Guess the Plot
The Nine Lies of Calliope Druthers
1. Calliope is known for lying, and for screwing up everything she touches, so even though she tried to blow up Flynn's spaceship the last time he saw her, and tried to kill his brother and dog, and there are a few hundred assassins trying to kill her, when she tells him he's the father of her child, he wonders, should he trust her just this once?
2. Cally claimed to be a witch to avoid dating Bob. When he demanded proof, she started lying more to avoid him and the detective he hired and the FBI guys who became interested. Now she's got three days to lie her way out of being burned at the stake.
3. First, her name really is Calliope Druthers. Second, she is a blonde. Third, she's a virgin. Fourth, those are real. Fifth...
4. A magic scroll promising to make your next nine lies come true has to be cool, right? But after making seemingly innocuous statements like “the cafeteria serves shit” or “I never sleep” or even “All the boys at school are in love with me” Calliope is in deep doo-doo.
5. Calliope Druthers is a princess who has a bad habit of telling the most outrageous lies. A put-out fairy warns Calliope that she can tell no more than eight lies before her sixteenth birthday next week. If she fails, all her previous lies will come true--at the same time.
6.Calliope is the daughter of the King of the cats. As such she was to have 9 lives, but due to a typo at the Office of Magic Abilities she has 9 lies instead. Given the job of ambassador to Dogland, can she broker peace in only 9 lies?
Dear Evil Editor,
Flynn Monroe never expected Calliope Druthers to walk back into his life. When she does, unsurprisingly in a hail of bullets and shattered glass, the only thing keeping her from a chest full of lead is the wide eyed four year old girl he’s told [she claims] is his daughter. The Guild – the clandestine government society that controls the galaxy – [I have it on good authority (Carl Sagan) that there are 100 billion stars in our galaxy. Other estimates I found while Googling were 200 billion and 400 billion. I don't know (or care) what the method of counting stars in a galaxy is, but when two estimates differ by 300 billion, somebody screwed up. I mean, if you and I are asked to determine the number of stars in the galaxy and I come back a month later with an estimate of 100 billion, I can see you coming up with an extra ten or fifteen. Maybe you counted the ones in Virgo twice. Or I missed a few that were hiding behind a space anomaly. But when your estimate is 300,000,000,000 more than mine, I have to assume you were multiplying when you were supposed to be subtracting. It's analogous to someone asking us the population of Earth, and I say it's almost seven billion, and then you say it's 32. Anyway, my point is, even if we go with the lowest estimate, it's hard to believe a clandestine government society could be in control of 100,000,000,000 star systems. Not even the Borg were able to control the galaxy. Hell, the Borg couldn't even defeat humans, which is analogous to humans being unable to defeat cockroaches.] has put a bounty on Calliope’s head [Why? What did she do to the Guild? By the way, once you've achieved dominion over an entire galaxy, it's time to come up with a more intimidating name than the Guild. It's analogous to when Brad's Drink changed its name to Pepsi.] that no assassin can pass up. Now she wants Flynn to once again clean up her mess. Calliope may hope to patch things up between them as Flynn ferrets them away to safety [I'm familiar with ferreting out things, like rabbits or the truth. Maybe he ferries them away?] while trying to maintain his freight schedule, but Flynn hasn’t forgotten how they parted ways five years ago. The last time he trusted Calliope she tried to blow up his ship, with him, his brother, and his dog still on board. No one messes with his dog.
THE NINE LIES OF CALLIOPE DRUTHERS is a Space Western complete at 88,000-words. This is my first novel.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
I don't get a sense of story when you end the query with something that happened five years before your plot begins. Try rearranging the details:
The last time Flynn Monroe trusted Calliope Druthers, she tried to blow up his ship with him, his brother, and his dog on board. So when she walks back into his life, all that saves her from from a chest full of lead is the wide-eyed four-year-old girl she claims is Flynn's daughter.
Calliope wants Flynn to clean up yet another of her messes, but this one's no ordinary mess: every assassin in the galaxy is on her tail. Seems the notorious Galactic Syndicate has put a bounty on
That's your setup. Now you need one more paragraph in which you tell us how they plan to get out of this mess, and what horrible event/character threatens to prevent the plan from working.
It's generally a good idea if you give us a reason to care about your main character. The impression here is that Calliope gets in trouble and counts on others to bail her out. Is she wrongly accused? Is she a rebel fighting against the tyrannical Guild? Is she a criminal with redeeming qualities? Why should we root for her?