Why you don't get published.
Good Lord. Seriously. I just scanned the scanned pages.What I'd really like to know is the answer to a maybe unanswerable question - how in hell was that ever published?Because it wasn't just the analogies that were bad.
Someone's obviously been overdoing the Liberace downloads.
So, is EE rolling his eyes here, or is he looking pointedly up at the New Beginning above...?
Like the eyeroll in your picture, EE. Suitable, too.That is one awesome example of too much. The one that really cracked me up was comparing the legs to...quills? Huh?
Is that a description of the girl from cartoon 338?
I hate reading bad published fiction. Hate it. All I can think about is, "Why are they getting paid to write this crap and I'm not?!"
I clicked on the link before coming back and realizing this was actually published?! I am depressed even more...
On the other hand, there's this defense of the book.
I read it aloud and ended up in tears and shrieks of laughter. It's so over the top awful.
I'm with Dave. I laughed out loud while I read it, and kind of enjoyed its awfulness.
It is a bit beyond words. I just wish the author had felt the same and refrained from his attempt to make a rape something palatable to read. It's one of those things that would get the poor book thrown across the room in disgust.
Clearly, this author never submitted his/her work to this blog for review by the Minions.
"And then he rapes her."Oh god, I can't bring myself to read beyond the two pages, but I can guess what they might say:He lunged at her, like a panther springing into action, like a snake aiming for the neck, like a fork falling from the table, like a hose leaping out of one's hand, like a pulled curl bouncing back on a forehead, like a catapult flinging a rock at a castle, like a . . .YIKES.
I nearly pulled my hair--which is like a helmet, like the hood of a cobra, like a death shroud, like a wave crashing over the alabaster rocks of an inlet in Ireland, like the memory of a dream of seaweed--out by the roots when I read that.Good, good stuff.
Oh bah, eveyrone has already seen it, huh?
It makes me hopeful. And laughter is good for you, too.
Are we due for another Bad Analogy writing exercise? And what about another Cassie Edwards Memorial Exercise?
I clicked on the link before coming back and realizing this was actually published?! I am depressed even more...Don't be depressed, Chris. What could be a better motivator than knowing you're doing better than that crap?Kiersten, LOL!!!
Time for a purple prose exercise, methinks.The link 150 points to does indicate the author was purposefully writing that plethora of purple prose. And, hey, even the poster said they were gonna finish the book...
On the one hand, it's impossible to believe the author thought he was writing a serious description. On the other, the poster has read 200 pages of the book and seems not to have found this to be some kind of satirical farcical parody of something. Whether or not there's been an indication before this that the author would do this intentionally, it's pretty funny.
"Her pubes was...."? Ouch.FWIW, the blogger said this is a POD book... what's really scary is the quote from Arthur C. Clarke on amazon:"Ron Miller is unfairly talented." -- Sir Arthur C ClarkeI'm pretty sure he meant "fairly untalented," but I wouldn't want to put words in the man's mouth...
HER TITTIES ARE 'SHROOMS!Sorry, I had to.
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