Tuesday, March 06, 2007
Guess the plot
Voice of Darkness
1. Soprano Antoinette Aphrodite LeFay has a voice that can shatter glass. Unfortunately, when she hits the high note in her aria, she shatters every light bulb in La Scala.
2. Girly-girl Alexa Tate lives in New York City and adores Manolo Blahniks. She's also an alien, sent to Earth to destroy mankind. Or to save it; she's not sure which. Maybe the Voice of Darkness knows?
3. Secret Agent Mae Wong and her new hubby are ready for their first night in their new home. But what is that diabolical laughter coming from under the bed? Could it be . . . the Voice of Darkness?
4. A nameless faceless horror haunts pizza guy Sparky Barnes as he races through the dim streets of Newberry in a car full of vipers.
5. PoonTang Jrard might be the one member of Dominion Force too unimportant to kill, but thanks to her gift of The Dark Song, she'll be kicking some serious Blufard butt when the time comes.
6. B'rath N'Hallow is the last in a long line of Shield-Men, charged to protect the island of Norland for all eternity. His life seems plotted for him--until he hears a Voice telling him, "Come inside, Timmy, it's getting dark."
Meet Alexa Tate. She's a girly-girl with serious skills - like space-shifting, controlled free-falling, and tracking her prey by scent - who loves red meat and hates blind dates. [Maybe her blind dates would go better if she didn't see her dates as rump roasts.] She lives in New York City, adores Manolo Blahniks and can outrun absolutely anything.
[Even a cheetah? Even The Flash?] [Even while wearing her Manolo Blahniks?]Oh yes, and she isn't human. She's Other. [What with the Others on the TV show Lost, and the movie The Others, calling Alexa's race "Other" may not seem too original. I suggest changing a single letter, making it "Otter." Kids are sick of books about ducks and mice and dogs. Otters are much more interesting, especially otters that are faster than cheetahs and wear Manolo Blahniks. I envision a series of children's books starring Alexa Otter: Alexa Otter's Blind Date; Alexa Otter Cooks a Pork Loin; Alexa Otter and the Missing Manolos. I recommend dropping your project immediately and learning everything you can about otters. This is gonna be big.]
Live Otter Cam
Until recently, Alexa thought her powers were a gift to be used in her own signature style of vigilante justice. Now she's worried that she wasn't sent to save mankind but to destroy it. [What caused her to start worrying about this?] And she wasn't sent alone.
Someone is watching her. Tracking her. Hunting. For the first time in her life, Alexa is the prey and her hunter isn't human. He's Other. [See how much better that would sound if it were Otter?] And he's out for blood. [That's six sentences just to say she's being hunted by another Other.]
Voice of Darkness is a 94,000 word paranormal novel written in the first person perspective of a heroine who regularly kicks ass and takes names. I've enclosed the first three chapters for your consideration. I appreciate your time.
These people who are Other: they refer to themselves as Other? That seems backwards. There's yourselves, and there are others. If the story's told from Alexa's POV, wouldn't she think of humans as Other?
You might want to get more specific about her vigilante justice in the opening paragraph. Maybe start it:
Meet Alexa Tate, a girly-girl with serious skills - like space-shifting and controlled free-falling. Alexa hates blind dates, adores Manolo Blahniks and spends her spare time hunting down criminals the NYC cops can't handle. Oh, and she's also an otter.
That's less listy. That she likes red meat doesn't exactly set her apart from the rest of the population. Otters prefer fish, anyway.
To Evil Editor, it was intriguing to think Alexa realized she was one of a group of Other sent to destroy the Earth, and that she would now try to destroy the other Others to ensure her access to Blahniks. To find that they were hunting her, instead, was less interesting. But maybe that's just me.