Face-Lift 46

Guess the Plot

Life, Love, and a Polar Bear Tattoo

1. Amnesia victim KITTY HAWKES discovers a mysterious white tattoo on her left buttock, and enlists the help of her hunky doctor to discover its significance.

2. Single-mom Tammy had it all – an Alabama double-wide, five kids, the welfare checks -- until the hunky Alaskan biker rode into town, stirring her true desires.

3. The story of a hunky researcher stationed in the Arctic, and the woman he loved who was allergic to ice.

4. Candice's husband will be in Bangladesh on business for a whole month. While he's gone, the first man Candice ever loved comes to town. Uh oh.

5. The sequel to my 1998 novel, What I learned from having my arms ripped off by a Grizzly Bear.

6. By day, Alice and Tony come up with clever Jeopardy category names. At night, they both secretly fantasize they're with Alex Trebek.



Original Version

Dear Ms. Agent,

After reading through your site, and having enjoyed the books by your author Joe Blow, I believe that my first novel, "Life, Love, and a Polar Bear Tattoo", would fit in nicely with your list. The completed manuscript is available upon request.

Candice Warburton's husband has just left her. [Why, that miserable, no-good jerk!] It's no reason to call him names, though: he's gone to Bangladesh to build a new school and hospital. [Is that what he told her? Can she possibly be that naïve?] He'll be gone a month, [Comment heard by neighbors as far as three houses away from the Warburton house after Mr. Warburton announced his trip: Like hell you're going to Bangladesh for a month!] [A hospital and a school in a month? Is he bringing the Extreme Makeover: School and Hospital Edition crew with him?] [You'd think a guy who wants to ditch his wife for a month-long affair could come up with a better story than I'm needed in Bangladesh.] [On the other hand, it's the last place she'll go looking for him.] leaving Candice free to decorate the house, improve herself and her cat, and try to get ahead at work. [And to change the locks.]

Naturally, things don't go as planned, especially when a new project at work throws Candice back into contact with Kegan, the first man she ever loved. His departure from her life (claiming "I've had a smart girl, now I want a beautiful one") had left her shattered and insecure. With Ian's help, Candice reassembled herself, but that comment has stayed with her. [Of course, Kegan is still quite the hunk, so . . . forgive and forget.]

Seeing Kegan again gives her an opportunity to challenge him; [She finally demands to know whether "Kegan" is his first name or his last.] she is shocked to find that he doesn't remember saying those terrible words. [Or so he claims, to get out of apologizing; what do you expect him to say, I've had a smart girl and a beautiful girl, now I want a gullible one?] Old feelings are reawakened, [No! Don't do it, Candice!] and Candice finds herself in a drunken encounter that goes much farther than it should. [Unbelievable.] She is left with the burning question of whether to tell Ian what happened. Is honesty really always the best policy? [By now Ian's had half the women in Chittagong; where does he get off complaining about Kegan? But he's a man, so of course he will, so mum's the word, Candice.]

I am now a full-time writer with several published stories to my credit, as well as a short-listed co-author finish in the 2005 Three Day Novel Contest. I am now working on my second novel, about an escort service receptionist looking for love. [I call it, Life, Love, and the Label from a Jar of Olives.]

I appreciate your taking the time to consider my submission, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Revised Version

Dear Ms. Agent,

Candice Warburton's husband, Ian, has just left her. It's not what you think, though: he's gone to Bangladesh to build a new school and hospital. He'll be gone a month, leaving Candice free to decorate the house, improve herself (and her cat), and try to get ahead at work.

But things don't go exactly as planned; a new project at work throws Candice back into contact with Kegan, the first man she ever loved. His departure from her life (claiming, "I've had a smart girl, now I want a beautiful one.") had left her shattered and insecure. With Ian's help, Candice pulled herself together, but that comment has stayed with her.

Seeing Kegan again gives Candice an opportunity to challenge him; she is shocked to find that he doesn't remember saying those terrible words. As they spend time together, old feelings are reawakened, and Candice finds herself in a drunken encounter that goes much farther than it should. She is left with the burning question of whether to tell Ian what happened. Is honesty always the best policy?

The completed manuscript of Life, Love, and a Polar Bear Tattoo is available upon request. I appreciate your taking the time to consider my submission.


Notes

Does the "drunken encounter that goes much farther than it should" end with Candice getting a gigantic polar bear tattoo that covers her entire back, bottom, and upper thighs? Because if that's what she doesn't want to tell Ian, he may find out anyway, eventually.