Friday, July 17, 2009

Synopsis 17

Son of a Legend: The Sablestone, Volume Zero of the Everstar Saga [To be followed by the prequel, Volume Negative One: Son of a Bitch.]

Conleth is a gruff, roguish man who is universally known as The Son of Aerthir Everstar, a great hero of the bygone age. [I tend to think of the "bygone age" as when Beowulf was written, not one generation ago.] Conleth dislikes being known only as the son of his father [Is this guy based on Evil Junior?] and embarks on many "heroic" ventures in order to make a name for himself. With time, these ventures degrade into no more than mercenary work and tyrant-heckling. [Tyrants strike me as the type who don't take heckling well. That plus their access to torture squads may explain why I got zero hits when I Googled "tyrant heckling".] [By tomorrow I should be getting one hit.] Throughout it all, he is accompanied by Imbria, his childhood best friend. The story opens with the two of them completing a mission to dissuade a despotic lord from encroaching on the lands of other nobles. [The poor have Robin Hood fighting for them; the rich have Conleth the Gruff.] Afterward, they flee the country as outlaws and go to Anassia, where they will be safe.

Anassia’s King Zorren then summons them to a banquet in honor of Conleth and his father. At the banquet, Conleth nearly gets into a brawl with a noble named Lord Adarik, disturbing the banquet. [We're halfway into paragraph 2 and our main character finally does something: disturbs some diners. Have you considered writing a book about Aerthir Everstar?] Zorren punishes them by [It takes a lot of gall to punish someone for almost getting into a brawl at a banquet you were staging to honor him.] sending them on a perilous quest to find a beneficent talisman called the Sablestone. Conleth and Imbria find themselves at odds with Adarik, who constantly makes a fool of himself. In the city of Pali, the halfway mark of their journey, Conleth is reunited with his fiancĂ©e, Queen Shonda. This causes tension with Imbria, who feels that Conleth mistrusted her by not telling her of the engagement and abandons him. [Imbria's a woman? What else haven't you told us? Is Adarik a chimpanzee?] [Actually, I recommend making Adarik a chimpanzee.]

When Conleth arrives at the mountain pass leading to the stone’s location, Conleth is attacked by two demons. [You got something against pronouns?] After holding his own for a while, he is mysteriously helped by none other than Imbria, who [conveniently] never really left. Once they reach the stone’s resting place, [Resting place usually means grave or cemetery.] all is revealed. Conleth and Imbria were deceived. Adarik is actually a clever sorcerer in Zorren’s service and the Sablestone is in reality a giant dragon egg which he intends to use in a war against Shonda’s empire. [What's he gonna do, egg her castle?] Conleth, Imbria, and some ragtag tribesmen are then engaged in battle against Adarik, his apprentice, Joannavitch [(AKA Janet Evanovitch)], and Zorren's army. They are assisted at the last moment by Queen Shonda, who [conveniently] suspected such treachery. After defeating Adarik [and an entire army], Conleth and the group marches [march] back to Anassia and ousts [oust] King Zorren. [They just march in and oust a king? Oh, right, they've already destroyed the king's army.] As the story ends, Conleth, finally at peace with his father’s legacy, marries Shonda. [No, no, he has to marry Imbria. Trust me.] Just before settling down, he, with help from Imbria, [a mysterious stranger named] Tafar, Shonda, and a mysterious stranger named Gabriel, organize a fraternity called the Knights Telessar to carry on the legacy of Aerthir Everstar.


It's a little strange to have mysterious strangers show up on the last page. It's like you're watching The Wizard of Oz and at the end the exposed fraud wizard has just given the Scarecrow, Tin Man and Cowardly Lion their diploma, testimonial and medal, and Dorothy asks for a ride home and the Wizard says, "I'll get to you in a minute, but first I'd like to present Claude the Mannequin with this inscribed pair of tweezers," and you're thinking, Who?

Synopses tend to be boring, but this feels too much like a list of stuff that happens. It would be more interesting if it felt like a story.

For some reason I find the name Conleth annoying. Possibly because it sounds like a normal name being spoken by someone with two speech impediments. I challenge the minions to come up with better names for all of your characters.


Steve Wright said...

"Volume Zero". Two simple little words, and yet how easily they describe the sort of book that I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole.

And ... tyrant heckling? If I was a tyrant (and, really, I should be, I can do the evil laugh and everything), I wouldn't even bother with hecklers - I'd be all, like, "Hey, I've got the power, the palaces, the money, the fanatical death squads and the harem of compliant slave girls; all you've got's a big mouth, pal."

