Guess the Plot
Once Upon a Quest
1. When a best-selling fantasy author takes to telling his young daughter bedtime stories, he finds himself compulsively expanding classic fairy tales into massive narratives replete with wide-ranging sub-plots and multitudinous arrays of secondary characters. Years later, he finds the child has died of boredom.
2. A band of adventurers prepare to embark on a glorious evil-vanquishing quest, only to realize that their realm has experienced nothing but peace and prosperity for seven years, and no one really needs any evil vanquished.
3. A dragon saves a princess from a fate worse than death-- marriage to the villainous Prince Charming-- and hilarity ensues as they seek the means to live happily ever after.
4. At midnight John Inkleton slowly crawls through the dim hall of the Crow's Inn toward the sleeping princess, who is disguised as a scullery wench. His quest: cut off her hair for Peggy McFlynn, the Irish witch who enchanted his village.
5. There's nothing holding Jane Smith back as she inches along a narrow ledge near the top of the Empire State Building. She's determined to get her pages to Miss Snark's attention, or die trying. But does Her Snarkiness even live there? Or will that window actually reveal the red velvet hideout of Viggo the Terrible?
6. When Sleeping Beauty wakes up after 100 years to find herself alone in a ruined tower, she knows that Prince Charming has let her down. Accompanied by a half-blind dragon and a mouse with a big mouth she sets out to find him and show him that a Princess can be a tigress. That's assuming she survives the journey . . .
Original Version
Dear [Agent],
Owen Masterson needs a quest. Not just any quest, but one so grand it will cut years of service from city guard drudgery and catapult him to knight-status. His childhood friend, Finley Winterbourne, knows that an epic journey will provide the perfect material for a grand ballad – something he believes will secure him a cushy spot as the Bard of a High House [Suddenly we're capitalizing everything.] – and agrees to accompany Owen. Unfortunately for the friends, the realm of Turon has endured nothing but peace and prosperity for seven long years… and it doesn’t look like anything is about to change.
Still, the friends refuse to give up – evil must certainly still exist somewhere, and they intend to find it. With the help of a bawdy, female dwarf, a delusional peasant who believes herself the banished heiress of a long-decrepit estate, a small potatoes thief, and a mediocre wizard who has a serious shapeshifting problem, the band of wannabe adventurers set off on a quest-for-the-quest that will fulfill their destinies. [Those who set off with the help of the heiress, wizard, dwarf and thief are the Daring Duo, not a band.] But when they finally stumble upon a town in peril, will they be ready to take the enemy on? [We don't need quite so much information about the bit players. What we do need is a better wrap-up. Do they stumble upon a town in peril? Who are the enemy? You wouldn't describe Lord of the Rings by saying,
A hobbit goes on a quest accompanied by a couple of his friends, a bawdy male dwarf, a six-foot-tall elf, a wizard, and some guy who's actually a king. Will they defeat their enemies and complete their quest?]
We need more than the set-up; we need something about the quest.
Complete at 70,000 words, ONCE UPON A QUEST is a comic fantasy novel appropriate for readers aged 14+. My past credentials include [credentials]. This is my first novel.
At your request, I would be happy to send a partial of [or] full version of the manuscript. Thank you for your time.
Sincerely,
Revised Version
Owen Masterson needs a quest, and not just any quest; a quest so grand it will cut years from his city guard commitment and catapult him to knighthood. Owen's best friend, Finley Winterbourne, knows that an epic journey will provide the perfect material for a grand ballad –which he believes would secure him a cushy spot as the bard of a High House. The two men set forth on a quest to vanquish evil--until they realize that the realm of Turon has experienced nothing but peace and prosperity for seven long years, and that no one needs any evil vanquished.
Still, the friends refuse to give up – evil must certainly exist somewhere, and they intend to find it. Joined by a bawdy female dwarf, a delusional peasant, a petty thief, and a mediocre wizard, the wannabe adventurers embark on a quest for a quest--one that will fulfill their destinies.
Sadly, the people are so miserably content, the realm so depressingly perfect, that the band of heroes contemplate returning home. Then they happen upon Desolation, a squalid town governed by tyrant weredingos. At last! This is what they've been looking for all along. Or is it? How can a half-dozen bungling stumblebums hope to defeat the most heinous, depraved creatures ever to walk the face of the Earth?
Notes
Up until it petered out, I liked it.
17 comments:
I often wonder whatever happened to the person who wrote that first weredingo plot...
a small potatoes thief
Are those the "b" size white potatoes with the thin skins and great taste that he's stealing?
Or are they plain old russets whipped into a frenzy of whiteness to serve as a bowl for my gravy at Tanksgibbon.
If a band of adventurers comes together in search of a quest, and no quest is apparent, no prophecy unfulfilled, and no evil threatening, what do they do?
Let me remind the author of a similar story.
Neil Gaimen once asked the question, "What if they gave an inferno and nobody came?"
