Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Face-Lift 88


Guess the Plot

Whirlwind Harvest

1. Researching a method to harness energy from tornados, hurricanes, and cyclones, a reckless young scientist is blown away by what he finds.

2. James Doolin has discovered how to capture tornados and harness their tremendous power. As he struggles to find a good use for this power, Greenpeace has a more sinister idea.

3. Stan Huber can't understand why FEMA vetoed further farm subsidy payments for his tornado farm--so he's sending some free samples off to Washington...unless a lowly government meteorologist with unusual powers can call up a cold front in a hurry.

4. When Amanda Gudmundssen inherits the family farm in Mississippi, she is determined to make a living where her father failed. Betting everything on a high risk cotton contract, she must bring in the crop before an approaching hurricane destroys it.

5. A soldier, a diplomat and a mechanic team up to end an interdimensional war between galactic empires. Impossible? Not for these resourceful babes.

6. Billions of crickets, locusts and giant mealworms fight an epic battle for survival in the heartland, their larvae and immortality hanging in the balance.


Original Version

Dear Big Name Agent;

I am seeking representation for my completed 100,000-word novel entitled Whirlwind Harvest. The genre is science fiction, with a dash of fantasy thrown in just to keep things interesting.

Barbara Gantry is an ambassador for the Terran Empire. When an interdimensional portal brings the empire into contact with a set of alternate worlds, diplomacy becomes the order of the day--at least at first. Then they inexplicably declare war on the Path. [Earthlings always choose war over diplomacy. Evil Editor blames it on fast food.] The six-armed Pathchildren are the most technologically advanced of the new worlds, and attacking them may not be the brightest idea her planet has ever had. But the situation doesn't get really complicated until she visits Gaia and meets her Atlantian doppelganger. [Her what?]

Stardancer is a Pathchild mechanic living at the interdimensional crossroads created by the empire. [Also known as Deep Space Nine.] Not quite an outcast from her anarchistic people, the last living descendant of the ancient and despised royal family is not quite accepted either. When the war begins, her fear is not that the Path will be defeated, but that the tactics they use to win may destroy everything they stand for. [Actually, everything they stood for was pretty much destroyed when they killed off the royal family.] After a Gaian secret agent offers her an alternative, she realizes that the Atlantians themselves may have manipulated Terra into declaring war for exactly that reason. [The people of Earth will never stand for renaming the planet after the plantation in Gone with the Wind.]

Denise Cooper is an army grunt with an unhealthy tendency to talk to the people she's supposed to be fighting. [She's the equivalent of trash-talkers in basketball.] When her squad is taken prisoner on the Path, she uses that talent to convince one of their captors to help them escape. [The Path: most gullible race in the eighth dimension.] However, as they travel across the planet, she remembers why getting to know the enemy can be dangerous. When her people take him prisoner in turn, she has to decide between her duty to the empire, and her responsibility to the man who risked everything to save her life.

Chaos Dancing follows these three women's stories separately as they try to survive the war, and then brings them together as they try to end it. [Evil Editor is aware that ballroom dancing can bring people together. He's not even sure what chaos dancing is.] [Actually, maybe it should be the title. I haven't figured out why it's called Whirlwind Harvest, and Chaos Dancing is a little catchier. Let's vote on whether to make it Chaos Dancing.] [It's a good idea, by the way, when sending off a query letter, to have settled on one title for your book.]

I have one short story in press at Analog. This is my first novel. Although it could be a stand-alone, I am hard at work on a sequel and have ideas for several other books set in the same universe. I have enclosed an SASE for your reply, and will happily send a partial or full upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Big Name Agent,

I am seeking representation for my completed 100,000-word science fiction novel entitled Chaos Harvest.

Barbara Gantry is an ambassador for the Terran Empire. When an interdimensional portal brings the Empire into contact with a set of alternate worlds--Atlantia, Gaia and Path--diplomacy should be the order of the day. But without warning, the Terrans declare war on the Path. The six-armed Pathchildren are the most technologically advanced race of the new worlds, and attacking them may not be the brightest idea.

Stardancer is a Pathchild mechanic living at the interdimensional crossroads created by the Empire. When the war begins, she has no fear that the Path will be defeated. She does worry that the tactics they use to win may destroy everything they stand for, and that the Atlantians may have manipulated Terra into declaring war for exactly that reason.

Denise Cooper is an army grunt with a remarkable gift for persuasion. When her squad is taken prisoner by the Path, she uses her talent to convince one of their captors to help them escape. However, when her people later capture their liberator, she must decide between her duty to the Empire, and her gratitude to the man who risked everything to save her life.

Whirlwind Dancing follows these three women's stories separately as they try to survive the war, and then brings them together as they try to end it.