An awful lot of stuff seems to happen for no good reason except that it conveniently advances the plot. I think you want to watch that. And I mean "watch that" in the sense of "not doing that".

You should, though, fall back on useful stereotypes as much as possible ... So, Zorren should, of course, be Zorro; Adarik should be Adric (from "Doctor Who"); I see Shonda becoming Shona, Queen of Essex, complete with white stiletto heels and inappropriate miniskirt. Joannavitch should probably become The Mage's Apprentice With No Name, because I can't come up with anything sillier than "Joannavitch" off the cuff. And maybe Conleth should become Congreve, a barbarian warrior with poetic sensibilities. Or Congress, a name guaranteed to strike fear into a listener's heart.

I presume Gabriel and the equally mysterious Tafar are going to be important members of the Knights Whatever-It-Was in the forthcoming Volumes One through Ninety. Sadly for you, I still have that ten foot pole, and I'm planning on not touching them with it either.

Anonymous said...

You might help readers identify allies and enemies by giving characters names that are less random and seem to have linguistic heritage that helps readers keep track of who goes with who. Imagine a WWII novel in which all characters have equal likelihood of having English German French Russian Italian names. It would take longer to learn their nationalities and alliances than if the Germans have Germanic names, the English have English names, the Russian names are Russian, etc.

If you want to be linguistically random, you could try being systematic. The good people at test prep central have devised the brilliant technique of giving characters in their story problems short names in alphabetical order. This is immensely helpful in quickly learning the cast and keeping track of who is who.

Example Story:

Abby saw Bob and Carol chase armed bandits Doug and Ellen out of the bank while Fred the teller stood by and did nothing. Gertie drove the getaway car. Officer Hank Ignatowski arrived on the scene to discover Janet sobbing hysterically on the sidewalk because her dog Killer had been hit by the robbers' car. Laura was in the bathroom and saw nothing. Max was in line filling out his deposit slip while standing next to Nora, the text-mad teen who twittered the whole thing. Ophelia didn't notice anything because she was sobbing on the phone to her mother about how Peter the jerk squandered her youth. Quince was trying to get her children, Raul, Sara, and Timmy, to stop whining. Mr Uthgar was fully engrossed in his third attempt to wire a thousand from Vinny Wiggins to Xylo Yipsy-Zumlock.

1] Which of these characters formerly lived in a Fantasy Novel?

a] Sara
b] Mr Uthgar
c] Xylo Yipsy-Zumlock
d] Bob
e] Hank Ignatowski

2] Who actually witnessed the robbery?
a] Nora
b] Mr Uthgar
c] Ellen
d] Killer
e] Hank Ignatowski

150 said...

When I googled "Everstar", the first result was a portable air conditioning unit.

I don't know, man. I'm unconvinced that this tells a logical story.

Mame said...

I can't touch this one with a ten foot pole. Totally lost. The names are a killer, I'll give you that.

Sarah Laurenson said...

Egg the castle

OMG. I'm dying here. LOL

Rick Daley said...

Yep, one hit for "tyrant heckling"

Remove the quotes from the search and Google has about 12,200 pages.

Unknown said...

The "Volume Zero" tells me you are doing a fantasy satire, but then the synopsis doen't sound that way. It sounds like this is the spring board for another endless fantasy series and you don't tell me WHY this is fantasy until almost the end when Adrick is revealed to be a sorcerer and, oh BTW, there are dragons and demons in this world. We should know about the dragons and magic near the beginning so they don't come out of the blue.

Try to tighten this up and cut the back story. Nearly the entire first paragraph (after the title one) is back story. Why do I know this, because to tell me "the story opens with. . ." Just tell me this story.

While there may be some logical connections in the book, you've stripped them out of the synopsis.

As an example, C is, presumably, an embassary from a lord and goes to talk to Bad Guy (BG) 1. Something happens and he flees an ENTIRE country (not just BG1's lands) as an outlaw. HU? What happened.

For some reason they think they'll be safe in Anassia. As a penalty for ALMOST fighting, Conleth and Imbria are sent on a "quest" with the guy Conleth almost decked.

Then a mysterious fiance shows up. If she's a queen, why didn't Conleth go to her when he was "outlawed?"

Imbria, who is apparently good a hiding she's a girl, gets miffed and storms off so she can come back and save his Assets at the proper time.

The Queen also vanishes from the narrative to reappear at the right time to save them some more. IF she suspected Adrick was a mage, why didn't she tell Conleth?

