Directly below are the missing lines I've whited out of the excerpts that appear further below. If you prefer, you may use your cursor to highlight the entire page and simply read the excerpts, each of which involves the first kiss between two characters. If you prefer to make a game of it, try to match each missing line with the excerpt it was taken from. To find out if you're right, highlight with your cursor. The word directly before the whited out area has been shaded red.
If you have constructive comments for any of the authors, be sure to identify which passage you're commenting on.
Missing Lines
a. It was a shock to feel my lips pried open and to sense an alien tongue rolling into my mouth.
b. His forked tongue entered my mouth; our hands explored each other's bodies, at once strange and yet familiar.
c. It was like the universe tilted and somewhere in there the time changed and our faces were in the same places they were before, inches apart, but something was different—something indefinable.
d. She had never wanted anything so much in her life.
e. He swung her against the wall, one hand cupping that lovely ass, pressing her against his crotch, moving rhythmically against her.
f. He smelled of cinnamon and sulphur, cigars and candlelight.
g. Here in the bowels of the world where flame roared and myths came to life he felt surprisingly safe -- and the boy in his arms surprisingly right.
h. Then he cupped her chin in his hand and kissed her.
i. It was the only rational explanation for the liplock that followed.
j. His lips met mine and I could tell he thought about fending me off; but then he changed his mind with a 'when in Rome' sort of noise.
k. Eventually, I stopped thinking of everything except the waves of throbbing heat crashing over my body.
l. He tipped his head forward and brushed his lips against hers before she realized his objective.
Excerpts
1. I was surprised to feel Ryan’s tongue touching my lips, but I parted my own lips in response and allowed his to explore my mouth.
My initial reaction was that this was totally disgusting, and to wonder why people would ever do it, but I soon realized why when the heat spread down between my legs and began to throb.
“Mmmhmmmm,” I moaned. When I realized that I’d made the sound not only aloud, but into Ryan’s mouth, I pulled back in embarrassment, opening my eyes to see if he’d noticed.
When he smiled, I relaxed and we moved toward one another for another kiss. Eventually, I stopped thinking of everything except the waves of throbbing heat crashing over my body. I’d never felt anything like this. It took several seconds for me to recognize the distant buzzing in my ears as voices.
--Anon.
2. On impulse, Jerel gathered the mage close. He tilted Tory's face to his, saw the question in Tory's eyes. Well, the mage had come here for answers, and now Jerel had one for him. He caught Tory's head between his hands, cradled it there, trapped it there. Life was far too vulnerable, he thought. A simple twist of his hands could crush the mage's neck. A mere whim on Tory's part and Jerel would burn to ash. Only one thing allowed them to cling so close. Trust.
Swift as a falcon on its prey, Jerel bent forward. Tory was ready for him, arms circling his shoulders, drawing him into a hard embrace. Lips touched, pressed, bruised, neither giving ground. Only parting slightly, then opening wide in surrender. Jerel plunged in first, his hard tongue swearing promises for the rest of him. Tory answered with promises of his own and a passion that more than compensated for inexperience.
Jerel abandoned himself to the exuberant exchange. Here in the bowels of the world where flame roared and myths came to life he felt surprisingly safe -- and the boy in his arms surprisingly right. He ground his mouth over Tory's, focusing all his desire in that interminable kiss. Desire that went on and on.
At last, reluctantly, Jerel slipped out, Tory's own tongue flicking over the tip as it retreated.
"Next time," Jerel promised. Away from the WorldFire. When all the world was sane again. When next they were alone. He would surrender everything.
--phoenix
3. "My father's ring. The bank took the tavern and everything else we owned, but I took this before they could. It's all I have left." He slid the ring back on his finger.
Tears ran down Marian's face as she thought of her mother, and a father she never knew. Is anything left? Will I go through life with less than a ring to show my heritage? She looked at Jex and knew that here, at least, was someone who understood. Throwing her arms around him, she buried her face in his shoulder. After a moment his arms came up to hold her and she felt his own tears wet her hair.
