Monday, March 05, 2007

New Beginning 233


The first sign that something was wrong came when Hansa and Jalal, the saddle-maker's boys, came running down the dirt path before their hour as lookouts was up.

They'd been stationed at the top of the Bone, a scrubby spear of rock that stuck out higher than the rest of the hill where the clan was making camp. Sharp-eyed Parvad saw them first and cried out. It was not long before the whole clan could see them clattering down the path, their feet dislodging tiny avalanches of pebbles as they ran.

Natalja dropped the bunch of arrows she'd been fletching.

"Wrong way!" she yelled. "You're going the wrong way!"

The clan gathered around her; the gasping boys skittering to a halt in front of them.

Hansa looked back to where the Bone seemed to stick up higher than ever.

"It's too big!" cried Jalal. "We'll never make it!"

"It only takes one of us," said Natalja. "Now, come on everyone! This is our moment!"

"We're coming!" they all shouted. The entire clan started to move, led by Natalja, running up the Bone as fast as they could. Many fell by the wayside, flailing uselessly. Only the strongest and fittest would make it to journey's end.


Up the Bone they surged, faster and faster as if pushed by some invisible force. Hansa stayed at Natalja's shoulder, though he knew only one of them could make it.

Teetering at the very tip of the Bone, they launched themselves into space, hurtling forward heedlessly, tumbling toward the oval, greyish sphere floating before them. And then they saw it--an identical sphere, drifting out from behind the first--and they realized that they both would make it!


"Thank God," said Natalja. "Twins."


Opening: Margaret Taylor.....Continuation: McKoala

15 comments:

Theo Katz said...

GREAT continuation!

Brenda Bradshaw said...

Ha! Love the continuation!

sylvia said...

I couldn't help but laugh.

Robin S. said...

I like this beginning. I'd read on.


This continuation was perfect- reads like a genre version of the sperm scene in Woody Allen's movie, Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Sex.

Marissa Doyle said...

Gosh, I always wondered how it happened. Now I can tell my twins...when they're about thirty.

Ashley Meeks said...

I hardly think Natalja's filthy interlude with the arrows was necessary.

Dave said...

It's a nice opening and it is neither too sparse or over-abundant with words. It leaves someone wondering what the two boys saw... I hope the next paragraph is action.

Anonymous said...

Nicely done ontinuation.
Definitely takes it off on a new tangent.

-ril

Rashenbo said...

Here I was thinking it was going to be a hansel and gretel spin off :)

Love the continuation :D

McKoala said...

I liked the start. There was action, there was unexplained tension - well worth reading on.

It's just, yanno, if you've got a spear of rock sticking up higher than the rest of the hill, and you call it the Bone...

Anonymous said...

Jeez,

What is it with you guys and the secret lives of spermatozoa?

Beth said...

This is a good beginning. I'd keep reading. You've got immediate action, just enough description to put us in the setting, and obviously Something is About to Happen. That's always desirable. [g]

One little nit: how can a spire of rock be scrubby? Scrubby, to me, implies bushy, scraggly--overrun with scrubby vegetation. But while spires might be jagged, they're not normally bushy. And since you describe it as the Bone, that implies clean and smooth.

Margaret said...

*mortified* I never realized the innuendo potential of the Bone...

Dave said...

Freud says "It's a phallic symbol if it's longer than it's wide."
;)

writtenwyrdd said...

I really liked this beginning. I'd have had to read on to find otu what was going on.