Friday, January 19, 2007

Blurb Challenge

I've put together an amusing--if simple--back cover for the new book, but I wonder how the back would look with blurbs from great names in literary history. You know, like Shakespeare and Arthur Conan Doyle. Send 'em on, and I'll publish them in the comments. But not on the book, because I never stoop to going after cheap laughs.


Stacia said...

Good book. Read book.

--Ernest Hemingway

Stacia said...

Trewely the bist booke I hath redde in mye lyf. This Editrr is efyl; styl I hertely urgeth thee tuo bye eet.

--Geoffrey Chaucer

Marissa Doyle said...

I suppose it beats a goblet of hemlock. Or maybe not.


Oh, list!
The sound of tapping keys
fitfully into oblivion--do you not hear?
Lucky you!
Perhaps--a wisp of cotton
or two--
inside each ear?

-Emily Dickinson

Perhaps we should have given a little more consideration to the clause in the Constitution guaranteeing freedom of speech.

-James Madison

Dave Fragments said...

Now this one might be dangerous because although WH Auden is dead, he still has "Innocent athletes and gesticulating fountains," rudely laying in hid bed.

It forms the one manuscript that we, the inconstant ones,
Are consistently bookish for, this is chiefly how to get out of slush, how to write a query, how to sell a book.
And what I see is not just Innocent athletes and gesticulating fountains,
But sage humor and wise commentary on writing

Marissa Doyle said...

Tee hee, quoth me
and clapt the covers to.

-Geoffrey Chaucer

Anonymous said...

A thousand monkeys...why didn't I think of that?--W. Shakespeare

Anonymous said...

Man is naturally credulous, indcredulous, timid, and bold; but most of all, moronic and in need of assistance.-Pascal

Anonymous said...

"This book seems to be wrote upon the same plan with several other works that have had a great vogue of late years in England. Authors, I beg you: be original."--David Hume.

Anonymous said...

"Whether seen or unseen by gods or men, Evil Editor is a freaking genius."--Plato

(side note: word veri: geaak)

Anonymous said...

"Greek tragedy perished by suicide; think about that before you write another genre novel."--Friedrich Nietzsche

Dave Fragments said...

I forgot which ones I went earlier. That's the problem with rushing.

You don't know about me and my writing without you have read a book by the name of Why You Can’t Get Published; but that ain't no matter. That book was made
by Evil Editor, and he told the truth, mainly.
Mark Twain from The Adventures of Huck Finn

Twenty Million Vogon poets can’t be all wrong when they say this is the best Q&A for publishing ever written. Hone your skills, don’t be a Vogon and buy this book.
Douglas Adams (of course)

Begin then, writers of the sacred manuscript,
That from beneath the seat of your inspiration doth spring,
Begin, and somewhat loudly fanfare the harp strings of my wisdom.

Hence with appraisals fare and ostentations bray,
And may some gentler Muse guide my hand
With praising words favor this, my destined Urge,
To write, to publish. And as he passes turn,
And bid fair peace be to my troubled scribblings.

For before we were rejected upon the self-same pile,
Fed the same flock, by fountain, shade, and rill,
That same flood of slushy queries and rude questions
Now give us success from wisdom learned in these poor answers.
By John Milton

Directly from the moors of Baskerville & Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
"A Book it was, an enormous coal-black book, but not such a Book as mortal eyes have ever read. Fire burst from its open pages, its bindings glowed with a smoldering glare. From there, my great detective learned his craft. From those pages, The Evil Editor burst forth, liquid fire dripping from his visage and onto the moor. My great adventure had begun from these words.”

I might actually burn in hell for this one.
"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word with Evil, and the Word was Editor. He was in the beginning with all authors, a god. All things come through editors and without agents, nothing comes to be. It is the query we worship and this tome is all things to those who believe."
You humble servant John, at Ephesus, 85 AD

It forms the one landscape that we, the inconstant ones,
Are consistently homesick for, this is chiefly how to get out of slush, how to write a query, how to sell a book.
And what I see is not just Innocent athletes and gesticulating fountains,
But sage humor and wise commentary on writing
From In Praise of Limestone by WH Auden

Anonymous said...

"Epic in its scope." - Homer
"An artful little book. Loved it. Simply loved it." - Ovid
"Would that I had read this before Shakepeare did." - Francis Bacon
"A swashbuckling good read." - Alexander Dumas
"If I were ever marooned on a desert isle, this is the book I would want with me." - Daniel Defoe
"There is a special place reserved in hell for bad writers. This book proves why." - Dante Alighieri
"Sage advice indeed." - Socrates
"I found myself quoting from it at my last speaking engagement." - John Bartlett
"I predicted this would be a bestseller." - Nostradamus

Anonymous said...

"A must-have traveling companion." - Chaucer
"Full of exquisite bits of advice. Not an albatross among them. Perfect light reading for a long, long cruise." - Samuel Taylor Coleridge
"Fantastic!" - Robert E. Howard
"Search the deep seas and the world under -- there's no better writing guidance around." - Jules Verne
"A real treasure!" - Robert Louis Stevenson
"'Tis a tome whose bounty shall be rivaled nevermore." - Edgar Allan Poe
"Intriguing! No mystery here why Evil Editor is number one among his minions." - Arthur Conan Doyle
"Embedded in every Evil answer is a little moral lesson on publishing. Delightful!" - Aesop
"A self-published book about not getting published? What unexpected irony!" - O. Henry

"I had the devil of a time putting it down." - John Milton

Anonymous said...

These are magnificent.

Phoenix, you, especially, have taken the cake. -- M. Antoinette

Evil Editor, surely the endorsements can be on front pages. They're too good to waste.

Anonymous said...

Depend upon it . . . Literature is the most noble of professions. In fact, it is about the only one fit for a man. For my own part, there is no seducing me from the path.

--Edgar Allan Poe


Anonymous said...

Another freaking genius.

--Ayn Rand

Anonymous said...

Willy Shake-a-spear:

Had I but known the great Evil, the poor guy in 'King Lear' would keep his eyeballs and loose... something else.

Anonymous said...

Ah, EE, you are indeed the consummate editor. Your decision to not use any of these submissions reads so much like the rejections we're used to seeing:

"Thank you for allowing me to review your work. The blurbs are funny/thoughtful, the writing good. But we've decided to take the project a different direction. Best of luck elsewhere." - Evil Editor


It's bad enough we're being rejected on the blog itself, what with our queries and beginnings; now, even our comments are being rejected.

Evil Editor said...

Hey, I put them on the back, they were hard to read. Plus, there was room for maybe four of them. Fewer if I used the longer ones. Which means most of them wouldn't have gotten on, and those who wrote the ones that didn't get on would still feel rejected, only more so, because others weren't rejected.

Now everyone can feel like theirs was the best. (Though of course it's obvious whose really was the best.)

Anonymous said...

You're the most evil of editors. Which makes you THE Evil Editor. -V95

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, Hemingway might more aptly be:

Good read.

Anonymous said...

If you think this is literature, you might be a redneck.

Jeff Foxworthy

_*rachel*_ said...

The depth and magic of this book is only comparable to the color white.--Ishmael