Thursday, June 08, 2006

Face-Lift 55


Guess the Plot

Metamorphosis

1. A giant cockroach wakes up after a lost weekend to discover it has been transformed into the Roman poet Ovid.

2. Royko, a cat that is reasonably certain he's the living incarnation of Franz Kafka, is about to go on a fantastic adventure that could end with the realization of his greatest wish: to be human again!

3. A woman who hunts incubi for a living joins forces with an incubus to battle three demigods. Against all odds, she and the incubus fall in love.

4. The popular girls of Metro Valley Day School will do anything to maintain a size 0, including becoming zombies.

5. All the middle aged women in a small Iowa town go through the change . . . from human to alien life form.

6. A woman scorned hires a medium to raise the ghost of Kafka for answers on how to seek revenge.


Original Version

Dear Mr. / Ms. XXXXX:

What would you do if your parents were feuding demigods, one of whom wants you dead and the other alive? [Normally Evil Editor stays out of arguments between his parents, but in this case I would take sides.]

Ashera del Cid is a plain Jane with a special ability: she hunts incubi and succubi (for money, of course). [Of course. The days of hunting incubi and succubi for sport are long gone. Evil Editor blames ESPN.] She's content with her life until on her twenty seventh birthday, she learns three demigods are after her. [Nothing puts a damper on a birthday celebration like finding out that demigods are after you.] [How does one find out demigods are after one? Is there a demigod grapevine?] [Couldn't we name the demigods, so Evil Editor wouldn't have to keep typing the word "demigod?"] When one of them administers poison to her best friend, Ashera must join forces with an incubus dragonlord, Ramiel, [An incubus hunter teaming up with an incubus? That's like a fisherman joining forces with a carp.] to find an antidote and stay alive until she can figure out why the demigods want her dead. Too bad Ramiel doesn't inspire much trust. [Evil Editor once trusted a succubus; that's one of three mistakes he won't ever make again.] [The other two: riding an escalator while wearing a floor-length grass skirt, and walking into a gas station restroom on Interstate 45.] But he's powerful. And she needs help.

Ramiel has waited twenty seven years for revenge. [Twenty-seven years? And it's Ashera's twenty-seventh birthday. Coincidence? Or is Ramiel Ashera's true father?] He plans to use Ashera to destroy the demigod who irreversibly crippled him by ripping out his wing. [If a demigod can rip out an incubus's wing, I think I know which one has the higher power rating. And they're taking on three demigods? This battle's over before it starts.] But there's a tiny miscalculation to his strategy. He never expected to fall in love with his enemy's daughter--Ashera. [You've heard of Beauty and the Beast? Get ready for Disney's next blockbuster, Ashera and the Incubus.]

Metamorphosis, a 100,000 word sensual paranormal romance novel, is the first in a trilogy set in Washington D.C. in an alternate world where the mortals and the supernatural coexist. Currently, I'm working on its sequel. [Which will be entitled, W and the Succubi.] I can send you either sample chapters or the complete manuscript of Metamorphosis. An SASE is enclosed for your response.

I'm a member of Romance Writers of America and its special interest chapters RWA Online, Passionate Ink, and Futuristic, Fantasy & Paranormal.

Thank you for your time, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.


Revised Version

Dear Mr. / Ms. XXXXX:

Ashera del Cid is a woman with an unusual vocation: she hunts incubi and succubi. She's perfectly content with her life--until her twenty seventh birthday, when she learns that three demigods are hunting her.

Trying to discover why she's being hunted, Ashera forms an uneasy alliance with Ramiel, an incubus dragonlord. Ramiel has his own agenda; he has waited twenty seven years for revenge on the demigod who irreversibly crippled him by ripping out his wing, a demigod who just happens to be Ashera's father.

Ramiel had planned to use his enemy's daughter, Ashera, in his scheme for revenge, but there was one thing he didn't plan on: falling in love with her.

Metamorphosis, a 100,000 word sensual paranormal romance novel, is the first book in a trilogy set in Washington D.C., in a world in which mortals and supernatural beings coexist. I can send you sample chapters or the complete manuscript. An SASE is enclosed for your response.