One problem I have is Conleth is in the "too stupid to live" catagory. Random things seem to happen and he makes certain choices just beause they must to twist the plot in a certain direction not because they naturally flow from the previous actions.

While your story probably flows logically, this doesn't. Try to make it do so.

Names: There are some great fantasy name generators out there. If this is satire, you want to be over the top and they will help.

Conleth - Saber Darkseeker Everstar

Imbria - Angel Squall or Katana Maverick

King Zorren - Leo Dragonbattler

Lord Adarick - Lord Hardick (sorry, that's how I kept reading it) - but seriously - Bane Honor

Queen Shonda - Jasmine Blackamber

Joannavitch - River Violetmage

Tafar- I'm actually okay with this one.

Gabriel - REALLY? With all the other odd names there's a Gabriel??? - Victory Ironshroud

Good luck.

Eric P. said...

Answer: "Son of a Legend!" Question: What does an elf say when he hits his thumb with a hammer?

If this is a satirical send-up of epic fantasy literature, then the humorous tone could be a bit clearer in the synopsis. If it's not... no, just please tell me it is. "Volume Zero" is what gives me hope your tongue may already be in your cheek. Plant it there more firmly. Embrace the campy side.

Goofier names might be in order. See Douglas Adams for unsurpassable examples.

- Conleth = Kondar the Socially Inept
- Lord Adarik = Lord Amersi
- Tafar = Tufar the Wanderer
- Zorren = Zorron = Sorron = Sauron... oops
- Gabriel = anything at all that isn't "Gabriel"
- Imbria = ... not bad, actually.

Dave Fragments said...

Everstar reminds me of Everard or Everhard which is a name generally used in some less than savory porn. I'll just leave that subject alone now...

Conleth reminded me of CONRACK (the movie) and that association stuck.

First piece of advice -- start where the story starts. A book is like a voyage of discovery (apologies to Lewis and Clarke) for the reader. It doesn't begin years ago or years after. The best stories start NOW and end some time in the reasonably near future. When you wrote "The story opens with" in the second paragraph, what you describe in the words before that sentence was backstory. Backstory is boring unless it is Jor-El sending Kal-El off to planet Earth.

Try opening with something like: Uneasy is the son of a famous father and Conleth is no exception. OR: After years of trying to live up to his Father's reputation, Conleth must retrieve the magical Sablestone or forever remain in his father's shadow.

And then explain that a complicating factor is Aerthir (really now, Arthur of Camelot, own up) has arranged his marriage to Queen Shonda the Rap queen of Assyria? ANASTASIA? assaninya? No Anassia.

Sorry to pile on about the names.

This story has to stand on its own and sell itself. Book two won't sell book # 1. More than that obvious statement, an agent or editor must find Conleth to be a compelling character. Think of Harry Potter and why Sorceror's Stone works... We care about the 14 year old orphan Harry and his less than perfect friends. Plus Harry, is a man of mystery - the boy who lived. What is Conleth? Clumsy and not as successful as his father? Destined to be prince consort to Queen Shabu-Shabu?

Matt said...

No guess the plot? I look forward to playing guess the plot....

I'm with Steve on Volume Zero. The more volumes an author intends to have in a series, the less likely I am to read a single entry. Just sell it as a stand alone novel.

How can you have all those weird names and then have someone named Gabriel?

I don't think Conleth is a good name for a warrior because it sounds like the name of Conan's nerdy younger brother. All of the other names sound like they were made up on the spot.

EE challenged us to rename the character's so...
Trandon, Milia, King Salizar, Lord Pendegraph, Queen Elissa, Tomjonavitch, Arthur Morningstar.

The synopsis seems to be more focused on battles and action than character development. No one will care who wins the fight unless they have someone to root for.

I like how Conleth is trying to get out of his father's shadow, but I felt the synopsis went spiralling downward around the time of the party scuffle.

Sarah from Hawthorne said...

I feel like there is a good epic fantasy story buried in here: irresponsible adventurer stumbles into a real quest and finally grows up. But it is completely buried under all the unnecessary details and characters. Do we really need to know the name of Adarik's apprentice? For that matter, do we need to know Adarik?

All we need to know is:
1) Conleth wants to be a hero but is just an uncouth brawler,
2) King Zorren sends him out to retrieve a magical doo-hickey,
3) in the course of his perilous quest Conleth reunites with his long lost fiancee who happens to be Queen of the ___ Empire,
4) Conleth discovers Zorren tricked him into fetching a potent weapon that the King plans to use against said fiancee, so
5) Conleth leads the people of ___ Empire into an epic battle and saves the day, becoming the hero at last.