And the resulting story was "The Season of Mists" where Morpheus, the king of dreams, finds that Lucifer is closing hell and thus, Morpheus ends up as owner of an empty hell. When he returns to his realm of dreams, Morpheus finds that certain demigods want the key to reopen hell and he must decide who may now own hell. A subplot involves Morpheus' lover who he cursed to hell and his reconciliation with her.
Hmm, a dream must have a meaning. Ain't that so my dear Sigmund.
Let's see, however many odd characters assemble to go on their vision quest, there must be an inciting incident. In Morpheus' case, it was his family, Destiny and Desire criticized his appalling treatment of his lover. They guilt him into going to hell to free her.
The story must have a middle, wherein the odd characters are tested against fantastic creatures and display simple personality traits like honesty, faithfullness, courage and maybe good hygeine. In teen movies this might involve a boy's quest to lose his virginity.
And finally, the story must have an end, Preferably happy - Romeo gets Juliet - A cat gets Sweeny's tongue -- true friendship is revealed - the prophecy is shown true and false because we aren't predestined. A denouement.
And there's the outline of your story for your query.
Personally (can you say personally if you sign as anonymous and therefore don't present yourself as much of a person)...
As I was saying, personally, this reads to me as a winner. Just to put my compliment into perspective, the last quest I read was Lord of the Rings when I was in junior high many moons ago. I wouldn't read one now if you paid me.
Good luck, author!
Oh, I was hoping it would be this one! I think it sounds like a blast, but agree the query needs a bit more about the actual quest to make it seem more like a fun story and less like a fun gimmick.
I would totally read GTP #4.
Are the potatoes small? Or is the potato thief small? Or... (gasp) BOTH? Because if the thief is smaller than the small potatoes, he'd have a hard time stealing those potatoes. And if he's *THAT* small, he wouldn't be much help to a band of monkeys, much less a band of adventurers. Unless he can crawl through key-holes...
- JustABand
I agree that this sounds fun as far as it goes. It should be a simple fix of filling in the rest of the plot. Hopefully, the author will post the rest.
Dave, the fact that there is no inciting incident is the whole point, I think. They go into the quest business for the same reason people start flipping houses in a down real estate market: they're morons. But they seem like they might be entertaining morons, if we knew the rest of the story.
And I hate it when I show up late with a handful of potato jokes only to find two helpings have already been served.
I would definitely give this a shot. Not much of a fantasy fan, but all you need to know is LoTR.
I think the humor here can be very good. I like well written humor. You've got a nice style in the query. More information in the same style and I think you're done.
Where's the beef? (or, in my case, the tofurkey)
And, sigh, yes the potatoes seem to have gotten us all.
Sarah
"Dave, the fact that there is no inciting incident is the whole point, I think."
That is definately the inciting incident. The point is what happens on this quest without a purpose?
Does Owen Masterson become a Knight?
Does Finley Winterbourne write his song?
Does the rest of the band in any way better their lives?
Or do they learn that hard work is the only way to get ahead?
That's what we don't know. It's a fun setup. We've all seen movie plots and read books about "near-morons" who rise to some life enriching situation and become more than just "near-morons." Even in the satirical SPACEBALLS, the guy gets the girl at the end. Tim Allen does save the world in Galaxy Quest.
That's the second and third parts of the story that the query doesn't reveal.
The author, here. I wrote a response earlier but it seems to have been lost in the nether.
Anywho, first thanks to Evil Editor and his minions. Your comments and suggestions are greatly appreciated.
Next, here is how I would continue the query, based on EE's revisions:
---
Sadly, the people are so miserably content, the realm so depressingly perfect, that the band of heroes contemplate returning home. It appears their best bet is to simply wait and hope some terrible evil will descend upon Turon in the not too distant future. But then they happen upon the border town of Cobrin’s Cross, a place terrorized by a burgeoning, angst-ridden warlock who is hellbent on avenging his villainous mother’s death. At last, this is what they've been looking for all along. Or is it? A pubescent magician on his own might be easy enough to take down, but when he’s garrisoned himself in a doorless tower surrounded by his mother’s remaining army of mountain trolls and undead… well, that tends to complicate things.
---
Better? Should I still end with the questions or do you think it's fine as is?
Dave, thanks for the in-depth comments. I haven't yet read the Gaiman book you mentioned, though will have to check it out. I hope the third part of my query above fleshes everything out a little more. As for the conclusion and whether they succeed or not, it's been my understanding that a query shouldn't reveal all, so that's the route I went. If I were to include a synopsis all those questions would certainly be answered.
Last but not least, the potatoes would be considered a small B. Possibly a full A.
Much better. Now we know there's a story.
I like that paragraph. It's good. Put the query together and clean it up. Your on your way.
Let us know what happens with your novel.
Man, you misuse a metaphor around here you'll get your ass handed to you. I don't want to beat a dead horse, so I won't, and the best pokes are taken anyway. Wah.
S&M, It would take an army to hand me my ass.
Author, Liked the paragraph you edited. Sounds much better.
good edit author and nice cliffhangery
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