I'm a member of Romance Writers of America and its special interest chapters RWA Online, Passionate Ink, and Futuristic, Fantasy & Paranormal.

Thank you.


Notes

Who are the three demigods after Ashera? Both her parents and? One of her parents and? Why do they want her dead? Obviously incubi and demigods don't get along so well, so you wouldn't think demigods would try to off an incubus hunter. Even if she did forget their anniversary. If her parent wants her dead, it might be worth saying why in the query.

For a view of an incubus, check out Henry Fuseli's masterpiece, The Nightmare (the incubus). Even a plain Jane has to draw the line somewhere.

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Which one is the incubus? The troll-looking thing, or the camel with demon-like eyes? -JTC

none said...

The troll thing sitting on her chest is the incubus. The 'camel' is actually a horse--a nightmare.

Tawny Taylor said...

The other two: riding an escalator while wearing a floor-length grass skirt...

I think I shared an elevator with EE at the Romantic Times convention this past May :)

Aloha!

Anonymous said...

That's the worst depiction of a horse I have ever seen. Even if it is a nightmare. -JTC

Anonymous said...

The night mare (or the Mare Llwyd, the Gray Mare of Welsh folklore) was frequently an animated skeletal horse with blazing eyes. That may have inspired the pale-eyed, bucktoothed figure in the painting.

Anonymous said...

One problem with her title seems to be it's Kafkaeque overtones -- at least, it seems to remind EE more of a cockroach than Buffy.

If it lands on the desk of another editor who hates cockroaches (ewww!) and remembers Kafka, it might inspire the immediate use of that SASE (but at least the author wouldn't have to wait long for her rejection letter).

(For myself, the Cliff's notes to Metamorphosis was more than enough -- cockroaches, ewww!)

Evil Editor said...

As we said earlier when critiquing the query for Katz Cradle, using a title similar to a literary masterpiece isn't the best idea. Kafka's is The Metamorphosis, and there's also Metamorphoses, by Ovid, and perhaps most well-known, Metamorphosis, the first album by Hillary Duff.

Anonymous said...

So that's why the cockroach turned into Ovid. Sheesh, I only got one of the references and it was rather pounded in by plot #1, plus 2 references to Kafka ....

EE must be wondering if anyone learns the classics these days, especially the works of Hillary Duff. :-)

Anonymous said...

"He plans to use Ashera to destroy the demigod who irreversibly crippled him by ripping out his wing."

Does he fly in circles now?

(Sorry--just couldn't resist)

Anonymous said...

I don't understand about her parents. Why does one want her dead? Are they two of the demigods after her? Or is it one and two of that demigod's friends? And does she know that her parents are demigods?

I never count on the unexpected either. It's just so . . . unexpected.

Anonymous said...

but he hadn't counted on the unexpected;

That strikes me as redundant. Maybe this would be more succint:

Ramiel had planned to use his enemy's daughter, Ashera, in his scheme for revenge, but he hadn't counted on falling in love with her.

or maybe:

Ramiel had planned to use his enemy's daughter, Ashera, in his scheme for revenge -- that is, until he unexpectedly fell in love with her.

none said...

Please stop mentioning those...those...'c' creatures, all right? Please!

Evil Editor said...

"Unexpectedly" removed to appease nitpickers. Haven't you people ever heard the phrase "Expect the Unexpected?" Ramiel hadn't either.

Anonymous said...

Okay, #1 is hilarious. Kudos!

-A, who's undertaking a journey in one hour

Anonymous said...

This is a good example of why you should never be too attached to your working title. Personally, I have a really hard time coming up with titles, so I'm thrilled to let the publisher's marketing experts work it out. If they come up with something lame, I tell my friends that I had nothing to do with it, it's industry standard that writers don't choose titles, and I shrug and roll my eyes and pretend to complain. If the title's snappy, of course, I let people believe it was my idea.

Anonymous said...

Okay, am I the only one who noticed the disturbing similarity between the appearances of Fuseli's incubus & Evil Editor????

Look at their faces side by side!!!

http://kirstenmortensen.com/index.php/when-he-said-evil.htm