Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Next Line 26

"We don't get many strangers through here."

"That's probably because you stare at them as they eat," he said. He went back to his eggs and sausages and was glad to finally get a decent breakfast.

"You're American - you put your fork in your right hand when you eat and you have a very broad accent. What brings you to England?"

What could he say? I put a mask on and beat people up. He could hardly say he was the Masked Marauder and it was kayfabe, babe.

"Business."

"Pretty manly business." She touched his forehead, running a finger across the stitches in his head. He'd been bleeding out of that same cut every night for over a month. No one had touched his cut 'til then and it seemed a very forward thing to do. He didn't know how to react. Freddie would be between her legs already, but he was a smooth talker. Fortunately, she took up the slack.

"Must be good to travel. I'd like to, if I had the money and didn't have to mind this old place."

"Where would you go?" he asked, trying to keep the conversation going.

"Don't know. Maybe Italy. Not France. I don't think I'd like the French."

"I just came from there. I didn't like them."

"No?"

She tossed her head to one side. Bob could see the side of her neck and the top of her slip. Maybe he'd been on the trip too long but the dark hair loose against her skin made him want -

"They're too arrogant, the French."

Bob stabbed a sauage with his fork, fervently wishing they were on the way to more than a verbal tour of Europe.

”How would you like to take me on a trip around the world?” she said.

Bob swallowed his second sausage whole. As he gagged, Freddie walked in and said, "Ah, bonjour cherie."

She swooned and invited Freddie upstairs. "Be a dear," she called to Bob, "and mind the place awhile, will you?


Dialogue: D. Jason Cooper.....The Next Line: Robin Sinnott

9 comments:

Dave said...

I'm guessing this is a seduction.
This is awkward: "He went back to his eggs and sausages and was glad to finally get a decent breakfast." too many "was" verbs.

And if she's intent upon seducing him, she might only say "you put your fork in your right hand, stranger." and not all the rest of the words. She's most likely to make a move to get closer to him and he's going to notice. Their eyes might meet and he might just stop eating.


As for "kayfabe" and that sentence, WOW - I need a poll to see how many people had to look up kayfabe. That's a really neat shortcut to explain a lot of backstory.

sylvia said...

"You're American - you put your fork in your right hand when you eat and you have a very broad accent. What brings you to England?"

The author suddenly comes through loud and clear here, explaining to the readers how she knew. The woman wouldn't justify the statement until asked, in my opinion.

I liked it a lot other than that line (the continuation made me chuckle, too)

Robin S. said...

Hi Jason,

I liked this.

I had no idea what a kayfabe was, or if it was a word you'd invented all on your own. It was fun to Google it and find out.
Thanks for the vocabulary addition!

And thanks for the help with the continuation EE, to give Jason his full due. When I submit these, I'm usually at work, with "two minutes" to spare. Your changes made it better.

Robin S. said...

Forgot to say- I agree with Dave - kayfabe IS a really neat shortcut to expalin a lot of backstory.

McKoala said...

Many non-Americans eat with their fork in their right hand. Polite folk call them left-handed people. What's different is that many Americans put the knife down and swap the fork to that hand, whether it be right or left.

Sorry, was that anal?

Dave said...

Not too anal, McK...

When my Australian friends used to point out my overhandling of flatware, I used to accuse them of shoveling the food into their mouths. ;)

The point is that the woman can reply "your knife and fork" and that's all she needs to say about how she knows he's an American. She could say "your Bermuda shorts and mismatched plaid shirt with a matching fanny pack" but that would destroy any chance of romance.

Robin S. said...

Especially considering what the word "fanny" means to the British!

And I'm not going there - just Google it.

Dave said...

Points for Robin!
;)

Robin S. said...

Hi, Dave -

No points necessary! I just thought it was funny.

Americans can usually be "spotted" overseas just from their loud, loud voices.