Do you think an editor/agent would get upset if I said in my query letter something to the effect of: "Please respond via SASE if you would like to see more, otherwise no reply is needed."? I've come to the conclusion recently that I'm tired of lame form letters/emails. Why waste your time and mine and the letter carrier's? After 2-3 months I just assume it's a no anyway and gradually forget about it. Forgetting about it feels a lot better than actually being rejected.
Evil Editor had the same attitude after his colonoscopy. I told the doctor not to bother sending me the results unless it was good news. Two weeks later I was on the phone, begging him to tell me the results got lost in the mail. He said I was fine, he just wanted to see how long I could hold out without calling. We had a good laugh over that.
Don't worry that agents/editors will be upset by your note. In most cases your rejection slip will be safely sealed inside your SASE long before they reach your instructions to withhold it.
Perhaps the best solution to your problem, one that eliminates the anxiety of worrying that your acceptance letter has been lost in the mail, is to send two SASE's. Label the rose-colored envelope "Acceptance Letter," and the black envelope "Form Rejection Slip." Enclose a smiley face sticker, with instructions to the editor to affix it to the black envelope if he has scribbled a personal note of encouragement or advice in the margin of the rejection slip. Your instructions should be at the beginning of the query, to ensure the editor sees them. The query would read:
Dear Editor:
Enclosed are two color-coded stamped envelopes and a smiley face sticker. Should you care to request my manuscript, please contact me using the rose-colored envelope. Use of the smiley face sticker is optional on this envelope. If you don't care to see my manuscript, please advise of same using the black envelope. In this circumstance, use the smiley face sticker only if you've written a note on the rejection slip to the effect of, "Not quite for me, but try me again."
Also, if you wouldn't mind, please return the envelope you don't use inside the envelope you do use so that I can reuse the envelope you don't use. Oh, and I'll be discarding the black envelopes with no smiley face sticker, without opening them, so be extra careful not to put an acceptance letter into the black envelope.
One more thing: should you decide to contact me by email, please use the subject line "Good News from Luxor Publishing" or "Bad News from Luxor Publishing," depending on which it is, so that I may delete the latter without opening it. And should you decide to contact me by phone, let it ring once, hang up, and dial again if it's good news. Two rings, hang up, dial again will be bad news, in which case you'll get my machine, on which I've recorded instructions on what to do if it's really bad
news, or mildly bad news.
The book is available upon request. May I send a partial or the complete manuscript? Thank you.
Sincerely yours,
31 comments:
That's hysterical.
EE, you haven't covered all the eventualities. If they return the rose-coloured envelope inside the black envelope with no sticker attached and that envelope is discarded unopened, then the rose-coloured envelope will be wasted. Clearly, in the event of sending a form rejection with no handwritten note and bothering to return the rose-coloured envelope without first steaming off the stamp, the editor should affix the smiley sticker to the black envelope, but upside down.
Remember, the devil is in the details.
This reminds me of the Theseus and the Minotaur story -- how if they destroyed the Minotaur tha Athenians should sail back with white sails rather than the black sails of mounring with which they'd sailed to their sacrifice. But they were in such a hurry to escape King Minos that they didn't have time to change the sails, and when the King of Athens saw the black sails coming, he threw himself into the sea.
EE
I just fell in love with you. Let's run away together. I promise to never tire of your humor.
"Perhaps the best solution to your problem, one that eliminates the anxiety of worrying that your acceptance letter has been lost in the mail, is to send two SASE's."
I never said I'd think it got lost in the mail. No response is a NO, end of story.
Now that you've had your yukfest, what do you seriously think about it?
Glad I wasn't drinking coffee during this one. EE, you're my hero! The laughs I get through your blog always brighten up my day.
I love EE!
Can you answer more questions because that's usually when I laugh the hardest!
Now that you've had your yukfest, what do you seriously think about it?
I seriously think, as I stated in the midst of my "yukfest," that if the answer is no, the rejection slip will find its way into the SASE before the editor gets to the end of the query, where you've advised that you don't want it. I recommend using each rejection slip as a sign that it's time to send out another query. Slip in today, query out tomorrow.
Now that you've had your yukfest, what do you seriously think about it?
You've come to the wrong place for "serious", moonpunter.
A lot of places that accept email queries tell you that their lack of reply is your work's rejection letter, and I not only hate the policy, I think it unprofessional of them. I do not want anyone else in the business encouraged to do this.
If you can't handle rejection, you need thicker skin, not blinders.
Boom, baby. I think you nailed it, DQ. -JTC
"If you can't handle rejection, you need thicker skin, not blinders."
What blinders? I'm not in denial about the rejection. I'm not sitting here looking at my list of a dozen agents yet to contact me and thinking, "Any day now..."
