Face-Lift 77

Guess the Plot

Fear Sweeney

1. Another wasted day of cabbage and Guinness at the pub. It was time to stop feeling sorry for himself and head for the farting contest.

2. A demon, an Irishman, and a sock monkey, in a lighthearted romp about the dynamics of interpersonal relationships, and how to make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

3. Life was pretty good for the erotic superhero. Nice costume, pleasant work. If folks could just get his name right. "For the last time, people, it's 'Fierce Weenie'!"

4. A brutal eunuch bursts into a retirement center and tosses bocce balls at the residents, beaning many of them before being talked down by Nurse Palumbo.

5. Veteran cop Angus Sweeney, killed in the line of duty, returns as a superhero zombie named Dead Sweeney, wreaking havoc on the criminal element of New York City.

6. In 1634 Boston, young Puritan Fear Sweeney contemplates converting to Anglicanism so he can change his name to something less dreadful...until he falls in love with a girl named Trembling.


Original Version

Dear {{whoever}}:

I would like to submit my novel Fear Sweeney to you. It is a light-hearted look at every twenty-something's difficult choice between Good and Evil, [Good or evil? Good or evil? Yes, that is a difficult choice.] except that in this case the choice is much more than an academic one.

Jal Trellis is underemployed, in debt, in love, and (he has always assumed) a thoroughly typical young Baltimorean. However, when he and his family emigrated from Dublin, they were followed - by an ancient Irish trickster-demon, the Pooka of Leinster. [Evil Editor was in Dublin once, being chauffeured down a main street of the city, near a park, when suddenly an entire herd of deer crossed the street in front of us, acting as if we weren't even there. I thought this rather odd at the time, but I now realize it must have been the work of a trickster-demon (possibly even the Pooka of Leinster), giving me a sign that I should start a blog. Had I understood the symbolism, we'd have been underway years ago.] Now the Pooka and an Avenging Angel in the form of a sock monkey are forcing Jal to decide whether to give his soul to Evil or to Good. [If Evil Editor were an Avenging Angel, and wished to talk someone into taking the path of goodness and light, he would choose to appear in the form of a wizard, an oracle, or Morgan Freeman. Sock monkey wouldn't even be in my top ten.] Jal is quite happy living in the shades of grey in between, like any other human, but the Pooka and the monkey won't leave him alone until he chooses between their respective philosophies.

Despite its fantastic elements, Fear Sweeney comes down to a very human story about the dynamics of interpersonal relationships (though not everyone involved is a person), especially the bonds between fathers and sons. It tries to be literate but silly, covering everything from complicated theological quandaries to the proper way to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. [Admit it, "How to make a pb & j" was a writing prompt in the Maryland school system, and you decided to write this book around your response.]

Like my protagonist, I was born in the British Isles and moved to Baltimore at a young age. I have always had a love for both my adopted hometown and for the legends and stories of my Celtic ancestors. Fear Sweeney was the inevitable result. I envision it as part of a greater suite of works set in the Baltimore-Washington Corridor, and I am currently working on the first draft of Fear Sweeney's sequel. [In which the Pooka of Leinster battles an angel disguised as a singing fish for the soul of the vice president. I call it Fear Cheney.]

In addition to a synopsis, I have enclosed a short sample from the novel. [Make sure that's the first x pages. No editor wants a sample from the middle of the book.] Thank you very much for your time. You may contact me by email, at {{email}}, or through the enclosed SASE.

Yours sincerely,


Notes

As I had only a few minor changes to suggest, I placed them in the original version rather than print two very similar versions. If you find you have room for anything else, you might say what fathers/sons you're talking about. Jal and his sons? Jal and his father? Or you could provide some insight into where the title comes from.