She didn't know how long they held each other, each taking comfort. He moved first, shifting to lean back and look at her. Marian flushed at his intense gaze. He tipped his head forward and brushed his lips against hers before she realized his objective.
--Mary
4. When I noticed our hands were together I looked down slightly—looked down like you would to see if your shoes are untied or if your fly is unzipped, the kind of cautious, unsuspicious looking down that people notice—and when I looked back up her face was closer. The lighting was different, and I saw she had half-closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly. Her eyelashes were tiny solar flares pirouetting from two twin crescent-shaped suns that were her half-open eyes. Her cheeks looked soft in the new light, and I could feel her soft breathing against my own lips. She parted her lips slightly and all I was aware of was her breathing—her soft, warm breath like one of those tiny angels they fit onto the heads of pins beating its tiny wings against my lips…that was her breath, and it was the breath of an angel I thought.
I don't know if we kissed. It was like the universe tilted and somewhere in there the time changed and our faces were in the same places they were before, inches apart, but something was different—something indefinable.
--Kyle
5. "Ooooh, look who's under the mistletoe!"
The over-loud cry cut through the party chatter, and Jack glanced around the room in sympathy for the poor soul who'd just been brought to everyone's attention. It didn't take long to realize that everyone was looking at him. Paling, he glanced up and...yup...mistletoe.
"Damn." He rolled his eyes, then glared across the room at the loud-mouth. "Laura, you've had too much to drink. There's no one here but me."
Laura narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "And Garrett."
His old friend, who was indeed leaning in the same doorway, blinked. "I'm what?"
"You're under the mistletoe. You two have to kiss."
Both men sputtered, but the crowd--having imbibed entirely too much Christmas cheer--was wildly behind the idea. The "Kiss him!" chant echoed to the rafters.
Jack must have had too much cheer, too. It was the only rational explanation for the liplock that followed.
--Gutterball
6. Julie faltered as she felt the heat of his body warm her cold skin. “You’re too close,” she said, stretching out a hand to feel for him and inwardly cursing the day she lost her sight. Her heart raced, arrhythmic beats threatening to put her into a faint.
“I can hear your heart beating,” Jasfoup said, his voice soft against her ear. “No matter how afraid you are of my proximity, you want the intimacy more than you can bear.”
Julie twisted until she could feel his hot breath against her face. He smelled of cinnamon and sulphur, cigars and candlelight. “I don’t want to become lost in you,” she said. “I have too much to lose to become one of your possessions, loved and discarded at a whim.”
“Never that,” Jasfoup said, the words blowing across her lips. “Never discarded.”
Julie dipped her head forward, her lips touching his.
--leatherdykeuk
7. "You have a crush on her, don't you?"
I wasn't trying to catch flies, so I shut my mouth. "What?"
"You know what I said, girl." The highlights on his dark skin outlined a smirk.
"She's my friend, stress friend, Agent Green."
That velvet chuckle of his threaded through the air.
Suddenly, this beat up old junker was far too small.
"You go by her room hoping you'll see her, don't you? Once a day? Twice?"
So they'd been spying on me, too. I glared at him. He grinned, the self-confident bastard.
"I don't have a crush on Gina."
"You like her," he repeated, teeth gleaming in the dark.
Suddenly all I could think of was shutting him up. The man was driving me crazy. And since I couldn't smack a federal agent, I grabbed his shirt and hauled him into range.
His lips met mine and I could tell he thought about fending me off; but then he changed his mind with a 'when in Rome' sort of noise. His hand covered the back of my head and tangled in my hair.
--writtenwyrdd
8. She knelt in front of him, as was his due, but he thought he detected the flash of her eyes, stealing a glance. He repressed a smile and reached his hand out to her. Now she turned her face upwards and he felt his stomach tauten as her large brown eyes locked onto his. She was shockingly beautiful, exquisite. He'd expected to find her passably pretty but nothing like this. After an eternity, she put her small hand into his. He pulled her to him, almost roughly, until she was upright and standing. She didn't flinch nor look away, their faces so close that he could feel her breath.