I just think it's less annoying to get nothing than to get something the size of a Post-It note in my #10 envelope or "No Thanks" scribbled on my title page or--my favorite--when they wrap the Post-It-sized note in the title page with "No Thanks" scribbled on it. (These have happened before.) It's far easier for me to deal with no response than that kind of absurdity. And I think it's a lot more professional than demonstrating how cheap they are about their stationary.
Why do people even want these things? I suppose some sickos collect them as either a badge of honor or just as a Nixonesque Enemies List so they can get revenge on all the agents/editors who screwed them before they hit it big. I tried keeping the letters as a badge of honor or motivation or some thing like that but then saw the idiocy in it, so now I just toss 'em.
So what's wrong with saving time, a headache, and a few trees along the way?
But maybe people who want rejection letters just remember sitting by the phone, desperately waiting for some guy (or girl) to call. Really, though, would you rather this guy (or girl) not call or call and play you a prerecorded message?
Or maybe some people are just delusional enough to think the letter will have some great insight in it. So what if that happens in only 1 of every 1000 instances--today could be your lucky day when you open the letter and a heavenly light shines down, revealing the secret to writing immortality. Or if that fails, maybe you'll finally Scratch and Win at the convenience store. Come on, EE has already said he doesn't bother with personal responses and I doubt he's very different from most non-evil editors in that regard--if there are any who aren't evil. (I have my doubts.)
I remember when I was looking for a job and 99% of interviewers did not send me a rejection by telephone or mail. I guess they were all terribly unprofessional people working for totally unprofessional companies.
Yeah, but I wimped out.
I agree with anonymous (no, not THAT one, the other one!). I hate the policy of "if you don't hear from us, you know we're not interested".
It IS sitting by the phone. It IS checking your email 50 times a day.
How long do you keep hoping before giving in? 2-3 months doesn't seem like long enough to wait for a response to me...so why stress and hope for something for 6mo to a YEAR, when the agent/ed can drop a quick, cheap, easy, courtesy note that says...no thanks?
If you don't care - why all the fuss of requesting they NOT send it? Unless maybe you've gotten too many papercuts or just get so tired of slipping your finger under a flap and pulling the envelope open?
Anon#4
Moonpunter, the point is:
1. Most other authors do want confirmation of a rejection so they can stop worrying whether something got lost in the mail.
2. You are asking the editor/agent to do something different for you. I realize it is an inaction as opposed to action, but it still requires thought, particularly as it is a very unusual request.
3. Because it is so unusual, I bet many people would have to read the paragraph twice to be sure they had read what they thought they had (I sure did). This is a glitch in the slush-processing process. Agents and editors want their attention caught by a great query and sample pages, not by some odd request.
4. As EE points out, many editors and agents won't even get to that paragraph. They will often know from the second paragraph of the query if this seems like a book they want to see, or they will have skipped on to the sample pages already (several editors of my acquaintance read the pages first and only bother with the query letter if the author's style is engaging).
So while your desire to save trees is commendable, your understanding of the way most humans actually process slush is lacking. Unfortunately for the trees, your way is a handful of sand in the machinery of publishing.
Great letter. Never mind the story...
Rejection happens to everyone who does anything, I guess. The way I figure it, even a form rejection is feedback in itself, as a not-so-subtle "needs improvement."
Me thinks Moonpunter protests too much. It seems like Moonpunter has lots of pent up hostility over these rejection letters and lots of unreturned phone calls from bad dates. I totally understand, but I would rather get a rejection letter no matter how cold rather than hear nothing. Perhaps that makes me a hopeful fool, but until I hear no, it is always a maybe so a policy of rejection by no response would be devastating to me and many other fools like me.
And by the way, it is unprofessional not to send a rejection letter to a job applicant who has taken the time to interview for a job. You are hitting on one of my pet peeves - the ability to say "No thanks" to people is part of polite society and I really hate the way the world is forgetting how to use common courtesies.
So does that make me a sicko or delusional? Only in your world, dude.
Diana Peterfreund said...
"This reminds me of the Theseus and the Minotaur story -- how if they destroyed the Minotaur that Athenians should sail back with white sails rather than the black sails of mourning with which they'd sailed to their sacrifice. But they were in such a hurry to escape King Minos that they didn't have time to change the sails, and when the King of Athens saw the black sails coming, he threw himself into the sea."
And of course, when the sailors found out about the king's death they said, as one, "Ooops, my bad."
I had a writer friend who said the EXACT SAME THING. She didn't want to see those rejections at all. Every time one of her SASEs returned in the mail, she'd leave it on the middle of her dining room table. As the days passed, she'd allow grocery store circulars and Victoria's Secret catalogs to bury it under. After a week or two of melodramatic denial, she'd recycle the junk mail, open the envelope and read the contents only to call me in tears, her histrionics screeching across the telephone wire.
"It's a rejection."
After her sixth, or maybe her sixtieth such performance, I mentioned to my writer friend that the most efficient means to deal with the rejection blues was to avoid querying in the first place.
She no longer speaks to me.
