Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Face-Lift 77


Guess the Plot


Fear Sweeney

1. Another wasted day of cabbage and Guinness at the pub. It was time to stop feeling sorry for himself and head for the farting contest.

2. A demon, an Irishman, and a sock monkey, in a lighthearted romp about the dynamics of interpersonal relationships, and how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

3. Life was pretty good for the erotic superhero. Nice costume, pleasant work. If folks could just get his name right. "For the last time, people, it's 'Fierce Weenie'!"

4. A brutal eunuch bursts into a retirement center and tosses bocce balls at the residents, beaning many of them before being talked down by Nurse Palumbo.

5. Veteran cop Angus Sweeney, killed in the line of duty, returns as a superhero zombie named Dead Sweeney, wreaking havoc on the criminal element of New York City.

6. In 1634 Boston, young Puritan Fear Sweeney contemplates converting to Anglicanism so he can change his name to something less dreadful...until he falls in love with a girl named Trembling.


Original Version

Dear {{whoever}}:

I would like to submit my novel Fear Sweeney to you. It is a light-hearted look at every twenty-something's difficult choice between Good and Evil, [Good or evil? Good or evil? Yes, that is a difficult choice.] except that in this case the choice is much more than an academic one.

Jal Trellis is underemployed, in debt, in love, and (he has always assumed) a thoroughly typical young Baltimorean. However, when he and his family emigrated from Dublin, they were followed - by an ancient Irish trickster-demon, the Pooka of Leinster. [Evil Editor was in Dublin once, being chauffeured down a main street of the city, near a park, when suddenly an entire herd of deer crossed the street in front of us, acting as if we weren't even there. I thought this rather odd at the time, but I now realize it must have been the work of a trickster-demon (possibly even the Pooka of Leinster), giving me a sign that I should start a blog. Had I understood the symbolism, we'd have been underway years ago.] Now the Pooka and an Avenging Angel in the form of a sock monkey are forcing Jal to decide whether to give his soul to Evil or to Good. [If Evil Editor were an Avenging Angel, and wished to talk someone into taking the path of goodness and light, he would choose to appear in the form of a wizard, an oracle, or Morgan Freeman. Sock monkey wouldn't even be in my top ten.] Jal is quite happy living in the shades of grey in between, like any other human, but the Pooka and the monkey won't leave him alone until he chooses between their respective philosophies.

Despite its fantastic elements, Fear Sweeney comes down to a very human story about the dynamics of interpersonal relationships (though not everyone involved is a person), especially the bonds between fathers and sons. It tries to be literate but silly, covering everything from complicated theological quandaries to the proper way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [Admit it, "How to make a pb & j" was a writing prompt in the Maryland school system, and you decided to write this book around your response.]

Like my protagonist, I was born in the British Isles and moved to Baltimore at a young age. I have always had a love for both my adopted hometown and for the legends and stories of my Celtic ancestors. Fear Sweeney was the inevitable result. I envision it as part of a greater suite of works set in the Baltimore-Washington Corridor, and I am currently working on the first draft of Fear Sweeney's sequel. [In which the Pooka of Leinster battles an angel disguised as a singing fish for the soul of the vice president. I call it Fear Cheney.]

In addition to a synopsis, I have enclosed a short sample from the novel. [Make sure that's the first x pages. No editor wants a sample from the middle of the book.] Thank you very much for your time. You may contact me by email, at {{email}}, or through the enclosed SASE.

Yours sincerely,


Notes

As I had only a few minor changes to suggest, I placed them in the original version rather than print two very similar versions. If you find you have room for anything else, you might say what fathers/sons you're talking about. Jal and his sons? Jal and his father? Or you could provide some insight into where the title comes from.

13 comments:

Anonymous said...

The story sounds intriguing.

I used to teach teachers to teach for a living (hey, that was kind of fun to type and even more fun to say out loud. Try it!). You would not believe how many of my student-teachers used "how to make a pb&j as one of their lessons in the class. Unbelievable. -JTC

Anonymous said...

I really liked this query, and would probably pick up the book in a store. You might want to rethink the name, though. "Fear Sweeney" sounds more like crime/mystery/horror than what you've described.

Stacia said...

Sounds Christopher Moore-ish to me. Which is a good thing. I'd definitely give it a glance-through and buy it if the writing looked good.

I don't think you need to mention what the book "tries" to be though. Sounds a little wishy-washy to me, and like you don't think the work reached its goal. We know from the sock monkey that it's funny and quirky, I'd let that speak for itself.

Bethany said...

I also found the title rather misleading. I was totally expection something about a nutty barber and his crazy wife working together for some special meat pies...

Anonymous said...

I think from here on in every story we cover should have a brutal eunuch among the characters. Throw in a trickster-demon and I'm thinking prizewinner.

Anonymous said...

I'd probably buy the book in the store based on this blurb, but before I as an agent or editor requested more, I would want to know that Jal had something at stake in the struggle. I'd also like to know just a teeny bit about the sock monkey's personality and relationship to Jal -- is this a beloved childhood toy, something his last girlfriend left behind, or what?

Anonymous said...

Well, thank you all for your generous comments, and thank you especially, Mr Evil sir, for your critique. I am as pleased as the proverbial punch to learn that people are actually interested.

I do find myself wondering exactly how to toe the line between too much detail and not enough in the query letter. I'll have to think hard on that.

(And indeed, Ms Jones, I've been lurking and learning since the beginning. Thanks again, Evil Editor, for providing the ink-stained masses with your wisdom.)

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

I totally thought you made up the blurb about a sock monkey!

I think the title would be more intriguing as: Demon Pooka and the Sock Monkey. I can already picture the cover!

Here's a twist on word verification I did over at my blog once: Creat a book title out of the letters offered--

harwikmv:

How A Rhino Wore Its Kilt... nah, that's not working...

Harry and Rene Work In Kansas Making Velveeta.

MaNiC MoMMy™ said...

Oh wait, I forgot to ask: How does one make a PB&J?

One thing I do know--use two separate knives. I hate when the jelly gets mixed in the PB jar.

BJMUKSI

Brandon Jones Must Understand Kissing Slippery Icicles.

Anonymous said...

How about "Demons Eat PB&J?"

Or "The Demon Ate PB&J?"

The title needs to be more quirky.

Other than that one quibble, I would buy this book.

Anonymous said...

Pookas really are evil! When we were in Ireland, a pooka busted the tire of our rental car! Or else it was all the driving on the left, pub-hopping, and the fact that there was a freakin' BOULDER right on the road. I guess we'll never know.

Anonymous said...

Fierce Weenie!!!! Erotic Superhero extraordinaire and his sidekick Rubber Man!

I am such a child, I know, but I will be giggling over that for a month!

Anonymous said...

Gaahh! "The pooka ate PB&J!"

I don't know what I was thinking before.

And you know, if I ever have another kid (heaven forfend!) I'm naming it Pooka.