Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Face-Lift 66


Guess the Plot

Second Growth

1. Lumberjack Cal Calson's deepest secret--the vestigial conjoined twin on his back--has come to life, and is trying to convert him to conservationism.

2. Vinca has a five-year-old. Hannah's brother died five years ago. Coincidence? Vinca's not talking, but Hannah will stop at nothing to learn if she's an aunt.

3. After Siamese twins Arvel and Harvel Twitman are separated, Arvel discovers a second growth where Harvel used to be. Can’t a guy get some privacy?

4. Jack Wharton discovers that the parasitic twin he'd had removed as a child is growing back. And it's mad.

5.The first spurt made Jim the tallest in eighth grade. The second growth sends him on a quest for his real parents, the last giants.

6. Dissatisfied with his offspring, a gardener grafts the son's head onto the daughter's body, with disturbing results that threaten the very nature of gender identity.


Original Version

Dear Literary Agent:

Hannah [Aha! Another name that would sound better spelled backwards.] returns from a trip to find a stranger at her brother’s door, his latest girlfriend, Vinca. [If I just got in from a trip, I would go to my own home and soak in a nice hot bubble bath. Then I'd phone my brother to make sure he's home before dropping by.] Added to this unwelcome surprise [Why is it unwelcome?] is the news Vinca tells her: her father, only days before his third wedding, has disappeared. Hannah is already upset, [Because Vinca's there? Where's her brother?] and this news throws her right back into a mindset she has worked hard to overcome. [Explain.] She finds her father, [If she could find him that fast, why couldn't his fiancĂ©e?] but in the process, loses her brother Barry permanently. [More info, please. Where was dad, and what happened to Barry?] [Evil Editor's guess: Dad was treading water in shark-infested waters, and Barry was devoured while trying to rescue him.]

Five years later, Hannah encounters Vinca again. Hannah has a successful career, but she has transferred to her firm’s San Francisco office to escape New York, her family and her past. [Vague. What about her past? Who in her family does she want to escape?] [Is it a coincidence that Vinca is in San Francisco?] Meeting Vinca means finally facing Barry’s loss. [She knew Vinca a few days, and, for that matter, Barry didn't know her that long. Why must she meet her again to get past Barry's death?] Vinca has a young son, Charlie. Hannah suspects he’s her nephew, but Vinca reveals nothing about Charlie’s father. [Volunteers nothing? Or refuses to reveal anything when asked?] Compelled, Hannah thinks, to force the truth from Vinca, she pulls closer and closer to Vinca, Charlie, and Vinca’s brother John. In forming this new family, Hannah at last proves to herself that whatever life offers, she is capable to handle. [What?!] [There's been no indication that Hannah was on a quest to prove to herself that she can handle life's offerings. What has she been unable to handle?] [The phrase "compelled to force the truth from Vinca" sounds like she's going to torture it out of her. Like Vinca's the villain. It doesn't meld with joining Vinca's family.]

I graduated from ______ College with a degree in English Literature. In college I worked for the literary magazine, and was twice a finalist in the ______ Poetry Contest. I have published in Second Century and Salvage and studied writing with Stratis Haviaris. [Writing? I thought he was the violin guy.] In addition, I’m the mother of two young children and am married to a resident in Neurology at Mt. Sinai. [Irrelevant--though if you wouldn't mind asking him what's causing this twinge in my neck . . . ?] Included in this email is the first chapter of my novel SECOND GROWTH (approx. 90,000 words). I would be honored for you to read it. [Put those last two sentences at the beginning of this paragraph, and delete the kids and hubby.] [No, not literally.] Thank you for your consideration.

Very truly yours,

Supplicant


Notes

There's no sense of where the story is going. Where are the 90,000 words? The part up until Barry's death could be half the book or a prologue. Is there a distinct ending toward which we progress, or do we simply settle into Vinca's family and get comfortable?

We want more specific information.

Whether Charlie is her nephew or not doesn't seem like an issue of great importance. The wealthy widow trying to discover if some kid is her grandchild/heir comes up in mysteries a lot, but the fact that your brother might have gotten the last in his string of girlfriends pregnant before he died wouldn't necessarily compel you to go after the truth. Or, if it would, it still might not compel a reader to seek the truth. Does the identity of Charlie's father change anyone's life so radically that readers will care if it's Barry or not?

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

This ones seems to have more holes than SCI (fill in the edition).

Anonymous said...