Evil Editor said...

Guess the Plot isn't played with Synopses because so often synopsis authors also submit queries for the same book.

Anonymous said...

Okay first of all - Start the query where the story starts

This would be here:

The story opens with the two of them completing a mission to dissuade a despotic lord from encroaching on the lands of other nobles.

Why does the king summon them to a dinner in their honor when they are really outlaws? And, the host of the banquet punishes them for almost doing something? Probably the king gets ticked off at them for insulting the nobleman and thus renders this unjust punishment and rather runaway they do it because????

And Adarik - a nobleman is give the same punishment? Obviously a very low nobleman on the totem pole. Ahh, but alas, I read further and find out that this is a set up involving the soon to ousted King and the nobleman, who is really a soceress, in an elaborate plan to get Coneleth to help them out. Why didn't they just ask him - hey brave hero would you please help me and my friend the nobleman find this talisman? There is money in it for you and your little woman friend too.

Okay, okay that answers that. Why is Conleth the Gruff not so bright?

His childhood friend this Imbria doesn't know he was once engaged? Damn I need better childhood friends they know where all the bodies are buried not to mention all those forgotten engagements.

Imbria needs to be more forgiving - it's not like he forgot her birthday. But alas she only pretends to leave him - sounding more like a jilted lover/pansy woman than a brave sidekick. Now I am done with the book unless Imbria dies . . alas she doesn't.

Okay and then I just get lost from there on out.

I'll have to draw a picture to keep track of everything and everyone and get back to you.

How many characters can an author mention in a synopsis and still make any sense?

I don't think this was a bad story - but when you need pictures to explain plot points and characters - its time to start over.

If you kill off Imbria, which should always happen to brave warriors but basically weak willed and pansy women. . I would try to reread the synoposis if rewritten.


Dave Fragments said...

For those of you who think that brawling at family functions is rare or uncommon -- a coworker told me that he was at a wedding reception where the Groom insulted his own Mother so bad that his Best Man Brother beat him silly, and then they ate dinner and had the Bridal Dance. A good time was had by all like nothing unusual occurred.

Anonymous said...

Dave - I think that happens more often than naught.

I can't get Imbri out of my mind, I just want to smack her silly.

I have a male friend I have known for 16 years. Let's say we are sitting in our local watering hole drinking beer and up comes this beautiful woman and Chaz says (real name) hey this is my fiancee'. I would not put my hands on my hips and accuse him of not trusting me . . . and we have been protecting each other's back or escaped being arrested!

I would go - hmmm, so Chaz why the hell would someone like her get engaged to someone like you? She escape from the funny farm? her parents hate her? hmmmmm?

sorry - I just hate it when strong women characters are reduced to childish, stereotypical motivations. The next thing I am going to hear is "it was that time of the month".

Book I - Imbri must Die.


Wes said...

I'll bet the MS drives your spell checker nuts!

_*rachel*_ said...

That’s actually your title? You’ve got to be kidding me.

Nothing more than mercenary work sounds better than no more.

It might sound more believable and suspensful if you say, where they should be safe, instead of where they will be.

What if you described Lord Adarik as a noble banquet-crasher? The disturbing the banquet clause doesn’t fit in grammatically. Quick fix: who is.

Zorren punishing them for that would make more sense if Zorren just wants the troublemakers out of his hair and in someone else’s. Also, I didn’t get at first that the them being punished included Adarik.

I don’t like the at odds with sentence; it sounds a bit clicheed. I know what you mean, but the phrasing feels wrong.

I assumed Imbria was a girl. It’s not always a given, but western names ending with things like –ia, -a, -andra, -elle, -ie, etc. are girl’s names. Paul and Paula. Jack and Jackie. Daniel and Danielle. It’s not a rule, but it’s common.

Rewrite that last sentence to say something like: Imbria, feeling that Conleth didn’t trust her enough to tell her about Shonda, abandons the group. The placement of the feeling phrase in relation to the verb makes it sound like the abandoning is grouped with the mistrusting, when it’s really the main verb of the sentence.

Where did Adarik and Shonda disappear to while Conleth heads off again?

Your point with Imbria is that she was mad, but she cared enough to sneak after him, just in case?

Funny with the egg, EE!