If nothing else, a rejection letter is confirmation that your query got where it was going--and not lost by the oh-so-diligent USPS.
There's the name of a radio jockey somewhere in my confirmation word, but I just can't find it.
I suffer from terrific rejection anxiety, so know how it feels to wince every time one of my SASEs comes home to roost. Trouble is, writers who don't query never sell anything, and writers who don't open the mail might be missing out on good news. I still remember the quickly-returned SASE I let sit on the dining table, unopened, buried under junk mail (the better not to see it) for a week. I was about to toss it with the junk mail, too, but decided to open it. Wouldn't you know, the agent was intriqued and wanted to see the manuscript! I was floored, because I'd always heard that quick returns and skinny envelopes meant "no."
"Why do people even want these things?"
I save mine in the unlikely event I get audited. I can prove in an instant yep, I'm treating my writing like a business, not a hobby, and here are proofs of submission. Granted, one could fake rejection letters, but it saves paper and time to use the real ones.
I also save mine because I AM treating my writing like a business, and I keep track of everything I sent, where I sent it, and what the official response was. That way I can decide what to send next and where.
Do I gnash my teeth over rejections? Do I wait by the phone for responses? Nope. I just go about my business and file the things away when I get them. That's how to do the JOB, dude.
Aw, man. Ya left me hangin', DQ. -JTC
1) If you don't get a rejection slip, how do you know when it's time to send your manuscript to the next market? If you just assume that it's rejected after X period of time, you're going to end up making the dreaded simultaneous submissions (not to mention sending other things back out later than you could have, thus delaying your inevitable success).
2) If you don't get a rejection slip, how do you know your manuscript arrived in the first place? I've queried late responses several times, and at least twice discovered that the thing got lost and I needed to resubmit.
3) Your rejection slips may not be motivating to you. But after your inevitable success, the number of rejection slips you got before your book became a best-seller will be motivating to newbie writers.
4) After your inevitable success, rejection letters make for great schadenfreude.
Anyone who submits to Evil Editor ought to expect a yukfest--that's why h's here, and why he's Evil.
More seriously, a rejection letter is your personal record that your submission has been received and passed on. As professionals, we need to keep track of such things. Sometimes silence means "I never received it" or "I didn't get to it yet" rather than "no."
If you truly don't mind being rejected, then it doesn't take much effort to simply file the ms away and make a note of the response.
Yeah, things get lost in the mail. Things get lost at the office. Things get lost under an agent's bed at home, where she was reading a stack of samples to cure her insomnia.
To assume a non-response is a rejection is to assume that everything in your query's journey from your post office to the agent's desk has gone perfectly. This is not always the case.
We've all heard stories from writers who have received rejections a year after querying. One can assume, by the law of averages, that some writers have received requests a year after querying, as well.
Hell, I'm not going to start framing my rejection slips and hanging them all around my computer, but I do keep them in my desk drawer. Getting a response--even a rejection--is a relief for me. "Phew, that's over, on to the next."
Okay, for anyone who has an agent, did your agent send you your SASE back requesting more pages or offering you representation via the SASE?
Just get the rejection, read it, and move on. Some agents actually DO send constructive criticism in those letters and they should be kept.
Each rejection is just one closer to the sale. As long as you stick with it.
I can just see an episode of Three's Company with Jack promising Janet he'll send out her queries for her, and then he screws up the color-coded envelopes and all chaos ensues!
Ah, EE, you make me smile.
Good news does arrive in the mail. I once received a request for a full in my trusty SASE. Of course, that was before I had an email address. And then two months later(sigh), I received a polite and detailed rejection in the SASE I included with the full. Oh well.
I can't imagine NOT opening an SASE. I practically ripped them out of the mail carrier's hand. About half the SASE's contained rejections, while the rest contained requests for partial and full manuscripts.
Now when I see an envelope from my agent sitting in the mailbox, I have to down a couple glasses of wine before I open it because I know it's a rejection from a publisher.
I've been querying agents. I,like Moonpunter, hate those form rejections. I can totally understand wanting to cut this aspect out of the process.
But, like some other writers, I'd rather get the rejections to confirm that my query arrived and was considered, in however haphazard (and unlucky) fashion.
Of course, my brilliant writing should be recognized and sought by the agents I'm querying. But a response, even a crude rejection, is still better imho than nothing (totally ignoring me--I hate to be ignored, too!).
And while I cringe when I get them and feel bad, defeated, disappointed, frustrated, etc. I still get a thrill moving on to the next potential agent and carefully preparing my lovely package to the specifications of the new target. I find that the next query out really helps ease the pain of the last rejection in.
And I'm working on my next novel, so if this one doesn't sell, I'll have another chance. The next one will be better and sure to succeed. (knock on wood)
Hope springs eternal.
And btw--in the Greek tale, didn't the returning Greeks have white sails that just looked black in the distance, sunlight and all? So the mistake by those on shore was even worse? That's how I remember it.
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