Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Guess the Plot
1. In the deep jungles of Colombia there grows a tiny purple flower, the Isaran, which can cure cancer. When agents of MI5 and the CIA can't get past the Colombian rebels to harvest the flower, the President calls on a guy he knew in college who could make funny noises in his armpit. Also, a botanist babe.
2. Murdered unicorns are found near the land of giant cats. The unicorns blame the cats. The cats claim they've been framed. It falls upon Arija sy Kieri to find the truth, and avert interspecies war on the world called . . . Isaran.
3. Under pressure from her mother to bring a date to Aunt Gladys' 4th wedding, Jenny resurrects the Babylonian God of the Plague, Isaran. But when Jenny falls for Isaran, can she convince him not to go back to dealing death to the innocent, and to settle down with her?
4. When a parrot tells Joe he must save the world from space aliens by flying to the moon and recovering the lost talisman of Isaran from Crater Gassendi, Joe laughs. But the bird tells him what numbers to play in the lottery to finance his rocket and two days later that ticket wins. Should Joe defy his wife and go?
5. It's a spy vs spy world, and glamorous Binky Koslov must use her cover as a lingerie model to infiltrate the dangerous world of celebrity golf and discover who poisoned the Prime Minister's gin.
6. Martha Stewart meets Isaac Asimov in this short story collection that defines the Three Laws of Cling Film. Tales of saran wrap gone mad, saran wrap with a sense of humor, and a guest appearance by Rachael Ray.
I am seeking representation for my 110,000-word fantasy novel, ISARAN, and thought you might like to consider it.
When murdered unicorn foals begin appearing [are discovered] on the border between the unicorns and the lirolen---a race of intelligent, tiger-sized felines---tensions rise between the two nations. [Whoever came up with the idea of the unicorn deserves an award for lameness. I mean, if you want to make up a fantastical new creature, slapping a horn onto a horse doesn't take a whole lot of imagination. It's like the guys plotting out the Star Trek universe, and they need a new species from a planet called Vulcan:
Star Trek Producer: We need a creature called a Vulcan.
Makeup Artist: For one episode?
Star Trek Producer: No, it'll be in every episode.
Makeup Artist: Shit. Okay, I say it should look exactly like a human.
Star Trek Producer: The species evolved on a planet larger and hotter than Earth, thinner air, mostly deserts and mountains, in another solar system. Completely different environment. No way would they look like humans.
Makeup Artist: All right, already. I'll give him pointy ears.
Star Trek Producer: Now you're talking.]
Arija sy Kieri, Advisor of the Five Lands, must determine the truth: whether the lirolen are being framed, as they protest, or if the giant cats are reopening the interspecies wars that once devastated the continent. He attempts a dangerous question spell to find out. But someone interferes with his spell, in a manner that should be impossible, and Arija is nearly killed in the process. He is left with no answers, only more questions [At which point he slaps himself on the forehead and says, "Idiot! Instead of a question spell, I should have used an answer spell.] and a wary young woman accidentally---and irreversibly---transported from another world. Accompanied by her and two maverick unicorns, Arija sets out to discover the spell's saboteur. [My money's on Alex Trebek.]
Before he can, the enraged unicorn queen declares war on the lirolen. Then the king of Coribar, the human nation, is assassinated, [Humans? On the same planet with unicorns? Wouldn't they have wiped out all the unicorns to get their horns?] [Unicorn, from the Latin "uni," meaning one, and the English "corn," meaning ear of corn. Most people think a unicorn's horn looks like a spiral tree ornament, but it actually looks like this ] and Arija himself comes under suspicion of treason. Faced with treacherous dragons, politically wavering centaurs, and a spreading tangle of war and conspiracy, Arija can't imagine how his problems could get worse---until his investigation leads south, to a legendary land across the sea, [One wonders what kind of legends they would have on a world that actually has unicorns. I can imagine centaurs telling their children about the legendary land of Australia, with its mythical kangaroos--part deer, part velociraptor, part purse.] where the legacy of Coribar's bloody past may wait to destroy them all.
I have enclosed a SASE, and the complete manuscript is available upon request. I am currently at work on a second standalone novel set in the world of Isaran. [A world on which evolutionary development, coincidentally, mirrors our Greek mythology.]
Thank you for your time.
Unicorns have made their way into numerous fantasies, but if you're gonna make up lirolen, why not make up all your creatures?
Are unicorns born the same way as horses? Because I definitely wouldn't want to be pregnant with a unicorn.
Is Arija human? Usually you want to focus on a human character, but if the reader doesn't know if he's human . . . I didn't even know there were humans on Isaran until their king got assassinated.
Can unicorns and lirolen talk? What are the two other lands, besides human, unicorn and lirolen? Just wondering.
I'm not sure what purpose the girl from another world serves in the book, but I think you should either give her a bigger role in the query, or eliminate her. All she does is appear. Is she instrumental in solving any problems?