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Guess the Plot

Outlaws

1. The true story of the three marketing geniuses who saved Hollywood with the idea to mark up the price of movie theater popcorn by 400 percent.

2. When her horse gets stolen by outlaws, seventeen-year-old ex-Pony Express rider Carrie Sutton will do anything to get it back.

3. A country music band known as The Outlaws turn out to be real outlaws, robbing banks in each town they perform in.

4. Car salesmen at a Ford dealership compete to see who can sell the most undercoating in one month.

5. Hoodlums at an inner-city high school go on a killing spree when their demand for conjugal visits during detention isn't met.

6. When a touristy dude ranch is built over a western graveyard, trouble pops up in the persons of Billy the Kid and Jesse James . . . zombiefied.

Original Version

Dear Whomever,

I am seeking representation for my completed novel Outlaws. Thank you in advance for your consideration.

Outlaws, a 74,000 word young adult novel, tells the story of seventeen year old Carrie Sutton, a former Pony Express rider. [Former? How old was she when she was a Pony Express Rider? Twelve? What, is Pony Express riding like figure skating and gymnastics, where you're washed up at seventeen?] In 1861 Carrie, in the company of a small group of Shoshone Indians, makes the trek from Wyoming to California on a mission to locate her stolen horse, [Wyoming to California to get a horse? Why are the Shoshones going to California? Just to help her get her horse back? Wouldn't they just say, "Screw that, take one of our horses; we're staying here, kid."] finding adventure, danger, friendship and self-discovery along the way. [And, presumably, her horse. Or did the outlaws who stole it get lost in a snowstorm in the Rockies, and eat the horse to survive?]

My love for research, American history, horses and writing led me to write Outlaws, my second novel. The first one, Riding On The Wind, received very favorable reviews from School Library Journal, Independent Publisher and Midwest Book Review. KLIATT said, "This is one historical fiction that YA's will enjoy. Recommended highly." Currently I am working on another in the Carrie Sutton series, in which she finds herself in high society of 1862 New York City, [She leaves Wyoming on a trek (defined, despite Star Trek, as a slow, difficult journey, usually by foot, though originally by ox-cart) to California in 1861, and still makes it to New York City by 1862? All this during the Civil War, when one would think most trains would be tied up with Civil War troop and equipment movements?] and a “mythological” novel that tells of the very first mermaid. [She's the daughter of Aquaman and a porpoise. What, you thought blowholes were just for breathing?]

Enclosed is a synopsis of Outlaws. I think this story of a teen-age girl's adventures and her growing awareness of herself and the world around her will appeal to young readers, especially girls. Carrie and Dawn, a Shoshone Indian, are strong characters confronting the same kinds of problems and questions about life, love and friendship that girls have always faced. [For instance, they get into a fight when Carrie borrows Dawn's war paint without asking.] I believe I have succeeded in writing the kind of book I loved when I was young. [No doubt, but if you want your book to appeal to today's kids, I suggest you have Harry Potter rescue Carrie from the outlaws.]

I appreciate your time in reviewing these pages and look forward to hearing from you. Return of the material is not necessary. An SASE is enclosed for your reply.


Notes

This plot summary is only two sentences. Fortunately, there's supposedly a synopsis attached, but Evil Editor can't suggest much in the way of revisions with so little material. It sounds fine, however--though I'd leave out the mermaid.