Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Mini-Contest 3 Ends

The object was to improve upon the analogy . . . his dream of taking up his famous father’s profession [printmaster] has proved as elusive as the mysterious forest people of the Mistlands.

His dream of taking up his famous father’s profession has proved as elusive as . . .

hair on the lady parts of the tanorexic fame-whores of Hollywood.

traction at a Crisco party.

a literary agent for an unknown sci-fi writer.

weapons of mass destruction.

an apropos analogy!

Evil Editor's query praise.

the New Delhi Sizzler.

the identities of the people who keep being named in these analogies.**

an Ethiopian Sumo wrestler.

the Snark.

a designated driver at the Kennedy compound.

** Evil Editor assumes this is a reference to Mini-Contests 1 and 2, in which the names Dick Vermeil, Paula Abdul, Meat Loaf, Siegfried and Roy, Old Yeller, and Miss Snark were mentioned. For the enlightenment of those not up on the really important stuff:

Dick Vermeil: American pro football coach who won a Super Bowl, but is primarily known for breaking down and bawling uncontrollably whenever he wins, loses, or gets asked any question about football.

Paula Abdul: American Idol judge who breaks down and bawls uncontrollably whenever a male contestant is voted off, and then has an affair with him that lasts until the next male contestant is voted off.

Old Yeller: Movie about a dog that has to be put down. Entire theater audience breaks down and bawls uncontrollably.

Meat Loaf: Gigantic singer (with two songs in Evil Editor's top 25 all time greatest songs) who perspires so uncontrollably on stage he has to carry a bath towel.

Siegfried and Roy: Weird Vegas magicians who work with tigers a lot, or at least they did until one of the cats ripped Roy's throat out during a performance. Now they work with gerbils.

Miss Snark: Literary Agent, renaissance woman, slave to her dog, and whatever you do, don't cross her.


Anonymous said...

Evil Editor wrote "Meat Loaf: Gigantic singer (with two songs in Evil Editor's top 25 all time greatest songs)..."

This begs the question: What ditties comprise the Evil Editor's Top 25 All Time Greatest Songs list? Please share--my ipod needs an Evil Editor playlist:-)

Anonymous said...

Which two Meatloaf songs are on your top 25?

I'll go out on a limb here and guess that one of them is "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad." It's a pretty funny song.


Evil Editor said...

Good guess. Evil Editor will prepare a list and post it on his website, allowing his minions to give it the mocking all such lists deserve.

Brenda said...

"hair on the lady parts of the tanorexic fame-whores of Hollywood."

One of the best lines I've read!

none said...

Thanks for the enlightment, EE :).

Anonymous said...

Brenda Bradshaw said...

"hair on the lady parts of the tanorexic fame-whores of Hollywood."

One of the best lines I've read!

thanks for making my day brenda that was mine... yeah me!!!~W

Anonymous said...

Brenda, You're still gonna get 'em.

(I'm just funnin' with ya'. No need to get nervous.)

Brenda said...

Watercolorz, that line is truly clever. I just re-read it and almost snorted a second time. Yup - it ranks high on the Snort-o-meter. *blink* That sounds so wrong.

Anon - Gonna get 'em? :|
Get WHAT, exactly? Will antibiotics cure it? Do we need to pass out haz-mat suits?!

Brenda said...

My ever-fabulous not-quite-16-yr-old daughter is sitting here (had to read her Watercolorz's comment of tanorexic fame-whores of Hollywood) and commented on the cartoon EE has up here (the big honker one, not the avatar evil- wolf looking one).

"He looks like the Quaker Oats guy."

I think he looks more like a cartoon version of Scrooge reading an employee's request for a raise, but ... (shrug)

Shan (daughter): Maybe more like Quaker Oats Man meets Benjamin Franklin - their offspring.

She's got high concept down, eh? *proud momma moment* (As I ignore the entire fictional character with historical icon in weird Brokeback kind of moments her brain conjured up.)

Anonymous said...

My brother went to a Meatloaf concert and got his soggy handkerchief when it was thrown in the crowd.

Anonymous said...

Well, the little people really ARE elusive in the story (yeah, that was my little bit of purple verbiage), but ya know -- I kinda like the Ethiopian Sumo wrestler. There's no Ethiopia in the story. And no Sumo wrestlers. But maybe I can work 'em in...

none said...


It doesn't "beg the question". What begs the question is statements like "all true music-lovers have 2 songs by Meat Loaf in their top 25 all time greatest songs" or "all right-minded authors read Miss Snark".

Cheryl said...

Brenda, you have a fifteen-year-old daughter? Is that her in the picture? Or is it okay for me to be incredibly envious?

Anonymous said...

Oh, oh, pick me... (waving hand frantically in the air, jumping up and down)

“I will do anything for love—but I won’t do that!”

(Why am I blushing?)

I MEANT the song title, uh the other one that wasn’t “2 out of 3 ain’t bad” ~W

Brenda said...

LOL Cheryl! That's me, I promise.

Yes, she's 15. I have four kids: Almost 16, 12, 6 and almost 5. All girls but the youngest, which should explain why I'm just this side of mental.

I wouldn't mock your list, EE. Promise. (Does pointing and laughing count?)