I don’t like Joannavitch as a name. 1: It’s so much longer than the others mentioned that it sticks out. 2: Joanna is a real name; the others are all made-up. 3: There’s just something about the feel of it; it doesn’t flow like the other names do.

I almost suspected the turnaround with Adarik, but it feels a bit like aliens in chapter 14.

I’m not sure you need to tell so much of the ending. Maybe you could end with: plunging _list_of_names_ into a final battle with the forces of evil. Just go ahead and drop the knights sentence, anyway. I realize now that it’s a synopsis, not a query—I should pay more attention to the headings—but it still feels random.

I didn’t ming the name Conleth; I thought it sounded vaguely Gaelic.

I like this; I’d read it. I’m generally iffy reading stuff about demons (I’m picky with my fantasy), but if you got me reading that far, I’d continue.

C and C. Ellen was part of it, so I'd say she saw it happening.

Anonymous said...

The Knights Tesslar name must go. Don't call the rabbit a smerp.

If this is some medieval romance featuring a thinly disguised bunch of Knights Templar, you can just call them Knights Templar. Otherwise, choose a name, garb, etc that won't accidentally misinform by making them seem to be a thinly disguised bunch of Knights Templar.

Anonymous said...

Yes, I too cracked up over the Egging of the House remark. Actually, many words in blue denoted humor.

Conleth could be Cuspedor

Lord Adarik could be Baron Dyck

Imbria could be Ammnesia


Stick and Move said...

Wow, the Minions are in fine form today. Bit of a shellacking there, author. I won't pile on, but I have to agree with many of the comments about where to start, characterization, and the names. Making me read with a lithp is annoying, so for me, Conleth must be changed.

Ah, Dave, it seems your mind clicks over to porn without much provocation, but just out of curiousity, what kind of names do they use in savory porn?

Author, chin up, I'm sure the story makes more sense than the synopsis, so good luck with your rewrite.

Oh yeah, and I'm in the camp that says Imbria must die, or else Conleth has to marry her instead of the queen.

Unknown said...

I almost stopped reading at thata long, long title.

Later, I wished I had.

Coincidentally, I have recently been preparing notes for leading a discussion on synopses with my local writers' group. The simplest piece of wisdom I have thus far garnered is that synopsis is all about plot. Forget the character development and focus on what is happening.

Some relevant points about plot, which this submitter might take into account on the rewrite:

“Typically, the plot of a good novel begins by introducing a sympathetic character wrestling with a thorny problem.” (HOW TO NOT WRITE A NOVEL: 200 classic mistakes and how to avoid them, by Howard Mittelmark and Sandra Newman. Collins, 2008)

(do I need to explain how this applies to this synopsis?)

“Plot is the things characters do, feel, think, or say, that make a difference to what comes afterward.” (PLOT, by Ansen Dibell, pub Writers Digest Books 1988).


That's the key to a good synopsis right there. Use only the points - whether character's motivation or decision or action - that push the story most directly toward the conclusion.

writtenwyrdd said...

Author, I feel for your synopsis woes. I find them difficult, myself.

Without adding to the negativity, I must agree with most of the comments. The plot comes across as garbled.

If you stick with the main plot, at least at first, perhaps you can put together a clearer sounding synopsis.

_*rachel*_ said...

Author, I recommend you check out The Rejecter's recent post on synopsises; it should help some. As she says, "Publishing will provide you with plenty of chances to stress out over real and imagined crises. The synopsis doesn't have to be one of them." Basically, provide the basic plot and don't mess up too much.

_*rachel*_ said...

It's almost a cliche, the hero being in love with a hot, perfect girl and ignoring his lovely childhood friend until he comes to his senses, but it's a cliche because people like it. That's why people here think Conleth should marry Imbria; she's been faithful all along, while Shonda's been off in some palace, being pampered.

whoever said...

I keep reading Adarik as Aardvark. Just throwing that out there.

Imbria seems to be like Eponine in Les Mis, watching Marius and Cosette fall in love and willing to sacrifice herself anyway.

I think the story sounds okay, except the title.

Unknown said...

This synopsis is actually Horribly abbreviated. In my abbreviation, I left out some crucial details. Like the multiple things they do along the way, the depth of Conleth's discontent, and the fact that Tafar is his brother and Gabriel (who they meet at the end) is Conleth's father's best friend. And there actually are (very good) reasons why the "convenient" things happened. They just didnt fit in the word count restriction. This is a case where I suppose condensing the plot does not do justice to how complex it really is. Also, this book is a prequel not full developed yet. XD

However, your criticism IS valid. I'd just like to know what the problem with Volume Zero is and why Conleth should marry Imbria (which would seem a little cliche to me) instead of Shonda.

