Sunday, April 08, 2007
Guess the Plot
Revenge in Sulamar
1. A motorist in Sri Lanka cut him off, and Sidney exacted his revenge, sideswiping the offending BMW off the road and into a fireball. Now Sid's upset about the roaming charges on his phone, and the customer care center in Sulamar isn't issuing a credit. Sidney's packing his bags . . . and an Uzi.
2. Jivat and Bardi's marriage is off to a rough start, and they're still on their honeymoon. The planet Varda is lovely, but first Bardi flirted with the waitress in Rangapur, and now he's spending more time on the golf course than with his bride. Looking at the next stop on their itinerary, Jivat plots her vengeance.
3. Glamorous superspy/lingerie model Twinkie Tompkins is relaxing on the beach at Sulamar with her sidekick, photographer/stuntman Jack Tornado, when a motorized "seagull" buzzes over, and explodes. Obviously the dastardly computer-hacker fiend "Whirlwind McGee" has launched yet another revenge project. Soon the hotel and all of Sulamar will crash and burn -- unless Jack and Twinkie can find McGee's lair, cut his power, and thwart his evil scheme.
4. The Magess of Krataal has a problem--too many fashions, and not enough fashion models to wear them all at her elaborate balls. But finding humans is difficult--they live only in the forests of Sulamar. By sending a Makaka Marenta Marella to steal some humans, she'll get everything she wants, without having to pay a single bloin to Tremente Jabaal.
5. Tamar has no idea her handsome slave Fazil is actually a Sulamarian spy. When Fazil escapes, he leads a raid on Tamar's city, capturing her and bringing her home to be his slave . . . and concubine. Now Tamar plots her own escape. Or . . . should she remain in Sulamar with the hunky Fazil, who pleasures her like no man ever has?
6. They drink out of their boots, and eat their hats for lunch. Everything is done differently in Sulamar. Especially revenge! The police find two men in an oversized pickle jar, suspended from an electric wire, while their wives live it up in a neighborhood bar.
Dear Evil Editor,
REVENGE IN SULAMAR is an erotic fantasy/romance complete at 62,000 words.
Tamar has a perfect life as a beautiful and wealthy aristocrat. She has her own household, an adoring lover and a high position at the royal court in the medieval city of Talgar. Then she ruins everything by buying a slave. [That's remarkably similar to what happened to Evil Editor. I was on the rise in the biggest publishing house in the country, editing the likes of Grisham and King, living the good life, and then this new CEO comes in and decides it doesn't "look good" for her top editor to be involved in the slave trade. Hey, who doesn't have a few skeletons in their closet?] He is Fazil, a captured warrior from the enemy city of Sulamar, a city of barbarians that have raided Talgar for centuries. [If you've been raiding a city for centuries, and they're still holding you off, you're giving all barbarians a bad name.]
Tamar does not much care for barbarians, and though Fazil is handsome, well-behaved and outwardly humble, [I'll take a well-behaved barbarian over a smug aristocrat any day.] she does not treat him well. She humiliates him in front of her lover and when she finds him kissing a maid, she orders him whipped. What Tamar doesn’t know, is that Fazil is a spy. He has allowed himself to be captured in order to find out where the royal treasury keeps its secret store of gold [and also to get it on with the cute maids in Tamar's household]. But after Tamar’s cruel treatment, gold will no longer be enough. He lusts after her and plans to take her as his share of the loot. When he learns where the gold is kept, [If you let a barbarian slave from a place that's been raiding you for centuries discover where your secret store of gold is, you had no business calling it a "secret" store of gold.] he escapes and leads a raid to capture it, taking Tamar with him. In Sulamar, he forces her to submit and makes her his slave concubine. She plots her escape though he gives her more pleasure than any man she has ever known. [Smoother transitions are needed between some of these ideas. Just because the finish line's in sight doesn't mean you should fire yourself out of a cannon.] Then she learns that she is unjustly blamed for the raid in Talgar and sentenced to death as a traitor. And so there is only one thing left -- revenge at any price. [Revenge against those in Talgar who unjustly blame her for the raid? Or against Fazil?]
Thank you for considering REVENGE IN SULAMAR. May I send you sample chapters or the complete manuscript?
Was that the first ten chapters, or the prologue? Based on the title, I might guess that this was all setup for the real story, which is the revenge plot. If the book is about Tamar's revenge, you could condense all of this into something like, Captured by barbarians raiding her city, the beautiful aristocrat Tamar discovers that she has been blamed for the raid and sentenced to death as a traitor. Then tell us about the main storyline.
A wealthy aristocrat ought to be able to afford servants and gigolos. What does she need with a slave? What are his duties?