"My lord," she whispered, as if they were alone. He reached out, put his finger on her chin, tilted her face up even higher. His eyes dropped to her lips and then back to her unflinching gaze. The sound of his aide clearing his throat was a harsh interruption.
"May I ..." The man paused, confused and embarrassed, and then spoke again. "May I present to you, your bride."
Tyrae smiled and moved his hands to her shoulders. "Enchanted," he said in a rough voice, and was pleased to see just a touch of pink rise to her pale cheeks. He leant forward, paused, and then kissed her formally, as a stranger. She stepped back and dipped her head, staring at the floor, but not before he saw her mouth twitch into a smile.
--Sylvia
9. She pulled her fingers free from his, and clung to his body. She could hear the sweetness of the Deeper Power singing within him, and she wanted it. She had never wanted anything so much in her life.
"Adrastea...?"
Instead of grasping the lines like he had instructed, she buried herself in the sound of its sweetness, the chorus of all those lives, and the loudest one of all, she knew to be Mor-Lath himself. The chorus built until it overwhelmed her and she pressed her lips against his as if to indulge in more, for she wanted more. Mor-Lath stumbled back under the force of her passion until his back hit the wall, and then he slid down, her body still pressed closely to his. Adrastea shuddered as she pushed against him, trying to grasp one last taste of the sweetness of Power before it ebbed away.
--heidi
10. The street was almost deserted. Another urge came over me. Why not?
“Kiss me!” I ordered, “Kiss me like a man who needs a woman.”
Rafe didn’t need further prodding. He pulled me by the shoulders towards his body and bowing his head covered my mouth with his own.
I had never been kissed before. It was a shock to feel my lips pried open and to sense an alien tongue rolling into my mouth. My uncle’s hand slipped from my shoulder to my bosom where it remained spread open over my left breast as if afraid to curl and hold the flesh. That hand, coupled with the kiss, was enough to open an entrance to a new world of delight and self-assurance. Finally, he let me go, both of us breathing hard, equal bewilderment shining in our eyes.
“Why did you ask me to do that?” he asked bemused.
--Male2007
11. The cemetery. What happened? And why did her head hurt?
When Whitney lifted her hand and ran her fingers across her forehead, everything came back. “Ouch.”
Someone tried to shoot her.
“You’ll survive, but you’ve got a pretty good bump.” Blake held her close on his lap, so close she felt his heartbeat thump against her arm. “Want me to kiss it better?”
He wouldn’t. The guy had to be joking. Besides, what was he doing here? She forced her eyes open.
He lowered his head.
He wouldn't, would he?
Rain dripped from the ends of his hair and splattered onto her face. His warm lips caressed her forehead, gentle, loving. He raised his head and looked into her eyes with an unruffled gaze that took her breath away. Breathe, damn it.
Then he cupped her chin in his hand and kissed her.
--Kim
12. This was it. She was truly leaving. She didn't know if she'd ever be back again.
They walked down the pre-cleared VIP corridor. He had that custodial grip on her arm again.
She slowed, then stopped.
"I'm sorry if I've been a nuisance. I'll say good-bye now, and...," she paused and swallowed. She thought he'd be glad to be rid of her. Why did he have a look of contained anger?
"John?"
It was the "John" that did it.
He set down her hand luggage carefully and reached for her, found her soft mouth and plunged into it. Heat. Desire. Need. Her body moulded to his like hot wax.
He swung her against the wall, one hand cupping that lovely ass, pressing her against his crotch, moving rhythmically against her. And she was letting him.
He thought he was going to explode.
A cough and a "Carry on," brought him to his senses.
Bloody hell.
--Anon.
