Dear Stupid Tina, I am running away because you’re stupid. Signed, Tony. He thought back to the disgusting events of the previous night.
“Oh, Tony. You sweet little thing, you! Give your pretty sister a kiss.” She had pinched his cheek and moved in for the kill.
“Gross! Get away from me!” Tony had thrown his hands in front of his face, blocking her advance. He’d spent a lifetime trying to stay out of her way. He wished she’d get a boyfriend. One who might appreciate fat lips and horse teeth. But now, he didn’t care. He’d never have to be kissed by a girl ever again.
Dear Stinky Tiffany, I am running away because you stink. Signed, Tony. Tiffany always left her pink socks and pink hair ribbons on the bathroom floor. Just this morning Tony had to tiptoe around her (ew!) underwear to brush his teeth. Not anymore. Tony didn’t plan on brushing his teeth for a long time.
He gathered up his favorite things and shoved them into his suitcase. Without once looking back, Tony tiptoed down the stairs, taking a big stride to miss the third one down, the one that creaked, and he grabbed his coat. He put the letters to Tina and to Tiffany on the hall table, took the keys to the BMW and left.
He should have known it would be a mistake to marry his sister's best friend.
Opening: Chris Eldin.....Continuation: anon.