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Guess the Plot

A Faerie's Tale

1. A ragtag band of misfits--a winged sprite, a talking horse, and a eunuch trying to come to terms with his own brutality--journey to the mystical land of Webster in their quest to find the true meaning of gallimaufry.

2. It was all going well until that tramp Wendy showed up in her WonderBra. Tinkerbell's steamy memoir will leave you breathlessly chanting, "I believe, I do, I do."

3. Truckdriver Harlan Hills has never seen a more ragged hitchhiker – until her spell enlists his help to overthrow the Irish government.

4. When 13-year-old Kelly discovers that she comes from magical stock, an obsessive bagpiper aids her in battling an ancient evil hell-bent on sending her to the Dead Faerie Department.

5. Melithariel, Princess of the Seelie Court, must put down a coup by disaffected sprites who object to her insistence on using an ostentatiously poetic spelling of "fairy".

6. Flitterbamf the faerie submits a novel to Pixie Publishing, and is rejected! Enraged, she begins stalking Grimoire Goblin, the editor. However, Grimoire was already stalking her, for inclusion in Lady Cottington's next Pressed Fairy book.


Original Version

Dear Evil Editor,

A Faerie’s Tale is a young adult fantasy set in the Scottish Highlands. Shape shifting, faerie blood and a prophecy seem an odd prescription for grief, yet for orphaned Kelly MacBride, sent to live with an unknown grandmother, they nearly succeed. [For some reason, the word "prescription" as used here has come to mean "recipe," rather than "remedy" (at least in Evil Editor's experience), thus giving the sentence a meaning somewhat opposite to that which was intended.] But questions of loyalty and betrayal confound Kelly at her grandmother’s manor, where no one is quite what he or she seems – including Kelly. [For instance, Kelly's grandmother is actually Lord Baltusrol, and Kelly is a Cornish hen.]

Brid, said grandmother, is difficult to describe, because Brid’s more about what’s not said than what is. [That sentence should be not said.] [Brid sounds like the dog that didn't bark in the night, in the Sherlock Holmes story, "Silver Blaze."] [For those unfamiliar with the reference, the conversation goes:

Inspector Gregory: "Is there any point to which you would wish to draw my attention?"

Holmes: "To the curious incident of the dog in the night-time."

Inspector Gregory: "The dog did nothing in the night-time."

Holmes: "That was the curious incident."]

[Here's an old joke one or two of you may not have heard: Holmes and Watson were on a camping and hiking trip. They had gone to bed and were lying there looking up at the sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I guess it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."]

Yet, with a thirteen-year-old’s resourcefulness, Kelly invests some of her own stock in the secrets’ department. Aided by Gordie, an obsessive bagpiper with a penchant for Shakespeare and mischief, she uncovers riddles penned in ancient runes; she unlocks hidden tunnels that lead to a secret library; and she discovers a how-to guide on shape shifting.

Nor is Gordie Kelly’s sole stock in the friends’ department. Master David, the visiting bard, mentors Kelly through the tribulations endemic to life at thirteen. It’s worth mentioning that Master David has secrets of his own.

Plots lurk just out of view like water bugs in dankness. [You've been reading some of Evil Editor's recent query letters, haven't you?] A late-night ambush leaves Kelly near death. Someone spikes Master David’s wine with belladonna. Applying her nascent shape-shifting skills, Kelly adopts the forms of manor creatures as she tries to reduce the stock filling the threats’ department.

A series of otherworldly visitations reveal that Brid is not Kelly’s grandmother, [Aha! So Brid is the dog!] thereby voiding the trust department. Brid discloses she’s one of the Tuatha de Danaan – the faerie folk of Celtic myth – and that Kelly descends from her and also carries faerie blood. That’s the good news. The bad news is, an ancient evil is hell-bent on snuffing Brid’s line.

As Kelly grapples with life decisions, Master David’s counsel is, as always, expansive and caring. That’s why the top blows off the reality department when Kelly discovers he’s the would-be assassin. Following a bloody battle, he confesses before dying that he loves Kelly, but his beliefs had to come before his friendship.

Brid realizes Kelly is the one foretold in prophecy – the one who will shape the destiny of their people. But Kelly’s destiny is the stock of another tale and will, for now, remain a secret. [In the sequel department.]

Please contact me should you wish to read the 92,000 word manuscript.

Sincerely,


Revised Version

Dear Evil Editor,

Shape shifting, faerie blood and a prophecy seem an odd remedy for grief, yet for orphaned Kelly MacBride, sent to live with an unknown grandmother in the Scottish Highlands, they nearly succeed.

With a thirteen-year-old’s resourcefulness, Kelly explores her grandmother's manor. Aided by Gordie, an obsessive bagpiper with a penchant for Shakespeare and mischief, she uncovers riddles penned in ancient runes, unlocks hidden tunnels that lead to a secret library, and discovers a how-to guide on shape shifting.

Sinister plots lurk just out of view: a late-night ambush leaves Kelly near death, and someone spikes a visiting bard's wine with belladonna. Applying her nascent shape-shifting skills, Kelly adopts the forms of manor creatures as she tries to get to the bottom of the mysterious occurrences.

A series of otherworldly visitations reveals that Kelly’s grandmother is one of the Tuatha de Danaan – the faerie folk of Celtic myth – and that Kelly is the one prophesied to shape the destiny of their people. That’s the good news. The bad news: an ancient evil is hell-bent on snuffing out the faerie folk.

My young adult fantasy, A Faerie’s Tale, is complete at 92.000 words. Please contact me should you wish to read the manuscript.

Sincerely,


Notes

Not sure what all the "stocks" and "departments" are doing. Perhaps it's a reference to something in the book. I didn't find the phrases with "stock" to be very clear. Assuming the author was aware of the "departments," it was probably done to add a light informal tone. Which is fine once or twice, but eventually it becomes distracting. Evil Editor found himself so obsessed with the cute department names, I couldn't remember the plot, and had to take an ice cream break. (Cherry Garcia Department.)