13. I woke sprawled on my back. One arm stretched out and the other cupped under my head. A giant, reptilian head lay on my chest, snoring softly, our legs wrapped around each other's bodies and our hips pressed together. His horns tickled. His heart beat, reassured. Thick, scaly arms encircled my body. I imagined his green-gold scales on my body. Then reality intruded, too much to drink last night, too many alien drugs. What have I done? He woke.
"I waited many years to afford a pink-skinned earthling," he said, stirring. Rough scales scraped my skin.
My initial reaction was that this was totally disgusting, and to wonder why people would ever do it, but I soon realized why when the heat spread down between my legs and began to throb.
“Mmmhmmmm,” I moaned. When I realized that I’d made the sound not only aloud, but into Ryan’s mouth, I pulled back in embarrassment, opening my eyes to see if he’d noticed.
When he smiled, I relaxed and we moved toward one another for another kiss. Eventually, I stopped thinking of everything except the waves of throbbing heat crashing over my body. I’d never felt anything like this. It took several seconds for me to recognize the distant buzzing in my ears as voices.
--Anon.
2. On impulse, Jerel gathered the mage close. He tilted Tory's face to his, saw the question in Tory's eyes. Well, the mage had come here for answers, and now Jerel had one for him. He caught Tory's head between his hands, cradled it there, trapped it there. Life was far too vulnerable, he thought. A simple twist of his hands could crush the mage's neck. A mere whim on Tory's part and Jerel would burn to ash. Only one thing allowed them to cling so close. Trust.
Swift as a falcon on its prey, Jerel bent forward. Tory was ready for him, arms circling his shoulders, drawing him into a hard embrace. Lips touched, pressed, bruised, neither giving ground. Only parting slightly, then opening wide in surrender. Jerel plunged in first, his hard tongue swearing promises for the rest of him. Tory answered with promises of his own and a passion that more than compensated for inexperience.
Jerel abandoned himself to the exuberant exchange. Here in the bowels of the world where flame roared and myths came to life he felt surprisingly safe -- and the boy in his arms surprisingly right. He ground his mouth over Tory's, focusing all his desire in that interminable kiss. Desire that went on and on.
At last, reluctantly, Jerel slipped out, Tory's own tongue flicking over the tip as it retreated.
"Next time," Jerel promised. Away from the WorldFire. When all the world was sane again. When next they were alone. He would surrender everything.
--phoenix
3. "My father's ring. The bank took the tavern and everything else we owned, but I took this before they could. It's all I have left." He slid the ring back on his finger.
Tears ran down Marian's face as she thought of her mother, and a father she never knew. Is anything left? Will I go through life with less than a ring to show my heritage? She looked at Jex and knew that here, at least, was someone who understood. Throwing her arms around him, she buried her face in his shoulder. After a moment his arms came up to hold her and she felt his own tears wet her hair.
She didn't know how long they held each other, each taking comfort. He moved first, shifting to lean back and look at her. Marian flushed at his intense gaze. He tipped his head forward and brushed his lips against hers before she realized his objective.
--Mary
4. When I noticed our hands were together I looked down slightly—looked down like you would to see if your shoes are untied or if your fly is unzipped, the kind of cautious, unsuspicious looking down that people notice—and when I looked back up her face was closer. The lighting was different, and I saw she had half-closed her eyes and tilted her head slightly. Her eyelashes were tiny solar flares pirouetting from two twin crescent-shaped suns that were her half-open eyes. Her cheeks looked soft in the new light, and I could feel her soft breathing against my own lips. She parted her lips slightly and all I was aware of was her breathing—her soft, warm breath like one of those tiny angels they fit onto the heads of pins beating its tiny wings against my lips…that was her breath, and it was the breath of an angel I thought.
I don't know if we kissed. It was like the universe tilted and somewhere in there the time changed and our faces were in the same places they were before, inches apart, but something was different—something indefinable.
--Kyle
5. "Ooooh, look who's under the mistletoe!"
