Why you don't get published.
Obviously Kohrlach is used to being in command so he is quickly angered when his commands are not promptly obeyed.Because he is a God, he can shapeshift and one of his favorite forms is a zombie. Also, a werewolf.
Kohrlach weilds a scepter made from whale bone. Although he pretends to love and admire it, he is secretly jealous of his brother's scythe. When not reining the darkworld, he enjoys a good match of draughts.
Kohlrach secretly finds the dark realm rather boring, and wishes he could take a nice vacation on a sunny island, but he doesn't trust his minions to run the place without him. Has a passion for old Frank Sinatra records. Wishes the folks he hangs out with had a better sense of humor.
When Kohrlach eats in a Chinese restaurant, he never requests chopsticks.
Kohrlach never looks through the peephole on his door to see who just knocked.
Although he appears to have more tattoos than an NBA superstar, Kohrlach has none.
Kohrlach always calls "shotgun" when riding with another god.
Kohrlach hates to be interrupted, but he hides this traait, and makes a mental note to punish the offender at a later time.
Korlach insists on being addressed as "Kohrlach the Magnificent."
Kohrlach is the bastard son of Misunara, the god of twilight (to whom nothing is very clear) and Zippy, the god of day (to whom all things are black and white). This forms the trinity of the twenty-four hour day. But the problem with Kohrlach is that he really wanted to be the god of freak dancing because he loves young human women with big hips. However, he is forever holding up the darkness outside while they're shaking their booties inside. This conflict has made him a very angry god. That and the fact that he's not very dedicated and has real issues with his lack of dancing ability. It may only take one good looking human chick to convince him to leave his godhead behind and get down with the sistas!
Korlach looks good in his tight blue jeans - the washed-denim color of which match his eyes. He has excellent color sense and is considering more light in the Dark Realm.
One of Kohrlach's prized possessions is a pewter draughts set with "God" marking his peices and "Prepare to Die" marking the others.
He wears fuzzy pink bunny slippers in his bedroom and a hairnet to bed. Not that he has much hair, more like a european bar code (or as anyone American calls it a combover).
When Jehovah's Witnesses come to his door, he always invites them in. Usually they stay forever. His favorite musical group is The Byrds, and he always tips his waitress 20%, unless the service is horrendous, in which case he takes her soul.
Kohrlach is a darkeyed man who attracts women, he uses them and tosses them aside. He quickens the imagination of men, and blows the breath of new life into their nostrils. Then he leads them down the road to perdition. No one but he is God of the dark realm.
Kohrlach is a member of the Hell's Angels Motorcycle Club. -JTC
Korlach frequently uses the wrong word, or uses words in the wrong context, and becomes irate when he's corrected.
He has an insane issue about always being right and/or smarter than everyone else.
His older sister Millie always gets the better of him. Also, he's fluent in four languages, and though English is his first language, he speaks it with a Polish accent.And, he plays a mean ragtime piano.
Kohrlach would like nothing better than to have a steady girlfriend, but being introduced to your girlfriend's father as "Kohrlach the Magnificent" tends to get things off on the wrong foot.
Kohrlach entices innocent writers to send him their life's works. His submission guidelines really mean submission. Besides signing over their immortal souls, the hapless scribblers must write the book longhand in their own body fluids, although he gives extra points of they write it in someone else's body fluids.They then live in eternal torment awaiting his judgment, which never comes...except for the fiendish, derisive laughter ringing endlessly in their ears.pulp
When Kohrlach comments on Evil Editor's blog, he always signs as Buffy Squirrel, but everyone knows it's Kohrlach, because there's no picture of a squirrel.
Kohrlach shape-shifts into a Barbie. He's the reason why all of your children's dolls are naked, but he has a hell of a drag show Down Under in the Dark Realm, opposite Queen Latifah.
Kohrlach's deepest, darkest secret is that he is afraid of moths. He screams like a little girl when one flies near. The brittle flutter of moth wings is enough to leave him wetting himself and shivering in the corner.To hide this shameful and mortifying secret, he has extinguished all light in the land, thus making him the god of the dark realm.FYI, he used to be Kohrlach, god of the porch light.
Korlach is the god of machismo. His skin is the black of midnight, his eyes the blue of a summer sky. He smiles and birds fall dead from the sky. Korlach worked his way up the god ladder from djin in a bottle to the ultimate harbinger of evil. He likes snakes and scorpions. A lot. They are best when deep fried and crunchy. He owns the biggest, meanest Harley motorcycle on the planet. It spits lightning bolts and it flies. The Hells Angels were his invention, and they have many secret rituals in Korlach's name. Most involve beer.Korlach spends much of his free time adding facts to the Vin Diesel random fact generator (http://4q.cc/index.php?pid=fact&person=vin)
Kohrlach is not pleased that his name slightly resembles that of an obscure vegetable, and is insanely jealous of his older brother, Krann the Well-hung.
This is soooo gonna ruin my street cred, but...woot for Vin Diesel! My favorite fact EVER is thus:Vin Diesel isn't lactose intolerant. He just refuses to take lactose's shit.
Kohrlach added the "magnificent" part to his name because when he used to introduce himself, people would routinely either say "gesundheit" or offer him cough drops, mistaking his name for a sound people make when infected with a head cold.
Building on the tattoos comment, Kohrlach's tattoos are sentient. They're not controlled by him, however. Usually they work cooperatively with him, but every so often, they disagree with his actions and try to sabotage them (for example, when they disaproved of him dating Enhoatyl, Goddess of the Flying Serpents, his left arm tattoo spelled out the name of a different goddess (Meretrix, Goddess of Loose Morals) wrapped in a heart and refused to budge). Due to past rivalries with his tattoos, Kohrlach's arms, legs, back, and neck have a number of scars where he stabbed his tattoos as revenge.---Tired of the lonely life of a deity, Kohrlach often shifts to human form. He has a small clique of friends that he hangs out with, smoking and chatting outside a convenience store to pass the time. Of course, Kohlrach's pupils swirl every time he takes a hit, and he can't seem to keep track of what exists in human culture and what doesn't (his last major blunder was stating that his favorite singer was Aelopia, the Stygian Siren). His friends all know he's the god of the dark realm, but pretend that they don't know and ignore his gaffes in order to make him feel better. He knows that his friends know the truth, but can't stand the thought of admitting who he is for fear of messing up what they've got. Thus, the charade goes on.
I forgot to add, that when Korlach smiles, kittens and puppies immediately transform into adorably fuzzy and cute killer zombie puppies and kittens.Korlach looses them upon the unsuspecting. Hairballs were also Korlach's invention. Hells Angels think they go well with beer.
No one has ever thrown Kohrlach a surprise birthday party. This is a source of deep and abiding diappointment for him, and likely one of the main reasons he's so angry all the time.
There's one tiny little bleep in Korlach's transformations that cause him angst. Something about mass and the laws of gravity, but in human form, Kohrlach has a paunch. This causes no problem among the Hell's Angels. Kohrlach's leather vest covers it and anyway, his buds just think he's been hitting the lager.But in his quest for the various angels he covets, besides dealing with rampant tattoos with minds of their own, he has this niggling fear that his less than perfect human body will be laughed at.So he's into exercise these days, jogging up and down the beach at various locales.
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