5 years since then. I don't think America's "need" for a story of redemption includes wizards and werewolves and demons and fearless innkeeper's daughters and crazy non-sensical names.

But, that's just me.

Anonymous said...

The 9/11 card didn't work because the story doesn't include enough brutal eunuchs. That would have stirred our memories and brought up visions of those planes, our towers, etc.

Author, definitely need at least one brutal eunuch. A sorceress or two never hurts either.

Novelust said...

The name Corrig Ironshield - Please tell me he's a dwarf, because I am officially on board to see his heroic struggle growing up on the 'dark side' of the local mine, trying to scrape enough gold together to buy his first axe - and then, just when I'm really on his side, disaster strikes, the Ironshield clan is murdered, Corrig's soul is sold, and he's out wresting werewolves. I would be the first in line to buy this novel. (Now if I could only stop imagining Corporal Carrot as Denl and Angua as Ithra. Can the evil wizard be referred to as 'Archancellor'?)

Also, although I am a staunch werewolf advocate - please see my lapel ribbon for werewolf awareness - I read 'werewolf' and certain conventions pop into my head, none of them involving putting half-demons out for an incapacitating afternoon nap, so it's probably good if the query doesn't go into that part. Especially if the werewolf is only a level boss. Good call, EE.

Joking aside - though a query isn't the place to tell volumes of backstory, I wondered if you might get some more mileage by telling us more about Corrig. Is he plucky? A thief? A drunk? A moose? Who is he? All I know about him is that he's out for revenge, he's got a dead family, and his name is Corrig Ironshield (and he's a dwarf).

I also wondered if you might do the same for the villain. We know he kills a family. Any whys and wherefores, there? Is it connected to some kind of world domination plot? Did the six-fingered wizard refuse to pay full price for a sword?

Luna said...

Yeah, I always wonder where those werewolves come from too, and yet they keep finding their way into my MS.

Anonymous said...

this is a harry potter ripoff

Anonymous said...

For some reason, the name Corrig Ironshield immediately brought to mind a young, modern Irishman a la Boondock Saints. I was all excited when I thought it was urban fantasy; on finding out that it was just another story in an imaginary realm, I admit my interest waned.

Probably you can't just transplant all of the action to present-day Dublin, but keep it in mind for the future.

What's the word count on this? Inquiring minds need to know. Also, it's best to emphasize that SB works as a standalone novel (and to make sure that it does) so agents/editors can take it on without having to commit to three.

s.w. vaughn said...

I like the sound of this story, first anonymous! I think the confusion over the names would go away if I read it.

LOL Novelust, a Pratchett fan. I'd totally read a novel about Ironshield the possessed dwarf (especially if Carrot was in it, and Vetenari).

Anon #3, how is this a Harry Potter ripoff? I don't see that.

Anonymous said...

This sounds like a good story to me (esp. if there's humor involved).

I'd lose the part about 9/11, too, whether you're sending it to a NY agency or not.

What else? Oh, what Novelust said: more details about your MC and the villian. Because inquiring minds want to know. :-)

~Nancy

Anonymous said...

Good God, another story about vigilante sorcerors named "Q'glie" and what they did at band camp. I like the volleyball story better, at least it moved on it's own without being prodded and poked.

Bernita said...

Since "better half" is a common euphemism for a wife, the original left me wondering who or what was where.

Anonymous said...

Just curious -- is it the innkeeper who is fearless, or his daughter?

Anonymous said...

Dwarf?

I kinda was thinking Viking.

Of course, I'm obsessed with Vikings, having married one...

Anonymous said...

Hi - the author here. Thanks everyone for your comments and extra thanks to EE.

To answer some questions...

1. 9/11 is out. What was I thinking?

2. I will make one of my characters a eunuch, but won't reveal whom. The reader will have to puzzle it out for himself. The eunuch may or may not be brutal.

3. Magic is delicious and low-cal. Once you start eating it, you drop weight like a Tiawana Crack Whore.

4. No dwarves, sorry. I *love* Discworld and your comments made me go back and rethink everything in the story. Conclusion: nope, everyone is still a part of my psyche projected into fantasy.

5. Corrig was a high-ranking member of the Watch before his tragedy. The half-soul thing, while not appropriate for a query, is an important element. Half his soul is replaced with demon "essence" and so he is less caring and humane than he once was. He was a young, caring father before.

6. The villain is very old and fears death. He is obesessed with obtaining immortality and *his* humanity has been almost entirely consumed by magic.

7. The daughter is fearless. The father is fearful. That is the way of things, especially when a brutal eunuch is secretly stalking the novel.

Anonymous said...

"What would you do if your family was murdered by an evil wizard?"

Harry Potter anyone?

none said...

Becoming Soulbound isn't all its cracked up to be.

It's.

Sqrls apologise for the late arrival of this correction.

I think the query needs to be more consistent in tone. It starts off in a casual, chatty way but then descends into cliche--innocent boy, compassionate guardsman, etc. If the chatty tone reflects the tone of the novel, try to keep it up throughout.