The over-loud cry cut through the party chatter, and Jack glanced around the room in sympathy for the poor soul who'd just been brought to everyone's attention. It didn't take long to realize that everyone was looking at him. Paling, he glanced up and...yup...mistletoe.
"Damn." He rolled his eyes, then glared across the room at the loud-mouth. "Laura, you've had too much to drink. There's no one here but me."
Laura narrowed her eyes and crossed her arms. "And Garrett."
His old friend, who was indeed leaning in the same doorway, blinked. "I'm what?"
"You're under the mistletoe. You two have to kiss."
Both men sputtered, but the crowd--having imbibed entirely too much Christmas cheer--was wildly behind the idea. The "Kiss him!" chant echoed to the rafters.
Jack must have had too much cheer, too. It was the only rational explanation for the liplock that followed.
--Gutterball
6. Julie faltered as she felt the heat of his body warm her cold skin. “You’re too close,” she said, stretching out a hand to feel for him and inwardly cursing the day she lost her sight. Her heart raced, arrhythmic beats threatening to put her into a faint.
“I can hear your heart beating,” Jasfoup said, his voice soft against her ear. “No matter how afraid you are of my proximity, you want the intimacy more than you can bear.”
Julie twisted until she could feel his hot breath against her face. He smelled of cinnamon and sulphur, cigars and candlelight. “I don’t want to become lost in you,” she said. “I have too much to lose to become one of your possessions, loved and discarded at a whim.”
“Never that,” Jasfoup said, the words blowing across her lips. “Never discarded.”
Julie dipped her head forward, her lips touching his.
--leatherdykeuk
7. "You have a crush on her, don't you?"
I wasn't trying to catch flies, so I shut my mouth. "What?"
"You know what I said, girl." The highlights on his dark skin outlined a smirk.
"She's my friend, stress friend, Agent Green."
That velvet chuckle of his threaded through the air.
Suddenly, this beat up old junker was far too small.
"You go by her room hoping you'll see her, don't you? Once a day? Twice?"
So they'd been spying on me, too. I glared at him. He grinned, the self-confident bastard.
"I don't have a crush on Gina."
"You like her," he repeated, teeth gleaming in the dark.
Suddenly all I could think of was shutting him up. The man was driving me crazy. And since I couldn't smack a federal agent, I grabbed his shirt and hauled him into range.
His lips met mine and I could tell he thought about fending me off; but then he changed his mind with a 'when in Rome' sort of noise. His hand covered the back of my head and tangled in my hair.
--writtenwyrdd
8. She knelt in front of him, as was his due, but he thought he detected the flash of her eyes, stealing a glance. He repressed a smile and reached his hand out to her. Now she turned her face upwards and he felt his stomach tauten as her large brown eyes locked onto his. She was shockingly beautiful, exquisite. He'd expected to find her passably pretty but nothing like this. After an eternity, she put her small hand into his. He pulled her to him, almost roughly, until she was upright and standing. She didn't flinch nor look away, their faces so close that he could feel her breath.
"My lord," she whispered, as if they were alone. He reached out, put his finger on her chin, tilted her face up even higher. His eyes dropped to her lips and then back to her unflinching gaze. The sound of his aide clearing his throat was a harsh interruption.
"May I ..." The man paused, confused and embarrassed, and then spoke again. "May I present to you, your bride."
Tyrae smiled and moved his hands to her shoulders. "Enchanted," he said in a rough voice, and was pleased to see just a touch of pink rise to her pale cheeks. He leant forward, paused, and then kissed her formally, as a stranger. She stepped back and dipped her head, staring at the floor, but not before he saw her mouth twitch into a smile.
--Sylvia
9. She pulled her fingers free from his, and clung to his body. She could hear the sweetness of the Deeper Power singing within him, and she wanted it. She had never wanted anything so much in her life.
"Adrastea...?"
