Face-Lift 66

Guess the Plot

Second Growth

1. Lumberjack Cal Calson's deepest secret--the vestigial conjoined twin on his back--has come to life, and is trying to convert him to conservationism.

2. Vinca has a five-year-old. Hannah's brother died five years ago. Coincidence? Vinca's not talking, but Hannah will stop at nothing to learn if she's an aunt.

3. After Siamese twins Arvel and Harvel Twitman are separated, Arvel discovers a second growth where Harvel used to be. Can’t a guy get some privacy?

4. Jack Wharton discovers that the parasitic twin he'd had removed as a child is growing back. And it's mad.

5.The first spurt made Jim the tallest in eighth grade. The second growth sends him on a quest for his real parents, the last giants.

6. Dissatisfied with his offspring, a gardener grafts the son's head onto the daughter's body, with disturbing results that threaten the very nature of gender identity.


Original Version

Dear Literary Agent:

Hannah [Aha! Another name that would sound better spelled backwards.] returns from a trip to find a stranger at her brother’s door, his latest girlfriend, Vinca. [If I just got in from a trip, I would go to my own home and soak in a nice hot bubble bath. Then I'd phone my brother to make sure he's home before dropping by.] Added to this unwelcome surprise [Why is it unwelcome?] is the news Vinca tells her: her father, only days before his third wedding, has disappeared. Hannah is already upset, [Because Vinca's there? Where's her brother?] and this news throws her right back into a mindset she has worked hard to overcome. [Explain.] She finds her father, [If she could find him that fast, why couldn't his fiancée?] but in the process, loses her brother Barry permanently. [More info, please. Where was dad, and what happened to Barry?] [Evil Editor's guess: Dad was treading water in shark-infested waters, and Barry was devoured while trying to rescue him.]

Five years later, Hannah encounters Vinca again. Hannah has a successful career, but she has transferred to her firm’s San Francisco office to escape New York, her family and her past. [Vague. What about her past? Who in her family does she want to escape?] [Is it a coincidence that Vinca is in San Francisco?] Meeting Vinca means finally facing Barry’s loss. [She knew Vinca a few days, and, for that matter, Barry didn't know her that long. Why must she meet her again to get past Barry's death?] Vinca has a young son, Charlie. Hannah suspects he’s her nephew, but Vinca reveals nothing about Charlie’s father. [Volunteers nothing? Or refuses to reveal anything when asked?] Compelled, Hannah thinks, to force the truth from Vinca, she pulls closer and closer to Vinca, Charlie, and Vinca’s brother John. In forming this new family, Hannah at last proves to herself that whatever life offers, she is capable to handle. [What?!] [There's been no indication that Hannah was on a quest to prove to herself that she can handle life's offerings. What has she been unable to handle?] [The phrase "compelled to force the truth from Vinca" sounds like she's going to torture it out of her. Like Vinca's the villain. It doesn't meld with joining Vinca's family.]

I graduated from ______ College with a degree in English Literature. In college I worked for the literary magazine, and was twice a finalist in the ______ Poetry Contest. I have published in Second Century and Salvage and studied writing with Stratis Haviaris. [Writing? I thought he was the violin guy.] In addition, I’m the mother of two young children and am married to a resident in Neurology at Mt. Sinai. [Irrelevant--though if you wouldn't mind asking him what's causing this twinge in my neck . . . ?] Included in this email is the first chapter of my novel SECOND GROWTH (approx. 90,000 words). I would be honored for you to read it. [Put those last two sentences at the beginning of this paragraph, and delete the kids and hubby.] [No, not literally.] Thank you for your consideration.

Very truly yours,

Supplicant


Notes

There's no sense of where the story is going. Where are the 90,000 words? The part up until Barry's death could be half the book or a prologue. Is there a distinct ending toward which we progress, or do we simply settle into Vinca's family and get comfortable?

We want more specific information.

Whether Charlie is her nephew or not doesn't seem like an issue of great importance. The wealthy widow trying to discover if some kid is her grandchild/heir comes up in mysteries a lot, but the fact that your brother might have gotten the last in his string of girlfriends pregnant before he died wouldn't necessarily compel you to go after the truth. Or, if it would, it still might not compel a reader to seek the truth. Does the identity of Charlie's father change anyone's life so radically that readers will care if it's Barry or not?