Thursday, December 14, 2006
New Beginning 173
I hate driving to work in the morning, especially when there’s ice on my windshield (which, with my car, is anytime the temperature drops below seventy-five), because I lost my ice scraper, so I have to use a cassette tape to scrape the ice. The only tape I have in my car is Ave Maria: The Sacred Songs of Christmas, by Jimmy Dean, which has rounded edges and does a lousy scrape job, so I usually end up spitting on the windshield and using my fingernails to scrape the ice. Which is better than just licking the windshield--and I should know, having once missed half a day of work waiting for the sun to melt the ice and unstick my tongue. Anyway, I end up with a 2-inch-wide, saliva-smeared circular hole to peer through until my defroster kicks in, which it usually does about the time I’m pulling into the parking lot at work.
I also hate driving to work when it rains. My windshield wipers are old and rotten, and leave streaks of water behind. I've tried wrapping them in paper towels, but before I reach the end of the block, I'm trying to peer around soggy bits of shredded paper all over the glass. I've also tried wrapping the wipers in plastic bags, but they don't absorb any water. And the highly absorbent paper grocery bags are really distracting moving up and down on the windshield. I have to keep moving my head to see around them.
My friend Benny’s car has a CD player, but a CD’s no good for clearing the ice. CDs are round, see, so only a little bit of the edge makes contact and you end up just drawing lines across the windshield like you’re setting up for a game of tic-tac-toe. So that’s another reason why CDs suck. And you can’t get The Sacred Songs of Christmas on CD. You can maybe get Jimmy Dean’s Christmas Card but that doesn’t have my favorites on it. You can get Jimmy Dean - Greatest Hits. I guess that one’s pretty good. It has "Big Bad John." Momma always said, “Life is like a Jimmy Dean record. You need do other things before you get the sausage out.” Momma never did make much sense.
Anyway, today was an ice day, and I was about to give up and call Yellow Cab, when I noticed Schlep, the neighbor’s bulldog hiking his leg on my left front tire. So I quickly grabbed him and tossed him on the windshield to put his steamy organic windshield cleaning fluid to good use. Today’s drive into work was an entirely new visual experience, looking through yellow rivulets between tundras of ice with the sun glaring through, Jimmy belting out "Jingle Bells" on the tape player . . . Psychedelic, man. I made a note to leave Schlep a big bowl of water tomorrow.
Opening: EE.....Continuation: Bunnygirl, ril, anonymous