Instead of grasping the lines like he had instructed, she buried herself in the sound of its sweetness, the chorus of all those lives, and the loudest one of all, she knew to be Mor-Lath himself. The chorus built until it overwhelmed her and she pressed her lips against his as if to indulge in more, for she wanted more. Mor-Lath stumbled back under the force of her passion until his back hit the wall, and then he slid down, her body still pressed closely to his. Adrastea shuddered as she pushed against him, trying to grasp one last taste of the sweetness of Power before it ebbed away.
--heidi
10. The street was almost deserted. Another urge came over me. Why not?
“Kiss me!” I ordered, “Kiss me like a man who needs a woman.”
Rafe didn’t need further prodding. He pulled me by the shoulders towards his body and bowing his head covered my mouth with his own.
I had never been kissed before. It was a shock to feel my lips pried open and to sense an alien tongue rolling into my mouth. My uncle’s hand slipped from my shoulder to my bosom where it remained spread open over my left breast as if afraid to curl and hold the flesh. That hand, coupled with the kiss, was enough to open an entrance to a new world of delight and self-assurance. Finally, he let me go, both of us breathing hard, equal bewilderment shining in our eyes.
“Why did you ask me to do that?” he asked bemused.
--Male2007
11. The cemetery. What happened? And why did her head hurt?
When Whitney lifted her hand and ran her fingers across her forehead, everything came back. “Ouch.”
Someone tried to shoot her.
“You’ll survive, but you’ve got a pretty good bump.” Blake held her close on his lap, so close she felt his heartbeat thump against her arm. “Want me to kiss it better?”
He wouldn’t. The guy had to be joking. Besides, what was he doing here? She forced her eyes open.
He lowered his head.
He wouldn't, would he?
Rain dripped from the ends of his hair and splattered onto her face. His warm lips caressed her forehead, gentle, loving. He raised his head and looked into her eyes with an unruffled gaze that took her breath away. Breathe, damn it.
Then he cupped her chin in his hand and kissed her.
--Kim
12. This was it. She was truly leaving. She didn't know if she'd ever be back again.
They walked down the pre-cleared VIP corridor. He had that custodial grip on her arm again.
She slowed, then stopped.
"I'm sorry if I've been a nuisance. I'll say good-bye now, and...," she paused and swallowed. She thought he'd be glad to be rid of her. Why did he have a look of contained anger?
"John?"
It was the "John" that did it.
He set down her hand luggage carefully and reached for her, found her soft mouth and plunged into it. Heat. Desire. Need. Her body moulded to his like hot wax.
He swung her against the wall, one hand cupping that lovely ass, pressing her against his crotch, moving rhythmically against her. And she was letting him.
He thought he was going to explode.
A cough and a "Carry on," brought him to his senses.
Bloody hell.
--Anon.
13. I woke sprawled on my back. One arm stretched out and the other cupped under my head. A giant, reptilian head lay on my chest, snoring softly, our legs wrapped around each other's bodies and our hips pressed together. His horns tickled. His heart beat, reassured. Thick, scaly arms encircled my body. I imagined his green-gold scales on my body. Then reality intruded, too much to drink last night, too many alien drugs. What have I done? He woke.
"I waited many years to afford a pink-skinned earthling," he said, stirring. Rough scales scraped my skin.
"Your scales, they’re irresistible," I said letting him caress me. He pulled his lips to mine. His forked tongue entered my mouth; our hands explored each other's bodies, at once strange and yet familiar.
"All I remember of last night was that bar and those drinks."
"You signed a contract as my bride, Earthling."
--Dave
"All I remember of last night was that bar and those drinks."
"You signed a contract as my bride, Earthling."
--Dave
14 comments:
My GOSH you people are screwed up.
1. Not a very romantic first kiss.
2. That's a nice bit of heat. Sexy and no distractions other than their lust.
3. The first line confused me but all-in-all, it's interesting in that it has a twist ending.
4. "Her eyelashes were tiny solar flares pirouetting from two twin crescent-shaped suns" that's not romantic and as explicitly scientific as it is, it's a cliché' And so is the "Universe tilted" Peter Schikele once said "Her eyes like Nuns they cross themselves each day." This is too cerebral for my tastes.
