Thursday, February 01, 2007
Guess the Plot
1. To prevent total domination of the galaxy by interdimensional aliens, Earth sends a team of its best warriors to fight alongside the amazing energy manipulating metal men of Epsilon Orionis.
2. Steven H. Brine is a pathetic wretch living a life of ostracism--until that very ostracism drives him to realms no pimple-faced thirty-six year old software developer has ventured. He meets the "Outcasts," and becomes their Emissary.
3. Janz Interplanetary Guide urges travelers to the Planet of New Belau to stop by the Blue Vase for some sweet smoke called "emissary," guaranteed to drain away a river of tears. But Jon Silva arrives to find chaos and a turf war. Now he's looking for a safe way out without more grief.
4. Eleven of the twelve crew members who will represent our planet in first contact with an advanced alien civilization have been selected. Now call-in votes during the highest rated reality show of all time will decide who gets to be . . . the final Emissary.
5. When the fifth grade decides to revolt, Joey Eggers volunteers to deliver the news to Principal Smith: Starting Monday, they're staging a sit-in until their teacher is replaced by an animatronic bear.
6. Didion has ruled the demonic sub-plane for seven hundred years. When he needs more human souls for his slave camps, he sends a young imp, Frincessco, to the mortal plane to gather them. The catch: they must come willingly.
Dear Evil Editor,
My science fiction novel, Emissary (100,000 words), is set in the far future when a powerful faction of xenophobes rises to political power just as mankind is finding new, alien races living among the stars.
Of the many alien races discovered by human explorers, the metal-men of Epsilon Orionis are unique. [Wrong: Other famous metal-men: Ironman; The Terminator; Most of Maxwell Smart's villainous enemies, including The Claw, Leadfoot, and Bronzefinger; the Six Million Dollar Man; Captain Hook; The Tin Man; Bender; Robocop; and Dennis Rodman.] They can absorb and manipulate pure energy with their metallic bodies. [Ah. So that's why the Tin Man wasn't afraid of the Wicked Witch of the West.] Earth initiates a secret operation to obtain the technology. [Earthlings. Even in the far future they can't stand for anyone to have anything they don't have.] Eager to succeed, Ambassador Spanner Templeton, Captain Randall and Lieutenant Buck Owen [Buck Owen? You should call the other two guys Hank William and Garth Brook. Or, for short, the Buckaroos.] guide the crew of the Dreadnought Apollo and a cohort of marines through their conversion to metallic humans regardless of the consequences.
Each race – the humans, the metal men of Epsilon Orionis [If you ever want to cut 20,000 words from this book, consider calling them "Lorgons" instead of "the metal men of Epsilon Orionis."] and the hybrids – [Not sure I'd refer to one cohort of Marines as a "race." As the next sentence also starts with the words "Each race," you might drop those words from this sentence.] struggles to adjust to new circumstances and unexpected changes both physical and mental. [For instance, the marines who've been converted to metal men are surprised to find that they suffer from lead poisoning, and that their enemies can now easily capture them using gigantic magnets.] Each race hides their true agendas [Which are?] as they race to defeat a xenophobic cabal of humans [Cabal of humans, faction of xenophobes, cohort of Marines . . . is there a nice, normal "group of people" in this book?] who have opened a gateway to another dimension. Only a select few understand the consequences of failure – total domination of the galaxy by the interdimensional aliens. [Actually, the way this galaxy's been going lately, maybe a little alien domination is just what we need.] Only by combining the human aptitude for war and the metalloid’s [Lorgons'] ability to manipulate energy through their bodies can they defeat the alien onslaught. The personal and political struggles of the characters lead to a final confrontation with the xenophobes and their invader allies along with the personal struggles of a new race of human-metal hybrids. [Too many personal struggles in that sentence; cut it off after "allies" and it'll make sense.]
I am a retired chemical engineer with technical article publishing credits and as yet unpublished in fiction. [I don't care about any of that; do you have any metal body parts?]
Thank you for your consideration.
There was a comic book called Metal Men. The title characters were named Tin, Lead, Iron, Gold, Mercury and Platinum. Platinum was actually a metal woman (she went by "Tina"). Here's a scene in which they're battling other metal men. These metal men weren't from Epsilon Orionis, so don't worry.
I wonder why people never refer to themselves as "Earthlings." We should take pride in our planet. In fact, I've changed my Blogger profile to show my planetary roots. They didn't have a place for "planet," so I put it under "occupation." I encourage all minions to do the same.
I'd drop the phrase "regardless of the consequences" at the end of paragraph 2, as I didn't ever find out the consequences.
Wouldn't a xenophobic cabal of humans be happier isolating themselves on a deserted island than opening a gateway to another dimension? Just asking.
You might want to leave the hybrids out of the query. Basically, the xenophobes want to open the gateway, and the humans, led by a team of Marines, team up with the metalloids to stop them. The humans and metalloids are happy to save the galaxy--as long as it doesn't interfere with their own agendas.
Also, the name Buck Owen is a distraction, Buck Owens having been one of the best-known country singers ever, with such lyrics as:
Well, I ain't got nothing but the shirt on my back
And an old two button suit.
I walked outta my job about a week ago,
And now I'm sleeping in a telephone booth.
But I'm a gonna be the richest guy around
The day you say you're mine.
I got the hungries for your love,
And I'm waiting in your welfare line.