Also, the names all have an imagined ethnicity, which did not make it into the condensation. My fault I suppose. But I may change Conleth. Perhaps a name like Conrad will be more reader-friendly.

Unknown said...

And no, while there is humor throughout, this is not satire.

Unknown said...

Ohhhh...So thats why people expect Conleth to marry Imbria. Yeah... Hmmm. Alright, I just scuk at writing these synopses things. I'm going to tear it to pieces and start over. And yeah, the title is a bit (waaaaaaaaaay too) long. I'm gonna do something about that.

Evil Editor said...

The entire genre of romance, the best-selling genre of all, is built on the cliche of hero getting together with heroine in the end. It's what readers want. Of course, if the hero is too stupid to realize he'd be better off with his lifelong friend, he probably doesn't deserve her.

none said...

Volume Zero...well. We at GUD called our first issue Issue #0 because our editor-in-chief is such a huge computer geek, and we've been stuck with the confusion that causes ever since (first issue is #0, #1 is our second issue, #3 is actually the fourth issue, and so on. Even the editors make (embarrassing) mistakes.

I wouldn't go there if I were you.

Unknown said...

But suppose she doesn't have feelings for him? And also suppose (since Imbira is nonhuman, a detail left out of the synopsis) that their union would create a cross-species abomination (an issue not supposed to be dealt with until Volume One)?

You can see how them getting together would create complications. Your opinion?

_*rachel*_ said...

You might want to leave Gabriel out; it would prompt my uncle's boss' best friend's roommate to suicide to have such a relationship mentioned.

Hey, why are you calling this a prequel? Just say it's book one--better yet, stand-alone with the potential to be a series. Even if there is a time gap of 3000 years or so, who cares? Readers of Redwall and Ender's Game keep reading, even if there are fewer than two characters overlapping in the books.

Do you already have the "first" book written or published? You might want to query this and revise the second while you do so.

And check out my link to The Rejecter; it really is helpful.

Mame said...

Dude, Conan and Valeria. Enough said. Eff the princess.

_*rachel*_ said...

If Imbria isn't human, you really should mention it, especially because we keep thinking of her as a possible romance.

Evil Editor said...

If she doesn't like him that way, you're off the hook. Though it might be cool to have an abomination to deal with in future books.

Steve Wright said...

Well, your novel may, for all I know, be fresh, vivid and almost unbearably exciting. But the title, and especially the "Volume Zero" bit, says to me, "Yes, folks, I'm going to be churning out sequels for as long as there are schmucks who'll buy them. I'm like Robert Jordan, only more shameless and less dead! Getcher generic extruded fantasy product here! Every volume guaranteed 100% free of any troubling originality!" ... Now, it's just a guess, but I suspect this might not be the message you actually want to send.

I can sympathize on the synopsis front; they're a pain and a half to write. But I think we do need to know what makes Conleth the Gruff different from Brak the Barbarian and Thongor of Lemuria and Hadon of Ancient Opar and several hundred others ... It's a crowded field, you've got to stand out from the competition somehow.

150 said...

Shonda comes out of the blue; Imbria's been there since the beginning. You gots to put your guns on the mantelpiece if you want to fire them in Act III, son.

/Chekhov's corollary

Mame said...

I'm really annoyed by the back pedaling. There isn't a really good excuse for leaving the story out, other than, you left the whole story out. What did you think you were writing when you put this together?

Matt said...

Son of a Legend: The Sablestone, Volume Zero of the Everstar Saga

I don't like anything about that title. It is waaay to long. How about just calling it Sablestone?

Conrad is better than Conleth, but the names in your story don't go well together. Conrad sounds Irish, Adarik sounds German, Joannavitch sounds Slovenian, etc.

Xiexie said...

So much has already been said about this, and you know what.....

I agree.

So yeah, uh, can "Volume Zero" -- please. The title could simply be Son of a Legend: The Sablestone. The next could be Son of a Legend: The Abominable Nuptials or whatever. Maybe you can get all your future fans to call the Everstar Saga because of Aerthir (which really is too close to Arthur) Everstar and their upholding the legacy.

Mother (Re)produces. said...

I don't think he's off the hook; if Imbria doesn't like him that way, why does she get her nose out of joint and go off in a huff? Loads of people compartmentalise their lives, and share some aspects with some people and others with others. What makes you think she could care less who conthingy's been shagging?