5. This is fun and cute in many ways. "Paling" is not the right word. You're telling too much. "over-loud cry" is too much. He glanced around and upwards and discovered the mistletoe is all you need.
6. This works.
7. I think I know what you mean, but I'm having trouble following the speakers and action.
8 oooh, this has some class. I like it.
9. Gee, that works. It's sexy. I don't know what the "Deeper Power" or the strange mix of taste, hearing and passion. It's all out of context.
10. Why the internal dialog – "Another urge came over me. Why not?" It spoils the mood. He asks later on "why did you do that" and if you leave that first sentence in there, you're going to explain it twice.
11. That's so sweet and nice. It's really romantic.
12. I'm lost with this one. Sorry. It doesn't work for me.
13. I honestly wonder if the bar he was in had a drive through wedding chapel – like a space-faring Las Vegas. Between the alien roofies, crystal meth and cocaine, you can get married, too! The worst part of this scene is, that the reptile's father (and the best man, uh lizard) is standing in the room filming their encounter for the family movie album. Kinda ruins the romance, doesn't it. But they do have their moment.
What this has shown me is that it's what happens before and after the kiss that really matters. To me the ones that showed this were more successful that the ones that went heavy on the kiss itself. But the approach would depend on genre too, so I haven't got many comments, because what didn't work for me might work for the readers of specific genres.
2. I liked this one. The predator gets caught up in his own feelings.
4. Absolutely loved the start of this one; the self-conscious looking down, beautifully described. I thought it went a bit overblown after that, though; I had to read the description of the eyes several times and I still didn't get it.
12. Got confused by the POV shifts.
I'm more disturbed by the uncle one than the lizard love. Is that weird?
13: Not that there is anything wrong with it, but I hope you know that this is hysterically funny...in a good way, but if you were trying to be serious it didn't work.
Hahahahaha, I agree with 150.
These are GREAT!
It's fiction, 150...
These are interesting to read out of context. Some seem overblown by themselves, but if they'd had a big build up, they might not be overblown.
Likewise, out of context can make other elements make no sense. Dave didn't get mine because of that.
I liked gutterball's best.
Death over coffee last week; love this week! What's next EE?
Having bits from the middle of the scenes made the guessing game a tad more difficult this week than last.
1. I liked the moaning paragraph, but overall this felt rushed for a first kiss.
2. Mine
3. Nice. "Before she realized his objective" threw me a little, though. Not sure what that means, where it's going.
4. Nice first sentence. Then it kind of falls apart. Lots of "soft's" and "breathing/breath's". And "crescent-shaped" eyes, even half-closed? Maybe, if she's not human...
5. Cute. (So, you write contemporary stuff, too, do you? But honestly, can't see an explosion anywhere in sight in this story!)
6. Nice. The only awkward moment for me was the "inwardly cursing the day she lost her sight." Maybe something more positive along the lines of "wishing she could see the transformation that smoothed his normally stern features" or some such, depending on the storyline.
7. I didn't get what seemed like a non sequitar here. The "Suddenly" paragraph was good; it just seemed to come out of left field. Context issue, I'm sure.
8. Nice. I liked the formal kiss. Only thing was when she and he were looking at one another, then he tilts her face up. Usually that's a gesture to get one to look at you, which she's already doing. Now she's looking at his hairline.
9. Probably another context thing, but Adrastea is indulging in Mor-Lath's power vicariously, right? I think slowing this scene a bit and interweaving the lust kiss/lust power thing would make it a more intense experience for the reader.
10. An unkissed, virgin dominatrix. Interesting. For someone so startled and bewildered later, the "Kiss me!" order seemed out of character for what little we get of characterization here. Probably another context issue.
