Face-Lift 89

Guess the Plot

Prophecy's Birth

1. When a pregnant woman goes into premature labor at a truck stop in Delphi, Georgia, she takes it as a sign. But growing up is hard for her young daughter, Prophecy. Do the other kids really like her, or do they just want to copy off her tests?

2. A blind child is born to a woman with a history of mental illness. The infant speaks, but only the mother can hear her.

3. Sibyl the oracle is bummed. She’s pregnant, and the fetus is contradicting her prophecies. Will expulsion of the baby allow her to regain control of her omphalos?

4. The fate of Ishalia rests in the hands of Princess Laleena's unborn child, but a crazed midwife is holding Laleena captive.

5. Prophecy, a plantation slave girl, claims an immaculate conception to protect her secret lover - the slaver's son.

6. Before the Athenians can learn what the future holds, Aeschedia must endure the unusual pain of passing a prophetic scroll through the birth canal.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

When Princess Laleena of the Ishalian court ran away from her home and the marriage arranged by her ruthlessly ambitious sister, she thought she would be taking control of her life. She never imagined she would be running into the grips of a prophecy that would plant the fate of the island in her womb. [What island? Is Ishalia an island?] The Three, the prophecy giving mistresses of the mountain, explain to the sisters that one of their unborn children will determine whether the island is to plunge into darkness, or ascend to glory. [How do they explain this to Laleena, when she ran away? Is she back already?]

With the weight of the island on her shoulders Laleena separates from Fraser – the sailor she’s fallen in love with. She becomes employed by a sage Embroidery Mistress, and is held captive by a crazed midwife. [Just when Evil Editor was thinking he would never find a mate for the brutal eunuch, a crazed midwife turns up.] [If "Embroidery Mistress" deserves to be capitalized, so, surely, does "Crazed Midwife."] [Please, Minions, no "Guess the Plots" involving a Crazed Midwife.] Meanwhile, Fraser is befriended by an innkeeper’s family, and it is alluded that he may be the reincarnation of the legendary First King. [Alluded by whom?]

When the royal council presents evidence that High Princess Taryne may be “unfit to rule” she takes matters into her own hands, and plots the death of her father the King, arranging it so her sister, Laleena, is framed for the crime. [Laleena couldn't have done it; she's trapped in the lair of the Crazed Midwife.] [Laleena would be a good name for a cartoon llama.] [In fact, Laleena llama is a great tongue twister--say it five times fast. That's right up there with my favorites, boy goat and ski sash.] [I always have trouble pronouncing llama, because I can never remember which "l" is silent.]

PROPHECY’S BIRTH is a 100,000-word epic fantasy novel, for which we are seeking representation. It is the first book in a series of six Ishalian novels, which will be comprised of two trilogies: the story of Laleena and Taryne, and the story of their prophesied children, Luciana and Donovan. [How did Donovan get in there? It's like naming your characters Ann, Mary, John, and Brihnth'huangue.] [So you're looking for a publisher willing to commit to six novels? Just asking.]

We have been writing together for about five years, with the intention of publishing. An SASE has been included for your convenience. Thank you for considering our manuscript.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor,

When Princess Laleena of the island nation Ishalia ran away from her home and the marriage arranged by her ruthlessly ambitious sister, Taryne, she thought she would be taking control of her life. But she soon finds herself in the grips of a prophecy that could plant the fate of the island in her womb: the Mistresses of the Mountain foretell that one of the sisters' unborn children will determine the island's future glory--or shame.

With the weight of the island on her shoulders, Laleena doesn't know where to turn. She separates from Fraser – the sailor she’s fallen in love with. She works as an assistant to a sage Embroidery Mistress. Later she is held captive by a Crazed Midwife. Meanwhile, Fraser is befriended by an innkeeper’s family, and it is hinted by their Soothsaying Goat that Fraser may be the reincarnation of the legendary First King.

When the royal council presents evidence that High Princess Taryne may be “unfit to rule,” she takes matters into her own hands. She plots the death of her father the King, framing Laleena for the crime. Can Fraser save Ishalie from Taryne's madness? Or is the island DOOMED?!

PROPHECY’S BIRTH is a 100,000-word epic fantasy novel, for which we are seeking representation. It is the first book in a series that will tell the story of Laleena and Taryne, and of their prophesied children, Luciana and Donovan.

We have been writing together for about five years, with the intention of publishing. An SASE has been included for your convenience. Thank you for considering our manuscript.

Sincerely,


Notes

You can take off that sentence that ends "DOOMED," but try to add another sentence in its place.