Friday, April 06, 2007
New Beginning 252
When Keebler finished composing his essay, he did not intend to send it to Newsweek. And after he did send it to Newsweek, he did not expect that it would be published. And he certainly never saw his essay as a step toward becoming the leader of the free world. It wasn’t even Keebler’s idea to write the essay; his mother had suggested it, after Keebler had finished one of his rants.
"The world is falling apart," Keebler had said, concluding his rant. "And all because people refuse to use their common sense."
"I’m not the one to talk to," Mrs. Keebler had replied, not looking up from her knitting. (She was knitting a grocery bag so that she wouldn’t have to take paper or plastic.) "Write a letter to the Journal Messenger. They might print it on the editorial page."
"Where it’ll be read by fifty people tops, Mother," Keebler told her. But he wrote it anyway, because he liked putting his thoughts on paper. And fifty people is, after all, fifty people. His brief letter to the editor read:
Dearest Consumers: It has come to my attention that, in ever increasing numbers, people are beginning to stray from our brand. Indeed, as our profits shrink, sales of Nabisco's vastly inferior cookies grow ever greater. We're left with no choice but to initiate a hostile takeover.
Then Keebler dashed off another quick letter:
To my dear cousin Elrond and my beloved aunt Galadriel: You may begin the assault at will."
Opening: Evil Editor.....Continuation: Rei