11. Nice. Does the word "loving" toward the end give too much away too soon? She seems surprised he would even think to kiss her right now.
12. I like the "custodial grip" phrase. Not sure what the "look of contained anger" means? Anger that she's leaving? That phrase seems to throw the whole scene off. Maybe something like "she couldn't quite make out the look on his face" so you don't have lust following anger.
13. Not sure what "His heart beat, reassured" means. Is she reassured she's waking up to someone still alive? And why does she need to "imagine" his scales on her? Seems like she can see that pretty clearly. "pink-skinned earthling" - I really don't know too many people with "pink" skin. And I imagine we'll be calling ourselves "humans" when intelligent aliens we finally meet. And I haven't really noticed any "lips" on my iguana. Perhaps other reptiles have lips?
All in all, quite creative, Minions!
Clearly, context is all and previous identification and sympathy with characters counts for much.
1.A bit distant and mechanical.
2. Winced over "swift as a falcon" but well done.
3.A kiss after someone has been snuffing and snotting always makes me glad he only "brushed her lips."
4. The glance down is neat, but the "solar flares" are overdone.The angels are nice,but the character is too cerebral for me.
5.Clever.
6. Nice over all, particularly how he smelled, but the words "proximity" and "intimacy" make him sound stuffy.
7. Liked this, particularly the observation about him fending her off.
8. Liked the entire interplay here.
9.A little awkward, but adds an interesting level.
10. I'm sorry, incestual kisses are a major squick.
11.She's nearly been killed and the guy is "unruffled?"
Dump him, quick!
12. Mine, so I will not defend it. The omission of a name was accidental, I don't "do" the coy anonymous thing.
13. One could pick on tense change and stuff but the general scenario is a hoot!
These were interesting, and really enjoyable to read.
I think, as was already mentioned, context and background would be good to have, for the full effect, but even so, it was good to see all of your approaches to the first kiss.
Thanks for the Sunday reading.
Thanks, Writtenwyrdd! I'm ashamed to admit how much fun I had writing this. Yes, it's just for this exercise and not part of a longer work.
...can't see an explosion anywhere in sight in this story!
Heh, sorry to disappoint, Phoenix. I'll make sure something blows up next time. Though I'm tempted to have Garrett make some comment like, "Is that a grenade in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?"
In all, I gotta agree with McKoala. It seems to me that the build-up and the fallout are the more important parts of this first kiss thing. Unless you're writing erotica, I guess it's not so much the physical description of lips and tongue and such that really set the mood so much as setting up the situation and then watching what happens after.
Does that make sense? I guess that's more what worked for me, anyway.
Forgot to say that "Bloody hell" has to be one of my favorite expostulations of all time. Kudos to you, Bernita.
So, does EE not comment on these writing exercises?
Signing with the coy "Anonymous" since Bernita won't!
The missing lines in and of themselves are very intersting. No two share exactly the same mood.
Some are sweet and tender, others are downright porno-- er, I mean erotic.
1. Typical fare. A virgin's first kiss.
2. Communication without words. Nice.
3. A comfort kiss. I would be interested in seeing the emotional aftermath of this one.
4. Language seems a little too poetic for a male narrator. Otherwise, rich with emo.
5. Hilarious! I love it.
6. Good imagery, if not quite my type of characters.
7. A non-romantic kiss. I wouldn't have thought of it.
8. 150 words isn't enough. I'd love to see the rest of this, to see how the emotional development turns out.
9. Yes, context is everything. (mine, btw)
10. This would have worked for me, had it not been incestuous. That brings in too many issues that ruins the emotionality for me.
11. Lovely imagery and as smooth as vanilla.
12. Meh. Maybe it's another case of '150 ain't enough'.
13. MMMM!! Xenophilia. I'd definitely read the rest of this.
My personal tastes tend towards kisses with emotional meaning. I also agree with most everyone else that the before and after really make a difference when it comes to the significance of the kiss. I want to be emotionally involved with the characters.
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