Face-Lift 49

Guess the Plot

The Island and the Bell

1. Unless someone finds the magic bell, Bunny Island will sink into the sea. Juliana sets off on a hunt through fairyland to save her home.

2. Following a plane crash at sea, lone survivor Bob has only a silent bell, found in the wreckage of the plane, to keep him company.

3. A self-declared apostle sets out to end his daughter's hedonistic ways, using a strange book he's created that he believes will bring about the apocalypse.

4. A really dull title on her first novel ruins an aspiring author’s chances of publishing anything. Ever.

5. Buffett: Flip-flops and margaritas. Scarlett: Lace and mint juleps. Was there any hope for these star-crossed lovers?

6. Millicent falls in love with the bell ringer after hearing his tunes. But what will her parents say, when she tells them she's marrying a hunchback?


Original Version

Dear Literary Agent,

I am seeking representation on my novel, THE ISLAND AND THE BELL, a story of sex, nihilism, and city planning in the modern South and Midwest. [City planning? Evil Editor congratulates you on your advanced degree in city planning, but your insistence on working it into a story of sex and nihilism is going too far.] [That's like saying, My book features hard-drinking men, hard-loving women, and an exhaustive look inside the sheet rock industry.]

Wren Crenshaw [Wren? His parents named him Wren? What were their names, Loon and Dodo?] is a twenty-four year old flake, eschewing every responsibility but the immediate tragedies doled out to him. Disappearing after college graduation, [Apparently he didn't eschew every responsibility, or he wouldn't have graduated.] he obsessively searches for meaning in history and a sense of place in the ever-increasing suburban sprawl. He abandons his fiancé

[Fiancée: Whattaya mean you can't go through with it? The wedding's next week! 300 people are coming!
Wren: I know, I'm sorry. But I need to take some time to search for meaning in history and a sense of place in the ever-increasing suburban sprawl.
Fiancée: Bastard! You did that last week! ]

and family to eke out a hand to mouth existence in Kansas City, regressing into drinking with high school kids and sleeping with an underage girl. [Ah, the truth comes out. Suburban sprawl = jail bait.]

THE ISLAND AND THE BELL details Wren Crenshaw's illicit relationship with the teenage Kali Newway, connecting their two different families on the verge of disintegration in two separate cities. While the Crenshaw family struggles with autism, suicide, and meth addiction, the Newway family fights a bitter divorce on the heels of cosmetic surgery, adultery, and religious mania. The two families' stories reveal the motivations of the two young lovers, with a cast of characters caught up in the waves of unfeeling that work against them. [I was with you up until the comma.]

Wren lives with a lot of guilt: His older brother sits in a psychiatric hospital, and his sister struggles to escape a mean existence dealing pot and speed while living under a cloud of rape and abuse. [Sounds more like baggage or burdens than guilt--unless he's responsible for all of it.] And he thinks if he loves hard enough he can reform and repair the broken pieces of his life through the tenuous relationship he's started.

However, young Kali Newway doesn't want to be saved. She wants unrestrained hedonism, involving hard drugs and a dangerous love-triangle involving a violent political activist. [She's everything a man could want in a woman; no wonder Wren dumped his fiancée.] Only Kali's father sees what his daughter has become. On a mad spiritual crusade as a contemporary self-declared apostle, Dan Newway sets out to stop his daughter and everyone like her, using a strange book he's created that he believes will bring about the apocalypse. [If this nutcase is the only person who sees what she's become, everyone else in the book must be living on Mars.]

Tweakers, [?] hipsters, losers, and fanatics, every character wants to discover the depths of what individuals feel for the others they encounter. [Lost you again, after that last comma.] Part realistic novel, part fantasy, ISLAND AND THE BELL interweaves, in 120,000 words, subplots involving each family's undoing with an account of city development in Arkansas and Missouri. [Again with the city development? It's like saying, My book interweaves spiritual awakening, shattered lives, and lawnmower instruction manuals.] [City planning my be part of the book, but I'd leave it out of the query.] [In fact, get it out of the book, too.] The manuscript is available upon request. An SASE is enclosed for your reply. Thank you for your consideration.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Literary Agent,

Wren Crenshaw, twenty-four, college grad, has fled his fiancée and a dysfunctional family struggling with autism, suicide, and meth addiction. Teenager Kali Newway, having fled her own dysfunctional family (adultery, bitter divorce and religious mania) meets Wren in Kansas City, and the two forge a tenuous relationship.

Wren lives with a lot of guilt, and he thinks if he loves hard enough he can reform and repair the broken pieces of his life. However, young Kali doesn't want to be reformed. She wants unrestrained hedonism, hard drugs and a dangerous love-triangle involving a violent political activist. As Wren tries to save Kali through love, her father, on a mad spiritual crusade as a self-declared apostle, sets out to stop her using a strange book he's created that he believes will bring about the apocalypse.

THE ISLAND AND THE BELL, a 120,000-word novel of sex and nihilism in the modern South and Midwest, interweaves Wren and Kali's story with subplots depicting the disintegration of their families. The manuscript is available upon request. An SASE is enclosed for your reply. Thank you.

Sincerely,


Notes

It's not clear from the query whether the disintegrating families or the Wren-Kali relationship, or the father's crusade is the main plot thread. Or, for that matter, the city planning. EE has assumed it to be Wren-Kali. If he's wrong, then the focus of the query should be changed.

The title is boring, and we can't even guess at what it means. With the polar bear tattoo we could make an assumption. At least tell the Minions what island, what bell, so we can tell you whether the title is reasonable. Maybe the title needs a third thing, like The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. This could be The Runaway, the Apostle, and the City Planner. No, wait, The Runaway, the Apostle, and Sharks! Don't worry if there aren't any sharks, you can write some in. There isn't a character in this book your readers wouldn't enjoy seeing get eaten by sharks.