Monday, April 09, 2007
Guess the Plot
The Lies That Bind
1. Pinocchio was just getting used to that little problem with his nose when he started having issues with regularity that not even lots of fiber would help.
2. Incarcerated bank robber Joe Johnson tells his cellmate, extortionist "Thumper Tom," that if Thumper protects Joe from harm in the joint, when they get out he'll split his take from his last robbery. Thumper agrees. But who's sincere and who's lying?
3. Liz survived years of lies and deception from her oppressive husband, but now that he's dead, she wonders if he's the man haunting her. Good news: it's not her husband's ghost; it's just some guy who's been hired to kill her. And, he's pretty good looking.
4. Evelyn told her mother-in-law that she wears a size 12, when a 16 is closer to the truth. With the family reunion drawing near, will Evelyn resign herself to wearing the ill-fitting gifts her mother-in-law sent her for Christmas, or will she find a way to escape. . . The Lies that Bind?
5. The letter was simple: Pastor Bob wasn't an ordained minister, so her marriage to Jason was false. But should she tell Jason, or should she say nothing, and let the lie keep them bound together forever?
6. It started as a fib--she was just going to the store, she said. But fib upon fib now has Cara so wrapped up in lies that she can't remember who she is or where she lives.
A name whispered in the dark, ghostly appearances taunting her, and the betrayal of her dearest friend leave Elizabeth Cooper with no one to trust save for one man: the one hired to kill her.
["Trust" Rankings of Everyone Elizabeth Knows (Last Week):
1. Her dearest friend.
2. Everyone else.
3. The hitman hired to kill her.
[Current "Trust" Rankings of Everyone Elizabeth Knows:
1. The hitman hired to kill her.
2. Everyone else.
3. Her dearest friend.]
Now flourishing on her own in her Texas hometown, inner determination fuels Liz to rebuild her life after years with an oppressive husband who controlled her with heinous lies and seemingly insurmountable deceptions. [Only odds and obstacles can be described as "seemingly insurmountable." It's a rule, and a good one.] Liz finds her world begin to collapse once again as her friend tries to save her from herself with quick wit, undying devotion, and rational explanations to the bizarre happenings around her. [That sentence must go.] Is she slowly slipping into the world of the insane, or is her estranged husband, now deceased, truly haunting her?
Thousands of miles away, Victor Scofield [Assuming "thousands" means at least two thousand, my check of the mileage from Texas to Portland, Maine, Vancouver, British Columbia, and Panama shows that none is thousands of miles away. Thus I assume Victor is in Honolulu, Buenos Aires, or Casablanca.] is adamant that the bastard child his father now seeks will prove to be nothing but a mockery to the family traditions, family name, and most importantly to him, the family wealth. He attempts to cover up his father's unfaithful indiscretions of years ago by defying the family and decides this child, now grown, is better off buried in the ground than risk her being brought into the fold. [That sentence must go.] As sadistic obsession overcomes Victor, he sacrifices one sister to prevent this new one from surfacing. [Explain.]
When Alex Clevenger, (anagram: clever ex-angel) the man hired to murder Liz, begins to speak, she realizes this is the man "haunting her," the one causing old doubts and fears and insecurities to reign once again. Her best friend, Elle, has a secret she has never shared with Liz. [What secret?] With Elle suddenly and uncharacteristically leaving town, Alex has Liz questioning all she has believed in regard to her best friend. [Apparently there's an Alex-Elle connection you haven't mentioned? Either leave Elle out of this paragraph, or tell us what she did that's so bad.] Liz must now lean on Alex and pray he does not decide to fulfill the contract on her life as she lays her trust, and ultimately her heart, at his feet. Liz knows she must release all perceptions she has about herself, her adoption, and her friend in order to stay alive, as well as deal with the scars of deception that still linger in her heart. [That paragraph must go.]
THE LIES THAT BIND is romantic suspense, complete at 90,000 words. Thank you for your time and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
A name whispered in the dark, and betrayal by her dearest friend leave Liz Cooper with no one to trust--other than the man hired to kill her--in my romantic suspense novel, The Ties that Bind.
Rebuilding her life after years with an oppressive husband who controlled her with heinous lies and deceptions, Liz seeks rational explanations for the ghostly apparitions and bizarre happenings that have been tormenting her. Is she slowly slipping into the world of the insane? Or is she truly being haunted by her deceased husband?
Victor Scofield is convinced that the bastard child his father now seeks will tarnish the family name--and reduce his share of the family wealth. He would rather see this child, now grown, buried in the ground than risk her being brought into the fold. As sadistic obsession overcomes Victor, he makes the necessary arrangements.
When Alex Clevenger, the man Victor hired to murder Liz, begins to speak, she realizes this is the man "haunting" her, the one bringing her old doubts and fears to the surface once again. She appeals to his kinder nature; and Alex quickly comes to see that Liz is the one woman with whom he can find a lifetime of happiness--though only if he doesn't put a bullet in her brain. So they kill Victor and live happily ever after. Right?
THE LIES THAT BIND is romantic suspense, complete at 90,000 words. Thank you for your time and consideration.
Okay, everything I know about hitmen I learned from Grosse Pointe Blank and Day of the Jackal, so I could be wrong about this, but I'm thinking once a hitman takes a job to kill you, it's kill or be killed. You ain't talkin' him out of it.
My ending probably isn't the real one, but at least it's not vague. That third plot paragraph needs to tie the other two together and it needs concrete details. I wasn't even sure the hitman was hired by Victor, as you seem to say Victor eliminates his other sister, thereby preventing Liz from surfacing. Why does Victor have to sacrifice another sister if he's hired someone to kill Liz?
Your ending brings in Elle's secret without explanation, implies that Elle leaving town is a betrayal without explanation, brings up adoption as an issue, when it hadn't been mentioned that she was adopted . . . If a statement leads to questions you aren't going to answer, best not to make it in the first place.
It's not clear why Liz has no one she can trust except a guy I assume she's never met until he shows up with a gun in his hand. Does she know him? If so, that's worth mentioning, as it'll make it easier to swallow him not killing her.