I have a short story currently in press at Analog. Although Dancing Harvest could be a stand-alone, I am hard at work on a sequel (Whirlwind Chaos) and have ideas for several other books set in the same universe (Dancing Chaos, Whirlwind Harvest -1, the Pre-prequel, etc.). I have enclosed an SASE for your reply, and will happily send a partial or full upon request. Thank you for your time and consideration.


Notes

The format was fine; it seemed a bit unclear here and there, however.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

"Whirlwind Dancing follows these three women's stories separately as they try to survive the war, and then brings them together as they try to end it."

I find this compelling.

Luna said...

The revised version really grabbed me. I'd read it.

'Chaos Harvest' is the title I'd pick.

Anonymous said...

I agree, I like Chaos Harvest. It sounds the best.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, Whirlwind Harvest sounds like the guy with the tornado farm. I'd vote for either Chaos Harvest or Chaos Dancing.

After a Gaian secret agent offers her an alternative, she realizes that the Atlantians themselves may have manipulated Terra into declaring war for exactly that reason. [The people of Earth will never stand for renaming the planet after the plantation in Gone with the Wind.]

Bwahaha! Tara = Terra. Actually, Scarlett was the "terra" in GTWW (ooo, my bad, my very, very bad).

~Nancy

Feemus said...

I like "Whirlwind Harvest." I don't know if it was intentional, but it recalls Hosea:

"For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind: it hath no stalk; the bud shall yield no meal."

That seems appropriate in a discussion of an unjust war.

Anonymous said...

Oops. Actually "Chaos Dancing" is the title--Whirlwind Harvest was an old alternative that I dropped, due to not a single beta reader getting the biblical reference. (Feemus is the first--Yay, Feemus.) Sometimes I'm too damn subtle for my own good. I meant to use the old title here, because I'm Google-phobic, but have apparently not mastered the art of search-and-replace.

Thank you very much for the critique. So far I'm 5 rejections for 6 submissions; I will try the revised version in the next batch.

Anonymous said...

The Path: most gullible race in the eighth dimension.

I find this hysterically funny, possibly because I know the characters so well. Yeah, it does sound like that, doesn't it? How about:

Denise Cooper is an army grunt whose squad is taken prisoner by the Path. When she discovers that one of their captors has his own doubts about the war, Denise convinces him to help her escape. However, when her own people take him captive, she must decide between her duty to the Empire, and her gratitude to the man who risked everything to save her life.

Also, I'm even more nervous about having the Atlantians come out of nowhere in the second paragraph than the first. I don't think I can leave them out of the query entirely, since they're vital to the plot. Any suggestions?

Maybe: Stardancer is a Pathchild mechanic living at the interdimensional crossroads created by the Empire. When the war begins, she has no fear that the Path will be defeated. She does worry that the tactics they use to win may destroy everything they stand for--and she discovers evidence that a third party may have manipulated Terra into declaring war for exactly that reason.

Somehow, if I don't specifically say "Atlantians," as though the reader is supposed to know what I'm talking about, it feels a bit less confusing to me.

Evil Editor said...

Your first change sounds good. As for the Atlantians coming out of nowhere, that's why I named Atlantia (or whatever) as one of the planets in the previous paragraph. Of course I made the assumption it was one of the planets, while it may be a country on Gaia or Path.

Anonymous said...

Yes, Atlantis is a country on Gaia--and there are political factions on Gaia that become allies of the Path, so I can't just say that Gaia is doing the manipulating. It really might be easier simply to call them a third party. Unless that sounds too mysterious?

This used to be unclear in the book, too, but I fixed that. It figures it would come up again here.

Huipu: What I should call all the planets and countries in my query letter, to prevent confusion. Or not.

Anonymous said...

I vote for Whirlwind Chaos of the Dancing Harvest. That way, nothing is left out.

Reverend Chuck... said...

I love it

Anonymous said...

Ashni,

If you called it Reap the Whirlwind, everyone would get it.

But for myself, I'm partial to the simplicity of Chaos Wind. It's easy to remember, concise, and you could name a freak type of intergalactic or intradimensional storm after it.

"Captain, there's an anomaly up ahead, thirteen parsecs."

"Get a reading, lieutenant."

"Oh, no! It's a chaos wind!"

"Great scott! There hasn't been a documented case of a chaos wind in more than eighty years!"

Anonymous said...

If you called it Reap the Whirlwind, everyone would get it.

They might get it. Or, they might get one of the 11 other books with that title that show up in the first page of Amazon results. (Which is a pity, because I would have liked it otherwise.)

Chaos Dancing it is. Especially as that's an image that actually shows up in the book.