All right, this is too weird. Are you stalking me? Other than the little purple flower, I only know of two Vincas in the world--my sister and my aunt...WHO HAPPENS TO BE FROM SAN FRANCISCO!!!!

I'm sorry, the rest of the query isn't sticking. I'll have to come back to it later.

I got goosebumps...

Novelust said...

Hannah is a Palindrome.

*Sucks licorice-flavored candy* Oh my God, that story has been with me since childhood - it's like that song, 'It is I - Captain Vegetable!' from Sesame Street. I'll remember it forever. I'll be on my deathbed and the last thing I say will be - 'Otto' gasp 'is also a palindrome!'

Anonymous said...

Having grown up with a Vinca, EE, I can assure you she's a villain.

And you know, I'm not sure I could get past the name. It's not just the negative associations that come with having a psychopath for a big sister, it's just so unusual. I mean, who besides my parents is crazy enough to name their kid Vinca?

I apologize to the author if by some chance she named one of her children Vinca. I feel compelled to warn others away from the idea, though. It's one of those names that encourages merciless teasing in elementary school: Vinca Pinka Stinka Dinka, etc. Hey, there's a reason all Vinca's grow up emotionally frail...

Efogue. Now there's a nice name...

Anonymous said...

Oh holy cow, why did you have to go and sing the Captain Vegetable song?? I'm going to be humming it all night, and cussing you out in between verses.

-A, who may never forget that song

Anonymous said...

Kis, that is very weird. It's just weird that there is a real person named Vinca, not to mention two! I, the beleaguered author, chose that name for various reasons, and I lived in SF for a while, but she ain't your sister. She did, however, grow up on an ashram, so you can blame her mother, a flower-child escapee from WASPY Connecticut for her flight of fancy. What's your mom's excuse? And your grandmother's?

Anonymous said...

Actually, my aunt's real name is Heln, or some weird Danish variation on that spelling (probably with a line through one of the letters). But her family's been calling her Vinca since she was three, and I think she legally changed her name when she moved to SF from Vordingborg or wherever she grew up. She was well-known for a while in the local SF jazz scene--I think she sang for Spike Jones or something (the old one, not the new one).

My mom always said that the moment she heard the name she loved it, but I'm pretty sure she really just wanted to make my dad's sister like her. (It didn't work.)

My dad tried to talk her into a nice, normal name like Jennifer, but she wouldn't have any of it. When it was time to name me, she wanted Vibeke (pronounced VEE-bah-kah) and my dad had to threaten her with divorce to stop her.

Thank you, dad!

Anonymous said...

Kis - Interesting. So if I ever get this book published, I can count on a couple of readers. Maybe three, since by that time, maybe you'll have a child named Vinca, too.

Anonymous said...

Now just hold on a minute, are you implying that I'm mean enough to give my child a name that rhymes with stinka? (Actually, now that you mention it...) Or do you think I'm insane enough to see if I can have a kid bigger than my last (11 lbs, 3 1/2 oz)? I'm not joking. I went a month overdue.

Actually, I have three kids, and their names are not common now, but very recognizable from fairy tales, nursery rhymes and such. No one makes fun of a guy named Jack.:) Having seen the ridicule heaped on my sister during grade school, I was reluctant to go the unique name route. I pity Gwyneth Paltrow's kid more than you'll ever know.

You'd understand if you knew my sister Vinca--do the words "intensive outpatient psychotherapy" mean anything to you? ;)

Kanani said...

So I guess what Evil Editor is saying sounds a lot like the old journalism bit of 'who, what, where, & why.' Plus, what was snapped at me after turning in an article: "Make it quick, clean, and clear." Or worse (but correct) "Less Bla Bla Please."

My eyes start to glaze whenever I'm given a paragraph that has more than 5 names. You come close: Vinca, Charlie, Barry, Hannah. Stop the cable car, I'm getting confused.

While I think Vinca is an nteresting name, and while Kis has long-learned ryhme associations from a turbulent childhood with her sister, all I could envision was a flower. However, if the book was set in the 1970's, then Vinca would not be a suprising name at all. But I would expect Vinca to have a sister named Petal and a brother named Root, not to be facetious, but mothers tend to do things like name 3 kids whose names all kind of go together. To wit: River, Joaquin, and Sky --the Phoenix family. (Kis, I'm very sorry if I've just guessed your name and your brother's).

But names are difficult, and perhaps you chose Vinca because you wanted a name that was off center, which might match the character as well.

Nice try and good luck!